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Found 5 results

  1. Just an update based on my posts earlier during this year. I ultimately wound up remaining on the oral antipsychotic (Latuda 20mg) which I started taking after completing my 2nd probation term in this decade in January 2018 stemming from a January 2015 motor vehicle offense which ultimately slammed me with a 3rd degree felony (after already acquiring a misdemeanor for resisting arrest on foot in June 2012) related to having schizoaffective disorder and experiencing manic episodes and hallucinations. I was previously diagnosed with Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features after the 1st incident I was involved in back in June 2012. My main issue the entire time I was serving both probation terms was that I was always court ordered by a judge to continue taking the antipsychotics by injection and to continue my psychological treatment. My primary concerns with the antipsychotic medication was always having intolerable akathisia (inability to sit still), tremendous amounts of weight gain (My height is 5'8 with a small to medium frame and my weight maxed out in January 2018 at almost 310lb after being around 155lb until after June 2012, severe gynecomastia (recently won Risperdal / Invega class-action lawsuit), anxiety, depression, and disorganized speech (currently seeing a speech pathologist to suppress language disorder). Following the completion of my 2nd probation term, I was initially placed on Latuda 40mg taken with food at night and then tested out Fanapt 6mg. I was still experiencing most of the side-effects and was still outright desperate to eliminate all of the symptoms I just mentioned. By the beginning of March 2018, I did ultimately try consulting with my psychiatrist about switching to a mood-stabilizer as monotherapy acting in place of an antipsychotic and accepted the risk that if I actually suffer from schizoaffective disorder and it wasn't Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features that I would probably relapse and hallucinate again and I was even in agreement to keep a bottle of antipsychotics as a PRN and to just eat them like crazy if anything happened. I discussed everything with him (I never considered him to be a control freak) and he said that he would eventually be willing to try my suggestion but asked me if I had any other idea in mind that involved remaining on an antipsychotic for slightly longer. I suggested to him that I'd be willing to try taking the Latuda at 20mg instead of 40mg before switching to a completely different class of drugs. In retrospect, I'm not even completely certain if any of the oral antipsychotics including the higher dosage of Latuda or Fanapt were even that badly tolerated.. Now, I'm not condemning an entire class of drugs because I now support some of the low-dose oral antipsychotics for myself but I ultimately think that my former overall disgust and intolerance for the antipsychotics was because I was only ever taking them when I was either locked up in county jail and the overall quality of the drugs was really bad and primarily because the only time I was ever actually taking them was when I was taking court-ordered injections. That basically explains why my experience with the mental health system always sucked up to that point. I'm not trying to speak to highly of myself here but my psychiatrist has always said that he considers me to be one of his higher functioning patients, therefore the reason why he thinks I was always so vocal about all the underlying side effects from the injections and was more sensitive to them than the majority of his patients, even at 260, 280 or 310 pounds, my weight was never really a factor for me in terms of reacting to the meds with less sensitivity. It simply didn't matter what injection he would put me on. I was on so many of them including Invega, Aristada, and Invega and they always caused more damage than they did anything positive for me. I always felt like the compromises I had to make to not hallucinate and remain out of legal trouble were simply too much to take. The slow-release form of the injections was always too intense for me but I was honestly being completely forthright when I admitted that I didn't want another episode involving the boys in blue to occur ever again. At the time of my last post, my dosage was already reduced to 20mg and I was still complaining on a regular basis about everything I was still feeling but it wasn't until the end of March when the restless / walking on hot sand feeling finally began to subside. My overall appetite decreased enough to where I lost over 50 pounds by the beginning of the summer (since then the weight loss has stopped at around 260lb unfortunately but I have remained generally stable in terms of my weight). I won a class-action lawsuit against Risperdal / Invega in February and my weight became low enough where my plastic surgeon agreed to perform male-breast reduction surgery on me after denying me previously because I became so overweight / obese after I was released from county jail and the results were very successful without needing revision surgery thus far. My speech disorder did improve a little but unfortunately wasn't completely going away by the end of the summer. I still felt like I had something like aphasia where I couldn't think of common words or name common objects and the words wouldn't return to my mind until 10 or 20 minutes after the conversation took place. The speech pathologist I eventually saw for this referred me to the audiology department at my local hospital for Central Auditory Processing Testing and it was revealed that I do in fact have a language decoding disorder (my intuition was right all along) which is certainly aggravated by having schizoaffective disorder and maybe even still by the medication. I only become somewhat anxiety-ridden and become depressed right after I take the medication with some food, therefore I normally take it right before I go to sleep. By the time I wake up, I am no longer experiencing the anxiety and paranoia but I never become psychotic. Still, the most important thing is that I'm no longer experiencing any of that indescribable akathisia and thank god the weight gain reversed before I hit 350 and I no longer have to walk around with female-like breasts anymore. This is easily the most balanced I've felt since I developed the mental illness in the beginning of this decade. I'm not a morbidly obese zombie with female-like breasts pacing all day and night with akathisia but I'm also not hallucinating and running away from the local police department during a welfare check or speeding from the state troopers on major highways either. The delusions are still there at certain times except mild enough where I just laugh them off most of the time and don't believe the majority my own deception.
  2. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me.
  3. Hey I have essential tremor, depression, PTSD, GAD and social phobia. Right now I removed buspar and and reduced my zoloft to 75mg. I feel better as a result. I still take a low dose of ativan. I think what bothers me the most is I shake. I've heard Lyrica is used for essential tremor in some cases. Anyone take Lyrica for essential tremor. It was suggested to me as an anxiety med but the emergency doc at the time was worried it would make me too drowsy. My family doc might not want to prescribe it. My psychiatrist is pretty uncreative and thinks I should just take ADs and benzos. I am waiting on a second opinion in February 2018, plus a meeting with a neurologist in March.
  4. Hi, so I'm new to the board. My story is basically that I have suffered from anxiety disorders (and what was finally diagnosed as) Bipolar I Disorder for at least half my life. (I'm 30.) I have also struggled with anorexia nervosa since I was a teenager. While I still meet the diagnostic criteria for AN, it is nowhere close to being as severe as it was before the mood disorder (after a decade of trial and error with medication cocktails) was finally brought brought under control. I currently take Lamictal 200 mg, Seroquel XR 800 mg, and Wellbutrin XL 300, which, in combination, have made me the most functional I've ever been in my life What is NOT under control is my anxiety. I wake up every morning with an overwhelming sense of dread that subsides only a little as the day goes forward. (I have to measure my vitals in the morning for an unrelated illness and my pulse is over 100 from the second I open my eyes.) The most basic interactions with others make me jumpy and, even though I'm usually pretty articulate, I have problems with stuttering and word retrieval around new people (which, of course, makes me more anxious). I do not live an "objectively" stressful life. In fact, I should be LESS anxious than usual right now because my semester just ended. But, frankly, it's made no difference. My brain always finds SOMETHING to worry about. (Good grief...this has gotten so long. No one is going to read this...) Perhaps this is a bit naive, but the thought occurred to me yesterday that if I could just manage this anxiety as I do the mood disorder, I could live an almost normal life. The health professionals and even my family seemed to have accepted that I will live a marginal existence given the number of years I've already been ill; the sheer number of psych (for medication overhauls and ECT) and eating disorder hospitalizations; the fact that the only reason I'm really able to work is that I am the office manager at my fiance's office and he obviously allows me to have very flexible hours. (I've even found out by accident that my mother has started a trust fund for me in case I'm unable to support myself after she is gone. Obviously, this is exceptionally generous, but it also made me feel like she's given up on my ever being self-supporting.) But, frankly, I don't want to be complacent, and I don't the people around me to accept my permanent disability as a foregone conclusion. So back to the point...I don't want to just lie back and accept that my anxiety is going to dictate the rest of my life. At the moment, the only thing that helps is my PRN Klonopin, which I only use when I am complete losing my mind, because I don't want to build a tolerance to it and have it become completely useless. In case anyone is just skimming this, my question is, "What medications (other than benzos) have you taken that have successfully managed your anxiety (either by itself or as part of a cocktail for comormid conditions)?" I'd also love to hear about your less conventional successes (acupuncture, yoga, etc.). I really feel like this is one of the last pieces of the puzzle, particularly because I feel like my eating disorder is primarily anxiety-driven. Not that it would just go away if I were less anxious but that it would be easier for me to engage in conventional treatments if I weren't for, instance, terrified of treatment professionals. I see my p-doc tomorrow and I know I should have posted this days ago (but I just made the appointment today) and I was just wondering if there is anything that you would suggest that I mention. Thank you in an advance to any kind soul who takes the time to read this.
  5. I just found this site and thought I would give it a try. I have been having a really hard time lately and not sure how I'm going to make it. I restarted my meds because I cant keep living this way. I have Bipolar (hypo manic) OCD, anxiety disorder and a touch of codependency . I recently have told my husband I wanted a divorce and decided that in the best interest of my two boys that they should live with him for the time being. Him and I are on good terms. they are moving 600miles away for his job in a few weeks. I also have a new boyfriend (he has his own set of problems from being in the army) and a new job. Thats me in a nut shell, I hope to find some guidence here. Thanks for reading.
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