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Anyone find Zoloft more motivating than Effexor? Any weight gain? (it made me insomniac with psychosis 20 years ago). But meds often act differently over time. I've already done trials (some multiple times) of: Prozac (lethargic), Celexa (fatigue/apathy), Lexapro (similar to prozac), Cymbalta (vigilance/restlessness legs, but dissociative mind/feeling), Wellbutrin (no effect), Trintillex (no effect), Remeron (sedating/+appetite), Notryptaline (don't recall), Abilify (++appetite, RLS), ..Doc won't RX MAOIs and says that TCAs typically more sedating effects. Basically, I don't want to take more than 3 meds (keeping with Lamictal & Ritalin). I want to avoid A/Ps...I like the calming feeling of Prozac & Effexor, but it's as if I am in this fuzzy cloud and I can't move or do anything, comfortably numb. Totally apathetic, in addition to sexual dysfunction, maybe my dosage is wrong. I'm also considering Viibryd, but don't know if it works on Serotonin...?

Only Day 2 back on Effexor (I took previously for 7 months at 150mg, but don't remember much). I've literally been laying in bed, blank-minded, just staring at the wall for 3 hours. This is really not normal for me, I slept well last night (9 hours) and was up, OK & out walking earlier. I'm only on 37.5mg!...It's only Day 2! I'm shocked that I would feel effect immediately. Haven't felt this tired, heavy and zoned out for a loooong time. In fact, I don't recall feeling this numb since Citalopram or when I was on Cymbalta a decade ago. I've been consistently taking Ritalin , I had 3 coffees today....and the Effexor (obviously) has completely wiped out any stimulant effect. I mean, it's nice to not be over-emotional, stressed with crying jags, but on other hand, I don't want to be flatlined, lifeless, unable to get out of bed, no cares about anything. Please tell me this is temporary and will go away in 1-2 weeks or with a dose increase?? Does anyone know the dosage breakdown of Effexor? (for example: 37mg-75mg works on Serotonin....75mg-150mg works on Norepinephrine, etc?) I feel Serotonin overload, I thought that Effexor worked on 3 transmitters at once... I can't seem to find the right combo balance with anything (all SSRIs made me feel like this too) and many other meds are too sedating or they do nothing for me. Any thoughts? @browri @mikl_pls ?

My brief period (6 months) on Sertraline has been that it sapped my creativity and basically made me not want to do anything, not feel anything. I just sit at the computer and watch videos and occasionally walk around, or eat, or go to the bathroom. I just don't have any drive to really do very much of anything, except what is needed for continued survival. I don’t even want to watch movies and series! Is that normal?

Since I've been on Effexor for 7 months, I've had zero emotional depressive symptoms (like the crying, sadness etc) negative ruminations have lessened, no anxiety whatsoever either... Issue is, I've become more & more lethargic. I sleep a full 10 hours per night and then I cannot get out of bed. I'm not really tired, I just literally cannot get myself to do anything. I am super content just laying in bed for hours. I read crap online for hours, I often take 2 hour naps in afternoon. It pains me to take a shower & go outside. I procrastinate on work/everything... I avoid doing things I need to do just so i can lay in bed! No interest, motivation, pleasure in anything. How can I light a "fire under my ass" again? The same issue happens with other meds that work for depression, but then they cause this! And no, my doc won't increase my Ritalin (which I have a tolerance to & it stopped working). She won't put me on any other stimulants which seem to be the only thing that help me in this state. Yes, I've tried Abilify add-on...not sure if I want to keep adding more meds or if there something better I can switch out in my situation? Seems my choice is to either be emotionally depressed or a complete apathetic sloth!!! Any ideas?

I just turned 30 last November. Seems like all life does anymore is pass me by. I've dealt with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of the last 2 decades, and before that, ADHD as a child. I have tried every medicine under the sun, including experimental ones like ketamine and such. I've done ECT treatments, hundreds of therapy sessions and group therapies. The doctors switched my diagnosis from bipolar, to severe GAD, to borderline personality disorder, back to GAD, many times, and I'm not even sure what the current one thinks I am. I mostly sit there staring into space when I'm in his office. I have no hope or will left in me anymore. I haven't truly felt suicidal since 2009, which is when I had two suicide attempts, but I'm beginning to be okay with dying again. 2 years ago, I lost the love of my life and since then this hole inside me has become larger than ever. We were together for 6.5 years, and it was the most fulfilling, joyous years of my life. Now I'm at the point where feeling sad is a relief, because I mostly feel nothing. I rarely feel anything anymore besides resentment and anger because I know I should be feeling but I'm not. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I remain empty inside. I'm so apathetic and detached from the world and the people in it, including friends and family. I isolate myself, turn my phone off for weeks at a time even. I just don't care anymore. I struggled with this beast before I met the love of my life, but she filled me with something that medicines and doctors never could. LOVE. It was like a breath of fresh air, with the sun on my face. Blissful, peaceful. I love her every moment of every day, and I know without her I won't make it. She's the reason I stopped feeling suicidal in 2009. That's the year we met, coincidentally in ECT therapy. We were both in the same waiting room. It's funny, we wouldn't remember each others' names or that we had started making plans to see each other outside of therapy. We were like kids in the recovery room, sitting on our hospital gurneys kicking our feet, sipping on those juice boxes they give you after they electrocute ya, completely nonjudgmental, embracing each others' company. Our mothers had to help us out hahaha. Our memory and attentions spans at the time were hilariously short. My mother would drive me to go see her, and I would forget who I was going to see on the way there. Her mother would remind her to get ready because she had company coming over but she would always forget who was coming to see her. But we would always remember when we saw each other, and we would embrace each other with the biggest hugs. It was like seeing each other for the first time, every time while we were still having ECT treatments, except we knew each other. Hard to explain. I'm simplifying everything but I truly have not ever felt something so strong and amazing, that attraction that soulmates share, if you believe in such things. I've tried dating (if you can even call it that) and talking to girls since I lost her but nothing makes me care. Sex is meaningless, conversations are meaningless...doesn't matter who's talking to me, or how much they're into me, they aren't her. They'll never be her. I just space out and imagine how comfy my sanctuary is where I can lay back with my feet on my soft carpeting and just rest. That's all I ever want to do anymore, just rest. Be as close to 'at peace' as I can. Life never had much sway over me, and now that I'm without 'her'...I'm so close to the final exit. It sucks because this could have all been avoided. I used to drink alcohol, A LOT. I even went to rehab for it, and stayed clean since then with a few hiccups/reminders not to drink. Alcohol never mixed well with me, and caused more problems than she could put up with. I hate myself for not seeing clearly quicker. For not listening to her. And so here I am, a broken being writing on this forum not because I seek help but because I just feel like I should put a brief summary of my story out there. I apologize if any of you were here looking for answers. I see many other souls in pain here too, which inspired me to share. It's nice knowing we aren't completely alone.

Hi, I have been diagnosed with Depression and SAD. I've been on Zoloft (75mg) for 3 months now. It's okay for SAD, but it is very "numbing": I've never felt so amotivated, apathetic and indifferent. Zoloft also exacerbates my agitation. Is this normal? Will it become better? Thanks and greetings, Alfed

Hello Comrades, I've been taking Sertraline (50mg daily) for 9 months now. Reason for taking Sertraline: Depression & SAD. Maybe some GAD. So Sertraline treats my baseline anxiety quite well, also got rid of digestion problems, but I am struggling with side effects: Motor restlessness, agitation. I've always been quite "hyperactive", but Sertraline has worsened it by a good amount. I cannot sit still, I feel I have to walk, to pace. I move my fingers and toes to "release" some of the energy. Also lots of fidgeting, rocking back and forth. I have the urge to crawl out of my skin. _ Indifference, amotivation, apathy, lethargy. I get less things done on Sertraline than before Sertraline. Just want to sit around and do nothing. It is really disconcerting, because things would happen like a major car malfunction or someone f*ck*ng me over and I'd be thinking "this SHOULD piss me off, but, meh.. whatever.."! I've been doing some reading & research and there is the hypothesis that SSRI-induced-stimulation of 5HT2C & 5HT2A receptors dampens the dopaminergic transmission in the prefrontal cortex thus causing these specific SSRI side effects. Antagonism / Inverse Agonism of these receptors should theoretically resolve the problem. What medications do antagonize / inverse agonize these receptors? Are there any other reliable theories on what is causing this? And what could help? _ Sleep disturbances, f*ck*d up sleep cycle, crappy sleep. Falling asleep is difficult, shallow sleep, waking up a lot in the night => daytime fatigue. (This week I've been sleeping a lot, maybe because the body wants to compensate for last months's bad sleep?) _ Heat intolerance + hot flashes. My entire life I've been loving warmth and heat. I was the guy who could sit at the top row in the sauna for 20min @ 100°C (212 °F), but right now I cannot even stand a mild summer. And I have been getting hot flashes lasting between 10-15 mins several times a day (I am a 29 year old male, so pretty sure it is not menopause related) _ I also lost quite a bit of weight, partially due to loss of appetite, but also due to increased metabolic rate. My appetite is back to normal, but I am still not gaining any weight. BMI 20 right now. _ Palpitations (BUM BUM BUM BUM. BUM . . . BUM . . . BUM) _ mild headaches and "pressure" in my neck. Nothing bad, but very annoying in the mid and long term. Now I don't know what to do. I need some meds with "less" side effects. I haven't tried any combination of medications yet. To my dismay my doc prefers the SSRI merry go around aka SSRI carousel. I found a new psychiatrist and I will have a first appointment in about a month, but I don't know what to suggest to him. Has anybody some experience with a similar situation? Which antidepressant would be suitable for me? If there is someone who had the same problem and found some solution: please write me. Thank you. Greetings from Germany!

Just increased to 150mg. I had been on 100mg for 6 weeks. I don't know if it's just coincidence, but I've been feeling more "Blah" ever since. Not sedated or tired - just that increased apathy-I-don't-care-just-stare-fog that never seems to go away. Question is: Do you feel that Lamictal at lower doses is more activating that at high doses? I will continue to titrate upwards - just having a tough time figuring out if it's working for me and what dose I should stay at. If I continue at this level of depression (with the apathy) I really need to come up with a solution & add-on that works for me. I feel I'm running of good options considering what I've already tried.

I just started up on Celexa again for the 2nd time (was off all meds for a year). It's only been 3 days and I feel overwhelmingly lethargic & apathetic all of the sudden. Up until now, my energy has been normal/decent and the last 2 days, all I can do at around 1pm-2pm is go back to bed and lay there for 2-3 hours. I am not sedated and i do not sleep - it's like my body is a bowling ball and I get caught into an incredible vortex of inertia and i cannot get up!! I'm a total sloth. I am only on 20mg (but now I'm on Lamictal also). Previously, I had gone up to 40mg on Celexa then 60mg and felt this way, but I don't recall feeling this way at only 20mg. Will this go away? I know it's due to the med, because I'm also getting the yawning & dry mouth/throat side effect that is typical with SSRI's. How long should I give it, before I scratch this medication? The apathy is a main feature of depression that I am trying to overcome.

I've recently realized that I have been for many years (decades?) settling for just "good enough" results from my medications/treatment. I suffer from MDD that has been my constant companion since adolescence, ADD Inattentive-Type, and PTSD (with a side of insomnia) from a horrific experience with Anesthesia Awareness during major surgery. I was completely conscious/aware, and able to hear, feel, and smell every second of the painful surgery, but was unable to move or communicate because of the paralytics that were administered. And I thought I had issues before that nightmare. Anyhow I think I've been settling for two reasons: As a teenager and young adult I saw how my mom suffered every time her pdocs changed up her cocktail. I guess since she never told them, "yes, this is the right treatment for me, I feel great", the well-meaning doctors were always trying something new, with sometimes terrifying results. I still remember her pleas and prayers that they would just leave her medication alone (they did -- eventually). We don't share a diagnosis, but I can see now how her experiences might have instilled in me the perhaps subconscious propensity for settling for treatments that offer only so-so results, for fear that the new, unknown medication(s) would make things worse. Before I became a stay-at-home dad I worked in a demanding, executive level position. Fear of changes to my medications, or rather the possible unpleasant side effects of new medications -- and the possible impact on my job kept me telling my pdoc everything was fine. What if I got so discombobulated I needed inpatient treatment? What if I freaked out at work? Besides, my consistent schedule and support system at work and home allowed me to get by with coping mechanisms honed over the years. I had external, structural, and social crutches to augment my half-assed medication. Cue Music and Begin Cheesy Movie Montage Segment: Met and married a wonderful guy Bought and renovated an awesome house Fostering (adopting soon) a bright healthy toddler Left the rat-race to be a stay at home dad End Cheesy Movie Montage Segment My crutches are gone. There is no one to cover for me or pick up the slack. I can't reschedule things I don't have the energy for, or delegate things that make me anxious. I can't sleep half the day if I need to. It's me, my kiddo, and my broken brain. Now, because I've had a big life change, I know some might suggest that perhaps not "doing what I love" or "contributing" has worsened my depression. I can safely say that isn't the case. I have always hated working. If you'd asked a young me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I might have said "retired". I worked because I needed to, was fortunate enough to have some marketable skills and did well for myself, but the moment I no longer had to work, I was out of my office so fast I left a puff of cartoon smoke behind. I do not miss working and I do not feel any less worthy/valuable on account of it. And yes parenting is hard, but I never expected anything less. I think I simply have more time "in my head" and without the distractions and crutches I've realized that I've never truly had a good handle on my mental illness, and I'm scared. Worst of all I realize I am to blame. Every time I told my doctor my symptoms were better controlled than they were in reality I was doing myself a disservice. I know I need a serious cocktail change. What will happen? Will I get worse? What will I tell my pdoc -- that I have been lying for years? Help.

This thread is dedicated to the specific symptom "Anhedonia" which is the medical term for loss of interest and pleasure, as well as numbness and apathy which go hand-in-hand with this symptom. I'd like to hear everyone's experience with anhedonia, numbness and/or apathy so we can gather information and try our best to find a solution. Please do share your experiences if you have some. First off, i'd like to explain my experience with it and what i've found out about it through research. I was just diagnosed as Bipolar II recently. I have been depressed for a long time, but not anymore. I only have anhedonia now. Which I have had for 5 months. It is the persistant symptom that is still stuck with me since my depression. And I must say that this is much worse than being depressed. This has caused me to be hospitalized for the first time, too. Many psychiatrists opinions is that anhedonia goes hand-in-hand with depression. This is half-true, when i was depressed i was overwhelmed by strong negative emotions such as guilt and fear. I was bedwritten with other heavy depressive symptoms such as crying which gave me intense emotional release, and i was still, to some extend, able to experience pleasure a little bit in activities. I was still playing video games, still listened to music and still watching entertainment media such as movies and cartoons/anime. They still gave me something. As of now, i am unable to feel any these emotions whatsoever. I no longer feel "depressed", i no longer feel much of anything. I get no real emotional response from any activity as of right now. I've lost the ability to feel anything for anyone else, including friends and family too and this scares me, I'm completely disconnected. Since this has lasted so long, and it has gotten worse over the months I think I am treatment resistant and I have no choice but to have to live like this for the rest of my life. If i don't kill myself, as I have very strong urges to do right now. Through research i've found out these pharmaceuticals are effective in treating anhedonia: Atypical antidepressants: Wellbutrin Parkisons Drugs/Dopamine Agonists: Mirapex, Requip, etc. MAOI's: Parnate, Emsam, etc. 5-HT2C antagonists: Remeron, Valdoxan, etc. Tricyclics: Nortryptaline, Desipramine, Doxepin etc. ADHD Stimulants: Ritalin, Adderall, etc. SSRE's: Tianeptine Serotonin Receptor Antagonists: Buspirone, Low dose Fluoexitine, etc Antipsychotics: Abilify, Amisulpride, etc. If i am missing anything, please let me know. Medications i have been on: Abilify, Effexor, Lexapro, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Lamictal and Seroquel Abilify was great in treating my obsessive compulsive thoughts, but also eliminated my creativity, I can not draw or write when I'm on this. No noticable effect on anhedonia. Effexor made me even worse, unable to get out of bed while I was on this because I became even more depressed. Lexapro sent me into a hypomanic episode, after that i crashed hard and I was severely depressed again. Zoloft made me emotionally numb, yes it took away sadness. But the took also away the good feelings. Wellbutrin lifted my anhedonic state and made me better for just one week, after that it went straight down again and felt no improvement after 8 weeks even on the highest recommended dose (450 mg). Seroquel made me very dull and apathetic I've been put on Lamictal. Have been on it for a month, it has taken away the "deep sadness" feeling but I get still no pleasure out of activities. My next step is trying out a tricyclic like Nortryptaline because of it's effects on Norepinepherine and Dopamine. If i get no response from this, i consider adding a MAOI like Emsam to the mix. As several tricyclics go well hand-in-hand with MAOIs, their NE blocking effect stops tyramine from entering the synapse, which means you don't have to follow the MAOI diet as closely. (This thread is inspired by another thread i've been through on depressionforums)

While my depression is more manageable nowadays, and I am very rarely suicidal, I have found it extremely difficult to care about anything. I have very little to no interest in music, video games, talking to my friend, learning about new things, my future, the world in general, etc. Basically the only things I'm still interested in are eating, drinking (water) and sleeping. Everything else just seems equally boring. I want to know if there is a way to slowly bring myself out of this, to slowly start giving a shit about my life again. It's especially frustrating since I have many ideas for things I want to do but I simply do not have the drive to do these things which makes it feel like I'm letting my talents go to waste. I just want to know if anyone has been able to at least partially overcome this problem and if they can help me out.

Though I came up surrounded by close family members who struggled with various mental illnesses, I wouldn't say I had an especially traumatic or even a really remarkable childhood, apart from the sporadic, sometimes episodic fireworks Crazy can bring. On the whole I had a pretty typical middle class upbringing, for which I am grateful. My older sister served as my introduction to the mysteries and miseries of mental illness. She suffered from Bipolar Disorder, and it was clear my parents despaired at her condition. There was much acting out, at least one suicide attempt that I am aware of, multiple stays at inpatient facilities, and an ever-changing cocktail of medications throughout her teens. She tapered off meds when she planned to start a family, and has done amazingly well without them. My younger sister struggles with panic disorder and more physical ailments than anyone her young age ought to be saddled with. My mother was a survivor of child abuse, and subsequent to the passing of her father when I was about 12, she suffered a series of psychotic breaks that led to the first of several inpatient hospitalizations, and a lifetime of profound treatment resistant MDD that continues to this day. Not only did she not perpetuate the cycle of abuse she suffered but I never even knew what she'd been through until I was much older. My father never (to my knowledge) sought treatment for any mental illness, and tended towards stoicism and emotional opaqueness. I suspect however that he suffered (or even suffers still) from depression -- at the very least. HIs siblings suffered from myriad mental maladies. His upbringing was somewhat of a mystery to me, as what remained of his immediate family were separated by geography. I believe he too was a survivor of child abuse, based on what I've gleaned from anecdotes. My older brother was a bit of a black sheep, and when youthful indiscretions of the self-medicating type became too much for my well-meaning folks to handle he was given an ultimatum and joined the armed services. He was stationed in South Korea, and I gather his self-medicating ways came along for the ride. Upon returning stateside he had a hard time reintegrating, finding stable work, and had to rely on the support of his family more than I think he would have liked. He was a very emotional person, and felt things very deeply. I imagine if I would have asked him for one word to describe himself he might have chosen "failure". That's certainly not how I would have described him, but he was the type of person for whom every setback might have seemed like the universe pointing a spindly celestial finger at the tip of his nose and proclaiming FUCK. YOU. By the time my brother killed himself with the sputtering exhaust of the sparkly brown hatchback my mother had given him, I was living my own kind of Crazy. Today, I find myself at a strange cross roads. I am happily married. Successful, especially considering I never finished college. I have more than my fair share of material possessions. I have family and friends whom I love, and who love me. As much as I curse those who use the phrase, I'm Blessed. And yet, I can't recall a time I felt more lost. You see, growing up as an insatiably curious child in a household surrounded by Crazy, and where both parents worked in the medical field. So I didn't just *live* with Crazy, I, in a sense, *studied* it. Psychology. Anatomy. Psychiatry. Biology. Pharmacology. And most especially *Psychopharmacology*. I was never under the illusion that reading medical texts would make me a doctor any more than reading cookbooks would make me a chef. But I found, and still find the subject phenomenally interesting. In the late 80's and early 90's before webforums, TV drug adverts, wikipedia, etc., it seemed physicians expected laypeople to know almost nothing about medicine, so much so, that if you knew even a little, and went in with talking points memorized, you were going to leave with whatever it was you came for (within reason). Maybe it's always been that way. But I certainly felt clever, and in retrospect maybe a part of the burgeoning vanguard that changed how pharmaceuticals are consumed. Modern medicine is so unabashedly, brazenly consumer driven, I doubt any clinician bats an eye when patients come in and know exactly what their diagnosis is, the name brand and dosage of the drug they want, and oh by the way I've already printed off my own coupon that makes my copay 3 dollars until the drug goes off patent in 2030. But back to my personal tale of medico-consumerism. 22 years ago, at about 14 years of age, I self-diagnosed myself with depression. PART II To Follow Later

I have had a drug induced psychosis and was brought to the psych ward where they gave me 4mg of Risperidone and I took it for 3 months I was not told about the dangers of this med or anything so I stupidly took it for 3 months and I later found out that it was way to high of a dose I should have known to stop taking it whenever I felt so sedated and weak and I couldn't ejaculate, it made me sleep 12 hours a day and I peed the bed because of risperidone but anyway I took it for 3 months and stopped taking it and now I am NOT the same AT ALL and I have been off it for 9 months !! I no longer have my fun, funny, loving, bubbly, personality I cant get pleasure from any activities (anhedonia) I feel really dumbed down and spacey I have brain fog the world doesn't seem as beautiful like it did before I have slight tinnitus my vision is a little blurry I cant think like I used to AT ALL my creativity is gone I cant have meaningful conversations in the real world anymore everything I do is 100x harder I cant crack jokes anymore, my favorite music just sounds like noise im in a constant state of feeling like half asleep and I cant wake up I no longer feel euphoric,happy,sad or have them awesome excited feelings all I do is think about the damage from this poison called risperidone and look for answers on the internet about my situation I dont feel alcohol, cigarettes or any stimulants im just constantly in this damn state of mind 24/7 WILL THIS ALL GO AWAY or did risperidone DAMAGE my brain for life??? I read that risperidone changes the way your natural chemicals work in you brain and block all kinds of receptors please help I dont want to be like this forever life is not worth liveing like this please answer!!!