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Found 8 results

  1. I am being targeted and bullied by my neighbors where I live. I currently live in an independent living home. I am the youngest one here (67 years old). Other neighbors who live in my building admitted that I have been singled out and targeted by the bullies that live here. It seems that no matter where I live, I get singled out and bullied. Must be something I am doing. In my new independent living home, there are groups of women that stick together and have scheming get-togethers. I was invited to one and never went back. Unfortunately before I discovered one such neighbor was a party to all this, I had confided in her. She roped me in very easily. I am alone and isolated and there is no support in my life. So, I am easy target. I also am a nice person who does not have the ability to actively hurt someone. I try to get away from these groups (I call them the axis of evils), I put their calls on block so they can no longer text me, I unfriended them on Facebook (I no longer go there anymore). If they don't talk to me once a week, they will send out an alert to go and find me or they will call the cops and to do a welfare check on me. They bang on my door at all hours and yell my name thru the door to get me to come to the door, then they bust in almost knocking me over and sit down for a "chat". While they are chatting they start taking pictures of my cat and my apartment. I should have asked why they were taking pictures inside my apartment, but I dissociated and could not defend myself. I no longer allow them in my home. I won't talk to them over the phone nor text them, nor return their phone calls. The next time they call in a welfare check on me, I will cite them for harassment with the police when they show up. This group of women have admitted to me they are mean and will take action against others who live here if they don't like them, which I have witnessed. So, for now, I walk on egg-shells around them. I stay away from everyone now, keep my blinds closed and don't answer the phone unless I know who it is calling me. My psych doc upped my maintenance medication and added new medication. He's been calling me frequently to see how I am. I do live with sui*ide ideation, so he's worried about me. Unfortunately I am living in Section 8 Housing, so moving is very difficult to do. So, just trying to keep myself safe from the "Axis of Evil". Needed to vent to get it out there what I am living with. Thank you for reading.
  2. What do you think? Compares PTSD to long term effects of bullying.
  3. In December I moved into a independent senior home compromised of 184 residents from living in a regular apartment. I am the youngest here at the age of 65. It can be depressing most days seeing all the aging and what happens to them. It seems the ambulance comes around the clock here. I finally had to put up room darkening curtains as the red lights from the ambulance kept waking me up at night. Sooooo.... I joined two groups here right off the bat. One was a Bible study group and the second one is a crochet/knitting group. I was bullied or chased out of the the Bible study group by members in the knitting group and elected to stay in the crochet/knitting group. The purpose was to learn how to crochet, so I have been enduring bullying from the members there almost daily. Little did I know I made a huge error in leaving the Bible study group. Of all the 8 members in the crochet/knitting group, all of them are extreme bullies. I do not drive, nor do I have a car, but they all go out together and do not include me but they talk about their outings in front of me. The members do not see me as being disabled, they see me as being the weakest link in the group, or so I was told. Not one day goes by that I am not bullied by a member there. So, I dropped out of the crochet/knitting group. There is one last group, a card game group that meets once a week and one member that always comes late bullies me in that game. I am almost ready to give up on that one. Being elderly, disabled and not in the greatest of shape makes it hard to make friends. I now sleep almost around the clock and isolating to avoid being bullied. I have never had keen social skills and miss social clues. My only outings are doctors appointments and I am feeling more and more depressed. I do not have access to psycho therapy as my HMO limits visits there to only 40 minutes once a month. This is a familiar theme in my life. My family of origin bullied me, my ex- husband did the same and it seems I must be wearing a sign "kick me, I'm weak". I feel trapped, isolated, bullied and my self esteem is really hurting right now. Thank you for listening to my vent, I just needed to talk about what's going on with me now. Purple
  4. I've recently re-started my journey to lose weight and get fit. This time in a healthy way by counting my calories and working out. While jogging for the first time I had three separate people during the hour long route called me 'fat' 'fatty' 'fat bitch' and other things I couldn't make out as I ran on by. But I haven't been out jogging since these assholes decided to be, well, assholes. For the past few days I've made up excuses (I'm way to tired and sore, my boyfriends mum is coming to stay, it's too late now, etcetc) and then thinking on it it's really just the fact I got insulted by complete strangers. Also it's settling into winter in New Zealand and everything seems rainy and bleak. Just like the people in this damned city : Fucking people, man. Augh.
  5. Trigger warning: Cptsd, bullying, self harm, alcoholism, disordered eating, depression, Aspergers syndrome, suicide Hi all I was wondering if I have some Complex PTSD as a result of my experiences with bullying at school. I plan to maybe bring this up with my pdoc next time I see her but I don't want to seem like I'm just looking for diagnosis as excuses. I'm also a bit worried that my parents could be upset and guilty about my bullying even though it's not their fault as I hid it throughout my schooling. I coped fine at school and did well at my school work. The fact that I was being bullied and rejected by my entire school year did not affect me that much. In my first school where I was bullied I would escape to the library or play along with their game of running away from my "Rosie germs". This continued in my next school and High school where children would run away from me at lunchtime I tried to sit with them. Despite this I would persevere blaming myself for it happening. I can't remember a lot of my bullying in primary or high school. I know I was bullied from year 3 until year 9 or 10 as I can remember some incidents and the general things they used to do as well as hiding it from my parents and teachers. However I found a report detailing some incidents in primary school that I have no recollection of. This included: having stones thrown at me, children holding their breath as my parents walked through the school, having my buddy changed because she was related to one of my tormentors Having children move away if I tried to sit with them. Incident's I can remember are: being "accidently" wacked in the chest with a paddle at sport, having bricks put in my school bag, being hit numerous times by my high school "friends" having my friends at primary school tell me they couldn't be friends with me, Sitting alone every lunch time Having my high school friends tell a teacher to get me away from them. Despite all of this by the time I had finished High school I had looked to be a well adjusted student ready to move on to university. However when I moved to uni I struggled to believe that the group I had made friends with really liked me so I only met up once a week when we would go out. As a result I became very isolated. I also started to use alcohol to deal with my growing social anxiety as well to be able to take away some of the numbness I felt. As part of my social anxiety I was hyper vigilant and paranoid in my interactions with others. I also began to question the meaning of life and reality. I tend to go between extremes. I generally have a super organised routine or I have none at all. I am either very excitable, neutral or very upset and when I get upset it happens very quickly and I find it hard to calm down. This is probably part of my Aspergers though. So while I had a good routine in the first half of the year it started to slip and fell apart very quickly. I toyed with the thought that I had depression but assumed I was just lazy. I began to deal with the stress of assignments by looking up ways to kill myself if I failed. I did end up seeing a councillor and my doctor who diagnosed depression. As my alcoholism became worse I started to self harm and attempt overdoses but never took enough to harm me. I also began to binge and purge which eventually turned into restricting however I stopped before developing an eating disorder. In terms of dissociation or depersonalisation I often try and reject reality by escaping into books and TV shows. I often philosophically question reality and its meaning to the point where I get distressed. My questioning of reality also contributes to my lack of motivation. There have been times when I have been really depressed where I have felt out of my body and being on auto pilot. In terms of my perception of myself I have very low self esteem and hate myself and everything that I have become. I think I am a horrible ugly, disgusting person and I have a tendency to feel guilty and blame myself for everything that happens. I have a hard time trusting that others really like me. I automatically assume that people will hate me and if I don't please them or make a mistake in something I say/do they will hate me. I often feel trapped and that there is no way I will ever get out of this and move on with my life. I always thought that I would go to uni and be very successful as I was intelligent and good at doing my work. However now I struggle to do any work and I think I am dumb and stupid. So that’s about all I can think of at the moment do any of you think that I may have CPTSD. I know you're not health professionals but having experienced it yourself it would be good to get a perspective on this before I decide whether to bring it up to my pdoc.
  6. First let me say that it is a pleasure to meet all of you. It's a hopeful experience to enter this website. I hope to learn how to better manage my symptoms with your help, and to be of help to you if possible. About me: I am 54 years old, have struggled with these symptoms my entire life. It goes something like this. Sometimes I am OK: can go out, enjoy people, do well at a job. The meltdowns usually start with the job. Difficulty getting tasks done, perhaps due to attention problems. As the deadlines go whizzing by, the anxiety starts to spill over into friendships and relationships. Start missing work. I lose the job, become very depressed, isolated. When depressed, I am an easy target for bullies. The family bullying has been life long, first from my parents, then from my brothers and sisters. The bullies in my family are merciless, have boundless cruelty, are imaginative and dedicated to their craft. It is a very unusual situation. They have bullied other relatives but not to the extent they get to me. It is as if they studied the PTSD manual and follow it's instructions: they use shock, humiliation, gaslighting. I avoid them, purge them from my life, and have done a fair job since 2004, but they always find a way to get to me, for example, through my cousins, or by calculating their actions at a funeral. I'll describe the bullying in more detail in another post. It is very unusual and shocking and has shaped my life. The ptsd and depression has left me homeless three times, once in a very low state of functioning on the streets of Washington DC. I am now on social security disability. At least I have a small room now, but it is very isolation. My intrusive memories are almost always about the family bullying, with other life disasters playing a minor role. The frustrating part is that I am intelligent, have a good sense of humor, and am very good company when my symptoms are not on. Have lost so much of my life to these symptoms I want to preserve what is left. Ritalin helps with the comatose depression. Klonopin used to help with the anxiety but it is no longer prescribed. No other rx have helped. Your feedback is much appreciated.
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