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Showing results for tags 'calming'.
I'm on a bunch of stuff, I probably should have put this in the cocktail forum, but it seemed most appropriate here. I'm on Remeron 60MG/day for depression, which I started in last December (and was on from May to August 2015 with great efficancy) and 15MG combined of ER/IR Dexedrine for ADHD (completely changed my life, I was so fatigued/exhausted/uninterested in everything before). Recently, with the fact that my father is diagnosed with BPD and I have exhibited some symptoms of cycling, my psych/doctor and I decided that with the changing season (as I usually have a bad reaction in cycles that seem to correspond with the seasons, 90 day cycles, etc) that we should try Lamictal. We figured, worst case, it would help stabilize me going into the Winter and keep the more powerful depressive effects off of me (ideation, etc). I was kind of destructive last fall but in a different way than I am now... onto the thing: I just titrated up to 100MG of Lamictal last night. I was on 25MG for 2 weeks, then 50MG for 2 weeks, that kind of standard stuff. I was surprised we skipped 75MG but whatever. My doc asked me how I was when I went for my check up week 1 into 50MG and I said "punctual." For the first time in my life, I'm not late to anything. That was the most noticeable effect. When I was doing some part time work earlier this year, I had to wake up an hour earlier to make it to work on time, because it was just... monumental effort... to be on time. Now, it's nothing at all. Strange, strange things. Again, onto the thing I've been struggling with. While the punctuality is nice, I'm having another strange effect that I haven't been able to put my finger on. I almost want to say it is a sense of 'calm' or 'serene' but in a corrupted sense: I almost feel so calm I'm uncomfortable. I've been drinking recently to almost numb this 'numbing' sensation and feel something. But maybe It'll go away and I'll become more 'okay' with it. I've certainly felt more patient and less impulsive and reckless in the last couple weeks (aside from a few instances, which I guess I can attribute to Lamictal's' notorious rocky titration period.) I can't stand it though. It feels so uncomfortable and odd to feel this sense of NOT-anxiety and NOT-mania in my chest. Like, it overrides everything. I was talking with my step father about it when I went to visit my family last weekend, who is a recovered alcoholic, that I felt more calm and I think I was finally "nailing" what the sensation was, and he commented that I wasn't trying to match his somewhat manic energy. Usually I'd be raising my voice or pacing after him to try and maintain my train fo thought, but he said I was just being 'calm'. No jitters or leg shaking (although I've gotten that under control thanks to other things). I guess, my thread is really to ask, has anyone else felt this sensation? Do they have a word or name for it? Am I reacting poorly to the medication? Usually, like when I took risperdone, it was obvious IMMEDIATELY that I wasn't reacting well (ideation for the first time in my life, extremely pitted and depressive thoughts, the worst I've ever felt) or the effects are somewhat... pinnable. (Zoloft made it hard to orgasm. WB gave me drunk-vertigo, Adderall gave me heightened heart rate awareness (forget the word right now), Ritalin gave me rage and awful rebound memory loss (I forgot my PIN once and had to call my bank because the ATM locked me out)). Sorry for the long, long thread. I just had to put the thoughts somewhere, I think. I hope I hear back. Thanks.