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Found 11 results

  1. Hello, everyone! I'm a long-time lurker and I have finally decided to introduce myself. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features 14 years ago; since then, I've weathered nasty manic episodes and mixed states, three hospitalizations, failed whole classes of drugs (over 50 meds, many tried multiple times). As it turns out, as I'm sure is the case for many of you, medication just doesn't work that well for me. I responded reasonably well on Lithobid (generic lithium does jack shit, go figure) for years, though recently it seems to have lost some of its efficacy (increasing the dosage just makes me violently ill) and some of the old neuroleptics (gave me bad EPS- Cogentin didn't help), but I'm always a little symptomatic, even at my most stable. Up until recently, I've coped with residual craziness (intrusive thoughts, excess energy, agitation) with cardio- long-distance running, swimming, kickboxing- and by dumping all of my energy into my full-time job (that I love) and school (I'm working on my MLIS part-time). I have a great psychiatrist who has really tried to come up with creative solutions, including off-label treatments. I was never resistant to the idea of meds; they have just failed me. I'm really here, though, because I am on SDI after a 6-month manic episode that began at the end of last summer and ended with me paranoid, delusional, sleepless, and broke (I'm sure this situation sounds familiar to many of you). After trying Vraylar, which actually seemed beneficial (brought me back to earth, thanks!) but gave me such bad dysphagia that I was waking in the middle of the night feeling like I was being waterboarded by my own saliva, my psychiatrist is pushing me to do a course of ECT. I actually had the Vraylar compounded out of desperation to see if the dysphagia was dose-related, but it was as bad at .25mg as it was at 1.5, and I can't go through life choking on food. I am sick and tired of the med-go-round and ready for ECT; I've combed PubMed for studies and read patient testimonials and after everything I've been through with medication, I honestly don't see how it can possibly be any worse. I hate not being able to work, I hate how selfish and self-involved I am when I'm unwell, I hate not being able to read. I hate that I had to drop out of school for the semester. At this point, I'm willing to try anything if there is even a small chance that I will be able to regain my independence. I have always liked this board for its raw honesty and sense of community. I'm going through an especially difficult time with this illness and I want to be around others who understand. I hope you will have me.
  2. To those of you with experience with narcolepsy, do you have days where you can stay awake most of the day and then some days where you only dream that you have opened your eyes and done something? I have been like that lately. It doesn't really matter what time I go to sleep at night, I sometimes still have trouble waking up the next day. I'll believe that I got up to do something, or said something to my family, only to realize I never left the bed. Then there are days like today when I have no choice but to make sure I'm up due to errands or something but I cannot stay awake! I came close to having a wreck more than once on my way to physical therapy, then again on my way home because I kept dozing off....I was terrified. Well, later on, when I was awake enough to realize what could have happened I was. I fell asleep in therapy even. It's been crazy. My sleep doc prescribed Nuvigil, but for the last 2 months I have been waiting on "prior authorization".. I've called and never got the call back I was promised. Anyways, does extreme EDS fluctuate sometimes to where it may or may not be really really bad? I use to drink a lot of coffee and/or energy drinks but it seems that ever since I started taking Lithium that I have really had trouble with going to the restroom if I have caffeine. I can't stay out of there with it! ********* The first part I now realize I never posted after I typed it......weeks ago**************** The second part is why I came back to post lol I AM still having trouble with waking up the next day regardless of the amount of sleep I get....if I sleep. I dream constantly when I am out. I start dreaming almost immediately, if not before I close my eyes. Now, the freaky part is, it is getting harder to distinguish dreams from reality. I'm getting to where I can't even tell if I am really awake half the time. I will wake up and mention having the oddest dream/nightmare and "go about my day", only to wake up again and again and again and still be dreaming. I will be like that until someone physically wakes me up. The dreams, it's getting to where I can't tell if they WERE dreams, or if they might be memories. I catch myself asking my husband if this or that actually happened or if I merely dreamed it. It's becoming quite the cluster. Does anyone else have experience with things like this?
  3. I live with Bipolar I, PTSD, and inattentive type ADHD. As a result, I have a history of SI. Last summer I was hospitalized for almost a week bc of my injuries and a psychotic break. Lately I have been fantasizing about SI. I have two very specific, gruesome scenarios that I think about. Although I have not acted on them, these fantasies soothe me to the point that I have trouble falling asleep unless I am thinking about them first. Last night my husband asked me if I was OK. He said I seemed "off." I relented and told him about the fantasies in all their graphic glory. While I was talking, he was frequently distracted by his laptop. When I finished telling him my story, he immediately began talking about our next vacation with no comment about what I'd just said. So is telling a loved one about SI urges and fantasies a bad idea, even if they ask? I feel like he couldn't care less even though he asked!
  4. Good Day ALL! Hello! I'm new to this group but, I'm not new to the diagnosis. I was first diagnosed as having a personality disorder in my late teens along with depression. Later (year-tops) this changed to Bipolar with Anxiety issues... in my 20s we moved up in the world to ADHD, Bipolar I with Rapid-Cycling, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. I've been on a lot of meds and to a lot of help professionals. Always a good time. I live in Missouri, USA and I'm almost 32. Just got married 6/7/14 after almost 8 years of being together-no kids (aside from our furbabies-2 cats) & we're currently TTC our own (I have a ton of my own battles with all of this). Anyway, that's the short story. Wishing all well and sending postive thoughts.
  5. I swear I've read everything I can get my hands on about Seroquel but I still don't have the slightest clue what the hell my doctor is doing, and when I try to get a straight answer out of him, all I seem to get is "Let's just see what it does" and "The fewer medications, the better," and I just feel like: Okay, but what is it supposed to do, how is it supposed to help me; I mean, does he think I'm a junkie and just want some Susie Q on rave nights? I'm so frustrated I could cry (read: have been) and I was hoping you guys could help me understand, because I'm at a total loss. I was on 25mg of Seroquel for 23 days "to see if it would help with the depression," then bumped up to 50mg for a week, 100mg for a week, and 150 for a week. At no point did I have any intolerable side effects, but neither has the medication really done anything. So after ~40 days of taking a sub-200mg dose, I begged my pdoc today to give me something more, something to actually fucking help, and he relented and gave me a 200mg prescription of the stuff to take once a day for the next three weeks. I told him I'm scared of breakthrough mania, that I'm starting to have severe irritability and that I'm having to watch my behavior closely, that if I don't do something soon I'm probably going to have an episode no matter how well I'm coping, and he said: "But you aren't manic right now, right?" And no, I don't think I am? Not, like, full-blown manic. But what, do I have jump couches like fucking Tom Cruise before he'll give me a dosage of Seroquel that isn't bafflingly low? I want to PREVENT that type of mania from happening to me ever again. It's frightening and dangerous and I don't like it an ounce and I'm getting real fucking tired of being "treated" in such a way that it feels as though I'm not being treated at all. Full disclosure: I'm also taking 1mg of Klonopin PRN for manic symptoms, and it helps some, some of the time. Has it taken anyone else this long to experiment with a single medication? Is there a reason I'm being kept on a rat's worth of Seroquel that doc just won't tell me? I'm so upset. I've been a good girl--I'm going to my therapy sessions, I'm staying med compliant, I'm not drinking alcohol or doing drugs and I'm taking care of my health the best I can. I want to get better. I'm trying my damnedest. Does anyone have any idea what might be going on, here...? I'm so sorry for ranting. Thank you so much for reading.
  6. hello all of you fellow crazies out there... quick intro about me... i'm 37, married to my soul mate (moved from California to Erie, PA to be with him--that's love!) now living back in my hometown of Baltimore Diagnosis: bipolar I disorder I have an M.A. from University of California, Davis; former college English teacher (not to mention former Social Security Slave, waitress, Editor at Johns Hopkins, 9th Grade teacher for a hellish month...the list goes on..) Now I work for a natural body care company owned by friends I've known since middle school--they are super understanding about my illness, thank god! My anxiety/mood issues have kept me from pursuing my intended academic/editorial career (oh well, $60,000 down the drain!) and still affect my work at the "Lather Lab." I'm super creative, love making crafts, writing and reading and along with my husband am a collector of many things vintage--Playboys, toy kitchens, kitschy stuff, toy kitchens, postcards, clip art and other random shit! When people come to our house they say: "I don't know whether to look around or start shopping!" i've struggled with mood issues my entire life went through the cyclothymic diagnosis in 1999, bipolar II in 2003 during later graduate school days after sever depressions and 1st hypomanic episodes, 1st real manic episode 4 years ago when we re-located back to Baltimore resulted in diagnosis of bipolar I for the last 4 years i've been on pretty much the same cocktail (which has resulted in about a 55 lb weight gain, which is super uncool for someone who is 4'10''...ugh!): 600 mg lithium 1000 mg depakote 1-3 mg klonopin 200 mg seroquel..........which just changed. now nix the seroquel and sub in Zyprexa, which I started last night (5mg)--may work my way up to 10 mg (1 at night/1 daytime) curious to hear from anyone who has made the switch to zyprexa from seroquel any weird side effects? did it work better than seroquel? i've been struggling with dysphoric hypomanic since the late fall and i am hoping this med change will do the trick anyone find that their meds work great for depression but not so great for mania/hypomania ( i still get 2 episodes a year, typically in summer and over the holidays in Novemeber/December) i've missed a ton of work and this is not helping my anxiety to have financial problems! any advice welcome! glad to be on here and have the opportunity to hear some different opinions! -blythe
  7. Hello people, On the 7th of February I'm quitting Abilify 10mg cold turkey. This is with the help of my pdoc of course. I'm really looking forward to this. But I'm wondering; How effective is Lamotrigine (generic Lamictal) as a monotherapy for Bipolar I with severe mania? It's been approved by the FDA for this purpose, but most people seem to be on a Abilify/Lamotrigine or Lamotrigine/depakote mix. I'm usually at the depressive side, and only have been manic twice. My current dose is only 100mg, as I respond very well to Lamotrigine, but it might be raised to cope with possible changes in my mood. Wish me luck!
  8. 'Lo I should mention that the *magical pill* I referred to in the topic title was thought to be so by psychiatrist and so far not by myself. Anyhoo.. First time poster here. I stumbled upon this site today in a mad search to find something, anything that had some info that applied to me and my current 'sitchation.Thankfully I came upon this site and I have to say I am mighty impressed with the wealth of knowledge, the layout, the degree of insight I have come across in some of the postings I have read and whatnot. It might help to give you the quick and dirty version of my story or at least a summary of the past four months to lend some context to the big medication change-up. So about three months ago I was slogging along in what was then my deeply depressive world, sleeping ALOT and spending much of the waking hours wishing for an end to the mental torment that comprised the waking hours of my day. What can I say? I had reached a low low point in my life. So low that one day I screwed my courage to the sticking place and took whatever medications I has stockpiled along with a hefty pint of hard liquor. Needless to say I ended up sick to my belly and was promptly encouraged by my partner to get myself to the ER. I did and the doctors at the hospital came up with ECT as a possible treatment for my fairly nasty case of chronic bipolar depression. I wasn't in a position to put up a fight. I wanted to feel better and I wanted it fast. There was no way I could live in this in between stage any longer. So I had 8 bi lateral ECT treatments- the last was at the beginning of March. Not sure I can honestly say that they have helped me feel any better. I suppose it didnt help that I became deathly physically ill after the last of the treatments and was homebound for about two weeks, flat on my back with a chest infection nasty type thing. This social isolation after the ECT probably didn't do much for my re-integration back into a normalish life... During the ECT treatment my med cocktail remained basically the same with a few small tweaks. I was taking 7.5 mg Abilify, 150mg Effexor, 150mg Wellbutrin and 150mg Trazadone. I can't really say that it was helping terribly with the depression, but I did still have some semblance of mental clarity and the side effects were managable. As I mentioned I had hardly been outside since the ECT and was starting to have some paranoid thoughts about being out in public that were making some basic living tasks (getting groceries, making appointments, etc) pretty much impossible. This paranoia reached a climax when I went over to an acquaintance's house for a night of dinner and heavy drinking. (not the smartest move but I *really* needed to get out). After that night it seemed like the problems I was having with making decisions and remembering were stronger than I remember them having been in a long time. Fast forward to Tuesday April 3rd. I had an appointment with my pdoc. I could barley manage to get myself there alone, but I knew I had to take some action or things could only get worse. I was having trouble thinking clearly and felt like everything was surreal and had a dreamlike quality when I stepped outside. I began to feel like neighbours were watching me in my house and that strangers on the street were staring at me. When I saw my pdoc she said I was experiencing a mixed episode and I agreed to be admitted voluntarily to the hospital. I suppose I should also mention that I was having thoughts of suicide pretty much once an hour. I had a sort of a plan outlined in my mind for how I would do it and most of my following through or not was dependent on if the psychotic type thinking became worse. This brings me up to the real reason I was posting in the section- and if you managed to read this far take heed I am working towards a point here- so when I was admitted to hospital on the 3rd my doctor decided to take me off all my meds -I repeat all of them- cold turkey and put me on one supposed wonderdrug {Saphris}. She had prescribed a 20mg dose along with a tiny bit of ativan to take some of the edge of from the SSRI withdrawal. So far I have been on Saphris for 3 days and I can't say I am liking it very much. It feels like Zyprexa to me. I am hungry all the time, my personality has been totally flat and I am having a terrible time communicating. PLus the sedation, did I mention the sedation? I feel very doped up and out of it for most of the day. It's only around 20 hours after taking the dose that I feel the mental fog lift a bit and I feel like I can form complete thoughts again. I don't know if I can give Saphris the old college try. I am thinking of just going cold turkey off all drugs and seeing what happens. Risky? Possibly but I just want to feel human again. I really want to get back on the road to recovery, but I can't do that if I am so zombified I can barely make decisions for myself. Argh...what to do. So if anyone out there has been down the road of cold turkey-ing it off a cocktail and starting one atypical antipyschotic or just has any thoughts or opinions I am very open to reading any and all. Blessings.
  9. Hey everyone. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I. I also have ADD and slight anxiety. I was fired from my 5 1/2 year job in Dec. First time ever in my 44 years of life being fired. In July I was fired from my new job. Collecting unemployment both times... so I am at a crossroads in my life. After being fired twice from a field I have 14 years experience in, but don't really enjoy anyway, I am wondering what career I'll pursue from here. In 2009 I began getting mental health help and was diagnosed. Following that I found myself in an abusive relationship. Shortly after that I was put into IOP (Intensive Outpatient). Also diagnosed as Codependant (or however you spell it). During that time I learned alot with CBT, group settings, and twice a week visits to monitor my meds. By summer 2010 I was on track. Since I've lost my job, I lost my insurance. No meds..... from bad to worse. I've found a place that charges based on a sliding scale according to what you earn. I just want my meds back. Now I have to go to group twice a month, see a therapist twice a month, and meet a new phsych. Who knows what meds they will give me. Anyway... They have put me in DBT groups. Not so sure I like it. I'm not BPD... these people I'm in group with are much sicker than I am.... Well, as of right now, that's where I am in my journey. Not sure how crazy I am, but I'm sure society thinks I'm a fruit loop. I do and have felt broken most of my life. Like a toy firetruck who's siren sounds like a dog barking instead of a siren.... Wondering if I can ever lead a "normal" life even with my manufacturer's defect. Miss317
  10. Hi guys, I'm a new user here, but I've been reading this board a lot. I've been bipolar I for slightly over a year now. I'm currently on Lamotrigine 100mg and that has done wonders for me, more than any antipsychotic by itself I was put on. I'm also on 10mg of Abilify. That would have been lower if my country sold lower doses. Now the time has come to quit Abilify for good, hopefully. The thing is, my pdoc wants me to quit cold turkey, since Abilify tablets can't be devided. What can I expect from this, and are there any successtories regarding quitting abilify?
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