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  1. This seems most indicative of BPD, but pdocs tell me I don't meet major criteria for it. I have no previous symptoms of: SI, suicide attempts, impulsive behavior, no addictions or eating disorders, no delusions, black/wt thinking, no manias) I have held longer-term (2-5 year) romantic relationships. Pdocs have thrown every med at me for 2 decades. Nothing is really making a lot of improvement. I have no adequate diagnosis, because I don't (completely) meet the formal criteria for any one disorder, but traits from many. I've been previous diagnosed with: Major Depression with dysthymia (wi
  2. I suffer horrific periods. They cause me a lot of pain. The biggest difficulty however is my mood before and during. I become profoundly depressed. I mean don't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week depressed. Suicidal depressed. I cannot stand it. My entire life shuts down once a month. Combined with my rapid mood cycling with borderline, it's a hell storm. I have tried every brand of birth control available to me. Every single one has made me go off the rails. My doctor has written me a prescription for the IUD Mirena, claiming that because it releases different types of hormones, it shouldn't mess with
  3. Had a tiny fight with my psychiatrist, he seems to be dobuting my diagnosis. In the hospital they tried to say i was bpd with bipolar, but my psychologist says i cant be bpd and even my psychiatrist used to think im not. I dont have any bpd traits other than emotional inestability. Anyways im mad bc people dobut my psychotic symptoms he thinks is just something from my imagination or something "typical" from me. Im mad bc the new medication is not working and now i have panic attacks i didnt had before. The hospital kinda helped kinda made things worse. I feel like my doctor has left me behin
  4. Hey there! Long time no post and I wanted to pop in and get chatting about something that's recently cropped up for me and got me thinking about things. So I'll cut to the chase. I've recently been enrolled in some group therapy after a few years of no meds/therapy/contact with mental health services. After the group I had a chat with the therapist running it and explained about the intense mood changes I'd been having etc. Anyway, she put me in touch with someone who gave me a phone assessment and the questions asked seemed to be the checklist for Borderline. She then said, "ah yes it so
  5. My fiance has been losing weight recently. He's down 20 lbs and is like 228 lbs now. I've gained weight, but it was also that time of the month. I kinda go after chubby dudes as is, and always worry if they weigh less than me I become unnattractive. His affection towards me hasn't really gone down, it's stayed the same really. I tell him my concerns of me gaining while he's losing, and he says he'll love me no matter what. And that he also doesn't want me skinnier, he just wants me to be happy. But, at the same time he thinks my best friend is too big, [she's considered a SSBBW i'm a BBW if an
  6. Hello everyone! Where to begin... I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with some avoidant traits. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since elementary school (I am 22 now). Up til this point, I have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers and passed around from therapist to therapist. I was heavily self- harming and abusing alcohol and other substances. A few months ago, I was sent to yet another center after a suicide attempt. Let me tell you, it changed my life. I was introduced to DBT, which has truly saved me. I am finally on th
  7. As is common in BPD, I have a major fear of abandonment. It used to be worse than it is. When I was left alone, I used to scream and cry and cut myself and generally be horrifically miserable. Now, I don't do any of that, but I'm still afraid she's just not going to come back. I want to text her, but I don't want to be so needy. How do you reassure yourself? I've been married for 18 years, I know my wife isn't leaving me, but I can't stop being afraid and wanting to be reassured.
  8. I recently started a partial hospitalization program, and I see a new psychiatrist while I'm in the program. This pdoc diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, and says I don't have schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type. I can believe the BPD as I read the symptoms and I relate to them a lot, explains a lot, but I'm having a hard time believing I don't have schizoaffective disorder as I've had this diagnosis for 8 years and have had three regular pdocs say I had this disorder. I know you can't diagnose me and I'm not asking you to, but for those of you who have BPD or traits of BPD
  9. It's been a little over two weeks since I broke up with him. Right now I'm still on a roller coaster of emotions, from happy to depressed to angry. Everyone I know is happy I split up with him, they don't understand how hard it's been for me. With the holidays everyone has been busy and I barely have anyone I can talk to about it. It just all around sucks. I met him in May, when he moved into my building (lesson #1: don't date anyone in your apartment building). His reputation in town preceded him and I went out of my way to avoid him. I knew his sister and mother, whom are both schizophr
  10. Sorry if this has been posted before, tried searching and couldn't find anything. ^^; So BPD has been bought up a few times over the years in conversations with GPs, but I've always run away from the diagnosis and strongly denied it (I guess due to a lot of misunderstanding as to what a BPD diagnosis would actually mean, I guess). Recently I was trying to explain what goes on in my head to a housemate, and he bought up that "it sounds a lot like borderline". Turns out he was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, so we had a good talk about it, and I must admit, it makes a lot of sense.
  11. hello, new here. i found the board by googling two of my meds interactions. went to my psych today and got a new med... read about two of my meds interaction and lowkey i'm terrified lol. list of all drugs/substances i take once a day, all in the morning: 300mg bupropion qd 400mg lamictal qd 10mg generic zyrtec "women's" multivitamin 5000mg biotin birth control pill as needed: 30mg zenzedi OR adderall. i only take half at a time, and not every day, though i do most days 5mg ambien (take ~5x a week) my depression has been ter
  12. To start this off, I'd like to say that this is my first post, although I have been reading this forum for years. Also, I have never been diagnosed with BPD, although I strongly believe I have it. No counselor has ever confirmed a diagnosis, but then again I've never stuck with the same therapists for more than a handful of sessions. (Are there really decent counselors out there?) So, I guess my question goes out to those who do have BPD or have similar tendencies. I have always struggled with fearing people are lying to me, although sometimes it seems more all-encompassing than other time
  13. Been awhile since I been here, a lot has happened in the last few months. I got engaged, my fiance was in jail for 2.5 mo, and it sucked. Now, he's back. We fought the first three days or so, cause we hadn't been around one another. Fighting's died down, but my jealousy issues are back and fucking kicking. Lovely, I know. Even with his checking out other woman or liking porn at times. I get a fear when we get married he'll find someone prettier and better, and leave me. Do I think he'll ever cheat? No. Leave? Maybe. He says he loves me will never leave, unless I do som
  14. I'm on a bunch of stuff, I probably should have put this in the cocktail forum, but it seemed most appropriate here. I'm on Remeron 60MG/day for depression, which I started in last December (and was on from May to August 2015 with great efficancy) and 15MG combined of ER/IR Dexedrine for ADHD (completely changed my life, I was so fatigued/exhausted/uninterested in everything before). Recently, with the fact that my father is diagnosed with BPD and I have exhibited some symptoms of cycling, my psych/doctor and I decided that with the changing season (as I usually have a bad reaction in cyc
  15. Hello. After trying zoloft, prozac, abilify, and latuda, I was prescribed seroquel for bpd/depression. I am nearly 3 weeks (19 days to be exact) into and I'm not liking it at all. I have no energy or motivation, really hard to wake up, feel like im almost in a dream, and also experiencing constipation/stomach bloating (triggering body image problems). I am wondering how long I should stay with it to see if the side effects go away. I was thinking 1 month, as my next psych appointment will be right around the 30 day mark. However, I kind of want to stop taking it now, but i dont want to qu
  16. Hi ! I've been diagnosed with BPD, but I have symptoms that are not those of someone with BPD and it's freaking me out. I was 13 when I first heard voices telling me to self harm and kill myself. They disappeared for about 3 years, and now they're back, telling me the same things as before, plus telling me everybody lies to me and wants to leave me. I also experienced homicidal ideation, it stopped and it's coming back, but stronger than before. Like I have plans in my head and if I stay close to people I panic and get tense because I fear I might act on these thoughts. I h
  17. Hi folks ! First of all, I'm French and learning English, so tell me if I made mistakes That said, here's my presentation. My name's Dylan, I'm 16 (17 in August) and I live in France (thanks Captain Obvious). I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I have panic attacks, from time to time I hear voices and I think I have PTSD (I've been raped but I don't wanna explain everything in a presentation.) I'm addicted to selfharm and cigarettes, and sometimes I smoke weed (ends most of the time with a depersonalisation + derealisation.) I'm also
  18. I have been doing extremely well in the psychosis department, but what bothers me is this... I am currently on two depots (both are every 4 weeks, but two weeks apart--strange, I know) I feel like I couldn't have possibly ever been ill, especially because people have had it worse than I. I feel like I never had a problem. Like it all was a lie or something. Which brings me back to my feelings that I've only woken up yesterday, for the first time in my life, and nothing in my life was ever real. Perhaps it is derealization but I am not sure. My meds are well in order from what I can
  19. I've not really been on in awhile. So, some things have changed though. I finally stopped accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me. Literally, one day I just told myself I was going to stop. And I did. When I would begin to worry, I would ask myself if he was actually at work late (and if I didn't believe myself, I'd call. If he didn't answer his cell, he was at work. If I needed more assurance. I called his work, which they don't really care if I just ask if he's about to leave.) He's even given me his time cards (they bring them home everyday.) And he made a good point, he goes to work,
  20. hello. i also need help with,, bipolar like symptoms i have mood swings at the tiniest things. i'm so happy! i feel so great, im talking alot and being happy but then all of a sudden i cant do something i want to do and i drop super bad and then even five minutes after id be happy again i have bad relationships with people and i. feel like people hate me if they dont laugh loud enough at a joke i tell. i have paranoia that everyone talks about me and how bad i am and that they're all lying. i have bad relationships were i usually obsess over a certain person, and i never really hang
  21. i've been gone for a good minute, over the holidays i moved, after my eviction, i met a wonderful man, who i'm already having my worries about. he's 22 years older, 42, i'm 20. was born in the 70s, lived mostly through the 80s to well of course now, and i'm already having my doubts....like normal. fuck anxiety. really. always worrying about if he's being faithful, if he'll leave, if he loves me, or i love him, what's going to happen for/with us? the main two questions REFUSING TO STOP MAKING GOD DAMN CAMP IN MY HEAD "do i really love him?" "is he being faithful?" the
  22. Hi, I was questioning if I might have Complex PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder. I'll start out about my life. I was born sensitive and raised by helicopter parents (In which I am now 22 years old). I had a good, disoriented early childhood, but everytime that I did something wrong, I would get spank, yell, threatened or shouted. My father has ADHD, and dropped out in Grade 7 and My mother has MS, GAD, and Depression, dropped out in Grade 11, (but got her GED 25 years later). My father was nice, and took me out for a drive, but when I did something wrong, I would get yelled, then ge
  23. I really hope this is a good area of the site to put this, sort of a rant, sort of not. But probably, more or less a rant. Living where I do, it's next to impossible to find a place to rent, a room that is. My boyfriend and I are so limited on funds we wanted to rent a room from someone, so we could start saving for a car and our own place of course. I'm tired of hitting a damn brick wall with everyone though, because it's two of us, and not one a lot of people wanna hike the rent up a couple hundred, not one, not two, but like three, four, maybe possibly more - if you're willing. They wa
  24. A friend just showed me this site. You guys, I really didn't know. Like, I knew, but.. no. Everyone feels negative and depressed and anxious, and I am just being dramatic, and emotional, but emotionally absent when it counts. My thought process is sporadic. I have been in therapy for 8 years. Never once did I consider that NOBODY else thought the standard "Do you have access to weapons?" questions were hilarious. I answered "no" because I assumed they meant guns, or something. Um, hi, if I wanted a weapon, this pen will do, butterknife, literally any room. I would find someth
  25. So my pregnant cousin fucking lied about and used me to get her fucking baby shower planned. And like I'm pissed. I wanna fucking cut her baby out of her stomach and make her eat it. Which like obviously I get that that's extreme and I'm not going to do and also she lives far away so ew driving. But like I wanna. Because birch fucking used me to manipulate other people. I wanna slit her throat.
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