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Found 8 results

  1. HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER TYPE II, AND ALSO I HAVE SOCIAL PHOBIA. I HAVE HISTORY OF DRUG ABUSE, AND I HAD BEEN ADDICTED TO XANAX FOR 2 YEARS. THEN, BY FOLLOWING ASHTON MANUAL, I FINALLY MANAGED TO DROP OFF THESE MEDS GRADUALLY. AND I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 18 MONTHS NOW. BUT MY LIFE GRADUALLY BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE AND 1 WEEK AGO I TOOK XANAX( AGAIN) AND IT HELPED ME TO DO DAILY TASKS WITHOUT ANXIETY ISSUES. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I HAVE THE FEELING THAT WITHOUT BENZOS MY LIFE IS NOT AS IT SHOULD BE WITHOUT XANAX I AM LOCKED IN MY HOUSE, BARELY ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH STRANGERS, EVEN WHEN NEEDED.
  2. So I don’t know how to come out and say this ...... but life has been driving me slowly even more mad and I’ve been looking into killing my self using vet medicine ......... but giving my self a plan and a date gives me peace I don’t know
  3. Please help. New to this board. Have NOT found effective treatment, spent long periods of time (not on any meds and fairly stable), but still always Depressed. Main issue severe Depression (along with some misc ADD-type issues) I’ve never experienced Mania. I had a SSRI-induced psychotic episode 20 years ago and for the last 5 yrs experiencing troublesome, erratic “cycling” of intense depression, anxiety, irritation/aggravation, passing suicidal thoughts, my doc thinks this is because my Bipolar is untreated & I need a mood stabilizer. Over the last 20 years, I have taken all of the SSRI’s, SNRI’s, Antipsychotics, Lithium, etc with intolerable side effects and horrible withdrawal syndromes...Ritalin is the only thing that helped my Depression & motivation issues (but since moving, no doctor will prescribe it to me.) Only med I agreed to try again right now is Lamictal due to it’s low side effect profile. I have some concerns though: 1.) Does it make you MORE tired (already struggle with low energy and fatigue)? 2.) Does it effect your Cognitive abilities (i.e. memory issues, ability to think sharply & quickly process info, I have focus/motivation issues!!)? 3.) Has anyone taken this during pregnancy with no issues? 4.) Has anyone taken Lamictal & Ritalin simultaneously to treat both the cycling and depression/inattention issues? 5.) Withdrawal - Been reading increasingly of bad cases of Withdrawal from Lamictal… has me very worried if I try to go off it!!!
  4. Newly diagnosed with Bipolar2 (predominantly depressed) My previous diagnosis was major depression. I'm now on a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) which is effective, but I want to get back on a stimulant (was on Ritalin) to help with ADD symptoms as needed for work. I have 20-years of chronic depression/increasing apathy that will not go away. I've been on the gamut of SSRI's and SNRI's, even Abilify and high-dose Wellbutrin for long periods, and none of these effectively targeted the depression, just gave me annoying side effects. I think I need something that directly targets Dopamine (not Serotonin or Norepinephrine). Problem is, i was never officially diagnosed as ADD as a child because this diagnosis was not common in the 70's (I have had the problematic symptoms my ENTIRE LIFE but untreated) No pdoc wants to prescribe me a stimulant, no one around does testing/diagnosis for Adult ADD. My question is: How many people here have been prescribed Stimulants since childhood? If not, and you have other co-morbid mood issues - How was it that you were prescribed a stimulant? Ritalin is the only med that noticeably helped me with no major side effects (was on 20mg for 9 months), but since I've run out (and newly diagnosed Bipolar2), no one will prescribe it. I've never had Mania, just some intense mood-cycling dips (never euphoria/enthusiasm, but the opposite: intense depression/dysphoria) which seems to be corrected by my mood stabilizer. Please give me your impression/thoughts.....I am very saddened to have finally found something that helps my major symptoms with no immediate side effects. I don't understand why doctors think stimulants are so detrimental/ineffective, yet they readily pass out dangerous/powerful antipsychotics & addictive benzos (to people that aren't even psychotic, schizophrenic or have panic disorder)?
  5. Bipolar2 (primarily depressed with short rapid-cycling spells of intense dysphoria, but never manic). Over the last 20 years, I have taken all of the SSRI’s, SNRI’s, Antipsychotics, Lithium, etc with intolerable side effects and horrible withdrawal syndromes. I had a med-induced psychotic episode 20 years ago which prompted my psych at the time to load me up with Antipsychotics, then added Antidepressants which made me much, much worse (I was either sedated, exhausted & brain-dead, or a restless/anxious insomniac). I could not remain on meds due to all of the side effects i had (with no benefit!!) The acute psychosis eventually resolved within weeks (and a hospital stay), however, the side effects & lengthy withdrawal syndrome from all of the meds rendered me practically disabled until I was off of everything and recovered. The ONLY med that has really touched my Depression/lack of interest/no motivation/no pleasure has been Ritalin SR which NO DR WILL PRESCRIBE anymore (I moved, doctors here are against stimulant treatment for Depression or Bipolar). I actually slept very soundly when taking it and experienced very little irritability. I took strictly as prescribed along with breaks on weekends for about 8 months. I felt motivated, focused, calm, productive and highly functioning, which in turn alleviated much of my depression and anxiety. I was on Lamictal 10 years ago, it took away the intense mood cycling, but it didn’t do anything for my underlying depression and noticeably slowed my cognitive abilities (major brain fuzziness, forgetfulness, spaciness, clumsiness). I've started Lamictal yet again to see if it helps. Has anyone else here been in this predicament??? I'm afraid the Lamictal with balance my mood but it will not treat my main underlying issue of Depression. I already have issues with disorganization and inattention which has cause me to be fired from several jobs. I have a feeling that the prolonged use of SSRIs & SNRIs depleted my Dopamine stores or something. Any similar experiences or advice here???!!
  6. I had my first hypomanic episode 2012 oct - dec. My second hypomanic episode was 2014 jan - march Both lasted around 3 months . The time interval between the ending of my first episode and beginning of second episode was exactly a year. Just trying to figure out if this cycle is going to remain fixed more or less or is there no guarantee whatsoever. Im not on any medications. I love my hypomanias too much and am not willing to give up on them yet. I feel that if 80 percent of the time im going to be depressed or semi depressed then the hypomanias are the only thing that will keep me going. So you can say im just waiting for the next hypomania and am trying to figure out how much more time it will take .
  7. I'm new here. I'm coming from a site that does digital hugs. The women I interacted with genuinely cared, but I need something more substantial. Not real hugs. Just reality. I need to know I'm not alone. I need to know I'm not Bipolar Disorder Patient #Triple-Chi. I need to know I can ask questions- like why can't I cry when I'm mad? And I need to express opinions- like how insensitive people really are, and how disappointed I am in them. I'm not here for stories or scars. I want to know how to deal with reality, how you cope, how to respond. I might ask rude questions- but I'd rather have the truth. I love being a dog-owner. I don't plan to have children. I am medicated, broken, honest, and curious. And, no, I don't know.
  8. I have no idea what is going on with me. I have no memory of doing any of the things I am about to tell you guys. I don't even feel strange before or after an episode. I'll write it in list form. Blacking out for at least 3 seconds Also blacking out whilst sitting at the table and hitting my head on it or the wall next to the table Blacking out and gar galling for 3 seconds like it's hard to breathe Randomly screaming with mouth wide open looking petrified Having night terrors where it looks like I'm being raped and I'm attacking back, happens every night and my boyfriend gets attacked by me Randomly collapsing Have been having chest pains exactly where my heart is My left arm has gone numb twice Randomly pulled a kitchen knife on my self holding it to my throat with crazy eyes Randomly being sexual with my partner, doing things I do not normally or haven't even done before etc Iv sat up in bed whilst sleeping and pulled a pocket knife out on my boyfriend on his throat I've also tried to choke him while we've been sleeping I say random things that don't make sense to my boyfriend like - he crashed the car and it's your fault he's dead .... If you do that to my dad I will kill you ... My boyfriend has said he has come into our room and I've been laying on the end of the bed in a dog position All of the above I have no remembrance of To me I am just talking away like normal or walking through the house and one of the above will happen and he will see it. But to me I'm just going about my day normally. I don't even feel strange or different before, during or after an episode. I have no idea I've even had one. I wouldn't even know about it all if he didn't tell me. I was diagnosed with depression at least 6 years ago. I've been through some horrible life experiences which have taken a toll I have been emotionally traumatised by my past boyfriends who have hurt me, upset me and used me for all I had ( I became homeless and lost everything ) Before all these weird episodes started my partner and I were having relationship problems which upset us very much. And I have just come to figure out that every place these episodes take place, are in the exact same spots where we have had arguments/disagreements etc. It doesn't happen anywhere else. Always in the same spots. For eg. Sometimes having sex hurts and I've asked him to stop and I've gotten a bit angry - which explains the bedroom night terrors freaking out The table incident - we had a fight at the table and he knocked the table down. The knife incident - we had an argument in the kitchen and I was being an idiot and tried to cut my arms... The screaming - he tugged on the wheel once while I was driving and it scared me and I screamed the same pitched scream he hears, I have also blacked out while driving The blacking out gar galling - had each other in head locks once while play fighting and I half chocked from it once Collapsing - probably due to the fact I've had enough of the stress and my body can't take it And the heart pains - from feeling completely broken hearted when we half break up due to the stress, fights etc The places it happens might be a coincidence but it makes sense to us when i told him my theory. That or, I'm suffering from dissociative identity disorder. Or a form of schizophrenic bipolar/depression. It might be my conscious state being messed up with my sub conscious, but that doesn't explain why I'm doing these weird things... I'm seeing a doctor in the next 4 days. I spoke to a nurse and she has never heard of this before. I'm so upset. I just want it to stop. I want to stop hurting my boyfriend when we go to bed I want to stop saying horrible things to him as well. Things I don't even mean :'(
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