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Found 28 results

  1. My mood has been absolutely deplorable for the past month or so. I honestly don't know how to begin to describe how bad it is. I have a lot of the "negative" symptoms, a profound deficit of positive affect. Nothing in life gives me pleasure, suicidal thoughts begin to surface, and I sometimes descend further into psychotic depression. These are my depressive episodes. I don't know how else to paint the picture more thoroughly because I never know what to say, and it really bothers me when I'm like that when I'm around my boyfriend. I want to talk, but I can never think of anything to say, so I rely on him to start conversations. I don't get it... Dopamine has been posited to be a central neurotransmitter in the pathenogenesis of anhedonia, and I'm on multiple meds that supposedly on their own and in combinations with other meds I'm taking can treat anhedonia. What am I missing?? I'm on Dexedrine up to 60 mg as needed, Vyvanse 50 mg, Wellbutrin 200 mg, Viibryd 40 mg (increases dopamine via postsynaptic 5-HT1A receptor stimulation), Vraylar 3 mg... What else could possibly help? There's no relief in sight when I'm like this.
  2. My brief period (6 months) on Sertraline has been that it sapped my creativity and basically made me not want to do anything, not feel anything. I just sit at the computer and watch videos and occasionally walk around, or eat, or go to the bathroom. I just don't have any drive to really do very much of anything, except what is needed for continued survival. I don’t even want to watch movies and series! Is that normal?
  3. Hello Everyone in the community, I have been a member for a few months in this website but I finally decided to write an introduction topic of what I am going through right now. I have spoken to a few of the members in the chat room and have been able to get some advice from them. My story goes as follows: I was diagnosed with drug induced delusions in January 2014. The psychiatrist I visited then prescribed me 15 mg of Zyprexa which I took for about 4 months. Then I visited another psychiatrist because I moved and he changed my meds from Zyprexa to Invega 6 mg. I was on Invega for about another 4 months until end of August 2014. This is when I quit cold turkey because I had recovered from the delusions and could not take the torture the meds were causing me. The high doses caused me side effects like akathisia, severe anhedonia which I had never encountered in my life and complete lack of motivation. These symptoms developed after about 3 months into medication and increased drastically during my use of Invega. I felt like the effects kept increasing with time and that my brain could not take it anymore. So it has been 6 months since I quit all kinds of meds cold turkey and a lot of the akathisia has significantly decreased. I am completely free of delusions and I never had any hallucinations to begin with. I never heard any voices nor did I see anything extraordinary. I hope I can get advice from anyone who has recovered from withdrawal of meds and whether or not this emotional blunting will fade away. I understand that some side effects of medication as well as withdrawal symptoms take longer to fade away than others but I feel like anhedonia and emotional blunting are hindering my progress in life. I am unable to feel motivation due to this lack of pleasure that was induced by these anti psychotics and I wish it could fade away so I can enjoy my life again. Thanks to all!
  4. Hello Comrades, I've been taking Sertraline (50mg daily) for 9 months now. Reason for taking Sertraline: Depression & SAD. Maybe some GAD. So Sertraline treats my baseline anxiety quite well, also got rid of digestion problems, but I am struggling with side effects: Motor restlessness, agitation. I've always been quite "hyperactive", but Sertraline has worsened it by a good amount. I cannot sit still, I feel I have to walk, to pace. I move my fingers and toes to "release" some of the energy. Also lots of fidgeting, rocking back and forth. I have the urge to crawl out of my skin. _ Indifference, amotivation, apathy, lethargy. I get less things done on Sertraline than before Sertraline. Just want to sit around and do nothing. It is really disconcerting, because things would happen like a major car malfunction or someone f*ck*ng me over and I'd be thinking "this SHOULD piss me off, but, meh.. whatever.."! I've been doing some reading & research and there is the hypothesis that SSRI-induced-stimulation of 5HT2C & 5HT2A receptors dampens the dopaminergic transmission in the prefrontal cortex thus causing these specific SSRI side effects. Antagonism / Inverse Agonism of these receptors should theoretically resolve the problem. What medications do antagonize / inverse agonize these receptors? Are there any other reliable theories on what is causing this? And what could help? _ Sleep disturbances, f*ck*d up sleep cycle, crappy sleep. Falling asleep is difficult, shallow sleep, waking up a lot in the night => daytime fatigue. (This week I've been sleeping a lot, maybe because the body wants to compensate for last months's bad sleep?) _ Heat intolerance + hot flashes. My entire life I've been loving warmth and heat. I was the guy who could sit at the top row in the sauna for 20min @ 100°C (212 °F), but right now I cannot even stand a mild summer. And I have been getting hot flashes lasting between 10-15 mins several times a day (I am a 29 year old male, so pretty sure it is not menopause related) _ I also lost quite a bit of weight, partially due to loss of appetite, but also due to increased metabolic rate. My appetite is back to normal, but I am still not gaining any weight. BMI 20 right now. _ Palpitations (BUM BUM BUM BUM. BUM . . . BUM . . . BUM) _ mild headaches and "pressure" in my neck. Nothing bad, but very annoying in the mid and long term. Now I don't know what to do. I need some meds with "less" side effects. I haven't tried any combination of medications yet. To my dismay my doc prefers the SSRI merry go around aka SSRI carousel. I found a new psychiatrist and I will have a first appointment in about a month, but I don't know what to suggest to him. Has anybody some experience with a similar situation? Which antidepressant would be suitable for me? If there is someone who had the same problem and found some solution: please write me. Thank you. Greetings from Germany!
  5. I had a psychotic episode in september and have been on risperidone since. Since my prolactin levels were getting too high, I'm now switching to abilify. I'm afraid that the risperidone has made me anhedonic. My psychiatrist is tapering the risperidone down and increasing my abilify. Is there anyone out there who has recovered from this anhedonia after they came off the risperidone and if so how long did it take?
  6. Hey all, I have been experiencing some anhedonia lately and just not experiencing feelings much at all in general. I feel like I don't want to talk to as many people or interact like I usually would. There's is't much pleasure in doing the things I usually do, and simple things like showering or going downstairs to get my mail are difficult to get the motivation to do it. I don't think I am depressed because I'm not feeling sad or unhappy, I am more just suffering from lack of ability to derive pleasure from things that once gave me pleasure and a general lack of emotions. I notice the anhedonia is especially noticeable when I am on my ADHD medications and it really sucks. Given the other medications I am on, it could easily be due to one of the other medications or a combination. Does anyone else experience lack of emotions and/or anhedonia when they are on their ADHD medications? What about when you are off them/you have 'come down' from the drug. I can feel my emotions, they just seem heavily suppressed. I can feel happy, sad, excited, but to a small degree compared to before, I guess the beginning of the year. You can see the rest of my medications in my signature if you want to comment on any of those in relation to this.
  7. So I got anhedonia from risperdal which i was put on after a drug induced psychosis and am currently on wellbutrin(which is not working. I've been on it for about a month). I keep reading everywhere that ssri's have given people anhedonia/made it worse. My psychiatrist may prescribe this for me next week and take me off of wellbutrin and I'm scared. Should I just opt not to take it?
  8. So I've had 2 psychotic episodes(one in september and one in november) which left me with what my psychiatrist told me is depression even though the only symptom I've felt is anhedonia. I've just been prescribed Wellbutrin 4 days ago and am wondering if any of you had success stories with wellbutrin for anhedonia.
  9. I would be very interested in reading some (if any) stories from people who successfully "defeated" anhedonia or complete absence ofemotions. How did you go about it? Did you take something? Found a magic potion? Etc...
  10. I would be very interested in reading some (if any) stories from people who successfully "defeated" anhedonia or complete absence ofemotions. How did you go about it? Did you take something? Found a magic potion? Etc...
  11. This thread is dedicated to the specific symptom "Anhedonia" which is the medical term for loss of interest and pleasure, as well as numbness and apathy which go hand-in-hand with this symptom. I'd like to hear everyone's experience with anhedonia, numbness and/or apathy so we can gather information and try our best to find a solution. Please do share your experiences if you have some. First off, i'd like to explain my experience with it and what i've found out about it through research. I was just diagnosed as Bipolar II recently. I have been depressed for a long time, but not anymore. I only have anhedonia now. Which I have had for 5 months. It is the persistant symptom that is still stuck with me since my depression. And I must say that this is much worse than being depressed. This has caused me to be hospitalized for the first time, too. Many psychiatrists opinions is that anhedonia goes hand-in-hand with depression. This is half-true, when i was depressed i was overwhelmed by strong negative emotions such as guilt and fear. I was bedwritten with other heavy depressive symptoms such as crying which gave me intense emotional release, and i was still, to some extend, able to experience pleasure a little bit in activities. I was still playing video games, still listened to music and still watching entertainment media such as movies and cartoons/anime. They still gave me something. As of now, i am unable to feel any these emotions whatsoever. I no longer feel "depressed", i no longer feel much of anything. I get no real emotional response from any activity as of right now. I've lost the ability to feel anything for anyone else, including friends and family too and this scares me, I'm completely disconnected. Since this has lasted so long, and it has gotten worse over the months I think I am treatment resistant and I have no choice but to have to live like this for the rest of my life. If i don't kill myself, as I have very strong urges to do right now. Through research i've found out these pharmaceuticals are effective in treating anhedonia: Atypical antidepressants: Wellbutrin Parkisons Drugs/Dopamine Agonists: Mirapex, Requip, etc. MAOI's: Parnate, Emsam, etc. 5-HT2C antagonists: Remeron, Valdoxan, etc. Tricyclics: Nortryptaline, Desipramine, Doxepin etc. ADHD Stimulants: Ritalin, Adderall, etc. SSRE's: Tianeptine Serotonin Receptor Antagonists: Buspirone, Low dose Fluoexitine, etc Antipsychotics: Abilify, Amisulpride, etc. If i am missing anything, please let me know. Medications i have been on: Abilify, Effexor, Lexapro, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Lamictal and Seroquel Abilify was great in treating my obsessive compulsive thoughts, but also eliminated my creativity, I can not draw or write when I'm on this. No noticable effect on anhedonia. Effexor made me even worse, unable to get out of bed while I was on this because I became even more depressed. Lexapro sent me into a hypomanic episode, after that i crashed hard and I was severely depressed again. Zoloft made me emotionally numb, yes it took away sadness. But the took also away the good feelings. Wellbutrin lifted my anhedonic state and made me better for just one week, after that it went straight down again and felt no improvement after 8 weeks even on the highest recommended dose (450 mg). Seroquel made me very dull and apathetic I've been put on Lamictal. Have been on it for a month, it has taken away the "deep sadness" feeling but I get still no pleasure out of activities. My next step is trying out a tricyclic like Nortryptaline because of it's effects on Norepinepherine and Dopamine. If i get no response from this, i consider adding a MAOI like Emsam to the mix. As several tricyclics go well hand-in-hand with MAOIs, their NE blocking effect stops tyramine from entering the synapse, which means you don't have to follow the MAOI diet as closely. (This thread is inspired by another thread i've been through on depressionforums)
  12. I have anhedonia which is a chronic 24/7 absence of all my good moods. It is the result of a dysregulated HPA axis (stress response) that cannot calm down taht is always perpetuating 24/7. I have also recently gotten a urinary tract infection and that has made matters much worse. I now notice that I am having symptoms of hypoxia as well as anemia which are mild at this point. I am afraid that this is going to kill me. Is it really going to kill me? The whole inflammation process during infection also further dysregulates the HPA axis which means my symptoms of hypoxia and anemia also cannot turn off since as long as the HPA axis is dysregulated, my symptoms also will not ease up either. But my blood test results have come back negative. But I know I really do have hypoxia and anemia. So I am not sure what to do. I know I am not imagining these symptoms either.
  13. Everyone must always be cool to me. In other words, I must always get a good vibe from them. If they show a bad attitude towards me and show scorn and/or detest towards me, then they die. I don't care who they are and I don't care what situation it is. Even if it is a situation that others would deem as very minor such as getting in an argument with someone. As long as they give off a loathsome bad vibe to me through their display of scorn, frown, and detest towards me, then they all die by my hands. The fact is, I do not put up with any problems. So not only must people always be cool to me, but this life itself must always be cool to me as well and not give me any problems. Otherwise, that will make me psychotically enraged. If my own brain gives me problems of depression and anhedonia (absence of all my pleasant feelings/emotions), then I die. I will become ruthless, fierce, and take my own life right then and there just as how I would also become ruthless and fierce towards other people who give me problems. But the moment this life and people no longer give me problems is the moment that everything returns back to normal. Everything would all immediately return back to a normal good vibe to me once again.
  14. I was wondering if Korean\Panax Ginseng did anything to negative symptoms in schizoaffective disorder, like lack of pleasure - anhedonia - and avolition. I don't have the will nor the pleasure to do anything and that irritates me. I can't pursue anything for any good length of time. This is very troublesome. I don't know if it's from the medication I take or not.
  15. I have had a drug induced psychosis and was brought to the psych ward where they gave me 4mg of Risperidone and I took it for 3 months I was not told about the dangers of this med or anything so I stupidly took it for 3 months and I later found out that it was way to high of a dose I should have known to stop taking it whenever I felt so sedated and weak and I couldn't ejaculate, it made me sleep 12 hours a day and I peed the bed because of risperidone but anyway I took it for 3 months and stopped taking it and now I am NOT the same AT ALL and I have been off it for 9 months !! I no longer have my fun, funny, loving, bubbly, personality I cant get pleasure from any activities (anhedonia) I feel really dumbed down and spacey I have brain fog the world doesn't seem as beautiful like it did before I have slight tinnitus my vision is a little blurry I cant think like I used to AT ALL my creativity is gone I cant have meaningful conversations in the real world anymore everything I do is 100x harder I cant crack jokes anymore, my favorite music just sounds like noise im in a constant state of feeling like half asleep and I cant wake up I no longer feel euphoric,happy,sad or have them awesome excited feelings all I do is think about the damage from this poison called risperidone and look for answers on the internet about my situation I dont feel alcohol, cigarettes or any stimulants im just constantly in this damn state of mind 24/7 WILL THIS ALL GO AWAY or did risperidone DAMAGE my brain for life??? I read that risperidone changes the way your natural chemicals work in you brain and block all kinds of receptors please help I dont want to be like this forever life is not worth liveing like this please answer!!!
  16. I am a hedonist which means that feelings of pleasure are the only things that define my life as good (even though I still have full empathy and compassion towards my family and other innocent people as well). However, it is actually only my own feelings of pleasure that define my personal life as good and nothing else since I am only in my own mind and not in the minds of others and cannot feel their pleasure. Me somehow experiencing pleasure from witnessing someone else experiencing pleasure is not me experiencing their feelings of pleasure. It is all still my own personal feelings of pleasure. Therefore, this is the reason why only my own feelings of pleasure define my personal life as good and nothing else. Me living on to help out others in the event that my feelings of pleasure could never recover would not make my life worth living at all and wouldn't give my life any sense of good value. It would be good for them, but not for my own personal life. I am just as important as any other innocent person and I deserve my life of pleasure, too. Balance is key here and I must have my good life to live while others have their good lives to live and are helped out by me. Before you even try to convince me that there are other good things that can make my life good and worth living besides my feelings of pleasure and before you even try to change my thinking, I am not a part of your world and am not a part of your moral values. We might interact, but that doesn't mean I am a part of your moral values. They might apply in a physical sense in that you can choose to do whatever physical actions you want to me that will affect me physically. However, your morals do not apply to me in the sense of me adhering to them and living by them. Except for rules such as on a forum website which I will adhere to. I may be a part of this community in a physical sense. But I am not a part of this community in a moral sense. Therefore, the things one might say such as that I am selfish or some crybaby do not apply to me and neither do the things I'm saying apply to these people either. We are both parallel universes here. The non-hedonistic advice one might give are like a straight parallel line that does not intersect with me and doesn't apply to me. Same thing for my hedonistic values in that they also do not apply to you either. Therefore, we should instead go about our own ways of life here and respect each others ways of life since I am not harming/demeaning anyone with my hedonistic life. What you would deem as harm/disrespect is different than what I would deem as harm/disrespect. Therefore, not even your idea of harm/disrespect applies to me either. So that is why we should instead go about our own ways of life and respect each others ways of life. Therefore, you should respect the idea that if my feelings of pleasure don't ever recover, then I would end my life. You should, therefore, not tell me anything here that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure. Any other form of scorn/mockery towards me also does not apply to me either. Therefore, it would just simply be pointless for you to have any sort of scorn, name-calling, etc. towards me. You can if you want to. But it would all just go off into a parallel line and wouldn't even apply to me. Also, any things that anyone else says that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure, that doesn't apply to me either. Even if it did somehow apply, then it would only be infringing upon my way of life which would be my life of pleasure I deserve to have and must have back. A life of pleasure is the only thing I came into existence for and noting else. That is my own personal life here and you do not disrespect that by giving me scorn, mockery, or name-calling.
  17. I have lost all my feelings of pleasure due to anhedonia which is a negative symptom of schizophrenia and also due to depression. It really gets to me when people tell me that there are other good things I can live for in my life besides my pleasure because there aren't any. I am not selfish in saying this and I still have full respect and compassion towards others even when saying this. I have every reason to believe that my feelings of pleasure are the only things that can define my personal life as being good. I wish to talk this out with someone who is fully compassionate and respectful who will listen to me and not just dismiss the things I'm saying, tell me that my writing is offensive, have disappointment or scorn towards me, etc. Therefore, I am going to begin by saying this: As for the idea of me solely living for others if I could never recover my pleasure, we all have personal good lives of our own we need to attend to and need to have. For example, I do things for my own self and my own life such as playing videogames which doesn't involve helping others. But the only thing that could make those sort of things I do for myself (my hobbies) anything good in my personal life is if I can derive feelings of pleasure from them. Therefore, it is like taking away all my personal hobbies and my own personal life and then telling me to just accept that, to just forget my personal life, and to instead just live for others and for other things instead. Therefore, do you not see why that would obviously make me psychotic? It would make any innocent and caring person psychotic. Feelings of pleasure are the only reward message to the brain and are the only things that tell us that our lives are good and worth living. Therefore, my feelings of pleasure are the only things that make my life and hobbies worth doing and pursuing. Don't believe me when I say that feelings of pleasure are the only "good" messages to the brain and are the only things that genuinely encourage us in life and encourage our survival? Then go ask an intelligent scientist or an evolutionary biologist. Sure, we could tell ourselves that our lives are good and worth living without our feelings of pleasure. But that is nothing more than just some thought. It is not that "good" message (feelings of pleasure). We could recognize certain situations as being good or bad and we could very well choose to help others and such without our feelings of pleasure. But the fact still remains that they are nothing more than just thoughts. They are not that "good" message as I said before. They are just simply thoughts of good and bad and not the actual messages of good and bad. The message of good obviously being feelings of pleasure while the message of bad obviously being feelings of suffering. When we do something good or bad, then that gives us actual feelings of pleasure and suffering. Why is that? It's not just because they are just feelings that "just happen." They are messages to the brain that tell us that what we are doing is good or bad since that is how we evolved. Therefore, to not have any feelings of pleasure due to depression or anhedonia, then there is no message telling you that your life is good and worth living and you would only be fooling yourself by thinking that your life is good and worth living through your thoughts and such alone without your feelings of pleasure. Same thing applies for feelings of suffering in that you would not be having any message telling you that what you are doing in life is bad or that your life is bad. There is a feeling version of good and bad and there is the thought version of good and bad. The thought version of good and bad without our feelings of pleasure and suffering are fake. They are not the true good and bad. Only our feelings of pleasure and suffering give us the good and bad message. Then there is empathy and compassion here as well. Those things also come in the form of feelings of pleasure or feelings of suffering. If you help someone out, then you feel good and that is a form of empathy and compassion. If you feel bad from hurting someone, then that is a form of empathy and compassion as well. Those feelings are what tell us what is good and bad in life. But without our feelings of pleasure or suffering, then there is nothing giving us the good or bad message. Therefore, you choosing to live for others anyway and to help them out in life despite your absence of pleasure wouldn't make your life anything good at all and wouldn't be any perceived good message at all. It would only be just a thought as I've said before. It's the thought of a good message towards others, but isn't the actual perceived good message.
  18. (NOTE TO READER: I AM ON THE VERGE OF GOING INTO SOME PSYCHOTIC RAGE. PLEASE READ EVERYTHING I'M SAYING HERE. I KNOW IT IS LONG-WINDED LIKE MY OTHER POSTS. BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT HERE AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE DISRESPECT AND BELITTLE MY SITUATION BY TELLING ME THINGS SUCH AS THAT I AM JUST WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME HERE AND THAT I SHOULD JUST TAKE THIS ELSEWHERE AND/OR KEEP IT TO MYSELF): My anhedonia (chronic absence of pleasure) that is there all the time 24/7 in which there are never any brief moments of pleasure, I was told by my doctor (psychiatrist) that this is a negative symptom of schizophrenia since I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and that there is no validated treatment for it and that I am just going to have to learn to live with it. There is no way I could ever possibly accept living a life in which I have no pleasure to enjoy anything in my life. My pleasure, to me, is more important than the air I breathe to stay alive. I live off my pleasure. It's more important to me than my heart which beats to keep me alive. Me having this strong desire to have my full pleasure back in life is not just some want. It is far more important than a want and is far more important than a need. Needs are defined as being more important than wants since needs are things that we use to survive such as the air we breathe and such. But since my pleasure is far more important to me than any of those other needs to survive, then my pleasure is more important than some need. It is an intrinsic part of me that defines me and my life as being good and worth living. I would rather be dead from lack of air and other things than to live a life of no pleasure. To me, how I feel is the only thing that matters in terms of my personal life. In other words, if I feel good, then that means me and my life are going great. But if I feel bad or if I don't feel anything, then me and my life are nothing good at all. It doesn't matter how much I help others and make their lives good without my pleasure, me and my own personal life are still nothing good at all without my pleasure. All my personality traits such as my intelligence, creativity, and everything else in life are nothing good at all in terms of my own personal life without my pleasure. This is a strict value and belief I hold. Please do not try and change it at all. Otherwise, that will cause me to become enraged and psychotic. This is because I MUST have my life of full pleasure back and I could never possibly accept my absence of pleasure and to live for other things in life instead without my pleasure. Yes, I still value other good people such as my family. But since I have just as much good value as any other good person, then that gives me every right to have focus towards myself and to want my own personal life of pleasure given back to me. To say that I have no right to have value and focus towards that and that I should instead focus and live for other things and for other people would be no different than if I came up to you and told you to have all the attention and focus towards me. Therefore, it would be selfish of you to tell me so and it would be selfish and offensive for me to tell you to abandon your own values in life just so you could live a life that is not only nothing good at all without that said thing in your life which was the one and only thing that made your life good and worth living, but is also a life in which you have abandoned your own value (focus) towards yourself and are catering to me. So if I can never recover my pleasure, then that gives me every right to end my life since I have just as much good value as any other good person. Since I am a good person, then why keep me alive just to suffer with a life that is nothing good at all? Also, I wouldn't be having lesser good value towards my family and other people in me choosing to end my life. Rather, the good value that I once invested towards the message of me living for my family and helping them out, this good value has been redirected towards another message of value towards my family. This new message would say that I just wish for them to move on and find their own ways and strengths in life without me and that I still have full good value towards them even though I have chosen to end my life. I wouldn't of chosen to end my life with a message towards my family such as that I just don't care for them anymore and that I am the only one who matters in life. Therefore, since I wouldn't be having such a thought towards my family in me choosing to end my life, then I wouldn't be having lesser good value towards them if I were to choose to end my life. If I can't get my pleasure back, then I will end my life. I won't have it any other way. I was on some other depression forum with a user who went by the name "itstrevor." He said that even though anhedonia does tend to recover for many people, those people who have anhedonia due to schizophrenia tend to not fully recover. He said that many people with anhedonia do tend to fully recover and that once they recover, it tends to remain recovered. But as for people with schizophrenia, the anhedonia in schizophrenia tends to be an intractable problem. He says that anhedonia that is a result of other things in life besides mental illnesses such as Parkinson's disease and schizophrenia, that this version of anhedonia tends to recover since there has been no loss/damage of axons in the brain. But as for something such as Parkinson's disease and schizophrenia, these mental illnesses cause damage/loss of axons. Which is why I am asking here if there is some intelligent expert in the mental health field who can tell me if there is any chance of recovery from this anhedonia, what my chances of recovery are, and if it is really due to schizophrenia. If it's due to something else, then it just might be likely to fully recover. But in the event that it doesn't recover or doesn't sufficiently recover, then to tell me to accept this anhedonia and that I am just going to have to learn to live with it, this would be a complete mockery and insult to me and to the one and only good and greatest life there is to me which would be a life of as much pleasure and as little suffering/little absence of pleasure as possible. It says to me that I am just going to have to accept and learn to live a life that is nothing good at all without my pleasure. How we accept problems and move forward in life can only happen if we have found other things in life that makes our lives good despite our problems. Some people might claim that they can still live their lives even if there is nothing good about them and their lives. However, these people would of attributed a good value towards living such a life such as them saying that they are fine accepting and moving on in such a life. Otherwise, if they didn't attribute any good value at all, then they would find no reason to accept and move forward in such a life. Therefore, since my pleasure has and always will be the only good thing in my personal life, then I can never accept this anhedonia. I am going to tell you just how much my pleasure matters to me and how enraged I would be if I were to lose it for life. If there was some ferocious lion who somehow took my pleasure away from me and told me that I am just going to have to accept and learn to live with this loss of pleasure, then I would become an enraged psychopath and would slaughter this lion. I don't care how dangerous and ferocious this lion is. My pleasure is the one and only thing that defines me and my personal life as being good and I would fearlessly go and slaughter that lion even if it meant me being mauled to death since my life wouldn't matter without my pleasure. Even the most elite trained warriors might have fear facing something such as lion. But not me. I would become so enraged that there would be no trace of fear. My pleasure is so vehemently important to me since it was a very profound good experience for me and my life and made me and my personal life good and worth living. My personal experience of depression and anhedonia also made me realize just how important it is to have pleasure in life and just how devastating it is to lose your pleasure. You can take away my limbs, you can take away my sight, and you can take away my hearing. But if you take away my pleasure, then... So as you can clearly see here, my pleasure is what personally defines my human existence as being good and worth living. Absolutely nothing is going to take that away from me and leave me in a permanent anhedonic state. No one or anything else in this life is going to take away and try and change my personal values and beliefs regarding my pleasure either.
  19. I have developed severe chronic anhedonia as a result of depression. It has lasted for over 7 months, still hasn't gotten any better, and there are never any brief moments of pleasure. My feelings of pleasure (such as love, joy, motivation, etc.) are the most important things about me as a person. They are far more important than my attitude, actions, personality, etc. As a matter of fact, my attitude, actions, and personality do not matter at all without my pleasure and are neutral (neither good or bad). My good and bad value as a human being is solely based on the level of pleasure (good value) I have in life while my bad value is solely based on the level of suffering I have in my life. In other words, if I suffer alot from anhedonia/depression and help many people out around the world, then even that wouldn't make me a good person at all and my life would still be nothing good at all. I would still be a bad, weak, and inferior person regardless of the fact that depression and anhedonia are mental illnesses and that they are not choices in which people can snap themselves out of it. I would have helped others and made their lives good. But without my own pleasure in life, then my own personal life is nothing good at all. My thoughts, actions, and everything else in life are nothing more than just sounds, words, images, phrases, gestures, etc. without my pleasure. For example, if I think of a good thought in my mind (such as a profound loving thought towards my family) without my pleasure, then that good thought is nothing more than just a thought. There is no sense of empowerment, "high," or any profound experience whatsoever from any of those thoughts since they are nothing more than just thoughts. They may make us do certain actions and such as well as other important things, but that is it. So all my thoughts and personal created meanings in life including my attitude and actions are nothing profound or anything good since they are all neutral experiences without my pleasure. It has nothing to do with me having a bad attitude and attributing a neutral value to those things that is making them neutral. They are all actually neutral in of themselves and it has nothing to do with me attributing a neutral value judgment to them since they are all neutral experiences as I've said before. If I were to create a very profound good meaning (thought) in my mind, then the meaning itself would be something very good and profound (but only in the sense that they are nothing more than just words, sounds, images, phrases, etc.). However, the conscious experience of that meaning is a neutral (neither good or bad) experience and it is only my conscious experience of pleasure that is good while it is only my conscious experience of suffering that is bad. Therefore, who I am as a person and what my actions are do not matter at all. As long as I have my full pleasure back to me in life, then that is all that matters to me. Growing as a person and becoming more of an empathetic, compassionate, understanding, intelligent, insightful, creative, etc. person through my suffering does not matter at all to me either without my pleasure and I could care less about growing as a person or who I am for that matter. As long as I am happy (have my full pleasure in life), then that is all that matters to me and that is the one and only thing that defines me and my life as being good. The one and only greatest life there is and is the one and only life that matters to me and nothing else would be a life of as much pleasure and as little suffering as possible. If I can't get that life, then I would end my life since I would be living a life that mocks and insults me and the one and only greatest life I wanted to live. Therefore, I must have my life back in which I had a normal full amount of pleasure before. If I can't get that life, then I would end my life. In conclusion, I would like to say something very important here which is that I am absolutely convinced that my pleasure is the only thing that makes me good and my life good while my suffering is the only thing that makes me bad and my life bad. There is nothing anyone else here can tell me that can make me change my mind on this. These are my own personal values and beliefs. But the reason why I came here and talked about it anyway is simply because I want others here to listen, relate, and sympathize with me and my described situation.
  20. Depression (including anhedonia which is an absence of pleasure) are, in a way, sort of like the flu. It comes and goes. You first get sick. But over time, the mind and body heal themselves and you are back to being completely well. This is because it is vital to get back to the state of your full normal well-being. Otherwise, your chances of survival (thriving in life) are slim. So it is vital that your mind and body restore its survival mechanisms. This would even include pleasure since pleasure is something vital for our thriving and survival in life. Far more people feel depressed having an absence of pleasure than there are people who are fine with and accept an absence of pleasure. This would be because pleasure is so vital to our survival as I've said before. Depression, in addition to being perhaps a chemical imbalance, can also be a natural stressful response. Depression can sometimes be a response that warns us that something is wrong in our lives that we need to change. This holds true in my case since my depression is not a chemical imbalance or anything of the sort at all. Rather, it is a response to my anhedonia (absence of pleasure). This depression response (feeling of hopelessness) is warning me that I must have my life of full pleasure that I solely value so much in order for me to live a good worthwhile life. Therefore, since pleasure is so very important for me and my life and is very important for many other people, then this is why the mind restores itself back to normal and that your full normal amount of pleasure should soon be fully restored back to you. You should be able to soon fully recover from depression and/or anhedonia and live the life of full pleasure that makes a vital part of your one and only life good and worth living. However, my anhedonia has been going on for 7 months, there are never any brief moments of pleasure, and it still hasn't gotten any better. As a matter of fact, it has only gotten worse over time and I am now left with complete chronic anhedonia. Therefore, I think I might have some condition that is preventing me from recovering. Usually, when you get the flu, you soon recover over time. But you then have some people who have the flu for prolonged periods due to some other type of condition/abnormality perpetuating the flu. Therefore, this might be what is going on with me here. Therefore, once I take care of this condition that is preventing me from recovering from this anhedonia, then I should have my full pleasure back to me in life.
  21. I doubt anyone remembers me but I made some blog posts and forum posts a month or 2 ago about my snorting focalin and doing benzedrex inhalers along with other addictions and unsuccessful meds. Well, since then I've just stopped thinking of my mental disorders as concrete things and just consider myself bipolar NOS because it's easier. I got the whole motherload of schizoid adhd paranoid sometimes manic depressive disharmoniushellride. But after almost locking myself in to a rehab during the interview, they gave me a tour and it was just like the crisis unit, thorazine zombies and one flew over the cuckoos nest atmosphere. So after refusing to sign the final release saying I changed my mind for about 3 hours a bunch of women tried to put me on an involuntary status even though I wasn't a danger to anyone, they were just mad because I knew more about their jobs and craft than they do, they even kept calling me a condescending egotist saying that's a valid excuse to lock me up. Well, I contained my anger and started to be humble saying I didn't think I was smart. So they tried to lock me in saying I was suicidally depressed because I was self depricating. After that whole shitfest I left and went home. Since then I've pretty much kicked the benzedrex, kicked the opiates mostly, take less klonopin, and have a stable med routine focalin 10mg 2x/day (I still take a few extra of these :S) buspar 15mg as needed (prescribed today, the 5ht1a agonism is a fucking blessing) seroquel 300mg at night (I only take it when I have really bad insomnia) clonidine .3 mg as needed aaanddd I ditched the lexapro because SSRIs are mostly evergreening scams, plus I don't need any serotonin altering to that extent, I did a couple of DXM binges (not to trip, because I take dxm once a month to reset tolerance because its an NMDA antagonist and it also works as an antidepressant) Also finally have a new hobby, I've been reading up on numerology and witchcraft and shit, which also helps me mentally.
  22. i've just started latuda about a month ago. it does seem to be doing some positive stuff. i'm not thinking of dying, i'm not crying anymore, i can feel things in a sort of blunted way rather than at a ridiculous volume. i do stuff around the house without as much procrastination, and it doesn't seem like a herculean effort to get into the shower every day. for that matter, i actually care about getting into the shower, which is great. but i spend about half my day in the weirdest state. i feel like i have to do *something* all the time, and yet nothing is pleasing or holds my attention. i am bored beyond bored, constantly thinking about what i could do next to occupy my mind and body, never coming up with anything satisfying. there's a restlessness to it that's uncomfortable. like if i could just keep physically occupied, the feeling would go away. but i can't stay occupied not only because i sit here in a stupor not knowing what to DO (everything is boring, pointless, or just too hard), but because i am so goddamned tired it's nuts. it's like i have one foot on the gas pedal, revving my engine and raring to go. but the other foot is on the brakes - i can't move because my body is too exhausted. so it all just swirls around in there making me feel frustrated. i'm going to start taking my latuda at night to see if this changes anything, but for today i just wanted to vent i guess. and also ask if anyone has ever felt these two feelings simultaneously, and if so what did you do about it? thanks for listening.
  23. Seems I will be starting therapy soon and this is something I want to work on. Has anyone experienced improvement in their anhedonia through therapy? What does that therapy involve?
  24. Going through this forum section has made me reminisce about years of very stupid teenage behaviour and whatnot, but I am curious about something. I tried Ecstasy probably around 5-6 times and it never had any effect on me whatsoever. A couple of those times I even took multiple pills and I've never met anyone who hasn't had some kind of reaction to this drug. It is not because the drugs were placebos or just generally ineffective (as far as I know). Anyone else ever experience this (or hear of this happening)? It always struck me as strange and often made me frustrated because I wanted to feel good instead of just flat like I've always felt, and it never made me feel anything at all.
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