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  1. Hi all I'm new here first diagnosed with ADHD I and now with bipolar 2 and anxiety. I'm having some trouble with the meds that I'm on. I'm taking between 25 and 50 mg of Vyvanse daily. It helps with my depression, ADHD, and binge eating, but even though I'm a big girl I'm very sensitive to meds in general so my dose is fairly low. Since I was just diagnosed with bipolar in April, the psychiatrist added a mood stabilizer which is Lamictal. It is making me super sleepy but I'm not sleeping well at night. I already know that I don't do well with anticonvulsants because I can't even take 25 mg of Topiramate without being zombie like tired all day. Also my Promethease test shows that I have a gene for processing anticonvulsants less efficiently than other people. Lamictal seems to be doing the same thing that topiramate does to me, at least to some extent. I am also on 60 mg ER of propranolol at bedtime for a fast pulse and anxiety. I'm averaging about 5 hours of sleep right now and that is not working well for me. I am really wanting to request doing something different than this Lamictal. I'm definitely feeling more stable, but I cannot function as a zombie with a four-year-old. What would you suggest that I talk with my pdoc about when I go back, if anything? I've made it up to 75 mg of Lamictal and it's killer. My only option I'm thinking is to quit taking it in the morning and try it at night, but that never helped with Topiramate either. I will say that I struggle more with depression than hypomania but I do have hypomanic episodes--at least a few year with the seasonal changes and sometimes I wonder if I don't rapid cycle as well. I will also add that a concern for me would be weight gain because I'm already in the obese category, though I am losing weight--only with the help of the Vyvanse and dealing with the binge eating and ADHD for the last couple of years since I was diagnosed. Thanks!
  2. Hello, I am currently on two medications, Zoloft 100mg and Lyrica 300mg, and had sort of a weird bought of mood swings over the last two weeks that may have been just work related though I was feeling agitated one day, and flat and depressed the next few days. Now I am sort of about as normal as normal gets, for now. Different medications have been suggested to me for managing bipolar II and I am sort of hesitant to try something in addition to what I am already on because what if my medication trial goes side ways and it makes me worse? I know start up can be rough but I just don't know if things are bad enough now to start messing around. I was feeling anxious and scared about work (enough that I took a day off to reset myself) and wondered if I could benefit from different meds that are more in-line for treating bipolar disorder. I feel kind of stuck and wish I was starting from where I am on no meds to transitioning to 1st line treatment for bipolar. Any thoughts? Anyone start out on meds for MDD and anxiety transition well to meds for bipolar? Med changes are never fun in my experience.
  3. Hello there, I have had doctors consider bipolar type II for me on and off but they never really seemed to be firm with the diagnosis. Conversely, I have had doctors say I don't have bipolar, but MDD. I recently decided to have a few short sessions with a very good psychiatrist and this is what he told me; People with bipolar type II often tend to have hypomania in their late teens to early 20's before having a depressive episode. He said people with bipolar II tend to experience more depression and less clear hypomania as they get older. When I was 22 I remember feeling on top of the world. I talked and joked constantly; I had magical thinking and thought I was psychic; And then something bad happened and it just seemed like I couldn't deal with life much and then things went downhill with a big crash at the end. I'd rebound super quickly after a bought of meds and then I would be euthymic to dysthymic and that's where I would stay. Life would then get good and would start to have a magical quality again; I'd make some bad choices- caused maybe by my mindstate and/or a combination of poor coping mechanisms and then things would start to go downhill. The next episode went downhill slowly until I dug up some traumas, and then I was suddenly suicidal. I clawed my way out of that depression- barely. I began experiencing dysthymia with a heavy slice of anxiety. That bought of depression and anxiety seemed brought on because I felt so disconnected and like everything wasn't making sense anymore. I felt agitated and terrified of going out in public. I started experiencing panic attacks in public. I tried antidepressants which worked in the beginning but I felt like I was clinging to sanity with a thread on them in the end. I felt kind of numb but mostly strange and anxious. I went off them and anxiety would get worse; I went from being very anxious to majorly anxious. Then I would sort of half recover but never fully. I was often very socially phobic to being set off into an anxiety attack when having to do something like ordering coffee. I was tried on topomax which worked like a charm at first but it was a little hard on the insides. I was not always med compliant because it seemed like no one was sure of what was happening with me; their diagnosis seemed to change dramatically from doctor to doctor which made it hard for me to manage consistent treatment. It seemed like everyone had a different opinion on how I should be treated. I am doing ok. The new psych suggested aggressive treatment of my symptoms; he said the current drugs I am on are ok for now but maybe switching to atypical antipsychotics and a drug like Lamictal might be better for me in the long run. Unfortunately this doctor is not my permanent doctor as I felt he gave me useful advice on getting treatment. He is transferring his diagnostic info to my family doctor with med suggestions. My family doctor has managed patients with bipolar so I think I this has put me on track to consistent treatment.
  4. Hello all. I am newly diagnosed with Bipolar II. I have dealt with major depression and anxiety for most of my life. After being diagnosed with breast cancer at age 37 and undergoing 6 surgeries in 4 years along with 16 chemo treatments, my depression got much worse. I started going to to counseling and was eventually referred to a doctor for medical management of my symptoms. She has recently diagnosed me with Bipolar II. Have any others been diagnosed later in life (I am 42 years old) or after a life changing episode like cancer? I was already taking Effexor 150mg and she added Zyprexa. However, due to sudden weight gain and dizziness, she has changed that to Latuda. Is anyone else currently taking Latuda? From what I read it is a newer med.
  5. Hello, I've been reading some of the older posts here about people's experience on Lamictal. I was just put on this drug last week (starting week two of 25mg and will increase to 50mg next week). I have always been terrible about going to the doctor, but finally had enough of the panic and anxiety and luckily found an NP I really like and get on well with (of course it's just been one visit). She diagnosed me as bipolar II, which is a new diagnosis for me (though makes perfect sense). The first couple of days taking the lamictal was good, but I think it was the 'yay, I sought help' euphoria. Now I'm having a really hard time doing anything. Part of why I made the appointment in the first place was my not wanting to leave my house, feeling like I can't or shouldn't, and now that feeling is worse. I also take prozac 20mg daily. I feel like I'm in a fog, or looking at the world from the outside. Is this at all normal? I surely know these things take time, but I'm minimally functioning and it's maddening. Thanks for any feedback.
  6. Hello. I have an appointment on Monday with my Psychiatrist. I am treating ADHD with dexedrine 20-40mg a day and 5mg here and there. It varies... Not working and done school right now so I am not taking any except for interviews or when things fall apart. In any case I recently stopped Lamictal because as much as I loved it, it was messing something up. I had a lot of fluid retention - not sure if edema or something else. It made me look obese almost despite being fairly thin (Not from actual weight gain but rather I had a lot of water/ fluid retention). Not sure if that's due to liver enzymes, kidney issues or whatever else. Anyways I am fairly depressed a lot as I have put an end to a major chapter in my life (a long drawn out battle with my University's administration / advocating for myself to be allowed to graduate, now two times). I am looking for work and I think some med may be necessary. I was very surprised after only trying antidepressants (but not for 9 years or so), to actually find that Lamictal did have strong antidepressant effects. It also stabilized my mood, lowered my agitation, anger, and even helped attention/focus issues. I quit it for the fluid retention/other side effects. I am going back and forth on trying something else. My doctor like me, is ADD as well and that's one of the things he specializes in. He is not a bipolar specialist. It was noted to him from a specialist I saw on the cutting edge of bipolar research, that I try Latuda or Lamotrigine. So eventually I did (twice). Should I ask for or what meds may be suitable? -Trileptal? -Tegretol? -Lithium? I want to avoid any weight gain, as I'm getting a surgery to correct a tiny bit of skin laxity (post major weight loss, many years ago - the healthy way). Vanity is not everything, but I can't get that surgery and ruin it due to meds..... Lithium may be more for BPI and highs rather than lows (which I have predominantly). Is trileptal or anything possibly a solution? I hate antidepressants such as Effexor, Zoloft, Prozac. I also won't take antipsychotics..... I lost like 100lb in my life, way before I started meds, and I can't tolerate anything like Seroquel etc. Is there a chance that even though Trileptal and Tegretol are in the same group of meds as Lamictal, that they may have better physiological side effects for me? Anyone have luck with either for Bipolar II? Would they also potentially help my ADHD-like issues? Can I take Wellbutrin? I don't like messing with my ADHD treatment, but maybe that would make dexedrine less strong feeling, but provide total full-day ADHD relief AND bring up my mood. I don't go completely manic on stimulants, at least these stimulants. My worst mania ever was on Effexor. Can I take a low dose of Lithium and ask for a thyroid medication as a way to prevent thyroid damage? I suppose this is like adding a diuretic to Lamictal though... probably not the best idea. I'm fairly healthy physically... most the time. Also, I found my dysphoric not so fun hypomania became more euphoric on Lamictal (brand name, I think was a lot better for me). Is it possible Trileptal or Tegretol work but make me more depressive, then I'd need a third med, antidepressant? I considered gabapentin also before.... but Lamictal was probably the best fit, but I can't take it.
  7. Today started off well enough with me relaxing and watching a documentary. Everything was just peachy until I got to work. The most minute things my manager did made me feel absolutely furious! I had to try keeping my mouth shut in order to keep myself from going off at her. She didn't even do anything major, she just wasn't grabbing the register and left it to the rest of us to do... and also wouldn't help us with making smoothies unless we asked her to... and a few other things-- okay, so she freaking sucks as a manager, that makes sense. But the degree of my anger was absolutely uncalled for. I found myself wanting to scream at her, burst into tears in the middle of my shift (even though I wasn't even that stressed), floor the gas pedal on the way home, and be pretty destructive overall. I did none of these things, thank god, but the feeling was still there. I heard people with bipolar disorder can be irritable, angry and aggressive sometimes as a symptom. Is this true?? This irritation and anger feels like it came out of nowhere. D:
  8. Hello there, So I'm getting evaluated for Bipolar disorder on Thursday and during this waiting period, I thought I'd do some in depth research on the disorder. I'm 98% sure I'm going to get diagnosed with Bipolar II or Bipolar NOS (due to how rapid my cycles sometimes are), and since I'm on an antidepressant right now, I needed to see what meds Bipolar folk usually take. That's when I found out about mood stabilizers and all the ugly side effects that come along with them. To be honest, I'm scared to try any of them with everything that I've read. I just need an antidepressant to keep me out of the depression I get. The hypomanic episodes I get aren't that bad. I'm not driving recklessly, I can control my shopping sprees and irresponsible flirting if I try, and the hypomanic moods keep me peppy at work. Who wouldn't want that??? ...If it weren't for just how low those depressive episodes of mine get, I'd scrap the idea of meds altogether, but I can't. Without meds, I can't get out of bed (though my current meds hardly help that, now that I think about it), I'm emotionless or sad all of the time, I isolate, and I sometimes start to contemplate whether the world would be better off without me. It's really awful... but with the plethora of mood stabilizer side effects, is it even really worth it to try with those? I guess only my psychiatrist would know the answer to that (I question her judgement sometimes, though, since she tried putting me on an antidepressant again that previously made me suicidal the last time I needed to switch meds), but I thought I'd ask you guys: Do you think you're better off with / without mood stabilizers? And why or why not?
  9. My prescriber of psychiatric meds has decided to try me on adderall for my ongoing depression. I'm on two mood stabilizers so hopefully hypomania will not be an issue... has anyone had any experience trying stimulants as a treatment for bipolar depression?
  10. So, I was not sure where to post this but here goes; I have been on Seroquel for a month now, I started at 25mg the first, 50mg the next, 100 mg the day after, 200mg after that, then 300mg everyday. Well, I started getting these crazy bruises all over my legs. Yes, I bruise easy but not like this. I went to my Doc, he told me to drop myself back down to the 50mg. I like how it's making my moods better and I am able to sleep. Let's talk about that, I slept 24hrs straight. Best freaking sleep I have ever experienced in my life time. Except I woke up want donuts like a pregnant woman with a craving. It knocks me on my ass, the first day I took it I scared my mom because she woke me up because she was worried about me. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, and I damn sure could function. I felt like zi had got stoned and drunk at the same time. I ate two bags of family sized chips and a jar of french onion dip and a family sized box of oreos. (Sometimes that is a normal thing for me) however, I had this hungry I couldn't supress. All of that has changed. I still sleep and I wake up groggy, I feel like I have a hangover like the one I got after my 21st. I drink at least a bottle of water a day. I have no appetite, nothing sounds appealing. Not even sweets or anything they said I'd crave. Other than the donuts. Typically around my monthly I eat anything and everything in sight. I'm not scared of food, at all, food is my friend. I am 109lbs. I'm not worried about weight gain. Though, having no appetite and if I force myself to eat, lord help me. I get sick and throw it up or ya know the other way out. I pick at my food now. I went from eating 5 meals to a quarter of one. I am scared of losing weight, and it took me forever to gain the weight I had. I was up to 120 lbs then in April went to 114lbs, and at the end of July 109lbs. All of my pants are too big again and I don't need to lose weight. However, I don't wanna be sick everytime I eat. I was sent home from my job last night because I kept getting sick. Everything taste horrible. Tbh, I feel like I am coming down from a good high without getting the good high just the come down. It sucks. I almost fell asleep driving to work and on my way home. Anything to help the sleepiness and nausea. I also, feel like I get more confused than normal, and I keep getting horrible, horrible migraines. I have been having problems focusing on things and I most of the time my friends think I am drunk because the way my text are, I really have to focus on what I am saying. There is more but I'm going back to sleep. The seroquel is for my insomnia and moods. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder, if I do not take the seroquel I don't sleep. I was up for almost 50 hours the other day I felt tired but could not sleep, I would lay there for hours then get sick of laying there thinking about everything and making myself depressed. I've tried to meditate and it starts out wonderful than bam I'm thinking about how in 4th grade my best friend teaching me gymnastica or tried too. Then start thinking about when I get married and have kids, then I start thinking about all of my friends who have died since high school. I've only been out 5 yrs and it has been a lot. I wonder how they had the strength to take their own life. Anyways, it's ridiculous. I also, have been having very vivid and crazy dreams, more so than I normally did when I slept. I'm horrible at this, sorry in advance for any grammatical mistakes or for anything that maybe confusing.
  11. Hi everyone, My pdoc and I are working on lowering my Lamictal. I have been researching Tegretol and am interested in introducing a low dose of it to my Lamictal. Right now I'm at 300mg/day of the Lamictal. He is leaning against mixing ACs, but I've read in these forums of people doing it all the time. What do you all think? Thanks in advance troop
  12. I go through this endless cycle, since I was diagnosed at 15 (and I'm 28 now) which is, "I can't have bipolar because I don't get manic." (I get hypomanic) "I must have BP because this behavior isn't normal." "I can't have BP because this hypomania is too mild to be anything." When I'm depressed, which is most of the time, I can never remember what hypomania really feels like, and I feel as though I'm exaggerating my own symptoms. I think, genuinely, I still don't completely understand hypomania, or rapid cycling which plays into it. People like my grandpa, who had BP I, it seems so obvious: he was depressed and suicidal, or he was manic and gambling and typical 'manic' symptoms...you looked at him, and it was easy to see 'that's someone with bipolar.' What if I never get hypomanic? I just don't know. I know I have these periods of behavior, but never these super obvious signs (to me)...like I don't engage in risky behavior. I sleep very little, I talk faster than I can breathe, I clean the house all night, I get extremely irritable then happier than I've ever been in my life...but when I'm living it, it just doesn't feel like "that's bipolar." It feels like..."something is off with you." I'm confused. I've been confused for 13 years. lol. Anyone have thoughts?
  13. So I may have bipolar II and just started taking lithium. Has anyone else taken lithium for the depressive type of bipolar disorder? I've taken lamictal and while I think it worked, it kept me up all night. Usually I'm always sleeping and have trouble staying awake, so that was new. So now I've started taken lithium but I feel it makes me agitated, anxious, and keeps me awake at night. These symptoms aren't in any of the listed side effects, but still feel them. I'm also terrified of gaining weight and have fallen back into bad habits of starving then binging. I feel that may be a cause of my anxiety and am trying to get back to a healthier state of mind with my food but it's difficult. Are there any other meds similar to lamictal? Has anyone else had similar issues? I'm sorry if this is badly worded and difficult to read, I just feel lost and confused. I've taken so much stuff, and in the end, nothing has worked, I can't help but fall back into my depression
  14. My current hypomania has given me loads of new friends, a boyfriend, a job, great grades in college and loads of new commitments. I am really productive and I'm pretty much flying high, doing so much. I am scared that when I eventually get depressed again I will ruin everything that I've done in the last 6 weeks. Does anybody else ever deal with this and do you have any techniques to minimise the effects that the depression has on your achievements and improved life? Thanks x
  15. Hi everyone, I'm doing some research trying to find an anti-convulsant that would be good for treating severe Bipolar II depression. I've been on Lamictal and it's pooped out on me. Other than Lamictal, I have had absolutely no experience with the other A/Cs out there. Anyone have some guidance? Thanks troop
  16. so earlier today I came up with a little analogy for bipolar that I would like to share, in case anyone needs ways to explain bipolar to people close to them. I am thinking of doing this using this analogy. So you know how with a lightswitch, it has two positions, and most people, as kids, did that thing where they tried to balance the lightswitch in the middle? But it was pretty difficult, and usually ended up just going one way or the other. And even if you managed to get it in the middle, it never really lasted long before flicking one way. That's kinda what BP feels like. You crave the stability of the middle (unless you're lucky and experience the pleasant, fun, über productive type of hypomania I guess, like I do personally) so you try and balance the switch. When you're manic, you try to drink alcohol to stabilize... but this plunges you into depression. When you're depressed, you try to drink tons of caffeine and self medicate with antidepressants, but this sends you manic or triggers a mixed state, the lightswitch flickering between up and down at a rate which dizzies you. When the switch is 'up', your world is full of colour and light and it's all so beautiful. You can see the room: everything is bright, there are lots of awesome decorations, like how the world appears when hypomanic: full of beauty and opportunity. You feel like you're in utopia. When it's down you're plunged into darkness and can't see your hand in front of your face... like depression, you can't see your future, you can't see anything but the all-consuming sense of darkness and it terrifies you. The middle eludes you. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I only had one hour of sleep yesterday...
  17. so I am diagnosed with recurrent major depression and this has been going on for about 3 years. Recently I have had some mood changes which are unusual to me after coming out of a depressive episode.... I have been staying up until 6am and consistently running on 3 hours of sleep. I have been highly energetic and productive, I cleaned the house today because I felt like it and I have studied for my A Levels several topics ahead of where we are in class. I got kinda impulsive too, the other day while I was out with my friend I suddenly decided out of nowhere to get some facial piercings even though I applied for several jobs in catering and retail recently which probably prohibit piercings.... I have been reading about hypomania but I still can't tell if my state is hypomanic or if I am just extremely happy. If anybody has had similar experiences to me, it would really help me figure out where to go from here if you could share. Thanks in advance x
  18. hey, everyone i have a "bit" of a problem and was wondering if any of you have the same, or any tips to help me out. see, while i was on bupropion, i had some naaasty EPS with metoclopramide, dimenhydrinate AND bromopride. from what i can recall, before i started taking bupropion i had no problem with dimenhydrinate or metoclopramide. i hate flying so i travel by bus (a lot). i usually take some clonazepam to "pass out" while on the road but, as some of you may have experienced, if you wake up in the middle of your sleep while on clonazepam you have no problem staying awake. and if i stay awake, i get motion sick. i asked my doctor if i had any hope left to not throw my guts and brains up next time i hit the road and she said i should try this Zofran (ondansetron) thing. i read some stuff about it and it actually said the EPS incidence is low. but i'm still a little suspicious. have any of you tried it, is it good? do any of you know if Zofran should work with my conditions & meds? i have bipolar II, fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis and hypothyroidism. i take 250mg of lamictal, 100mg of topiramate, 1mg of clonazepam, 20mg of cyclobenzaprine and 125mcg of levothyroxine. oh and the occasional tramadol for the stenosis. any tips on how to avoid motion sickness and/or EPS are very much welcome thanks in advance!
  19. Greetings, I know that Lamictal is the "Gold Standard" for people with Bipolar II depression. Lamictal worked beautifully for me for almost a year, but then stopped, and I've been increasing it ever since. Now I'm almost at the max dose of 400mg/day and I need to have a plan B. Are there any other anti-convulsants that treat BP II? I'm cycling weekly into depressive crashes, and based on my research, most of the remaining ACs that I have to choose from are geared more toward controlling mania/BP I. This is very troubling, as I want to stay away from atypical anti-psychotics, as I've had bad experiences with them in the past. Does anyone have any info that can help me in my search for finding a new AC to treat my bipolar depression? Thank you very much troop
  20. Edit: I quit the AAP with my doctor's consent 3 weeks ago. Sorry forgot to make that clear. Hi, Sorry admin for starting another post but I am in a really bad shape right now. I'm pissed off, freaked out and just losing my mind!!! I would appreciate those who would read this whole thing. I really need to be understood right now. I'll try to make this as crystal clear as possible because I really want some helpful answers so bear with my explanations please. I even reviewed my prescriptions and posts to make sure I give you the right info. If some of you have read my other post, I begged my doctor to take me off the AAP because I've tried some of them and I really can't have the side effects if I want to stay on the kind of job I'm in. I know I know.. can't really complain because I know compared to you, a lot of you guys tried almost everything. But this is my share of frustration. I'm Bipolar II, so I DON'T get full blown mania, hallucinations, etc. and me here - just really want to BELIEVE and work on the POSSIBILITY that I won't really need an AAP/AP. I'm mostly down and when hypo manic, doesn't really have big impact negatively, except perhaps for the crash. But I easily recover, maybe because Lamictal has my back. But based on my observations - my swings are mostly on the depressive side. So I would really like to believe that I can survive on the Lamictal alone since it's great for preventing depression. I've had some irritable mixed states before, but that was because of terrible situations/ trigger that is gone now. Checked my CB profile - last post on Mixed State Feb '13. Pretty good huh. It's been a long while since I had a mixed state especially when I started on this job I really finally like. I thought maybe that's all I needed. I'm not friendless anymore, I like what I'm doing and I'm motivated. So I thought maybe that's all that was missing cause I hated my previous jobs and friends. And now I'm pretty good. No scary anger attacks, no throwing of glass items on the wall, no punching the wall, no threatening to kill my older brother. I get depressed but not too much. I feel like I'm finally in control of my life and people around me have noticed it too. They were HAPPY for me. And I really like that. BUT I also feel empty and frustrated because I can't really feel any deeper emotions. Here's the thing - I feel NUMB on the AAP. I'm an actor and when asked to cry or show vulnerability and sadness, I couldn't connect with myself. I can't feel or remember pain. Being an actor is the one thing that makes me happy and has helped me get better and if the AAP is gonna prevent me from being a good actor, I can't have it. I can't connect deeply to anything or anybody. As an artist, it just feels like I have been artistically blind. And that has robbed me off purpose and real happiness too. So since I believe I'm genuinely happy and can't act or sing well on sad scenes, I decided I don't need the AAP. So I went of the AAP. It's been 3 weeks since I'm off AAP. I feel the difference good and bad. Bad is - I don't feel as happy calm like everything is just "happy fine". That's how it felt on AAP for me. Like nothing can get you down. Everything is just fine and normal. Good is - What I like is - I don't feel NUMB. I can actually feel pain and sadness which I've been unable to feel when I'm on AAP. I can feel real emotions but because I still have Lamictal, don't really get depressed. Now.. you wanna hear this. The puzzling part. So I'm fine.. Until a week ago, when I started having these anxiety attacks. This is all jumbled up now because the anxiety might also be caused by the Ritalin but I never had anxiety before on or off Ritalin. So it could be a new symptom. Or it could also be because of this girl. I started having obsessive thoughts on negative things and also on someone I think I'm in love with - god I hate when that happens. It seems like liking someone just drives me insane so maybe I should just avoid it altogether. Anyway, back on topic. I really like this girl, she's my ex partner and we've been really GREAT friends. We broke up 10 years ago FCOL. She loves me as a friend and cares a lot about me. But lately my feelings for her have been more than that. Long story short, I impulsively told her how I felt on a Facebook message when I was drunk and having the worst anxiety attack of my life. That's when it started. The next morning, it freaked us both out but she knows about my condition and right now, she's just being kind and being a good friend. But I can't stop thinking about her and all the possible things that could go wrong and I am scared to death because if this doesn't stop.. I'm afraid of more horrible things I could do out of impulse, obsessive thoughts, and anxiety. I have a history on this. Before I was diagnosed, this is what I did to my recent ex when we broke up. This is my ex boyfriend. I kept sending texts, calling, stalking.. I couldn't control it even when I decided not to do it anymore. I even talked to his relatives and friends. But nothing to get me arrested, not like that. That's when I got diagnosed and had help. I was single for 2 and a half years - mostly because I can't feel anything. I can't be like that now because I really care about this girl and I don't want to scare her away. But I CAN'T control it. Yesterday, when she didn't go online after her work, I can't stop thinking where she is, what she's doing.. maybe she's avoiding me now and other freaky thoughts. I always jump to the worst conclusions. So I texted her. When she didn't reply.. that's when I started having this scary god-awful anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I sent her so many messages but I explained calmly that I just need a friend and I'm having a bad episode. I'm just thankful that she's kind enough to talk to me when she got home and that calmed me down finally. I took 2 Valiums and thankfully, I still have some Risperdal left so I took one too and got me to sleep. I don't know what I could've done if she didn't talk to me. I honestly felt like hurting myself. Now I don't know what she thinks about me and I can't put her through this. I don't know how long she will be understanding. EDIT - I also haven't been sleeping well so it could also be hypomania. I'm completely lost now. So I really need to figure out what's causing this and how to stop it. Is it the lack of AAP? The Ritalin? A new symptom? Or is this just what happens when I get emotionally attached to someone?.. meaning I can't get involved with anyone ever?? Please help me. Here are the AAPs I tried and why it didn't work. Just a summary. Abilify - akethesia and too expensive, Seroquel - too sleepy and feeling like the whole world just dropped in front of me in a big chaos the next morning, Risperidone - weight gain!!! Oh god.. my bag was stolen a year ago, I'm looking at prescriptions right now and I can't remember if there were others but those are the ones. Then when on bad mixed states which I'm not having now, I had Valpros. So when it went away, I stopped it. Now I'm just on Lamictal and Valium to get me sleep. For ADHD - Ritalin. I just want to hear your thoughts and especially those who had same experiences with the obsession, effects of AAP's... My doctor is in India and won't be back till end of the month. I've made an apptmnt, the earliest possible is Ocotber 8!!! Some of you have told me about Latuda. I am in the Philippines and it's not available here yet. Please... I'm losing it. Thanks!!
  21. Hi everyone, I'm relatively new here and had a recent tentative diagnosis of Bipolar II after months of being MDD only. The tl;dr of this is that I'm not sure I understand the difference between "agitated depression" and "mixed states," and how those related to a dx of MDD versus Bipolar. Read more below. I've struggled with depression for years, and finally saw a pdoc and started an SSRI in October '12. Still having breakthrough episodes in Jan so upped dose to 15 mgs and promptly went into my first real manic episode -- hypersexuality, spendy, restless, considered divorce, flying high for days, etc. I found it both thrilling and troubling and knew something was "wrong" but wasn't sure what. Googling revealed that antidepressants can trigger mania in people who are bipolar. Further reading on bipolar helped me realize that I've probably been experiencing hypomania for years, primarily in the spring: restlessness, agitation, super bitchy/angry, unable to feel settled or content, taking on lots of new projects/hobbies, spending money, wanting to move (or moving!), wanting to have a baby (and getting pregnant!), wishing for major life changes, etc etc. But I wasn't ever flying, happy, or euphoric, and had a lot of bad, grumpy, unhappy days. When I described this to my pdoc at our last appt, when I finally 'fessed up about the manic behavior and we were discussing mood stabilizer options, she mentioned "agitated depression" as another possibility. I'm confused as to what the difference is. Is there a difference? Is it just a matter of terminology? Does the fact that I was triggered into mania by my antidepressant mean I'm not "really" bipolar? Could it just be atypical depression? She was less interested in nailing down a dx than understanding and treating the symptoms (for now, I am continuing the Lexapro and titrating Lamictal, with plans to lower the Lexapro dosage after I'm stable on Lamictal). Which is the right thing to do, I'm sure. But in trying to wrap my head around all of this stuff, I'm finding myself wanting to be able to say "I have MDD" or "I have Bipolar Affective Disorder" or whatever. Can y'all help? Thanks for any insights you might have.
  22. Hi, I'm new, but my anxiety (depression, aspergers, etc etc) is NOT!! Ok....I'm on Lamictal, been on 75mg for about 6 months now. Was on Effexor for over 15 years...didn't do me any good...tried to go off! My brain took a permanent hike into hell. So I trot on off to the doc for help...he puts me on Prozac to help with the withdrawls....YAY, I'm off Effexor. The Prozac made me angry and irritable and agitated and made all my asperger symptoms worse. Ok back to the doc I go. He puts me on Paxil....in the mean time I go to my primary care doc, cuz it is time to check my thyroid (hypothyroid here), sure enough, it is low again...so more Levothyroxine for me, as well as mega doses of Vit D (50,000 UI once a week) and 2500 mg B 12 (daily). So now, I'm on all these meds (as well as Xanax 3 mg per day divided up into smaller doses).....Oh and let's not forget Premarin, cuz I'm at "that" age (oh the joys of being female...NOT). So....anyhoo...I've been on Paxil 20mg per day (split into 2 doses), the megadoses of vitamins and the upped dose of thyroid meds (from .5 mcg to .75 mcg). And now, about one to 2 months later find myself extremely paranoid, agitated, irritable, asperger sensory sensitivities way worse than usual, BP symptoms and mood swings all over the place, I'm a mess. My question is: does Paxil, alone or combined with other meds make a person paranoid? The paranoia started at the same time as the addition of paxil, upping the Levothyroxine, and the megadoses of vitamins (for extreme fatigue). I have no job due to the BP II and the Aspergers, so, no health insurance. I pay out of pocket....which is empty right now...for doc and meds. If anyone has any helpful insight, I would sure appreciate it. Totally freaked out here in Wisconsin.....HELP!!!!!!!!!
  23. Hello all, I'll try & sum this up as much as possible but, it's a little difficult to put everything into words.I hope some of you will take the time to chime in.Thanks for reading... I am 32 years old & just recently began seeing a Psychodynamic psychotherapist.I have been going weekly now, for almost 5 months.This is my very first experience with therapy, in my entire life. I decided it was time to see someone, after having a devastating breakup with my boyfriend of 3 years.(My ex was actually a therapist as well) So... I knew IMMEDIATELY that I wanted to seduce my Tdoc, even though he wasn't my usual physical type.I was attracted to the thought of making him risk it all, just to make me feel special.(that was my own interpretation btw) I began having such intense feelings for him & thinking about him so much,that I began to read up & research & discovered the phenomenon of transference in therapy. Although, I'm sure some of it is transference,(I mean I don't know that much about him-but I Google stalked him & found out a few things & we do have some things in common & he is very close to my age & he is single) I also truley believe we are both attracted to each other very much in real life.I know...I know...everyone probably says that but, I can feel it. So as these feelings got more intense,I decided I wanted to share it with my Tdoc.I told him that he "pretty much had me at hello." I told him I thought I was having " erotic transference" towards him & told him that I was actually starting to feel like I was finally over my ex because of him. He said "what makes you think it's transference?" I said "because I don't really know you"He thanked me for sharing that. During our sessions, he never really says much.We stare into each others' eyes in complete silence for minutes on end. I was perplexed by this & almost felt like he was dominating me into feeling like I had to speak so,I just blurted out whatever I was thinking.I felt a little uncomfortable with the silence so I ended up telling him that when he stares at me in silence,I get uncomfortable.He apologized & turned his eyes away.I said"No,I'm sorry! I like it when you look at me! It's very dominant.Keep doing it" And he does again,but I think he is more aware of it.During that session,his intense look turned me on so much,I made an erotic face & moaned.It was so electric in the room. I really like him & I will NOT go see a female therapist! Please don't tell me I should see another T.If I felt like it was interfering with therapy,I promise that I would switch therapists.I feel like it helps me to be completely honest with him,because I have a crush on him.I have even told him this.I tell him everything!Lol! I even told him that I want him to like me so sometimes I am ashamed to tell him certain things but I always end up telling him anyway so I think we are a good match. So a few of our sessions consisted of us talking about sex.I was explaining in detail the sexual acts that I had with a guy I met after my breakup.I also talked about how I need sex & how I was craving physical intimacy from a man.I told him I needed to be touched so bad. I even asked my Tdoc for a hug.He said "why didn't you just ask for a hug?"I said because I knew you wouldn't give me one...so can I have a hug?" And he said "No...I don't hug any of my clients" I told him that I feel like "in my head-I know that after therapy...and after some time has passed...that will eventually be together".He didn't say no,we will not.He just sat there in silence.I would think that a therapist who didn't find the client attractive would try to get that thought off the table as soon as possible but he didn't discourage the thought. He always sits with his legs crossed so I can't ever see if he has an erection but, last week,(after I admitted to him that I posted nude pics of myself again on the internet) for the first time ever,he sat with his legs wide open(the body language that tells a woman he is showing his manhood-Haha-yes-I googled the body language of a man sitting with his legs wide open) So I guess my question is... If a client tells a therapist all about her sexual fantasies,tells her Tdoc that she is attracted to him,tells her Tdoc that she believes they will be together one day,tells her Tdoc that she is masterbating etc etc etc...would that possibly bring on an equally erotic counter transference in the Tdoc? Or are all counter transferences individual for the therapist? I guess I'm asking if it's possible that my Tdoc doesn't actually want me as bad as I want him.Cause I'm pretty sure he likes me as much as I like him. There was so much more I wanted to express but I'm having a hard time expressing myself today.Maybe I'll come up with more as the replies start to roll in.Thanks again for reading!
  24. Hi there, Today I visited a psychiatrist for the first time ever. I had a serious wave of anxiety pass over me last week, which was the second time in my life that it has ever happened, so I made an appointment. I'm a 26 year old guy. I'm the most enthusiastic, glass-half-full kind of guy you'll ever meet. I'm almost nauseatingly optimistic with my friends. Always high energy, always kicking ass, always having fun and bringing people up. I've had a weird bout of depression hit me once in college when I was 18. I told my doctor about it, was given a prescription for lexapro. Didn't even finish half the bottle because most of the anxiousness left after just telling the doctor about it. I felt awesome after taking it for 2 weeks and then just completely stopped. It never came back until last week (8 years later). Super weird. Anyways, a 2nd wave of depression-seeming feelings hit me. I went in, described what's going on my life, and the psychiatrist says I'm Hypomanic. Been reading about it all day today, and the symptoms I've read about describe my life almost verbatim. Almost like someone was behind my back writing down everything I've done for the last 26 years. My doctor said I need to stop drinking (2 nights a week, on weekends? Is that really that bad?), and so when i go back in 2 weeks, it sounds like I'll go on an SSRI. Any of you hypomanic? What's your experience like? Just to give you a description of my life: I'm fucking crazy. I have a lot of friends, wake up really early, try to accomplish a lot of stuff, have a good job and always doing lots of side projects. Partying alot, always trying to be the center of attention. I like to get a lot done. But now I'm reading up that hypomanic people are fucking psychos that wanna do big things but have an 18x suicide rate against normal society, and have predictibly gotten themselves into lots of trouble during their mood swings. Bill Clinton, Abraham Lincoln, Ted Turner, Kurt Cobain, Mozart and Ralph Waldo Emerson were some of the ones I've found. Anyways, would love to hear about how some of you are dealing with it. The coolest part about what I've learned is that if hypomanic people can channel their problem, it can do a lot of good for the world.
  25. I'm not going to take medical advice from you, I know, I'm just looking for a heads-up:) I have recently had my medication changed, came off zyprexa and increased effexor to maximum dose...but since then my moods have been up and down like crazy and really extreme (on the downside really) which seems to be varifying the suspected diagnosis of bipolar II...anyway, my shrink is gone on holiday, leaving me on a little effexor and Seroquel xr. I'm going to talk to him in a week or so when he comes back and I'm just wondering is this it? Is this the new prescription or is it likely I will be going on lithium now? Will my moods settle with Seroquel? ...answer quick coz I'm probably going down again soon haha8/ [Edit] so basically I'm asking you guys with bipolar II if seroquel and effexor is likely to cut it?
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