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I was diagnosed bipolar about 7 years ago around the same time as my first suicide attempt. Long story short - I rejected the diagnosis and eventually went off all meds because I thought my issues stemmed from the stress of nursing school. School over - no meds needed. About 3 years later, started seeing a new psychiatrist and taking antidepressants. I actually felt like I had my life back... Then, at some point recently, my son died. I had an affair. My husband and I had another child. And then affair was discovered by my husband. The intense guilt and depression led me to try to kill myself, and I recently endured my first psychiatric hospitalization. Wellbutrin and buspar were once my miracle cocktail. I'm still on those, plus lamictal, plus latuda. Latuda is not helping me. It may have cleared my suicidal thinking, but over all... I feel lost, stuck, hopeless, and let down. I've reached out to my psychiatrist for help so many times, and I'm screwed over by the incompetent office staff each time. Can someone just tell me it gets better? Do I even deserve better after what I've done? I'm paranoid and delusional. My intrusive thoughts seem worse each day. I want to believe it gets better. Ive dropped down to working part time and I'm seriously considering quitting. It used to be that I only felt competent at being a mother. But now I don't even feel I can do that right. I'm a mess. Is there any hope? If a med didn't work for you, did you find a med that did help? I want to feel like myself again... I feel so let down that latuda isn't helping me. Thanks for listening...
Two years to the day. A toxic but worthy relationship started two years from the day. I broke up with Nathan...and Meg was away for the night. Playful chat led to a few hours of play time over the phone. Just us, smiles and giggles, blushing and massive heat swarming and consuming our bodies. My first true love. The first night he said he loved me... Love or not, he is married, and the word love is no longer apart of our vocabulary for one another...but he will still hold my hand, kiss my lips, hold me close when I feel sick or sad, wipe tears from my eyes and allow me to shake in his arms. He isn't my lover, he isn't my soul mate, but he is and always will be my best friend <3 Thank you for keeping me perked and safe for the last two years, Rob. I love you very much and hope to see many years of a wonderful friendship. You were the best gift the Goddess ever brought to me! Thank you for the best birthday of my life.