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  1. Hello everyone, So it has been a while since I have posted on the forum, but I wanted to hear from others on this topic. What does identity instability look like for people with borderline personality disorder? I want to get feedback from people who actually deal with this problem. The reason is that I believe I deal with this problem (feeling like I don't know who I am, confusion about gender/sexuality, not knowing what I truly believe in, feeling like I lose myself in others, changing goals/career ideas, etc.) This is a longstanding issue. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder in
  2. major rant ahead. I hope it's pretty obvious this isn't directed towards anyone in the community! Borderline personality disorder, and people with it especially, get demonized a lot. We're manipulative, we're awful, we're sirens who suck men in and spit out their bones. (I'm sure it doesn't help that borderline personality disorder is predominantly diagnosed in women.) In Jonathan Kellerman's novel, Silent Partner, this is the description of a person with borderline personality disorder (by the way, Jonathan Kellerman IS A PSYCHOLOGIST): That is a goddamn lie. I honestl
  3. I woke up this morning, feeling panic overwhelming me over a negative response from my neighbor. The emotion I am experiencing is deep distress and I can feel it internally crushing me. I am not coping at all well with this. I find myself drawn to her because we share a common trauma background. Sometimes she comes to my apartment just to talk about all this and I feel soo connected to her. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that she has some borderline traits in her - it's the push away and suddenly pull back. She acts like she hates me and suddenly she loves me and tells me s
  4. Hi, everyone. This is my first post! I was diagnosed with atypical depression a while ago and was wondering if anyone else has been dealing with it. According to WebMD, one thing that differentiates atypical depression from melancholic depression is "mood reactivity" and it also is characterized by a "more intense reaction or increased sensitivity to rejection, resulting in problems with social and work relationships." I do have these issues and also have another thing on the list, which is "a feeling of being weighted down, paralyzed, or 'leaden'". Adderall often helps with this
  5. Hello everyone! Where to begin... I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with some avoidant traits. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since elementary school (I am 22 now). Up til this point, I have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers and passed around from therapist to therapist. I was heavily self- harming and abusing alcohol and other substances. A few months ago, I was sent to yet another center after a suicide attempt. Let me tell you, it changed my life. I was introduced to DBT, which has truly saved me. I am finally on th
  6. Bonjour y'all. I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here. So, into the breach of introductions... I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care f
  7. Sorry if this has been posted before, tried searching and couldn't find anything. ^^; So BPD has been bought up a few times over the years in conversations with GPs, but I've always run away from the diagnosis and strongly denied it (I guess due to a lot of misunderstanding as to what a BPD diagnosis would actually mean, I guess). Recently I was trying to explain what goes on in my head to a housemate, and he bought up that "it sounds a lot like borderline". Turns out he was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, so we had a good talk about it, and I must admit, it makes a lot of sense.
  8. I've not really been on in awhile. So, some things have changed though. I finally stopped accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me. Literally, one day I just told myself I was going to stop. And I did. When I would begin to worry, I would ask myself if he was actually at work late (and if I didn't believe myself, I'd call. If he didn't answer his cell, he was at work. If I needed more assurance. I called his work, which they don't really care if I just ask if he's about to leave.) He's even given me his time cards (they bring them home everyday.) And he made a good point, he goes to work,
  9. The many moods of BPD This is by no means comprehensive, but I thought I'd throw a little information out there. What is a personality disorder? Most people could define a mood disorder like Bipolar I, at least in general terms. They understand that BPI has extremes of depression and mania, and sometimes people go psychotic or try to kill themselves. Often they are great artists and great sufferers. It has classically been the most recognizable psychological disorder to the point that it has been used colloquially to describe simple mood swings that everyone experiences. Despite o
  10. I'm not really sure where to start. Not even sure how active this forum is. This is my first post, so bear with me please. What happens when Ive only ever been told that I like treating people like shit? That I actually enjoy it and make the conscious choice? I went undiagnosed until I was 27. I can remember the last good year I had in my life. I can pinpoint the moment that triggered my propensity into a full blown illness. What I'm most curious about, aside from just wanting to talk to other borderlines, is my personal form of self harm/self soothing. I
  11. I have a dual diagnosis as bipolar 2 and borderline personality disorder. I lean more towards depression but have had bouts of extreme anxiety, daily suicidal thinking, anger, and risky sexual behavior. I am on 300mg of Lithium and 25mg of Lamictal and tapering up to 50mg soon. I feel exhausted all the time currently with episodes of intense anger and general sadness. I'm looking for other people with this dual diagnosis to share what meds they have tried and what has worked for them. I cannot currently say that my meds have helped. I know I am at a very low dose. In my mind I have tried so ma
  12. Too in your head to be voices, too loud to be normal thoughts? MAybe i'm talking about different things here... Do you know what I'm saying if I say thoughts that won't stop talking? Not always a bad thing, but I'm very unresponsive to outside stimulation when I'm like this. It's llike all this information just goes into your mind like BAAM BAM usually accompanied by visuals in the brain (not usually literally visual) just being supper "absorbed" idk is that the right word? sometimes its random "voices", "loud thoughts" NOT auditory. saying something just plain random.ex "Jerome, I kow you a
  13. I have a working diagnosis of rapid cycling schizoaffective bipolar type and diagnoses of OCPD and severe PTSD. I was told i exhibit signs of BPD (Fear of abandonment, self harm, no sense of or poor perception of self image/identity, strained relational aspects, rapid mood swings that last only days/hours) but no clear diagnosis can be made due to the complexity and overlap of symptoms of what I have PTSD over and the bipolar aspect. I have done extensive research on BPD and have always felt like I recognized with the symptoms, but have no clue if its just purely coincidental due to the nature
  14. My name is Stephane, and I've been recently diagnosed with borderline and/or bipolar II...which is where my dilemma comes in. My psychologist believes I have borderline PD, my psychiatrist, who spends more time with me, believes I have rapid cycling bipolar II. I see my psychologist once a month and my psychiatrist twice a week. I've tried to get them to talk to each other to come up with one concrete diagnosis, but they only want to go through me. I know a diagnosis won't define me, but I sure wish I knew what I am so I can come up with a plan of action. Has anyone else had this issue? I beli
  15. Ok where to start... hate this... ok I'm 21 and I'll tell a brief of my story. I had a great infancy lets say before 9 years blahblahbla but at some point I started to get more and more introverted and "fragile". Later got bullied in school. My adolescence was conflicting. at 18 i started to use LSD, it was fantastic and so I realized that I needed help for my depression. ok. Soon I started to do cocaine and soon alot of coke and u know- rehab bolocks. in the meantime got various "suicidal" attempts (but never intended to kill myself, just self-harm or so). OK thats a just little of my life an
  16. My psychologist and I have been talking and she was thinking I was borderline this whole time but after charting my major moods for the past couple of years it's evident that I have periods of hypo mania and low depressions. Could I be both? I go back and see her in a couple of weeks and I see my pdoc next month as well. Funnily enough I'm taking an abnormal psychology class right now, we had to read memoirs for extra credit assignments. I read the Buddha and the borderline and the unquiet mind . I see many characteristics of myself in both of these books. Currently my diagnosis is mood disord
  17. I posted something similar to this on another one of my favorite support sites, but would like to hear from this community on this issue. I recently went online to look at the summary notes my doctor posts after each visit and apparently I have five different diagnoses now! I found that almost funny, but mostly sad. I was wondering if anyone else had multiple diagnoses and how they felt about them. Mine are, according to this doctor: Schizoaffective disorder, unspecified condition - Primary Generalized anxiety disorder Borderline personality disorder Schizotypal personality disorder Anxiety d
  18. I literally joined this site two minutes ago, so this is my first post. Hi. I was diagnosed with "quiet" borderline personality disorder a year and a half ago when I was inpatient. The therapist and doctor there probably came to this diagnosis after having observed my cutting and purging behavior. Fast-forward to 2015, and I ended my therapy because: a. I felt worse every time I left the office; and b. I didn't believe I had this disorder. I felt that my cutting and purging was rooted more in a trauma I had about three years earlier than it was in something I had grown up with. Anyway, I'm re
  19. Since I have been diagnosed as borderline no matter what I tell the psychiatrist he just keeps putting it down to emotional disregulation and it's really starting to get to me! And the worst part is that this post is evidence of that.
  20. I've been taking Bupropion for about three weeks now and it makes me shaky, sometimes more than others. I've been prescribed Alprazolam, twice a day as needed, to help get through this. Anyone else have this issue, and, if so, does it ever seem to settle? Also, I know it has stimulant-like qualities, but I'm wondering if I'll get used to them.
  21. I once had BPD traits and now try to help two of my friends who still struggle with them a lot. The pessimism out there about what is possible for BPD is really challenging for them. I recently found some interesting research that is quite encouraging. Here is one study: http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=209673 The results of the 88 patients in this study were quite encouraging; many of them recovered to the point of no longer being diagnosable as borderline, and they had quite severe histories to start with. There is also this longitudinal study - http://www.borderlin
  22. At first they thought it was Bipolar II, but now they seem sure that it is Borderline. Lamictal seemed to be awesome when I started the initial 50mg a day dose. But maybe because I was in a "high" phase of my cycle. When the doctor took me up to 400 mg a day (afer a month), I devolped a delusional anxiety and fear so strong it was crippling my life. So he took me down to 200mg, and..I'm only a little bit better. I know people say to "stick it out" with the Lamictal, but I'm now so dependent on Clonazepam just to be able to look out the window, even. I've stuck this out for
  23. My fiance works overnight shifts and a second part time job on some days. He sleeps about as much as I do (it is hard to get sleep with a newborn baby), anywhere from 4-8 hours with 6 being the norm. He is typically very energetic and working like this never put a strain on him before. Even when we first brought the baby home from the hospital, he was so excited. He was very happy. I watched him almost entirely by myself while he worked overnight and then came home and got plenty of sleep. Of course I don't mind it this way because I can take a few classes and not worry about working, giving m
  24. I think I'm just making life harder for myself. So I lost my job about 3 mths ago and then all this shit came out that the reason I was excluded/treated like shite at work was because my supervisors and 2up didn't like the way I look. could have pushed for unlawful dismissal but had just filed a sexual assault with the police so I didn't have any fight left in me. Which is probably why I let the bf push for us to get a dog (I'll get to that). Anyway, I've been getting progressively worse over the last few months, maybe since October ish last year if I'm honest, and I've been taking fluoxe
  25. I need an advice because i can’t think straight anymore and I don’t understand why I feel the way I do. I started having a relationship with a guy who used to be my friend. It took me years to see him as something else then a friend and it all happened so fast that I didn’t know what hit me. Sometimes I still can’t believe that we are together. At the beginning everything seemed to be more or less ok, he was living in another city and we were seeing each other every second week during weekends. But then he started coming more often and each time he came he stayed longer, until we basi
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