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  1. It's 11:30 pm. I'm hungry. I go downstairs to the kitchen. This Christmas, we found and killed several mice (we not including me, I just sat and closed my eyes and rocked back and forth). With my OCD, one of my obessions is contamination. Ever since I found out we had mice, I held my breath (to prevent breathing in mouse germs or urine I guess) when I was in the kitchen or an adjoining room. You can possibly imagine my horror when I heard rustling in the pantry, one of the spots they killed mice. I just chocked it up to my dog in the other room. I stepped into the pantry. A mouse jumped up from one of the cereal boxes into another box.(oh god oh god I got sick and more anxious just writing that) I think I screamed. I'm pretty sure. I know I slammed shut the pantry door and ran away into the living room. Then I went into panic mode. It didn't help that my grandma began telling me about how you can never get rid of mice. About how they're everywhere. I, being my paranoid anxiety ridden self, interpreted that as a literal statement. That mice were in every single room of the house. In the walls, in the floors, in the bed, in the couch. Everywhere. I even hallucinated (I think) a mouse on the carpet near where I was standing twice. So now I'm in my bed (with no blankets covering me so I can see), crying, having an anxiety attack. Can someone please tell me if my grandma was right? Will I have mice forever? Are there mice everywhere? Also, can one have hallucinations as a result of an anxiety attack?
  2. http://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/stronger-than-dirt-ocd-and-contamination1 Does anyone have a fear of contamination from rotten meat and then when they have this do they not eat the meat? Also if you try you just throw it up Like to know if i am not the only one with this obsession of contamination. Appreciate any response! Also a link for anyone with Pure-O http://www.ocduk.org/sites/default/files/understand-pure-o.pdf.pdf
  3. I'm new to the forums. Hi. I'm so happy to have found them. I have this reassuring feeling I can finally talk to other people suffering with what I've been suffering with. The diagnosis brought a lot of light to something I've struggled with my entire life. Knowing that it's OCD has helped me cope a lot better but at the same time makes it feel a little more hopeless.. does that make sense? I have to note that I have a problem making posts because I will edit and redit and re-edit the thread due to fear that I may offend someone. I made a goal today to finally submit it. So I will. I get really frustrated trying to discuss it with anyone sometimes because for some reason everyone thinks it's a fun, cute thing to say. "Oh, I'm OCD too! I can't stand my house being dirty!" and i want to punch them. I wish I could trap my fiance in my head for a few hours so he could feel what I feel and possibly understand so that he didn't give me that "look" he seems to give me sometimes. So he realizes that I am suffering and that this thing going on in my brain is real. I mostly suffer from obsessions, so it has been a lot easier for me to hide. I did suffer from a few compulsions throughout the past 7 months since my son was born, though. Washing bottles.. after they had already gone through the dishwasher and then rinsing and then washing again, rinsing with tapwater, then rinsing with filtered water.. and often repeating. It took an incredible amount of time and energy and was leaving my hands raw and bloody. I was afraid the dishwashing detergent would make my son sick. I'm a stay at home mom and the isolation seems to intensify my obsessions. I have been trying to deal with this without using any psychiatric medications (OCD Handbook, meditation, breathing excercises, etc.) but my last "episode" (it was regarding intruders and it was horrifying) left me feeling so out of control that i finally decided to get on meds. Now, I'm struggling to take the medication. I am afraid that I won't be able to take care of my son properly, that it'll make me too drowsy, that I won't be emotionally engaged enough with him. The most horrifying of all is what I started worrying about two days ago and I'm almost afraid to talk about it but I need to express it somewhere. I am afraid that the medication will make something click in my head to where I lose control and kill the baby. Stab him, to be more accurate. I see myself going in the kitchen and getting this sharp knife and going into his room almost in some sort of sleep-walk state. I can't sleep at night because of it. How do you take your meds if you're too afraid to take them? Can anyone relate and how did you get through it? I just want to get better.. and be somewhat comfortable again. It's hard living like this.
  4. Oh man. I have mice in my townhouse. We've been here six years with no issues, and the mice just showed up suddenly, randomly . I've been blogging about it, trying to be okay. I am not okay. Most of my OCDs are contamination related. The idea of mice in the house is horrifying. We've seen two in the kitchen, managed to trap one which my spouse dealt with. I had to throw out all food in boxes and bags. I wiped everything down, and got glass containers for all of it. All food is now in glass, microwave, fridge or freezer. All of it. And then my spouse spotted mouse two in the living room. It ran into the kitchen and into my pots and pans cupboard. I can't even explain how freaked out I am. So now anything in the lower cupboards is 'contaminated' by association. Please tell me things that will let me know I'm not going to die from this. Please tell me my home is not irrevocably contaminated. Please tell me that somehow there is still a "normal" somewhere and that freaking out over this isn't necessary. Have you had mice and lived? That's a bit of a joke, but if you have I'd really, really like to hear it. Anything to get me back from defcon 5 would be so appreciated. I can't stop thinking of plague and rabies and lice and worms and ... and I really gotta stop. If you've had any of that, ya might not want to mention it. I want to cry.
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