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  1. Never in a million years would I have thought that ANYTHING could possibly be worse than my disorder of major bipolar depression and anxiety. I'd have laughed in the face of anyone who told me otherwise. Nevertheless, I was wrong. Here's how I came out alive from thee most brutal experience of my entire life. Years back, I had settled on Lamictal and Gabapentin to keep my moods in check. However, being in my young 20s, I wasn't yet equipped with the discipline to battle my mental illness via diet, lifestyle changes, and giving up my lovely alcoholic beverages. I eventually came across Suboxone, an opiate, which did wonders for my depression for about the first year I was on it. It also ended my alcoholism on the very first day. During this time, I found magnesium (via epsom salts), which helped quite a lot with my illness, so I decided to quit my Lamictal and Gabapentin, and stay on the Suboxone. Well, the depression seemed to return, but I was always trying to figure out natural ways to heal it. Fast forward another couple of years, and I decide it's time to quit the Suboxone, as it had lost most of its antidepressant effect. I use Kratom, a natural herb, to successfully withdraw from Suboxone. However, when I quit the Kratom, I went into a manic episode with full-blown delusions, etc. My family urges me to go to the ER, to which I comply. While there, I'm given an injection of Geodon, which knocks me out for about 2 hours (I hadn't slept or eaten at all in over 2 days at that point.) I'm given a script for a full bottle of Geodon and am sent on my way. Through Geodon and the use of strong Epsom salt baths, my mania was quickly brought to a halt. My sleep, though, was affected by the opiate withdrawal (a common symptom), so I stayed on a low dose of Geodon - about 20mg per night - to help me sleep through the night without waking. Fast forward a couple of months, and I try and quit the Geodon. Horrible depression came rolling back in, so I decided that I must obviously need Geodon to keep the depression at bay. So, for the first time, I decide to try upping my dose to 40mg and see how I fare. Shortly after that dose, there was no doubt my brain was heading towards hypomanic land, but I managed to fall asleep. The next day I dose again, but start experiencing very intense anxiety/panic. I go out for a day with my wife, and drink some wine with lunch in order to calm myself down. Hey, at least I wasn't horribly depressed. I get home, and the anxiety continues, at a very high level. I end up drinking almost an entire bottle of wine to calm myself down, awaking with a decent hangover the next morning. I then try and dose Geodon again, and BAM - FULL BLOWN akathisia kicks in. For those of you who have never felt it, there's no doubt that you'd much rather have both of your legs broken. You'd rather be crucified. I'd have chopped my balls off to make it stop. As one man on a message board put it, "I was ready to sell my family into slavery to make it end." He probably wasn't joking. So I end up in the ER, pacing back and forth, where I'm given an Ativan injection. Interestingly, a young medical student in training had actually experienced this before from an injection of a different medication, so he understood my pain. I remember telling him, "If someone showed me a door to hell on my left, I'd walk through it on the off chance that perhaps hell is more tolerable than akathisia!" It took probably a full hour to feel any relief, and I decided to fall asleep at the hospital to speak with a psychiatrist the next day. After all, I obviously needed some sort of replacement medication. I wake up the next morning, and am actually feeling fine, with no akathisia. Until they served breakfast. Upon eating some pancakes with syrup, POW - full-blown akathisia returns. I am literally in tears, pacing back and forth frantically, desperate for help. With the nurse seeing that I'm in severe turmoil, she sympathizes greatly. I ask to try Cogentin for relief, to which she agrees. She also prescribes Zyprexa as a replacement medication. I fill the scripts and head home. And I take the Zyprexa as prescribed, starting with 5mg. HOLY SHIT, SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. Akathisia returns with a vengeance, EVEN WORSE than before! I awake at about 4 a.m., my heart POUNDING, and I immediately start pacing. I end up outside, walking ALL day long, completely unable to sit still. My nerves are on fire. My legs are killing me from all of the walking. I hold out as long as I can, before cracking open another bottle of wine and guzzling glass after glass. It was the only saving grace I had. Suicide was CONSTANTLY on my mind, for every single second. I decided that, if I do it, I would slit my throat with a serrated blade. It seemed to be the quickest and easiest way out. The next day, I have no choice to return to the ER. Still pacing the entire time, I'm praying constantly for any amount of mercy from above. A doctor finally arrives, and asks if I'm feeling manic. I tell him not at all, just horrid akathisia. He goes and talks to the on-staff psychiatrist. What I heard pissed me the hell off. I overheard him talking to the psychiatrist on staff, saying something along the lines of, "These people come in, with their disorder flaring up, and they say "Oooohh, it's not the disorder, it's a side effect of the medication!"" Basically, he believes I'm full of shit before even seeing me. He takes his sweet-ass time, making me pace for probably an entire hour before coming in to see me. His advice? Go home and double your dose of Cogentin. The medication that did absolutely nothing. I begged to try something else, such as Propranolol, with no luck. At this point, I knew I was fucked, and would have to do anything to survive this. First step was finding out what foods I could tolerate. I began a diet of nothing but eggs, an easily digestable food. It seemed that anything heavy, especially carb-based foods, would bring on sweats and akathisia. So I had to figure out just how much of which foods I could handle without these sweats being triggered. My akathisia started to dimish at this time with my super-strict eggs only diet, but I was now also battling with suicidal depression, (multiple crying spells daily), on top of everything else, now that I was unmedicated. Many times, I had completely commited and devoted myself to suicide, even writing a letter in one instance saying goodbye. But, for whatever reason, at the VERY last minute before going off to do the deed, either God/guardian angels/or ancestral spirits - who knows what was doing this - would do something each and every time, to offer me relief before the next episode. There were times of literally complete remission for a few whole days, only to have the suicidal depression and akathisia return. All of this time, I was sleeping, on average, only 2 hours per night. Sometimes 1, sometimes no sleep at all. It was hell. I decided to fast, using my juicer, which lasted about 6 days, along with intense prayer each day for answers to my issues. During that time, I noticed something very interesting. One day I juiced a bunch of veggies, and added in 3 whole apples. I felt my blood sugar skyrocket, and then crash. I went into extreme sweats, anxiety, etc, along with ravenous hunger. I stuck it out, even though I was dying to eat. Even plain veggie juice along was causing crashes as well. Breaking my fast, I eventually added in highly steamed vegetables, which I could tolerate in small amounts without triggering these sweats. However, any more that about 4-5 pieces of broccoli would send me over the edge. Since I have also been battling adrenal fatigue, I decide to give vitamin C a try via Ester-C brand, as it was helping a lot in the past. I couldn't, however, handle any more than about 150 mg or so without extreme anxiety/overstimulation kicking in. One night, after feeling like horrible shit all day with suicidal ideation, out of anger I say screw this, and decide to grab some pistachios, which I had an intense craving for for some reason. To my surprise, the pistachios send me into no sweats whatsoever. So I then buy some almonds - same result...zero sweats, zero akathisia. I begin eating them everyday. For whatever reason, the mixed nuts boosted my adrenal health just enough to once again handle vitamin C. This is where things got interesting. I decide to pound my body with megadosing, taking about 30,000 - 40,000 mg that first day. Your limit of vitamin C absorption is determined by a loosening of the stools, indicating you've had enough. I experienced no loosening of stools whatsoever, even with 40,000 mg per day. My sleep began to improve, as did my mood by some amount. One night, I'm eating the typical steamed veggies that my wife prepared. But, she had also cooked plantains, a heavy carb source. A small amount of mashed plantain was accidentally mixed in with my veggies, and I started eating it. I let out an "uh-oh, here we go" after ingesting some, but interestingly, I experienced no sweats or akathisia. So I decide to eat some more, to no ill effect. To my surprise, the vitamin C had upped my threshold for handling carbs! I also add in betaine HCL, a supplement used for increasing stomach acid, in order to aid digestion. Definitely seemed to help things along. The next day, I eat an entire half of a plantain, and feel fine. I come home that night, and devour two whole bowls of rice and beans, and even have a baked potato before bed. The next day, I start to feel anxiety, but ignore it and keep up with the carbs. By the third day, full-blown akathisia had returned, to my devastation, brought on by too many carbs. So, I returned to my simple diet of nothing but eggs, nuts, and heavily steamed veggies for a few days, which even those were sending me into sweats. I resumed vitamin C megadosing, and within a few days the sweats once again disappeared. I was able to handle carbs once again, gladly, but knew that I had to limit them to a responsible level. I start researching hypoglycemia/insulin resistance issues, and the symptoms of these disorders were very interesting, as many of them were remarkably close - well, actually, pretty much IDENTICAL, to symptoms of akathisia. Extreme restlessness (unable to sit still), crying spells, extreme anxiety, hot/cold sweats, suicidal ideation, overwhelming feelings of doom/dread, intense fear, muscle twitches, feelings of "going crazy" etc. These symptoms are mostly due to having far too much insulin in the blood. This had me thinking: is it possible that akathisia is actually a case of EXTREME insulin resistance, a not-uncommon side effect of antipsychotics? I can't be sure, but it seemed to make sense to me. Another possibility is that the unlucky souls who experience akathisia are those who had poor adrenal function prior to using the medication, as I had. As long as I had the vitamin C on board, I was able to continue eating healthy carbs each day, as long as I didn't take it too far! I was experiencing an increase in energy with the carb increase, but my suicidal depression remained. So, out of desperation, I contact my former psychiatrist, and luckily she agreed to start me back on Lamictal prior to my first appointment. I was terrified the Lamictal would aggravate my akathisia, so I began on only 12.5 mg. No ill effects, and I actually felt an ever-so-slight boost from it. The next day, I'm up to 25, feeling more of a slight boost, with no aggravation of akathisia! By the time a week went by on 25mg, I was handling pretty much any amount of carbs I wanted with no akathisia whatsoever. I kept up with the vitamin C during this time as well, at about 10,000 mg per day, and I still do today. I'm now up to 100 mg, at the 3 week mark, and can even handle tea without any akathisia symptoms! Too much caffeine can bring back sweats via adrenal crashes, but that can be counteracted with very strong epsom footbaths or magnesium supplementation. The Lamictal has seemingly cured all of my akathisia issues! Looking at the bright side, the akathisia has brought about a complete revamp in my diet, which is now super healthy, and I stick to it religiously, eating veggies every day, good carbs, and no sugar. A special thanks to God, and whoever else was looking out for me. I dearly hope that this can help anyone suffering from this BRUTAL, HORRID, ASS-KICKING side effect of AAPs. Cheers to good health, Jay.
  2. I really need some input on what’s going on. I am schizoaffective I was diagnosed 5 months ago and am currently taking respiradon 1mg in morning and 2mg at night along with 300 mg tryleptal morning and night. I find myself in a constant state of drowsiness to make a king story short I self medicated using amphetamines now I keep trying to get sober and it’s actually not addiction that’s stopping me it’s the fact that every single time I try 4 days into sobriety I experience the absolute worst restlessness agitation and anxiety of my life last time it lasted for three days straight and it only ended because I dosed amphetamines again. It’s not like a normal panic attack it’s so much worse and happens 24/7 once it starts I tried to take an ambien to make it through it but within an hours I was in full on anxiety mode again kicking my feet pacing jumping up and down. Does anyone have any idea of why this keeps happening or how I can get past it so I can finally be sober again it’s all I want if I can just get past the anxiety.
  3. So I have been panic attack free since Jan til this past friday. When I had one out of the blue, and the anxiety and depression has been hanging around ever since. Today I woke up with a RAGING uti, (sorry for the TMI) blood in my urine, pain, burning. all of it. Its obviously been brewing for awhile. Well a friend of mine has worked with the elderly in the past and said that when ever they started acting crazy, angry, and what not they tested them for UTI and most of the time that was the issue. Same was true with my grandmother. She had alzhimers but when she got a UTI she became violently angry. So got me thinking, Could that possibly be what triggered my anxiety/panic relaspe? Im only 28 and I've had recurrent UTI's in the past but not while dealing with my current MI. Has anyone else had this happen to them before? Thankfully im on antibiotics now, so hoping, and praying (fingers crossed) my mind heals some along with my bladder.
  4. This has become the central topic of my latest ruminations...I'm still in my 40's, but I'm worrying a lot about getting older. I'm having some random health issues (aches/pains, chronic fatigue etc) that I never had before. I don't have any children and get triggered every time I see photos of other people's kids (literally everyone I know my age has kids now). I know that it's not a given that all families are happy or one's kids will take care of you in old age, but it's just the thought of having a family around! My parents are approaching late 70's and they live very far away, cannot travel. I have no other close family (or even close friends) that I can really depend on. Anyone know how to remedy these anxious thoughts? One of my biggest fears is being alone in old age, with increased health issues, and being totally isolated/alone in despair. I'd rather die young.
  5. Hello! I'm trying to figure out how to address my nervous tics lately. They've been persistent this past year and are always changing. From eye blinking, to head shaking, to sticking my elbow in my sides, squeaking, to a eye closed swallow things. I can't remember them all. I don't always have them. If I've properly slept and aren't stressed/anxious they don't exist at all. As I'm typing this I keep needing to pick up my thumbs and bend them till I hear something crack. I don't know where to put this though! Thanks!
  6. Hello everyone. I find lately I've been getting random moments of panic attacks, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Seemingly caused by the most innocuous things. Just today it was windy and rainy off and on at the dog park where I take my dog scraps. it was seemingly going fine till one of the tent poles started creeking and popping which scared scrapsy to death so we decided to hang back in the parking lot over viewing the lake and I could feel it coming on so I rushed home and end up curling into a ball on the chair trying the relaxation response while repeating words to lift me up, I don't know whether it helped or not I'm kinda still dealing with the fallout. I was just wondering if anyone gets random episodes like that,sorry if it's a dumb post I just don't know much about any of my conditions.
  7. "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants? Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
  8. I don't think an hour goes by in the day that I don't wish I was a little kid again. I know why at least. When I was 4, 5, 6.. my life was secure. My mom had it together. There was never any uncertainty about what the future was going to bring. Now, it seems like the only thing I have is uncertainty. About my mother. About if I'm going to be able to support myself. If I'm going to be able to find a job.. the list goes on and on. I just get so mentally exhausted of always worrying that my brain has made some kind of coping mechanism where I just mentally reminiss about what I would be doing right now if I was 5 instead of 29. I still live in the same house and with the same people as I did at that age, so it's really easy to. If I'm in bed I'll even shut my eyes and pull the sheets over and fantasize about what lfie would be like if I was 5 again... It seems to blot out the constant WORRYWORRYWORRY that's always present in my head.. but of course when stop my little fantasy I'm just depressed again.. since you can't ever go back. I'll sometimes play memories I have as a child in my head as a way of therapy. It seems to calm me down while I'm doing it. Looking at pictures from my childhood brings a really bittersweet sensation to my mind. It's soothing, because I can see a time where I had so much going for me and life hadn't totally fallen apart, but then depressing, because I realize I can never get back to that time again.
  9. Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck. Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.) Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission. OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process. I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness.. I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it. I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.” I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
  10. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
  11. Hi guys, just started Lithium yesterday. I know it can take several weeks to work, but I already feel it clearing my head a bit. question tho. Can lithium make anxiety worse in the beginning - like SSRI’s? Because I now find myself very panicky I am also on lexapro and mirtazapine.
  12. Just wondering. I have a lot of anxiety and am startinh lithium for bipolar disorder in a few weeks
  13. Hi everyone. I’ve been bouncing from one trial of medication to another for the past 4 1/2 years with adverse reactions. Nothing has helped. I just saw a new psychiatrist on Monday. An older gentleman who actually seemed to listen. He was also a longtime professor our local university. My symptoms are treatment resistant insomnia, chronic, severe anxiety, chronic derealization, ocd (pure o) racing, intrusive thoughts (often presenting as songs looping in my head, but a switch can also go off in my head where I obsessively think about something to the point of it driving me crazy) brain fog, depression. My body and brown simply will not turn off. I’m stuck in constant fight/flight. I believe the lack of sleep is the catalyst for most of this (all of this started after sudden onset of insomnia) Maybe it wouldn’t go away with sleep, but I know it would get better. My main goal is sleep, but seems unattainable after 4 1/2 years. I have tried every medication under the sun (well, mostly) The doctor decided to prescribe provigil (modafinil) which seems counterintuitive to me. He was clear that it could go either way. Possible that it could calm me down, possible that it could let me up and make my symptoms worse. Luckily for me, since I am highly sensitive to medication, he is quite conservative and said to only start with roughly 1/16 of a pill to see how I do. Wondering what your thoughts are on this given my symptoms? Seems counterintuitive...but maybe it will help. So confused.
  14. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Since coming off of Seroquel in last two weeks, I am now calm and the urge to act out aggressively is gone and I am mortally embarrassed about my behaviors. New psych doc now, former one retired. Started Reluxti two days ago at .5 mg. First day experienced some brain zaps and thinking it might have been due to the mixing of recently going off of Seroquel and introducing Reluxti. Today, no brain zaps. Taking Benadryl to help with insomnia as Rexulti may become stimulating. I know this is a very expensive drug and being on Medicare I do not qualify for any of the manufacturer's savings plans. My new psych doc believes he can keep me on his extra supplies forever or until they go generic. I am worried about being on this drug and loosing him as a psychiatrist and ending up with a co-pay of $400.00 a month and ending up in the Medicare Donut-hole very quickly. The trial pack he gave me has a 14 day supply. I recently did a gene study thru GenOMind. I am an ultra-rapid metabolizer and subject to many skin issues. When I first saw him, he became very frustrated with me and didn't believe me that I can't tolerate most of the behavioral meds out there but once he got the gene study, he then understood. The only drug he would suggest is Rexulti. I am in a quandary as to what to do about going on this very expensive medication with no way of paying for this and getting stuck on this drug should I loose my new psych doc and his many samples. Purple
  15. I’ve been dealing with major depressive disorder and anxiety for several years now. I’ve read a lot of books on psychology and neurology. But I’ve only recently started seeing a psychiatrist. I was getting prescriptions from general physicians. Currently I’m on Wellbutrin and it works great for my depression but my anxiety still shows up. I told my doctor that it feels like an under-lying current. The anxiety is constant but I keep it at bay. He prescribed me Seroquel 25mg. Today is my second day on it. I don’t think I really knew how to describe my anxiety before today because today my brain feels silent. It’s like before there was a constant negative voice, my own voice - I guess, that would always repeat any negative thought I ever had. All my doubts were vocalized by this voice. I’ve never described it as a voice before because I always associated it with just thoughts. But today those thoughts are not there. I’m calm and that’s weird. So my question is, is it really anxiety?
  16. Hello all, I'm looking for some med experience/anecdotes! I am bipolar and also have anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Currently I'm taking Lamictal (400mg/day), Geodon (80mg/day), and Adderall (25mg/day). I'm looking to change it up because I am seriously struggling with the side effects. Since starting Geodon I am tired all the time (it doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode) and I've gained 20+ pounds in two months. I think it's helping with the manic side (or maybe that's just because of the depressive episode I'm in?) but I can't deal with these side effects. The Adderall works great for my ADHD but I think it's making me too edgy/irritable for my liking. On top of it I have been having terrible anxiety lately. I'm meeting with a new PMHNP next week and I like to research my med options ahead of time so that I feel more informed and can advocate for myself. I'm interested in Wellbutrin because it doesn't have weight gain associated with it, it helps with binge eating and supposedly helps you quit smoking (both current concerns of mine), and can work for both depression and ADHD. I'm also interested in Buspar as a possible anxiety med? I like that it also isn't associated with weight gain and that it isn't supposed to be sedating. I've also taken Abilify in the past (before I took Geodon) and didn't experience any terrible side effects other than it making me sleepy but maybe combined with the right thing that wouldn't be as much of an issue? Anyone have experience with this combo or a similar one? Any and all feedback appreciated! The med game is so overwhelming.
  17. Hello, it has been awhile! Well, my old psychiatrist retired and I am now stuck with a new one. A tele-med provider. Without really letting me know if they read my chart (they even made mistakes when asking what meds I was on now) they prescribed me topamax to take alongside my usual anxiety med due to (duh) increase in anxiety. They said the added benefit would be that I would be able to lose weight as well, since my previous meds made me...ahem, chunky. And I told them I have body issues. Here's the thing. I did a little research about the weight loss and all studies said that it was beneficial to those who were bulimic or over eaters. I have history, and deal with restrictive eating. Making my appetite less would be a very stupid move in my opinion. My other concern is that there is a side effect where your eyes can suffer permanent damage. Not likely of course, but it is noted. I have a degenerative eye problem and I feel that it would be risky to take something that could make my eyesight worse. Of course there is the caveat that if I notice anything like that I can stop the med, but would my eyes regain the vision they "lost"? I talked to a pharmacist today and they told me it would be very unlikely that I would have any visions problems other than blurriness and that most symptoms are dizziness, hard time focusing, etc the usual. They kind of glossed over the eating part too, saying to just talk to my provider. I have an appointment in a month, and with the Holidays coming up, I decided not to start taking the topamax so as not to ruin any festivities I hope to have with my family. I guess I just needed to vent a bit because it doesn't seem like my new provider is listening to what I have to tell them...since they keep asking me things that are in my chart already! I miss my old psychiatrist a lot, and don't like this new tele-med set up. In any case, I would love to hear from others who have taken topamax for anxiety and how it worked for them. I know everyone is different, but I'd like to get some feedback nonetheless. Poem
  18. Hi guys, So I've been depressed and have had severe anxiety for 3 years. Antidepressants make me hypomanic (kinda) and triggers unstable mood. I don't fit in the usual description of bipolar, but there is definitely something not right about the way i react to antidepressants - feeling high, warm, racing thoughts x 100, gets overly chatty etc. I've tried the following moodstabilizers Lamotrigine (disaster) Trileptal Gabapentin Abilify (made me hypomanic) Seroquel (made me hypomanic) Depakote/valproate (still taking) This depression is killing me, but my p.doc. won't prescribe me lithium. Tried two different doctors. What are your thoughts?
  19. Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA
  20. Hi all. I saw my (worthless psychiatrist today- I’m seeing a new one in March) I suffer from severe anxiety and panic, OCD (ruminating thoughts, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts), derealization, severe insomnia, agitation and depression. I have tried many many medications. Nothing has helped. I specifically went to talk about trying Nardil today. She’s willing to let me try this, but will have to go off Zoloft and remeron for 2 weeks which scares me. Then if Nardil doesn’t help/work, I’d have to wait another 2 weeks to get back on something else. She offhandedly asked if I had ever tried rixulti and I told her no. So she pulled out a sample pack for me. I’ve been reading reviews of drugs.com, and it seems that it helps many people with depression, but makes OCD, anxiety, agitation and insomnia worse. Doesn’t sound like a good medication for me. Was hoping for some thoughts on this. TIA
  21. Circumstances in my life are driving me to extreme levels of anxiety and tension, and benzos do very little if anything for me. The current PRN antipsychotics I use (Stelazine and Thorazine) either work and are not able to be ordered (Stelazine), or do little if anything at doses that aren't sedating and are too sedating at doses that actually do something for my anxiety (Thorazine). I'm looking for an AP that isn't too sedating that will work for anxiety, and wonder if anyone has taken any of these for anxiety. AP's and AAP's I've tried: chlorpromazine (Thorazine: see above) fluphenazine (Prolixin: took for Tourette's but did nothing for anxiety) haloperidol (Haldol: an emotional sledgehammer--makes me feel zombified even in low doses) loxapine (Loxitane: actually did quite a lot for me mood-wise, but not much for anxiety; nevertheless, pdoc refuses to prescribe it anymore... I suppose I could get it from my gdoc?) pimozide (Orap: took for Tourette's, not fond of this one, did nothing, want to avoid because of cardiovascular side effects) prochlorperazine maleate (Compazine: does nothing for me...) trifluoperazine (Stelazine: see above) aripiprazole (Abilify: currently taking, does a lot for mood, but does very little if anything for anxiety...) Latuda (lurasidone: can't take anymore... insurance pays 50% of retail value of drug, so it's ridiculously expensive, even with copay card, and can never seem to qualify for PAP's) olanzapine (Zyprexa: currently use PRN, but causes extreme weight gain after just days of using, which is a no-no for me as I'm already very obese and trying to loose weight) quetiapine (Seroquel: not effective at any dose and causes weight gain) Rexulti (brexpiprazole: caused worsened depression from a dose range of 0.25-3 mg, so no thanks... insurance only pays for 50% of this one...) Saphris (asenapine: actually did quite a lot for my anxiety for quite a while, but began to flatten my affect, and eventually made me extremely dysphoric and have crying spells; besides, my insurance only pays for 50% of this one too) Vraylar (cariprazine: worsened depression over a prolonged period of time while taking at 3 mg, didn't have enough strength to stabilize my mood at 1.5 mg, 4.5 mg caused extreme dysphoria and terrible akathisia, and insurance will only pay 50% of retail cost) ziprasidone (Geodon: this one helps with psychosis, mood, and a little bit with anxiety, but at the dose that it helps with this, it is a bit too sedating to handle; this one may be worth revisiting, but the aripiprazole is hard as hell to get off of...) I don't want to get mixed up with thioridazine (Mellaril)... I've read that perphenazine has good anxiolytic effects, but can be sedating. I have idiopathic hypersomnia, so that would be a bad thing to combine with that. I've read that thiothixene has a psychostimulant effect at low doses (below and around 10 mg/day), but I don't know anything about any anxiolytic effects it may have, and I imagine the stimulant effect it purportedly has at lower doses might not be good for anxiety. I would hope to get away with a low dose of this one since it's a FGA. I've also tried all the other anxiolytic agents like Atarax, Vistaril, BuSpar, etc., SSRIs/SNRIs/SARIs/SMSs/various TCAs/amoxapine/mirtazapine/etc./various anticonvulsants, so I'm not looking for alternative advice, see my signature as to other meds I've tried before recommending an alternative to these two meds. The only anxiolytic agents I've not tried are the barbiturates and meprobamate (Miltown). Can anyone who has had any experience with these two AP's give me any insight into their effects on anxiety?
  22. Respectful greetings, fellow crazies. I've recently ramped-up on Wellbutrin: 150mg for 6 days and then 300mg for 12 days (18 days total). Overall it's slightly helping the multitude of mental illnesses I have (TRD, "Pure" OCD, other stuff). However. About 7 days after hitting 300mg Wellbutrin I started experiencing incredibly intense anxiety primarily (physically shaking, gut-churning, mind-racing, skin-crawling kind). I also started feeling erratic, intense irritability and even anger - (verbally) lashing out at my kids and other unpleasant out-of-character behaviour. I've seen anxiety from Wellbutrin reported 100's of times before but I couldn't find information on how to combat it. This is because normally people just stop taking it (which makes eminent sense) but that's not an option for me since I'm 23 years TRD (including resistance to ECT, dTMS and Ketamine) and this is one of the last combos left. In other words I'm beyond desperate to give it every chance of working that I humanly can. I'm now gonna blurt out my questions and suggestions and hope that some of you can identify or comment from your own experience: I have some Valium left over and taking that does take the edge off of the severe emotions. However taking benzo's long-term is generally undesirable, hence has anyone taken a non-benzo adjunct/augmenting med that actually helps tone down the insane anxiety? If so, what was it? how long did the intense anxiety last for those who experienced it? 2 weeks? a month? until you stopped the med? did anyone have success in simply reducing dose back to 150mg or even lower? Did you find 150mg sufficient to lift your mood? I'm on 300mg XL as of today (was on 2x150mg XL 'til now). Have folks had different experiences (anxiety-wise) with the IR or SR versions? E.g. would switching to 3xIR be an avenue worth chasing? any other relevant insights or experiences would also be most welcome. May the Gods of mental health be with you, Pete
  23. So gp gave me this new medication called xifaxan to kill off bad intestinal bacteria. He and the pharmacist said insomnia, anxiety, and depression aren’t side effects of this medication. But I’ve been on it for 6 days and after nearly 2 months of feeling pretty great, I’m suddenly experiencing all three of these symptoms severely. I’m just wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else on this med. it doesn’t show up on the common side effect profiles, but I looked further down at the doc pamphlet at bottom of the page and it does say it can do his. How do I get the doctor to believe me? She wants me to continue it but I woke up today feeling extremely depressed! And my Xanax isn’t even working for the anxiety! This all even being on vyvanse. @mikl_pls or @browri? ps: why would they say this stuff can happen down in the physicians info and not list it in patient info??? shitty thing is, it’s definitely helping my stomach problem.
  24. Hey yall I wanted to get some better insight on a situation. I am set to see a therapist in a few weeks, I just wanted to see if I was overthinking the situation or how I should try to cope with it better. My fiance and I live together with my parents under the same roof. My fiance goes to grad school and I study at home and volunteer to build my career. In the past, my fiance and my folks got along really well together and are friends. Lately though it seems like they are being more critical of my fiance. After thinking about it, I am beginning to think that it is mostly my parents being a bit possessive of me and clingy. My sister is an actress and is in a lot of stage plays every couple of months. I'm not that into theater, but I don't have a problem going to see my sister with my folks. My fiance however has a really hard time in plays and theater. He has a hard time staying still and is a bit fidgety, which kinda annoys me. He also hates plays, so it's kind of a bad combination. I do not have any problems with him just staying home and me going to see my sister. However, my folks have a big problem with this. They told me that he is unsupportive and would make a bad husband if he doesn't go see all of my sisters plays. After speaking with him about it, my fiance decided to compromise and agreed that he would go see a few plays a year (We go like once every 2-3 months). This, however, isn't good enough for my parents still. My mom since then has suggested that he isn't a good partner for me. There are also smaller stuff that they complain about. They don't like that he plays video games for more than 2 hours at a time, that he is sexist for asking me to make him scrambled eggs, and that he doesn't go out to dinner with my folks every time (my parents eat out A LOT). The most annoying thing is that I have never at all felt like he is a bad partner!!!! He literally makes my life better, helps out my anxiety, and makes me a better person!!! I seriously think I'm going crazy sometimes because I literally cannot see any problems about what he is doing. If anything, I respect my fiance more because he has handled this gracefully, has been polite and a responsible tenant, and has been super supportive and trusting of me. The problem is that i have GAD and get really bad obsessive thoughts, which makes me really anxious. I can't stop thinking about my parents hating my fiance. If anything is negatively effecting my relationship at all, its the fact that my parents don't approve of him fully. It just really fucking sucks when someone actively improves your life and your own parents can't see that. I was wondering if anyone had any tips with stopping obsessive thoughts with this situation.
  25. My groceries were delivered to the wrong building and apartment yesterday. The woman who came to my front door said my grocery delivery was sent to her address, so I grabbed my cart and followed her over to her apartment. I noticed there was something off about her and it got worse when I entered her apartment. She had put all my groceries away in her kitchen, where she thought was the right place (in her mind). She put my ice cream in the cabinet, and you can guess the rest. Each of the 22 items she put away in different places all over her home. She would not give up the candy, I had to walk away from that. Clearly this woman had dementia and there I was in her apartment, alone. And as I stood in her kitchen getting my groceries back, I could not reach my executive powers and realized I was dissociated and could not defend myself. In reality, I should never have gone into her home. I should have just walked away, gone home and called the grocery delivery service. This woman signed my name on the form as instructed by the delivery person and now we are worried how much of a tip she gave him on my credit card. I knew walking over there I felt extremely anxious, going into a strangers apartment who was acting oddly right from the start, so the anxiety drove the dissociation and anything could have happened to me, alone with a demented neighbor, I should have known better. Two days ago, another neighbor stopped by to visit my new kitten. I should never have let her in, but there I went again, immediately into dissociation. This woman has been threatening to me in the past and yet I let her in my home and as I was sitting there looking at her, I sensed she should not be there and yet felt powerless over the situation so sat there and let the visit play itself out. Then this woman started taking pictures of my kitten without asking permission and I should have have stopped her, but I was totally powerless. I feel that I just cannot function in the real world and protect myself. Dissociation is protecting myself, but it's leaving me very vulnerable and the consequences are that I am left with feeling very bad about myself.
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