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Found 15 results

  1. So I met a guy who I really liked. We went on a few dates, then I ended up spending the night last night. Once I got home, he texted me and asked me what medications I took this morning, which I was honest. He said that hasn’t scared him away, but he has been distant and stopped texting me. I know the answer, but it just makes me depressed how stigmatized we are as a community and I wish I never spent the night with him. I’m sorry for the long rant. Anyone else experience anything similar while dating?
  2. A man I am rather fond of and has shown other flirting behaviours before referred to me as "The lovely (my name)" the other day - im not quite sure exactly what he meant if that makes sense? What do you think could be the deeper meaning behind this? Was he flirting perhaps?
  3. Wanted to post this topic for a LONG time. Started dating again after almost 30 years a few months ago. My experiences have been all over the map. AMazing, indifferent, awful and confusing. Right now, after a second date with the first man MY age, I don't feel any.....spark. Physical affection? A desire to rip his clothes off? What am I supposed to feel? He is NICE, CUTE, LIKES ME, FUN, but I wanted to leave after a couple of hours of dinner. He is very safe and relaxed, Laid back which is great for me. Seems sharp and into life, independent. BUT....whenever I talk about myself, he listens, and then comes back with another similar story either about himself or a friend. HE is not narcissistic, or self centered. But seems indifferent to ME. I know he is physically attracted to me and has been VERY VERY good about boundaries. WHich is rare for these guys on tinder. And my body does not react in fear to his. It is just...indifferent. I like his hands. He has a kind face. I want to tell him. If I continue, then....that is a kind of sort of commitment. I gave it a second date after deciding no, there was no spark. And now, there is still no spark. Which makes me sad. And makes me want to give it another chance. This dating stuff is SO FUCKING RANDOM. I want to meet Prince Charming or the frog, my John Galt, my Jaime Frasier, my John Lennon. or the local pet shop boy as long as he loves me for who I am and is into my mind, body and soul. Is that asking too much? lol What about you?
  4. I've not really been on in awhile. So, some things have changed though. I finally stopped accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me. Literally, one day I just told myself I was going to stop. And I did. When I would begin to worry, I would ask myself if he was actually at work late (and if I didn't believe myself, I'd call. If he didn't answer his cell, he was at work. If I needed more assurance. I called his work, which they don't really care if I just ask if he's about to leave.) He's even given me his time cards (they bring them home everyday.) And he made a good point, he goes to work, and comes straight home, everyday. When one of us leaves, we say where we're going. (if we're fighting I sometimes leave without a word.) But, in a recent counseling appt. my counselor even pointed out that my old insecurities are filling with new ones. The "not being good enough" one is harping on me like fucking crazy and it's annoying, really. Things have also felt weird because the other day, I almost was done for good. I called my dad to get me, we packed my stuff, and we left. But, I wasn't gonna get to see my boyfriend like normal. My dad told me, it was him or my boyfriend. I chose my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. Lately though, he's been nagging at me over stupid shit. Like, the air conditioner for example. He wants it on 70 and auto, and I want it on 68 and high. Well, the compromise was 68 and auto, even though it makes him cold sometimes still. We have a window unit in our motel room. I always say, "I don't wanna fight/argue." He doesn't realize when he's nagging/harping on me, sometimes. And the reason because of lack of nicotine needs to stop, IMO. He plans to stop smoking SOON, so yeah. There are times I'll say, "you're nicing (lack of nicotine), and need to calm down." and he normally apologizes and calms down. His insurance has finally kicked in. He's still agreed to get on medication, at least try. He doesn't want to, but he said he would for me. We plan to set him up with my PNP and he's already made an appt. with my counselor (to go alone of course and work on himself.) He likes my counselor, which is understandable, he wants someone he's comfortable with. I'm also not forcing him to see these people, it just happens a lot of them take his insurance. (including my dentist.) But, after me packing up and leaving, then coming back like 15 minutes later things have felt....weird? We went to a counseling appt. that night, we were going to Friday, this happened all this week too no less. With me still forgetting to take my meds, and taking myself off of lamictal ENTIRELY, I'm kind of wonky. I had a bad breakdown the day I tried to leave, when I came home. To the point of suicidal tendency because my dad disowned me....again. My anxiety has crept up into my head again, telling me I need to leave my boyfriend. In my heart and my head I know I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me. Although, last night was sort of weird? I was laying next to him in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He pulled up his messenger app and quickly closed out of it when he realized I was watching him, I guess? I asked, "what was that about?" and he says, "I accidentally opened my messenger. Trying to look at my facebook feed." I just said oh. I asked him about it again, and he said the same thing just a little irritated. He then went into his contacts, and I was trying to go to sleep again. I opened my eyes, again. He was looking for someone. I asked who he was looking for, his initial response was "I don't know." so I asked again, and asked why he was in his contacts. He stated he was looking for the contact info of an admin who's on a website he uses, because he forgot his password and wanted to get on there on his phone. I just realized though, like ten minutes ago, he uses that website on this laptop. (we share his computer). His login is saved into the browser, I'm sure. He never remembers passwords to a lot of things, really. We both have our own accounts on the laptop, password protected. I'm just worried he's cheating on me online. When I brought that up, he's like, "who would do that? what's the point?" I said, "well some people end up meeting and stuff...." he just said, "that's still stupid. there's no point." I guess he didn't realize you can talk to someone online who does live in the same city? I don't know. I ask to see his phone, and he hands me it. He'll ask why sometimes, and if I straight up say to go through it, he hands it over. I knew his password to his old phone, the last four of his social. (Which I also know because of gov't. assistance and helping him apply for his insurance.) Granted, he doesn't like me snooping through his things. I don't think he even has a lock on the new phone? We just got new phones Thursday. If I ask who he's talking to, on the phone, or text, or Facebook he usually tells me. If I ask how he knows them, if they have a past, etc. he tells me. My insecurities have crept in telling me I'm not good enough. I compare myself to other girls he thinks are cute. I compare myself to the fact he prefers Latina and Japanse/Asian/Chinese women over white women. (I'm a white female.) I compare myself to the women he watches in porn. I always compare myself. It's weird. I'm comfortable in my skin, with my size, etc. I think I'm about average in the face? My self esteem fluctuates though. Am I being totally unrealistic or do I have reason to worry? Might I also add, once my phone broke I seized the computer to get on my social network accounts. I'm on it more than him, really. When I think about it. If he's up later than me on his phone, I hear him playing games (or watching porn to get off so he can sleep, if I've said I'm not in the mood). Any time I compare myself, or bring myself down, he says, "hey that's the woman I love you're talking about." or that "you're beautiful, more beautiful than any porn star, or girl I think is cute...because I LOVE you. Not them." I hate the fact that he's pretty much everything I want in a man. His charm. His looks. his personality. All of it. I know though, too that MI relationships tend to take more work. I'm trying to give the nagging thing a chance until he starts therapy and medications. I mean, he did say I really don't wanna take meds but I will for you, if you want us to try it. I appreciate that, a lot. I just feel like an insecure ugly potato.
  5. A little background: I was in a long term relationship with the father of my children for 10 years. He knew about my bipolar and stuck by my side through ups and downs....until I had a severe manic episode with psychosis. I've been single for 3.5 years now and I am kinda avoiding the dating scene because of my bipolar. Who dates? How do you approach the subject of having a mental illness? Should I just settle into spinsterhood?
  6. It is deep and dark, and you must never come there with me!" Does anyone else hide their symptoms from their partner? I excuse myself for being "busy," "tired," or "not feeling well" if I'm depressed, or just straight-up hide if I'm feeling hypomanic. I have never had a relationship survive my partner seeing me symptomatic. Thoughts? Fellow-feeling? Advice?
  7. Hi. I'm curious. I'm 42. I'm twice divorced, no children. I've not dated anyone for 2.5 years, by choice. I'd never went longer than 4 months. I've not even held hands, let alone had sex. I did go on a very tame dinner date a few weeks ago, but the guy is a friend and I just don't feel that way about him, so it wasn't too hard. I noticed I didn't want him around my personal space, though. No setting beside each other, no setting close in the truck, no holding hands, no snuggling and only 1 very brief hug when I got home. The guy lives in my apartment building and that alone has made my PTSD worse. What I am wondering is if you noticed yourself needing that personal space more with the PTSD. It seems the worse mine gets, the more isolative I am. I am almost agoraphobic as it is. All over the last 2.5 years. I don't drive due to the fact that I'm blind. There's no public transportation here. I rarely leave my apartment except to take my dog out. The thing is, I'm rarely lonely. I just feel like this personal space thing is getting worse & worse for me. I'd like to date, but I go full panic/anxiety mode as soon as I really try to put myself out there. Any suggestions?
  8. I'm fun, smart, and pretty, but I can't help but wonder, "am I doomed to die alone?" Actually, the real question here is, "Is it fair to ask someone to choose a life with Mood Swings and Mania?"
  9. I'm not really dating this guy, but we're in the talking stage, we've been talking since October 17th. We don't have tons in common, but when we first met i felt a spark. And that first night, the idea of sleeping in the same bed made me upset honestly. Like i've never hated the idea so much. We've had a few fights, started by me...oops? I get paranoid easy and keep thinking he's ignoring because I'm kind of clingy. But I don't feel the butterflies as much as I did in the beginning. We have a good sex life, we have the same morals, and I see myself having kids with guy and getting married later on. The thought of leaving him DESTROYS me and makes me wanna cry. At one point it didn't but now it does, it really does. I feel like he's all I know. I had this same problem with my first real boyfriend in the beginning. We have our first date this coming weekend and i'm actually super excited. He loves me for me, and has no problem with how I look or act. The good thing about us being opposite is i' m like a turtle in a shell and he is trying to break me of that. He's a country boy and i'm like a goth/metalhead. I like this different lifestyle I get introduced to, and I really wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him. I really only get butterflies when I see him, and I'm not...fighting with him. I've read so many articles that it's normal to not feel the butterflies after awhile but I know with my paranoid schizo and bpd...and anxiety...and not being on my meds...for..weeks...oops..probably doesn't help. HELP?!
  10. Hey everyone I'm super crazy for feeling this way but I can't get over a guy I dated a year ago. The worst part is that my feelings are as strong as they were a year ago... How sad is that. I saw him five or six times over the course of a month- how is it possible that I haven't forgotten about him? I'm admittedly not very well versed in relationships but is this love? I know its really stupid for me to feel this way given the fact we casually dated but I can't shake the feeling away. I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone has experience with things like this or has any input in general.
  11. I realize there are probably a thousand threads on this topic, but how do you break the special news, if it's not obvious. I like to be up front. It hurts too much to be rejected for my symptoms further down the line. I've gotten everything from stereotypes about mentally ill people being better in bed, to well-meaning friends, saying that though I'd have a lot to offer the right person, they thought someone would also have "a lot to put up with," to some people who are simply attracted to instability and drama (I'm trying to become more stable). I know there are people on this site in successful relationships. How do you do it?
  12. I think I'm ready to get back out there after a dating hiatus. I think that online is my best bet for meeting guys. I've looked into eHarmony and match.com, and both are pretty expensive right now. I've used both in the past, and my previous experience was that match is more of a meat market than eHarmony. What has your experience been? (I'm 39, divorced, no kids, female, straight, if that makes any difference.) Thanks in advance!
  13. Hey All. I just went out last night for the 2nd time with a guy I am interested in, and I am worried that he didn't kiss me or make really any moves despite him seeming interested and my best efforts to show interest. For starters, I have a hard time with being insecure in the first parts of any "relationship" or "dating" situation-- for all I know, it wasn't even a "date" at all. I feel pathetic because I'm 30 years old and don't "understand" how to date. I have been in two long term relationships (5 years and 4 years, respectively) since age 16, and for any of my other shorter dating experiences, all of the first kisses have sadly occurred while we were both extremely drunk so it just "happened" (even with the long-term guys) without any tension, anxiety, or forethought. The one exception to this is the last guy I dated about two years ago (who was supposedly "in recovery", hence the not drinking, but he also lies about everything and stole my benzos, so I can't trust anything about that situation). He was a very assertive, charismatic person that had no problem knowing exactly the "right" moves to make at the "right" now, moved very quickly, and in essence was a sociopathic "player" that ended up being emotionally abusive and highly unpredictable with regard to affection, attention, contact, etc. (Sorry to throw around clinical terms, but that ex and I are both therapists, and he even self-described himself, I thought jokingly at first, as being a "sociopath.") That was my last relationship, and so I am especially sensitive to rejection and not knowing the "rules" of a new situation. (Yeah, I know there aren't really "rules," but I wish there were because I wouldn't be so confused and anxious.) I thought I was over having abusive relationships, but that last one snuck up on me (yeah, I've been working on it in therapy for a long time, but trying to date in general is bringing a whole new element to my insecurity.) So this guy, I had originally met him at my new job I started 6 mos ago, and he had just given his notice and now works elsewhere, so we worked together for about 3.5 weeks weeks total. We re-connected on FB (my initiation), starting talking more and more, and decided to hang out. First time was just a casual day thing (hiking, in which he brought his dog), so its understandable no kissing happened then, though we did hug. He ended up following up that "date"/hang-out session with a text (2 hours later) referencing something we said while hanging out, which led to a 1.5 hour text convo. We went out yesterday, late afternoon into evening (bowling-- we didn't want to stop, intended to play just like 2 games but played 6 or 7 due to having too much fun), then dinner-- he had found a veg restaurant, which I thought was nice b/c I'm vegetarian and I'm surprised he remembered that.) He paid for everything (except I bought the second beers at the bowling alley-- we both only had 2 that whole night, which is good), despite me offering to pay for half or different portions (like he paid for bowling, so I tried to pay for dinner. When I tried to pay for dinner, he said, something like, "No, I got this, you can get it next time...well if..." and then changed the subject. Through gestures, body language, flirting, etc, I tried my best to convey interest throughout the night. We never ran out of anything to talk about, but I was a little quieter in the car ride home because I was nervous about the possibility of kissing, but we still kept the convo going. Then he dropped me off, and it felt weird and awkward, at least on my end-- I thought he would at least hug me like last night, and he didn't. Didn't try to kiss me or anything. Granted, I also just grabbed my stuff and said goodnight and didn't linger long enough, but I didn't want to seem desperate or overeager or create anything awkward, like him thinking, "come on woman, why aren't you getting out?" We did have some physical contact earlier in the evening, mainly lots of "high fives" during bowling (but the "high fiving" and the one hug was the only contact). Just so he wouldn't think I WASN'T interested, I followed up with a text about 30 min after he dropped me just thanking him, saying I had a great time, hope he got home safe. We exchanged a few texts in which he said the same thing and we commiserated about having "bowling finger," etc. I feel like he seems interested, but maybe I am deluding myself too. (Or conversely, trying to convince myself he's NOT interested so I don't get hurt). He calls when he says he will, conversations on the phone are getting longer, we never run out of anything to say, our topics are appropriate (not too intense but also showing increasing self-disclosure), we laugh a lot, he sends me funny you-tube videos, we text during the week at work, he introduced me to his dog which I have heard can be a "good sign," etc). But I don't GET IT-- why didn't he make any moves? He also didn't mention doing it again, like he did after the first time we hung out (except the reference to me paying next time, which he cut off mid-sentence). But seriously, I cried a little bit last night after he dropped me out-- not because I'm so desperate for him to kiss me specifically, but because I felt rejected, insecure, embarassed that I misread signals, ashamed, frustrated about having to go through this uncertainty of trying to date someone all over again. Ugh, so I guess my question is, if a guy doesn't kiss you after two dates/hang-outs, does that mean they're not interested. Secondly, how do I cope with this constant roller coaster of feeling rejected and ashamed after I perceive disinterest (on a day to day basis, not just by dealing with it in therapy, which I do)? When I'm with him, I am able to be completely mindful and in the moment (so I don't think he can tell my level of insecurity in part because I'm simply not even feeling it then), but then later on, I am a mess.
  14. I think about this a lot. I'm not currently dating due to shame about my weight issues but there's a concept I have always struggled with which is: if you meet someone new and you start dating, when do you tell them about your MI? I feel like if you tell them when you first meet they are very likely to bolt, but if you wait until you know them better and feel like it's going to "go somewhere", they will get upset about being lied to or kept in the dark about who you really are and feel betrayed in some way (regardless of whether they stay in the relationship or not) How have some of you dealt with this?
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