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Found 17 results

  1. I've been depressed and have experienced suicidal thoughts for a long time. I've tried to kill myself multiple times but I've stopped from actually doing it because I fear death. I've always have since the very beginning. I don't know how I feel about religion. I don't know which side I should join. I don't want to kill myself because I fear the idea of "oblivion" and nonexistence. The idea of "being asleep" forever without dreaming (Or how else someone might describe it) fears more than anything else. I want to die, but I want to exist too. Call me wishy washy because I am. Whenever some
  2. When you are splitting, do you ever engage in fantasies about the person that you are hating at the time? In one particular case, my fantasies included ways this person could die. Mind you, this is a person who is very close to me, err hmm partner. None of the ways he died in the scenarios were by my hand or entailed murder committed by me, but they were all things like being hit by car or knocked over by falling tree, having a stroke, or any other crazy thing you could think of. It was like a malicious screwed up form of escapism, but it makes me feel very guilty. And I have wondered for a wh
  3. My partner died 3 months ago of a heroin overdose. It was extremely traumatic, as you can imagine. He is not my first partner to pass away in this manner. He and I unfortunately only got to be together for 3 months and it was unlike any relationship I had ever had. I let my guards down and allowed myself to be loved and I truly loved him. Our relationship was amazing until he relapsed. It was recognized to me by many people after he died that our relationship was very unique and that not many people get to have something like that ever. He was my soul mate. I was with a man for 5 years and nev
  4. I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has. I
  5. I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has.
  6. I don't feel anymore, all I hear is noise. No touch of a hand, no tickle of a whisper in my ear, not a kiss, an embrace, nothing. Nothing except noise. This constant white noise of sounds I can't even string together anymore. It's all consuming and too much. I want to switch it off but I can't do it alone. I need to know that there is someone out there who also hears the noise. Who, like me is ready to not just turn it down but switch it off completely.
  7. Hi CB -- I feel a little odd asking this, considering I lost my own mother nearly two years ago so you'd think I'd have some insight. I suppose I do, I'd just like to have multiple opinions/insights. One of my best friends very recently lost their mother due to a battle with cancer. Obviously, this is a very tough time for them. So what I am asking is, what little things could I do to help make this easier? Is there anything a friend or relative has done for you that you especially appreciated during grieving? I really want to be there for them, but I'm not exactly sure how. Any
  8. without thinking about Mom my whole life she was always listening to music. it is what I was raised on how do I get past this? it was two and a half years ago and I just miss her more. I had the phone off the hook for 3 days so she couldn't call me because I was just trying to sleep ! ive been into the hospital half my life for just insomnia, they take me in for a few days and give me medicine to help me sleep now its 4:16 I'm wide awake to hubby snoring his butt off. I need ear plugs or something so he doesn't wake me up ive been up since 1 and went to bed at 9. that's with 4 freaking melaton
  9. Is it selfish of me to self-grieve? I found out a few years ago I suffered a congenital lung disorder (restrictive lung disease/RLD, where your lungs are restricted from the outside from expanding to proper capacity whilst breathing). RLD eventually causes excessive pressure in the arteries leading to the lungs, as your body is starving for oxygen due to insufficient lung volume. The excessive pressure is known as pulmonary hypertension and is dramatically life-shortening. My doctors, at the time, said 20-30 years more and that was it. I was sort of glad to hear that, since 20-30 more
  10. As per the title thread really... potentially triggering I guess. It feels like my life has barely moved forward in the last 15 years, I still have depression, crippling social anxiety and OCD and none of the treatments (medications/therapy) work. I dislike the course I am studying and I can't see a way to change nor do I have the energy to investigate. I have no friends and only a tiny family. Physically I also feel like shit and have done since about 2008 - muscle pain, fatigue, etc, etc. I feel there is some underlying pathology there but the doctors can't look past depression
  11. Three months before Christmas last year, one of my dogs acquired what is referred to a 'doggie aids.' The actual disease is a tick borne illness. He lost over 40 pounds in three months and died a horrible death on Christmas Day. During my dog's protracted illness, I was triggered and had frequent flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and images come to me about my father's abuse. One of the symptoms of the tick borne illness was bleeding. This triggered me the most with disturbing images of my father using knives. I cringed whenever the images bombarded me. After my dog's death, I slipped
  12. I'm 40 years old. In my lifetime, I've lost four friends to suicide and another to a heroin overdose. I watched a close friend bury first her 18 year old son after a car accident, then her husband two years later when he lost his fight with cancer. Which is all to say that I'm no stranger to death and sadness. So I'm struggling to understand why, after witnessing all these untimely deaths, it's the passing of my 97 year old grandmother 2 weeks ago that has left me completely and utterly floored. She led an amazing life, she was an amazing woman, and 97 years is a good, long innings. Ther
  13. I can see you all. I'm here. Why won't anybody tell me whats going on? When i think about death or dying I imagine myself sitting on the outside. I'm not realy there. Classic Mr. Scrooge
  14. Hi there! I'm working on my first essay for this term (yay), and I thought I'd ask your opinion on this topic. I have my research, notes, and my own ideas. But, I really value the ideas and opinions of others. So... My essay is to discuss this statement: For many people, death is a taboo subject in spite of the fact that it is of universal concern. I have to discuss a few points, but I would really like your honest opinion on Why is death treated as taboo? How might treating death as taboo affect the dying person and the grieving person? Fire away!
  15. Today at 3 a.m. I found out that one of my best friends, also my ex-girlfriend, had passed away of an accidental drug overdose. I've been crying all day but it's still not real, I'm expecting someone to tell me that it's just a fucked up joke and they were lying. That she's not dead. I always loved her and I always will, you never really stop loving someone. She had MI and I knew since I first met her there was a possibility that this could happen, MI and addictions don't go well together. I wanted to see her succeed, and you know, be adults together (we're 21.) The worst part is, we were m
  16. I don't know how many people get through university so easily. It's so hard. I used to be smart, at least I got good grades. And I understand every topic in my classes, I can write circles around people, at least that's what my professors tell me. All these differences in opinion, all these 'at leasts' make me so confused. I can't even force myself to go to class anymore, to do my papers. I do them in my head but I can't bring myself to write them, I convince myself I'm going to fail anyways. There's a constant war in my head, logic telling me this is stupid, the other voice telling the previo
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