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Found 9 results

  1. I had a terrible manic/psychotic episode last August, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty letting go of certain elements of the experience. I keep being gripped with the feeling I've made a terrible mistake of some kind that's going to result in something bad, but other times I'm able to reassure myself that's not the case. What's really bad is when i start to argue with myself internally about it, which can make me panicky. I do take Depakote and Zyprexa, so it's not like I'm not taking my meds. Has anyone else had this kind of trouble? I thought about posting this in OCD but it seemed more relevant here.
  2. Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck. Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.) Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission. OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process. I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness.. I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it. I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.” I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
  3. Does the stage of life in which you get ill determines your prognosis and course of the illness? For example a person who gets ill after graduating from college and working several years will be more equipped to face life than a person who got ill and never worked (getting ill in the college stage of life or before)??
  4. So. I have to vent somewhere everyone else is tired of hearing me complain I have a sister in Law who is Bipolar1 , I'm pretty sure she isn't taking her medication but let me start from the top . three months ago my mother in law an my other sister in law sam got a call from my sister in law,s husband saying that my sister in law was going to kill her self an she was down at an abandoned house owned by my mother in law . With a bunch of guns . So of course they went down there and called the cops freaking out because her Husband and her have been having problems an she has been extremely unstable . They went down and found a strange man and no sister in law . So they asked who he was turns out it was my sister in laws lover of 14years . My mother in law had some words with him kicking him off her property and he left . Turns out my sister in law lets call her R . R and her lover changed the locks on the old house claiming it as their own not asking anyone's permission and were drinking , doing drugs and going though everyone's stuff . Her lover apparently called her up mad and "broke up " with her so she called her mother cussing her out. Fast forwarded to present day. R ended up losing her job because of failing a drug test an her lover just plain didn't take the drug test an he also got fired. The house owned by my mother in law was broken into twice by R and her lovers friends stealing 2,000 dollars worth of stuff an using the money for drugs an to go out to eat getting her hair done and stuff like that . R started to post stuff about. Her old job slandering everyone stating that she has contacted a lawyer because they refused her unplyoment and that she was going to sue the company she worked for . R ended up fighting her own sister , cursing out her 4 year old nephew and anyone who got in her way . And blocked everyone on Facebook while telling everyone we were the ones who blocked her . Basically she has run wild doing hard drugs not taking her meds which she never really took right anyways . Stealing cheating an lying just to satisfy her life style . It's been hard for the whole family at this point it's only her main family members that believe that she has lost it everyone else is in Deinal it's really sad an very stressful . It All feels like a dream. I just want my sister back Also she has two kids 13 and 14 that she has abandoned an gave all parental rights to her ex husband
  5. My friend went off of his meds about 1.5 years ago. He claimed that he was incorrectly diagnosed because he has not had a "relapse" since. He suffered through 8 different hospitalizations in 9 months but has been out since. He was Dxed with Bipolar I, most recent episode manic, with psychotic features by five different P-docs. Our question is is 1.5 years without a relapse normal for BP I? Was he incorrectly Dxed? He claims that his normal up and downs do not exceed the point where he needs to be inpatient and that the doctors incorrectly Dxed him.
  6. So glad to find this page and forum... So my story in short form. Bi Polar 1 Never accepted my dagnosis, not alone on that I am sure...but cannot beleive at aged 46 I finally get it...The destruction of the last episode has killed everything in my life. 5 months...beaten up various times, putting myself at pure risk, buying BMW I cannot afford, spent about 20k Euros, throwing out of the house my 12 year life partner, renting houses, buying stuff, Pyscotic magical thinking, (living in italy the religosity is hard to escape.) Cannot do this again...Now in the depths of the worst crippleing depression. So I finally get it, I am, I have Bi polar its not a mass jewish(Where this distrust of this comes from Ido not know ) consirpacy to have us all sedated? Please note I am pro people and the jewish people but I am not anti semetic, but Iseem to be so when I am manic...very odd, so please do not take exception to that comment. I always seem in Mania to become fixated on the idea that these drugs are just killing us. Cannot understand why in these 5 months nobody tried to have me brought in to a hosptial. That hurts, Whenone is so obviously out of control why do you have to bring yourself in so to speak? All or some of the destruction could have been avoided. SO after literally waking up 5 months later, Iam in the loneliest dreadful space, living in a town Ihave no friends, no family and in a llanguage Ihave about a 40% handle on. Iamamazed in this mania I did not do something more terrible, hurting myself or someone.. Got a Pdoc, he has put me on a crushing regieme of Quietipinia 25mg x2 , Olanzipan 5x2 and Valpo Acid 600 (slow release) and Akineton for shakes, something to stop the muscles and dead arm syndrome...I am sure alot of you have been here...But apart from wanting to share this I sat and looked at all these pills read up as much as I can on this and does it feel so odd to be killing myself slowly with these pills to possibly / hopefully not getting manic again...Seems to me I can only find the Negative side effects. its only been 6 days on these pills, apart from all the negatives I only feel less anxious...But all I have to face now is the consewuences of what Ihave been doing for 5 months.. the bills the speeding tickets. Facing all this alone is too much for one person. I think it is so incredible that people live and thrive on being along, I do not think I am one of thoese people. I am angry that no one intervened to the authorites fro me, perhaps Italy just does it like this. So why post and what to ask for.... Well I guess to say well done for being part of this community and also to ask, is there anyone out there who has been pleased with their pill regime? Any happy stories out there? As for the insiatable need for food at all times does anyone know what I could ask my doctor to prescribe to lessen the need to eat, its just constant? Feeling already that the best of life is over and all Ihave left to live for is pills, interventions and I have used up all the joy alloted to myself prior. So my name is Tim I live in Italy and I am definitly owning and finally able to admit to myself and others Iam Bi Polar (chronic) apparently...The more you have these episodes the worse they get, seems to me to be my case even if they are years inbetween. My job is alcohol, and to be told Imust not drink is not only implausible, Ijust cannot erase the only thing I hae left that gives me a tiny enjoyement, anyone experienced with Pdrugs and alcohol? After such a long Mania I guess its nornal to be completely brain exhausted? This brain exhaustion is showing itself as impaired congative functioning, inability to think properly or remmeber...feel like I have lost 30% of my functioning... any one else had such a long period of Mania? So thats me...wishing you all light love and happiness on this journey called Full spectrum Bi Polar. Saluti de Italia Tim
  7. I'd like to know if anyone else has this 'problem' please. I found out last week that my pdoc changed my diagnosis from bipolar 2 to bipolar 1. I cried all day. After reading the criteria, I see that I AM bp1, but there's something about how it's so hard to treat...it's really upsetting me. Anyone ever felt that way?
  8. Hello, I posted about this originally in the actual ECT section but I have not been successful in getting many responses. I'm posting it here in hopes i get more responses and it is bipolar related. Has anyone here had ECT specifically to treat mixed states? If you have, please let me know about how effective it was and how you even got to that point where it was even considered. If you are not comfortable sharing publicly on this thread, please message me. It's very important. I need to collect some patient experiences with ECT being used for the treatment of mixed states because I am at wits end with 11 years of meds still not quite cutting it. My doctors didn't even give me a full sentence when I brought it up. I was cut down and the big fix for my issue was yet another med change. I would not even have known about ECT if I had not been researching information on treatments for mixed episodes on proper medical databases in well respected scientific journals. This isn't something I just wove up out of nothing. I was desperate, and it was the only option being written about that I hadn't tried. I got the idea directly from a scientific study notfrom myself. Please pm or reply with your experience if you have one. I'm not naming people here or publicly publishing them. I just need a back up so the wall that shoots up when the subject is broached, goes up a bit slower. My pdoc is usually really reasonable, but she seems unwilling to even discuss this. i need something besides those studies to show her i"m not making this up and that it real does happen with apparently pretty good outcomes. You'd think the studies would be better, but I guess not.
  9. Hi, I haven't read the other introductions so that they would not influence me. I've had various diagnosis since 1989. The first thing that started was panic attacks. I didn't want to dope myself like my mother had done, so I just did cognitive therapy which landed me in a mental institution on 1991. I had a full blown mixed mania episode. I went back to work and I did fairly well until 1994, when I went supernova with a full blown manic attack. The doctor was slowly taking me off the meds because I was doing so well after getting divorced. Well, when he told me to raise them again, I didn't and lied to him. Next thing you know, I am found naked in the parking lot to save the world (I didn't fix it, I just saved it ok?). The little red truck came made me dress and 'took' me to the county's mental hospital. Back on meds, and I learned a few things: 1) do what your p-doc says even if you don't like it 2) if you are in such disagreement with p-doc change, but do so in an orderly fashion and not when you are in the middle of an episode. That is a very serious decision. 3) Never, ever listen to what the voices tell you, they all lie. They know you well and will tell you only what you want to hear 4) Just because you hear voices when you are very high does not mean you are schizophrenic. If you are very high, all hell can break loose and anything goes. I've been compliant and no hospitalizations since 1994. However, unfortunately for me, after 22 years in my job I found my boss' best friend hiding 3 million dollars worth of fraud. They fired him, my boss set out to fire me. I really don't know what happened. They told me that I had made a 'sarcastic' comment to someone and that if I did it again, they would fire me. For one year they kept me that way. They wouldn't give me additional projects because I was deemed incapable and I was afraid for my job. My medication had to be increased and I lived in constant fear of saying something that may offend somebody. I was never told who reported me and what had I said. They gave me a lousy review and no bonus and 6 months later they had layoffs. Since I was a poor performer, I got laid off. Unfortunately, that left me very paranoid. I am not a paranoid person, however, that was my achilles heel. I constantly live with the fear that I will say something that would upset someone. So, when I get kicked out of the chat room, I immediately panic. I took all the papers to social security and I got my disability. I still have all the papers, however, because I signed the severance package, I can't sue for harrassment or discrimination. This is one of the largest corporations in the United States so I can't do anything else. I've also tried to work and I get very paranoid. Other than that, I am married to a man who doesn't speak English, so I don't know what they play on 'english tv' I don't know what is going there. English is my preferred languange (even though I was born and raised in Cuba). I am open to all religions and whatever decisions people want to make. That's why I have chosen to stay in this country. As a rule, I don't get involved in politics or religion because they lead you to disagreement and we go back to paranoia. My biggest challenge right now is to sleep. I have recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea. I have named my c-pap machine Cindy and we are having a little problem adjusting to each other. My sleep is rather erratic for now. Also, I should warn you, I have a very 'unusual' sense of humor when it comes to Mental Illness. My theory is that if you can't laugh at yourself, you are going to have severe problems adjusting to yourself. But it seems that around here we have people that see it that way as well. When someone is down, help; but if someone is ok, hey we might as well play. Oh, one last thing. The only therapy that works for me is Logotherapy (Viktor Frankl & Fr. lgnacio Larranaga). I am currently involved with a very good p-doc and t-doc and that makes all the difference. Any questions, write me. One last thing...I do not like discussing Communism. You have a right to be a communist but I don't want to know about that. It has caused me way too much pain. Good mental/dental health to all Yara
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