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Found 8 results

  1. I'm a nubie. My loving finance is challenging me to focus my broken drug addled mind on using this site as a tool to cope with my many mental illnesses. Right now each breath is painful, a slow deep desperate attempt to pull life into these charred and abused lungs. I'm fighting a very nasty persona who comes in and out of focus with demeaning insults, and attempts to surface and take consciousness so she can ruin my life, steal my man and then kill me. I haven't slept. I've missed so much work because of my MI that I fear calling in today will be my last straw. And for that I'm drowning in shame and disappointment in myself. After years of looking for help I finally started groups. Started seroquel on my own because mental health treatment in my town is disgusting. I was making progress. Going to work, going to group, drinking less and anger was in the backseat instead of passenger. I could see the improvement in just 2 weeks. Then my anger grabbed hold after I felt left out and ignored by people who I value dearly. And that was it. My world crumbled. My progress halted. I fought for something I believe in. Someone i believe in. It cost me in a devastating way, but i knew the price and was desperate to do what I thought I had to do. And here i am. Strung out..full of self loathing. I'm fighting off a crazed version of me manifested by self hate. I'm hiding from a lanky man in a flannel that doesn't speak and looks closer and closer to decomposing every time he shows up. Images of me being murdered by the most important adult in my life compulsively pop in my head. And I'm fighting the urge to seize violently and self harm. God please make this stop.
  2. Self harm is very addictive and it becomes an addiction at times and something that is so difficult to stop. Sometimes I wish I never started but now I just can't stop. Cutting has been a real struggle for me and I just relapsed and now everything seems to be depressed for me. I just wish that I wouldn't have to live with this addiction anymore. If any of you can relate, feel free to add your struggles too. Thanks.
  3. Who keeps breaking chat? Different error message today.
  4. My latest depressive episode which has spanned ~3 weeks now is finally lifting (I think). But all I see in front of me are the broken pieces I have to put back together with all the wasted time that's passed by. It's been a nightmare of a 3 week vacation. I can't even believe it's already almost August. This is nothing new; but I am now 23 and responsibilities are pilling up so fast that these low points are really taking a toll on all aspects of my life. It just gets harder and harder and I'm just not sure how I can maintain a steady life like this. This has been the absolute lowest point in my life. Last friday I lost control and stopped answering my phone. My dad, mom, and grandma kept calling all weekend and I didn't answer any one of them. Then I finally texted my mom and told her that I didn't want to see or talk to anybody, I just felt so miserable. I'm so sure they are trying to figure out what to do. ---- I graduated in May and had planned an intense job hunt this summer. Since then I've only gotten about 18 apps out, with only 3 companies responding with a "thanks but no thanks". I feel so desperate right now, but I should not even have gotten to this point. I KNOW what I want to do, I KNOW which companies I'm interested in, I have connections etc. My degree is in Healthcare Administration and I seriously (not trying to sound like a nerd) love it. I want to eventually be in a administrative position in a hospital, but that is more a long term goal. For now I'm just looking at offices and consulting firms. Blah, I'm rambling sorry. I just needed to vent cause I have a lot of stuff to do right now.
  5. ACC_gal

    wrist arthrogram

    From the album: ACC and related issues

    another view of my TFCC tear ( the leak between the two bones.. radius and ulna) looks like a thin white line.
  6. From the album: ACC and related issues

    I had surgery november 7th of 2012 to fix this issue.. it was caused by the way I use my hands.. bad joinst and ACC go hand in hand.. BAD pun here LOL.
  7. Faye

    hallelujah

    From the album: Love

    I am Christian, but that doesn't mean that life is any easier for me. I am struggling with self injury and depression which is to say I am a broken and imperfect person too. But the reason I am still living is because of Jesus, and what he did on the cross for me. The fact that He loves me so much keeps me going. So I just want to say, He loves you so much too, and wants to see you free from whatever you are going through. Life is a journey, and there will be extremely hard times. But I know there is a great plan for you, even though we can't always see it. <3
  8. Hey everyone. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I. I also have ADD and slight anxiety. I was fired from my 5 1/2 year job in Dec. First time ever in my 44 years of life being fired. In July I was fired from my new job. Collecting unemployment both times... so I am at a crossroads in my life. After being fired twice from a field I have 14 years experience in, but don't really enjoy anyway, I am wondering what career I'll pursue from here. In 2009 I began getting mental health help and was diagnosed. Following that I found myself in an abusive relationship. Shortly after that I was put into IOP (Intensive Outpatient). Also diagnosed as Codependant (or however you spell it). During that time I learned alot with CBT, group settings, and twice a week visits to monitor my meds. By summer 2010 I was on track. Since I've lost my job, I lost my insurance. No meds..... from bad to worse. I've found a place that charges based on a sliding scale according to what you earn. I just want my meds back. Now I have to go to group twice a month, see a therapist twice a month, and meet a new phsych. Who knows what meds they will give me. Anyway... They have put me in DBT groups. Not so sure I like it. I'm not BPD... these people I'm in group with are much sicker than I am.... Well, as of right now, that's where I am in my journey. Not sure how crazy I am, but I'm sure society thinks I'm a fruit loop. I do and have felt broken most of my life. Like a toy firetruck who's siren sounds like a dog barking instead of a siren.... Wondering if I can ever lead a "normal" life even with my manufacturer's defect. Miss317
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