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Starting this thread because boredom, idleness, lack of stimulation is often a key trigger of depression and bad habits. When I get bored, I feel an emptiness, uselessness and physical/mental lethargy, cue ruminations, then I sleep excessively. This isn't always fatigue: It's an automatic (and very negative) avoidance behavior. This link lists 150 ideas (from high effort to minimal effort - from "fun" to mundane) in order to build healthier habits. I need to stop waiting to "feel good" before taking any action. Any thoughts? https://www.developgoodhabits.com/what-to-do-bored/ Today, I: Journaled, Cleaned my desktop, Backed up computer, unsubscribed to some junk email, Did some stretching, called a relative, dealt with an admin issue, read some blogs about depression, provided some words of support/appreciation for someone.

Hi, I have what I like to consider pretty bad GAD and it is most prevalent when I am faced with time pressure and especially with assignments at school. I always start telling myself "I can't do it" and all i want to do is run away and avoid the stress and do anything to avoid having to deal with it. this usually takes the form of extensions and excuses and skipping classes and emailing profs, etc. I've been doing really well this week but for some reason I can't let myself feel that or think to myself that maybe I can do it, because I keep saying to myself, just because I succeeded in the past how do I know I will this time. I've also failed a lot in the past, so that could happen too. I even feel like writing this post is avoidance even though its really just me reaching out, but I feel pathetic that I can't just deal with my shit on my own. Right now I have a 1000 word paper due in 3 hours and I tried reading the articles that I need to read but I just got overwhelmed and started writing down all the thoughts that were going through my head. That helped a little because I got the thoughts out, and I guess that's what this is doing too. I still am majorly fighting the urge to email my prof for an extension, which I prob will be able to get, and get on a bus to go home and hide in bed for as long as possible. I just don't want to face this fear. I freeze up any time I say to myself that I can't do it, and I will do anything to run away. I guess what I want to know is does anyone else feel this, and if so, how do you cope without running and hiding. Thanks

I'm afraid to even start this post, because I can see so much of this is my own fault. But I am beginning to feel really depressed. Not just miserable from headaches, but depressed. One clue is that depression makes me so passive, there are things I know I should do, like look harder to find a pdoc. I have honestly been trying, but not putting all of my effort into it. I have tried to set up appts. at the U of Utah twice, and they wouldn't take me. I set up an appt with a pdoc that I fortunately realized was in the center of Utah, not Northern Utah, 2 days before the appt., so I had to cancel. But that meant I spent 3 weeks not looking for a pdoc. I called another place, and I can't even remember what happened. I asked my neurologist for a referral, and she says there is a shortage of pdocs in SLC, and that is why I am having trouble. She recommended a P.A. who was good at med management. I know that sometimes people with lesser "education" know shitloads more than the average doctor, but I need someone who can prescribe. I have taken too long to find someone, and I am really starting to lose it. My headaches kind of fell off during the whole kidney hospitalization and surgery, but came back WHAM about two weeks ago. I couldn't take DH to the airport. He isn't even coming back until the 6th, and that is making me cry as I write this. There is one more place I am going to try tomorrow where I think it is actually a "plus" to be on SSDI and Medicare. But the gaps between my attempts get longer and longer, and that is on me. I did finally get a reference for a gdoc, but I know zilch about her. She could suck. I don't know whether she is a GP or an internist, and I prefer internists. She could be great, too. I know that. I have an appt. with her on the 2nd. Maybe she can refer me to a psychiatrist. I am not being compliant with my meds, and it isn't because I don't want to be compliant, it is because I am totally confused. The meds that I have been taking a long time (xanax, lamictal) have been going okay, but my Wellbutrin prescription is screwed up. I can seriously sense the moral outrage pulsating from the pharmacist as he gives me 10 scripts. And my neuro says I am probably not imagining that. They stall on refill for my xanax and flexiril, and now I only have 150s of wellbutrin, and I need 300s as well. I have been trying to stretch it out, but I am so confused. I don't know what is going on with them, and I am going to pretty much *have* to use them as my Medicare D pharamcy. I got this huge pill box, one that was supposed to be for two weeks, and used it instead for AM/PM meds. And for some reason, things were melting, and getting wet. I tried putting pieces of cotton in to absorb the moisture, and then it stuck to all the meds. I have no way of organizing my meds. So I have them all in a bag, and go through the bag a bottle at a time to get my meds, but sometimes I miss things, and sometimes things seem to disappear from the bag, probably because I absent-mindedly pocketed it, and left the room. I have never been this depressed and had to manage so many meds and supplements. I am so confused. And the headaches totally screw up my day. And I can hear how I am not coping with things I can normally cope with and feeling hopeless. The confusion and helplessness are pretty much what made the switch go off in my head. My sleep schedule is fucked again because of my migraines. I'm not getting anything done, and I don't even have much to get done. I NEED to get to the grocery store, this is getting serious. I've been eating a bagel for breakast, and a baked potato for dinner, and then crap, candy and ice cream. My sweet tooth is crazy bad, another sign. I need to take a shower, which is seeming very ordeal like again, although to be honest, I never got back into a hygiene routine after my really bad episode in the summer of 2012. It's stupid, because I know it makes me more reluctant to go out, and the windows of time where I feel well enough to shop are narrow. Whatever. I realize this is incoherent, but it is too much work to fix it.