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So glad to find this page and forum... So my story in short form. Bi Polar 1 Never accepted my dagnosis, not alone on that I am sure...but cannot beleive at aged 46 I finally get it...The destruction of the last episode has killed everything in my life. 5 months...beaten up various times, putting myself at pure risk, buying BMW I cannot afford, spent about 20k Euros, throwing out of the house my 12 year life partner, renting houses, buying stuff, Pyscotic magical thinking, (living in italy the religosity is hard to escape.) Cannot do this again...Now in the depths of the worst crippleing depression. So I finally get it, I am, I have Bi polar its not a mass jewish(Where this distrust of this comes from Ido not know ) consirpacy to have us all sedated? Please note I am pro people and the jewish people but I am not anti semetic, but Iseem to be so when I am manic...very odd, so please do not take exception to that comment. I always seem in Mania to become fixated on the idea that these drugs are just killing us. Cannot understand why in these 5 months nobody tried to have me brought in to a hosptial. That hurts, Whenone is so obviously out of control why do you have to bring yourself in so to speak? All or some of the destruction could have been avoided. SO after literally waking up 5 months later, Iam in the loneliest dreadful space, living in a town Ihave no friends, no family and in a llanguage Ihave about a 40% handle on. Iamamazed in this mania I did not do something more terrible, hurting myself or someone.. Got a Pdoc, he has put me on a crushing regieme of Quietipinia 25mg x2 , Olanzipan 5x2 and Valpo Acid 600 (slow release) and Akineton for shakes, something to stop the muscles and dead arm syndrome...I am sure alot of you have been here...But apart from wanting to share this I sat and looked at all these pills read up as much as I can on this and does it feel so odd to be killing myself slowly with these pills to possibly / hopefully not getting manic again...Seems to me I can only find the Negative side effects. its only been 6 days on these pills, apart from all the negatives I only feel less anxious...But all I have to face now is the consewuences of what Ihave been doing for 5 months.. the bills the speeding tickets. Facing all this alone is too much for one person. I think it is so incredible that people live and thrive on being along, I do not think I am one of thoese people. I am angry that no one intervened to the authorites fro me, perhaps Italy just does it like this. So why post and what to ask for.... Well I guess to say well done for being part of this community and also to ask, is there anyone out there who has been pleased with their pill regime? Any happy stories out there? As for the insiatable need for food at all times does anyone know what I could ask my doctor to prescribe to lessen the need to eat, its just constant? Feeling already that the best of life is over and all Ihave left to live for is pills, interventions and I have used up all the joy alloted to myself prior. So my name is Tim I live in Italy and I am definitly owning and finally able to admit to myself and others Iam Bi Polar (chronic) apparently...The more you have these episodes the worse they get, seems to me to be my case even if they are years inbetween. My job is alcohol, and to be told Imust not drink is not only implausible, Ijust cannot erase the only thing I hae left that gives me a tiny enjoyement, anyone experienced with Pdrugs and alcohol? After such a long Mania I guess its nornal to be completely brain exhausted? This brain exhaustion is showing itself as impaired congative functioning, inability to think properly or remmeber...feel like I have lost 30% of my functioning... any one else had such a long period of Mania? So thats me...wishing you all light love and happiness on this journey called Full spectrum Bi Polar. Saluti de Italia Tim