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Found 12 results

  1. I'm in my twenties and a mixture of physical and mental illnesses has kept me from getting my degree thus far. For a while, the physical illness was the worst -- I would sleep 22 hours a day and be a zombie for the two hours I was awake. But now... I'm ready to go back to school. I was studying Mandarin Chinese before I dropped out and now I want to study Econ as well. Some people in my family seem hesitant, afraid that a double major in two relatively challenging subjects (hello, Chinese) might cause my mental illness to suffer and my stress level to rocket. But I love these subjects and I want to get my degree in them. How do I convince my family that I'll be okay? They're helping me out in the money department so I can't just go ahead and do whatever I want, unfortunately. My twin brother is currently getting his PhD in Physics and I'm so tired of feeling like a failure in comparison to him, too.
  2. Hey all, I have noticed that my memory has dwindled to zero these days. I had an evaluation done at the VA hospital memory clinic. They said they see no issue at all with my memory, but rather deduced that due to PTSD and daily pain I suffer, it is affecting my attention span, which in turn affects memory. I didn't have this issue like this last semester. It is awful. Anyone else with issues like this? Any tips? I need to pass. I am not doing a very good job because I cannot test well. I may spend 2 to 3 hours on homework and get very good grades, but my 1 hour allotted for tests is not a help.
  3. Does anybody know how many classes one can take in college and still be on disability? I know I need to ask someone in government to be sure, but I was hoping to get an idea before hand. I have an irrational fear of talking to anyone official or even trying to read their website.
  4. I'm nearly into my 3rd calendar year of study, but because I switched to part-time study due to various issues by the end of July 2014 I will have only completed 160/360 credits required to graduate with the degree.... i.e. less than half way through. I've discovered I can just about cope with 80 credits per academic year so in an ideal world I will be taking another 3 years to complete. I don't love the subject and every lecture a grind. The social anxiety makes labs and seminars virtually impossible and because of that my attendance is so poor they are threatening to kick me out. I have made absolutely 0 friends or even acquaintances on the course and I'm dreading next year when more group work is required. I cannot see myself working in the field this degree will qualify me for; then again I feel so shit and useless at the moment I can't see myself ever working anywhere. The Christmas holiday period has been disappointing as I've completed about 1/3 of the work I had hoped to (fatigue, lack of motivation, etc) and I REALLY needed to spend time catching up in some areas. Now the term start date is looming and I find myself thinking "what is the fucking point..." However despite all of that I have put a lot of time in and my grades are very good. Before I returned to studying I was long term unemployed and if I drop out of this I will be back to the same situation as I can't see myself being able to get (or cope with) a job right now. So I basically feel trapped as this studying isn't what I want to be doing but there are no other real options right now and doing something is better than nothing? Anyone in a similar situation?
  5. Hi I am a 21-year-old girl, and I experienced a psychotic break back in the beginning of September when I was still 20. I was diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis. I am now on the anti-psychotic Fanapt (4mg/day) and the anti-depressant Lexapro (15mg/day). I first started smoking when I was in high school, the summer into my sophomore year. I only smoked about once a week throughout high school, but I preferred drinking over smoking. This continued when I began college, where I rarely smoked weed my freshman year and instead got drunk multiple times per week. The summer into my sophomore year of college, I began smoking weed about every day (I was influenced by friends and a guy) and I experienced my first acid trip at a Phish concert. I had an incredibly wonderful time as I was with my two best friends and my guy. Later that summer I tripped on acid again, two times in two days at a music festival. Again I had a very pleasant experience. I smoked pot about two times a week when I returned to school in the fall. That winter break I went to another Phish concert on New Years Eve. That night I had a horrifying trip that would be extremely scary at moments and then pretty good at other moments, with the scary parts sneaking up on me throughout the night. I threw up that night twice while tripping, and I also got snapped at by a friend’s dog, which while tripping, looked like a monster was trying to eat me. Later that week, I experienced what I believed was a flashback, but instead of a dog trying to snap at me, I imagined my boyfriend snapped at me when he hadn’t. I thought I was going crazy and when I returned to school I had a hard time and did poorly in my classes. I kept overanalyzing everything and couldn’t understand why the bad trip had happened. I was down to smoking weed about three times a week while at school. When summer came around I was in much better spirits, and was smoking weed almost every day again. I went to a music festival and tripped acid for the first time since the bad trip, and I had a wonderful time. At moments while tripping, I thought that I heard someone calling my name, but no one was. I also tripped again two times in two days at a different music festival later in the summer. At this festival, I started believing that everything was happening for a reason and that everything was already planned out for me. I remember thinking to myself that if anyone had DMT, I would smoke it, and right after having that thought, someone popped up and said they had some, but I ended up not accepting their offer. As the summer continued more weird coincidences were happening that were freaking me out. I was fishing at camp one day, and when I would have a good thought, I would right away catch a fish, and I thought the universe was trying to send me messages. When I went back to school that fall, more weird things happened. I needed a hat to work at a food co-op, and I randomly found a great hat on the floor, which I thought I manifested with my mind. Then, one night I took one and half pills of a pain killer mixed with alcohol, and the next morning I woke up thinking I was completely crazy. I researched schizophrenia online, and noticed that one of the symptoms was hearing your name. I immediately thought not only was I schizophrenic, but that I was at a college where we were supposed to find out what mental disorder we had and that having schizophrenia meant I was a person of the future and had special powers. Later that night, I went to a concert with a friend, where I drank and smoked a lot. I went to an after party, where I had the choice of staying and meeting the band, or leaving with my ride. I chose the former, and stayed with a friend. My friend was my best friend’s ex boyfriend, and we started cuddling a little, and I started getting the paranoid thought that he had planned this encounter. The morning came, and a violent movie was playing on tv, and I suddenly thought I was in a killer’s house. Our ride wasn’t coming for another hour or so, and I called my parents and my old boyfriend saying how scared I was. My parents came to pick me up and brought me to a hospital, where I was released after a few hours because I explained I just wanted to try a few drugs for research purposes. My parents left me at school and went back home, but the next few days I went a little bit crazier. I was walking to class, when a large burst of wind came by and I felt as though the wind was telling me to not go to class. I then thought that there were going to be bombs on campus, and I ran back to my apartment. I went to a meeting that night for a club I was in, and when my friend said, “It’s hot in here,” I immediately thought we were all going to be in an oven and burn. I ran out of the meeting and ran around the main street. I decided to run to the metro, and get as far away from the city as possible. I hopped on a school bus with some kids I met at the metro stop, smoked weed with them, and ended up in another state. I left the kids at a diner we had stopped at, and called my sister who lived nearby to pick me up. I was extremely paranoid at this point, and I thought that people at the diner were going to try to kill me. When I got to my sister’s apartment, I thought that at midnight we were all going to turn into uncontrollable animals and that I would try to hurt my sister. I could not sleep because I also thought that the friend from the concert was trying to cut off my limbs in a parallel world that I would wake up to if I fell asleep. I stayed up all night, and in the morning when they tried to take me to the hospital, I started running around naked, and took a dump on my sister’s bathroom floor as a symbol of protest. Eventually an ambulance was called, and I was brought to the hospital, where no drugs were found in my system. I was brought back to my home state, and entered into a psych ward where I was put on Risperidol, but was changed to Abilify after my prolactin levels went up. I was still having delusional thoughts and was hearing messages through the tv and the radio even after I was released from the hospital. I was brought back to the psych ward because I was having incredibly excruciating migraines and threatened to kill myself. I was then put on Fanapt, and finally stopped having delusional thoughts around mid-October. Because I was upset about no longer being able to return to the school I was at and feeling as though I had lost my social skills, I was put on Lexapro in January to deal with my depression. The Lexapro seems to be working and I am no longer having suicidal thoughts. I will begin to be weaned off the Fanapt around the end of May, and I am applying to schools in my home state to return to in the fall. I know that I want to smoke weed again, but my psychiatrist says there is a chance I would go back into my psychotic state. I don’t feel delusional now, which I had been even the few months prior to the actual break, so I’m not sure if that would be the result. Anyway, I wrote this all just to introduce myself to the forum, and maybe hear from people who have had similar experiences. I’d also like to know if anyone had a psychotic break and continued to smoke pot after no longer having psychotic symptoms and what happened to them. Thanks for reading! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tl;dr: a couple of acid trips along with smoking a lot of pot led me to experience drug induced psychosis, so I ran away from college and am now back in my home state. I am recovering while taking fanapt, lexapro, and figuring out which school to go to while debating if I can ever smoke pot again.
  6. Hi everyone.. I'm not exactly sure how this works (this is my first time) but I guess I'll give it a shot. I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have a very low self esteem, insecurities etc.. I'm in college and I live with both of my parents and my brother. I don't like letting them see me because I feel like they will think I'm ugly and I start feeling pressure and tightness in my throat and chest when I have to be around people. I have anxiety attacks constantly throughout the day. I worry about every little thing in particular (school, the past, the future, and sometimes I worry about nothing at all) I feel the whole pressure and tightness in my throat right now writing this because I want it to sound right. I'll often get in a bad mood when I don't want to be around my family so they'll leave me alone because I worry too much about what they're thinking. Sometimes I will miss school because I fear something bad will happen that day and I don't want to be around people. (I guess I have some form of social anxiety) Sometimes it will get so bad I'll think about ending my life just so I won't have to go somewhere or do something. I want to be a doctor but I know my anxiety and insecurities are going to keep me from achieving that goal. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want it to stop and be normal. I don't want to worry about every little thing I'm doing or everything having to be perfect. My last psychiatrist tried several, and I mean several, antidepressants and none of them worked. They just made me tired, so I stopped going. I want to go to a new doctor but I don't want to go through taking more antidepressants. I want something that helps for once. What do I do?
  7. I am new to this site and wanted to get something off my chest and hear what you all feel about this situation. I am in my 4th year as an undergrad and will hopefully be graduating next year (or the semester after). I am majoring in General Studies with an emphasis in Math and Philosophy and I don’t know what to do with my life. To explain how I got to this point, I will talk about my past: I always did very well in school. In elementary, I was in the gifted and talented program and had good grades. Academics always meant a lot to me. In high school, I worked really hard because I wanted to graduate a year early with a 4.0. I did it. Going to college, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I took my usual core classes. When I got to trigonometry, I fell in love. I decided that math was the way to go since I did so well in that class, which was surprising because math never used to be my forte. By the time I hit calculus, I bombed. I worked so hard to understand the concepts, but I only got a C. This was an incredibly difficult thing to grasp, the mere fact that I could not achieve something I wanted so badly. At the same time, I was a math tutor and what I couldn’t believe was that I didn’t even remember the things I learned. I felt so embarrassed and my confidence was greatly diminished because the content I learned in math just escaped me. I had gone all the way up to linear algebra until I changed my major to General Studies. I had told myself that if I just took another class, I would understand it more. No, I had the same disconnect from myself and the math as I did in that first calculus class. Even though I had gotten a B in the future math classes, there was no way I understood the material enough to go out in the real world to get a job in a field that required math. Why was I unable to understand math? I wanted to know it so bad, and I still do. Although I have done a lot better mentally, my depression/anxiety is tied to this insecurity. I feel like a failure and I don’t know what my life will entail. I know I am young (20) and have plenty of time to think about it, but my problem is I want to do something BIG in this world. I am intelligent (despite the negative thoughts I have about myself in my mind) and want to make an impact in the time I have on earth. I think what I am searching for is an explanation for why I cannot grasp something I want so much, math. Do any of you have an answer for me? Am I not the only one who feels this way?
  8. I'm diagnosed as bipolar I with psychosis, but I'm putting this in the depression forum because I'm wondering how people with very severe depression deal with life. Honestly, this disease is ruining everything for me. I am currently a college student. I have been going to college for 3 years, but have failed numerous classes due to the last year of depression. When I came to college I was slightly manic and seemed to do well the first year. However, the death of both my parents and my grandfather (all this in one year!) triggered my worst symptoms : psychosis and depression. I'm not psychotic now, but I spend almost every moment that I'm not in class in bed staring at the ceiling. I have NO energy. I don't do the things I have to do, like homework,studying, housework, laundry etc. I don't do the things I *like* to do, either. I have plenty of games to play and movies to watch but I can't do anything at all. I don't socialize. I don't work on my goals such as losing weight and writing stories. All I manage to do is drag myself out of bed and go to class, then come home and stare at the ceiling all day. I barely do my assignments or anything. I've been to psychiatrists over and over and they won't help me. I've taken so many different meds I couldn't list them all but I know of at least 20 different kinds that I've tried. Therapy helped a little but 7 years of therapy still hasn't cured my illness and never will. How does someone like me manage to survive in the world?
  9. hey everybody, Ill try to make this short but I dont know if that will happen so I am finally seriously considering going to inpatient treatment... but I keep weighing the pros and cons and my doubts just overwhelm me. I dont have any 'plans' for suicide but I just really want to die. I dont want to be here anymore and I either cant sleep or sleep too much. I got 1 hour of sleep one night, then 7 the next, then 12, then 9, then 6. etc. I dont know the exact order because I cant remember anything at all. I just feel so sick and overwhelmed. I am so depressed. my room is an absolutely disaster. I havent done the laundry in 2 weeks or so so im digging through things to find t-shirts that I would wear years and years ago that I would normally not even want to be seen in outside the house (overlarge,strange colors, or just really worn in). I am a freshman in college and it is my first semester yay! BUT I am already failing 3 out of 4 of my classes I think. not entirely sure since my teachers dont exactly give progress reports like in high school. I could turn things around if I could only focus and have the motivation to do my homework. and SLEEP and do normal things. I have trouble even taking a shower everyday and when I finally do I end up taking at least 40 minutes. basically, I would love to kill myself but I dont want to hurt people that care about me. thats a good reason but the fact that it is the ONLY reason is not good. I mean I feel like I dont have a future and am doing everything I can just to be normal. I am actually really really good at acting normal in social situations. its pretty crazy. I have always smiled like crazy and I tend to somehow be able to laugh at things and joke but as soon as im alone I am so miserable. and now that I have been thinking about suicide this past week I feel a kind of releif. I find I am acting really happy around people even though I am trying to resist the idea of suicide. my family thinks im really fine other than telling me to clean my room. I even saw my therapist (that I see once a month) on friday and we chatted about unimportant topics and I told her how I was excited about things but that was all past tense. I just made it seem like it was present. I have so much trouble talking in therapy but I really need to. I am debating leaving a voicemail for her but when I grabbed the card it says the phone number for making apointments then the extension then the fax number. do I call the number for making apointments then dial the extension. I cant think. I cant even figure this simple thing out. plus its 2:15 in the morning... so... pros: can potentially feel okay/stable, might be able to turn my life around, ummmm...? idk. all I can think of are the cons. cons: will miss class (although im already failing) and have no idea how to restart my life, my family will worry so much. (they dont realize at all how bad I am), they might think its for attention, it might not work out, I dont know anything about how my health insurance will interact with it so its potentially expensive, I dont know if it goes on your record of any kind, my friends will wonder where I am but I dont know how to tell them or what to say, and over and over again all I can think of is school and my family.... also!!!: I was looking into a place somewhat near where I live (not saying where haha) and here is a link: http://sandiego.aurorabehavioral.com/psychiatric/adolescents.php and I was looking at it and it seems like a really good idea. I have no idea how long I would be there though. what do I bring? PS.... adolescent= teenager right. so 19 is acceptable? even though its an 'adult' age. ha sorry I just cant process anything now.
  10. HI Everyone, My name is Gabriel and I have Bipolar II, ADHD, GAD, and a mild form of narcolepsy. Normally I'd make my first post in the introductory section, but I thought it might be better to post this here since I have a relatively pressing question about college. Apologies in advance for the breach of etiquette. I'm currently enrolled in my second semester of college; I started in the Spring, and am now taking a summer math course. Given that I have been unable to successfully treat my ADHD due to adverse reactions (severe hypomania) to ADHD medications, and that I'm fortunate enough to be able to go through school without any debt, I thought it wise to take 9 credits a semester instead of the typical 12-16 credits characteristic of being a full time student. The idea was to give myself more time to study, thus negating the need for the high level of focus necessary to succeed while juggling a full course load. In order to graduate and receive my B.A. in a reasonable amount of time, I planned take attend school year round. By doing this, I would actually end up graduating in five years the same as if I were to take 12 credits a semester. Well the plan worked. I nailed all three classes (including an Honors class which included a separate service learning project), finishing the semester with a 4.0 gpa. This was done while going through terrible lamictal withdrawal as I was being tapered off my meds (still working on that). Despite of this, however, I was considered ineligible for certain achievements such as making the Dean's list. Normally I wouldn't care - I need to do whatever it takes for me to succeed. That's just the nature of my condition. With that said, I quickly began to wonder whether my current course schedule would make it hard to get into things such as, lets say - graduate school? Yeah. My goal in life at this point is to become a clinical psychologist. I've been relatively stable for a number of years, and I'm still fairly young (21) so I have time, plus there seems to be a horrible shortage of good shrinks out there. Not to mention, therapists who actually have an accurate idea of what it's really like to be a patient. With that in mind, I signed up for a full 12 credits this upcoming fall. I also asked my psychiatrist about trying an ADHD drug or two to see if it would help. She told me to think about it, and come back in a week. Is this a bad idea? Are graduate schools even going to care how many classes I'm taking a semester, or are they truly just going to focus on my grades and academic ability? I know I could definitely take on a full 12 credits, even without the added drugs, but I'm not entirely confident in my ability to do so while still maintaing the grades I have now. The four basic options I see myself as having now are as follows: 1. Keep doing what I'm doing. Finish the degree in 5 years, most likely with good grades if I keep this up, while being considered a part time student despite the full time effort. 2. Take the 4 classes, take the ADHD drugs, hope they work, try to get the same grades. 3. Take the 4 classes, no ADHD drugs, probably end up getting a B or two, might have to settle for a different major where graduate education isn't nearly as important. 4. Take the 4 classes, try and make it work despite of the odds. Thoughts, anyone?
  11. I've been in college since 2005. Yes...2005. It's 2012. It's ridiculous. And I'm still quite a ways away from graduating. I've taken semesters off, yes, because of deaths and other complications. But I always have the same problem. The beginning of the semester, I'm a huge overachiever. I still up front. I know all the answers. I ace every quiz or test I get my hands on. Then, I crash HARD. So much so that on more than one semester, I've had a 4.0 till I just refused to go to my finals which dropped them to failing grades. I'm able to handle 6 hours, 2 courses. But when I attempt to take 12 hours, 4 courses, I freak out at the end. I'm desperate to get it under control so I can live up to my potnetial. I'm also wondering if I could get some of those semesters overturned due to my diagnosis' that I have. Any and all input would be wonderful.
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