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Found 9 results

  1. I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated. P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
  2. Finally came clean with my psych. I am sitting here with boxes of the same item (3) of this and that, that I ordered online and don't even remember I ordered these items. I increased my credit line on my credit cards so I could spend more. I find when I am up late at night I order, order, order and don't remember the next day what I ordered until I get an email that an item is coming. I can't leave my home due to panic and high anxiety. I have to stop spending or I am heading for bankruptcy. My psych doc just started me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg - very low dose due to sensitivities to medication) at night and Abilify during the day. I had taken myself off all my meds and don't know why. I have been having confusion, dissociation, fear of leaving my apartment, insomnia, fear of my mind falling apart. So, with the encouragement of a friend, I came clean and told my psych doc everything that was going on. I feel embarrassed, but I do need help and apparently I can't manage all this alone. He did not judge me, he knew something was amiss due to all the vmails I leave on his answering machine. Thinking back, I have gone thru several traumatic events and this could have probably kicked all this off. I am not in therapy just yet, but I need to be. So, thought I would start here for help navigating all this. Here is the list of the traumas I have gone thru over the past 12 months: witnessed and stopped a brutal assault and went to criminal court as a witness, witnessed the sudden death of a close friend, then right after that went thru a forced move to an apartment I do not like, then had a liver biopsy, have been thru numerous doctors trying to find out what my medical condition is, now I have an impacted kidney stone and facing more surgery, tore my meniscus in my knee but can't get to the ortho for treatment, lost 40 pounds due to not eating and having nausea with all the pain I have had. I only sleep 3-4 hours a night, so hoping the Seroquel will help me get my sleep hygiene back in tact. Hoping the Abilify will help with mood stabilization and anxiety/panic control. Those are my medication goals right now. Thank you for listening.
  3. How am I supposed to feel when I'm labeled crazy or not normal? A confident told me I'm not normal. Naturally at first I felt defiant, nah that ain't me. But when it hits and you start to believe it, loneliness becomes reality. Invisble barriers start to form. A pinge of panic sets in. Obviously you can't share crazy with just anyone, it has to be another self-identified crazy person. And that same person that called you crazy gives you support then takes it away suddenly to see if your marriage will fail because you are crazy and your normal husband cant handle/help you. I dont know where I'm getting with this. I felt hurt. Anyone want/need to rant about being labeled insane? What is your story?
  4. I just started Busar yesterday (2.5 mg twice a day) and am experiencing a terrible headache accompanied by blurred vision, dizziness, and thinking difficulties. It basically feels like the front of my brain is in a headachy fog. I wanted to know 1) Has any one else experienced this with Buspar and how long did it take to go away? 2) How do you continue taking medication when it feels like you're poisoning your body? - Is it worth it? Does it go away?
  5. So this is my first post here as I just sort of need to feel as though I'm not the only one... So I haven't always had a bad memory but it has started to worsen in the last few years from a-level onwards. It never worried me, I suppose it was a slow progress and there were just some 'off-days' where I couldn't remember things but it was always a joke. But its gotten worse, I forget my boyfriends name (we've been going out for 2years now), I forget what my brother looks like, conversations that apparently happened a week ago I have no recollection of. And now, and the main reason Im posting, is because I can tell if something happened or if it was just a dream - and I don't mean from childhood, I understand about fake memories. But these are different I wake up and I'm so unsure as to what happened the previous day and whether I have actually dreamt it, and after asking my friends /family/boyfriend it would seem as though most of my memories that I have from the previous day are incorrect... I hate it, I try to focus on my memories to decipher what's going on but everything is so fuzzy, its like I'm trying to watch tv without my glasses, and it always leaves me with a massive headache... I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and its worsening my symptoms, all I want to do is curl up in bed and ignore the world. Anyway sorry for the long post just needed to explain myself... I'm just so confused and I've tried looking into it but nothing relates, it makes me feel so alone. Anyway just let me know your experiences and thoughts.
  6. Tip

    Thought Knot

    From the album: Tip's Mind 1

    This one is about when my thoughts are all twisted and knotted and I'm having lots of anxiety. My thoughts are twisted into a knot.
  7. Hey All. I just went out last night for the 2nd time with a guy I am interested in, and I am worried that he didn't kiss me or make really any moves despite him seeming interested and my best efforts to show interest. For starters, I have a hard time with being insecure in the first parts of any "relationship" or "dating" situation-- for all I know, it wasn't even a "date" at all. I feel pathetic because I'm 30 years old and don't "understand" how to date. I have been in two long term relationships (5 years and 4 years, respectively) since age 16, and for any of my other shorter dating experiences, all of the first kisses have sadly occurred while we were both extremely drunk so it just "happened" (even with the long-term guys) without any tension, anxiety, or forethought. The one exception to this is the last guy I dated about two years ago (who was supposedly "in recovery", hence the not drinking, but he also lies about everything and stole my benzos, so I can't trust anything about that situation). He was a very assertive, charismatic person that had no problem knowing exactly the "right" moves to make at the "right" now, moved very quickly, and in essence was a sociopathic "player" that ended up being emotionally abusive and highly unpredictable with regard to affection, attention, contact, etc. (Sorry to throw around clinical terms, but that ex and I are both therapists, and he even self-described himself, I thought jokingly at first, as being a "sociopath.") That was my last relationship, and so I am especially sensitive to rejection and not knowing the "rules" of a new situation. (Yeah, I know there aren't really "rules," but I wish there were because I wouldn't be so confused and anxious.) I thought I was over having abusive relationships, but that last one snuck up on me (yeah, I've been working on it in therapy for a long time, but trying to date in general is bringing a whole new element to my insecurity.) So this guy, I had originally met him at my new job I started 6 mos ago, and he had just given his notice and now works elsewhere, so we worked together for about 3.5 weeks weeks total. We re-connected on FB (my initiation), starting talking more and more, and decided to hang out. First time was just a casual day thing (hiking, in which he brought his dog), so its understandable no kissing happened then, though we did hug. He ended up following up that "date"/hang-out session with a text (2 hours later) referencing something we said while hanging out, which led to a 1.5 hour text convo. We went out yesterday, late afternoon into evening (bowling-- we didn't want to stop, intended to play just like 2 games but played 6 or 7 due to having too much fun), then dinner-- he had found a veg restaurant, which I thought was nice b/c I'm vegetarian and I'm surprised he remembered that.) He paid for everything (except I bought the second beers at the bowling alley-- we both only had 2 that whole night, which is good), despite me offering to pay for half or different portions (like he paid for bowling, so I tried to pay for dinner. When I tried to pay for dinner, he said, something like, "No, I got this, you can get it next time...well if..." and then changed the subject. Through gestures, body language, flirting, etc, I tried my best to convey interest throughout the night. We never ran out of anything to talk about, but I was a little quieter in the car ride home because I was nervous about the possibility of kissing, but we still kept the convo going. Then he dropped me off, and it felt weird and awkward, at least on my end-- I thought he would at least hug me like last night, and he didn't. Didn't try to kiss me or anything. Granted, I also just grabbed my stuff and said goodnight and didn't linger long enough, but I didn't want to seem desperate or overeager or create anything awkward, like him thinking, "come on woman, why aren't you getting out?" We did have some physical contact earlier in the evening, mainly lots of "high fives" during bowling (but the "high fiving" and the one hug was the only contact). Just so he wouldn't think I WASN'T interested, I followed up with a text about 30 min after he dropped me just thanking him, saying I had a great time, hope he got home safe. We exchanged a few texts in which he said the same thing and we commiserated about having "bowling finger," etc. I feel like he seems interested, but maybe I am deluding myself too. (Or conversely, trying to convince myself he's NOT interested so I don't get hurt). He calls when he says he will, conversations on the phone are getting longer, we never run out of anything to say, our topics are appropriate (not too intense but also showing increasing self-disclosure), we laugh a lot, he sends me funny you-tube videos, we text during the week at work, he introduced me to his dog which I have heard can be a "good sign," etc). But I don't GET IT-- why didn't he make any moves? He also didn't mention doing it again, like he did after the first time we hung out (except the reference to me paying next time, which he cut off mid-sentence). But seriously, I cried a little bit last night after he dropped me out-- not because I'm so desperate for him to kiss me specifically, but because I felt rejected, insecure, embarassed that I misread signals, ashamed, frustrated about having to go through this uncertainty of trying to date someone all over again. Ugh, so I guess my question is, if a guy doesn't kiss you after two dates/hang-outs, does that mean they're not interested. Secondly, how do I cope with this constant roller coaster of feeling rejected and ashamed after I perceive disinterest (on a day to day basis, not just by dealing with it in therapy, which I do)? When I'm with him, I am able to be completely mindful and in the moment (so I don't think he can tell my level of insecurity in part because I'm simply not even feeling it then), but then later on, I am a mess.
  8. Hello! My name is Kristen, I am 22 years old, I live in Michigan, I have a year and a half year old son, I am married, I have a cat, a dog, and a snake, I workout and do Insanity.. Blah blah blah. I am in the process of finding out exactly what is going on with me. Up until a few days ago, I had no idea anything was wrong. I knew I was crazy, but not 'I need meds' crazy. The doctor says I have bipolar disorder and need to see a psychiatrist. He will be able to tell me more about what is wrong, what meds I need to start, and how I can figure out my 'triggers' and how to stay calm. I am curious to know if maybe any of you have the same thing going on that I do. In my head, I swear I will have done something (as small as wipe down the counter), then when I turn around, it is trashed (because it never got wiped down in the first place), I think my husband came behind me a trashed it, so I get way pissed at him and yell at him for not helping me and respecting when I clean, blah blah.. I'll think I said something to someone, but then the next time I talked to them, it was never said. If I hear a baby OTHER THAN MINE cry, I am instantly in a crazy rage. Doesn't matter what is happening, I could be having sex, but if a baby cries, instant rage. I go through these phases where I can't sleep, and have a ridiculous amount of energy, and I clean. I clean and clean and clean. Everything, even the sponges and cleaning bottles I use. Then I go through these phases where I am tired and upset and don't want to even live anymore (even though I would never kill myself, I love my child too much to EVER do that). I get claustrophobic and panicky over things that make no sense (one time something will bother me, then it won't, then it will). I feel as if I don't know the difference between reality and bipolar reality. Does that even make sense? Ugg, who knows! I will let ya'll know whats going as I find out from my doctor. One more thing! I don't like taking medicine. I don't like the thought of having to take uppers and downers and mood stabilizers. It scares the shit out of me. Anyone else have these feelings, but needs meds?
  9. I'm 40 years old. In my lifetime, I've lost four friends to suicide and another to a heroin overdose. I watched a close friend bury first her 18 year old son after a car accident, then her husband two years later when he lost his fight with cancer. Which is all to say that I'm no stranger to death and sadness. So I'm struggling to understand why, after witnessing all these untimely deaths, it's the passing of my 97 year old grandmother 2 weeks ago that has left me completely and utterly floored. She led an amazing life, she was an amazing woman, and 97 years is a good, long innings. There was nothing she left undone, her poor old body was providing nothing but pain, and she had verbalised many times that she was ready to die. But I'm shattered that she's gone, and I don't really get it. It's not that I expected to be glad when she passed on, of course not, but I did expect to be in a head space of being sad, but mostly grateful that she was no longer suffering (which she really was at the end). I guess part of this is that I don't know if I have the right to be devastated over the loss of someone who'd lived such a long life, when I have been witness to other lives cut violently short. I don't think this is making much sense, sorry for that. I suppose the logical response to these feelings is that I need to hash it out with a therapist, but I quit talk therapy over a year ago and now just see my pdoc. I'm really just wondering if there's anyone out there who could possibly have any personal insight they could share with me.
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