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  1. So for seventeen years I've had pain depression. It especially feels like it's squeezing my heart. It hasn't historically been *about* anything. I've just chalked it up to biochemistry, heredity. And I've thought about suicide, most days, for at least fifteen years - because pain sucks. Ups-and-downs. Roller-coasters. Probably every person on here has done time at the worst torture theme park in the world. Two years ago, my cocktail started working. There was some CBT and DBT in the mix too. I decreased my daily Ativan from 3mg to 2mg. Plus 20mg Latuda, 300mg Sertraline, 100mg Top
  2. Any opinions on parsing out differences between these, and treating each each symptom? Is this still depression? Is my brain rendered dysfunctional without stimulants now?? I have chronic depression (dips down here & there), but then it always goes back to this level (nearly a baseline for me). I'm tired, blah, SO LISTLESS and all I want to do is lay in bed all day, comfy & nice. Today, I managed to go out to get groceries (was out of TP for crikes sakes), showered, then back to bed resting & staring at wall. No interest in listening to music, trying to read made me drowsy...
  3. Hello. I can't remember a time when food wasn't THE main focus in my life. Even when I'm so full and can't eat another bite...my thoughts wander to what else I'll eat later. Diets, eating plans, Weight Watchers Summer Camps, gastric bypass, journaling what I eat and/or exercising will START to give results the first few weeks and then my body just basically says "F you" and shuts down. No more weight loss. If I can't get the gratification of weekly seeing measurable change in my efforts...I'm right back to food. Overeating has ruined my life. Whoever I COULD have been when I start
  4. "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants? Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
  5. Good God, my habitual oversleeping is worsening.....I literally cannot get up before 11am. I know this is probably due to the fact that yes, I'm depressed and do not have anything of purpose at the moment to wake up for.....PLUS winter weather that's dark as Hell.....PLUS on a stupid stimulant break, until I can get in to see pdoc in 5 days. Are there any other tactics you've used?? I'm going to bed same time every night (by 11pm). I sleep really well entire night. WTF. I tried a sunlamp thing in the past and it made me headachey & irritable. Even when I go for walks during the d
  6. Have a strong itch to drop Effexor...(I won't go cold turkey). It stopped my dysphoric crying spells, but now, 10 months later, I'm feeling increasingly flat, apathetic, numb, no motivation (even after dropping to 75mg). I hate how all A/Ds have this lobotomy effect on me longterm. It's initially fine in acute episodes, I'm not sad now, but I can't function properly, and I continue to score Moderate-Severe on the depression scale. I think it's counteracting my Ritalin (which I increased to 30-40mg)? I don't want to increase Effexor above 150mg, I'd never be able to go off. I'm trying
  7. I don't think an hour goes by in the day that I don't wish I was a little kid again. I know why at least. When I was 4, 5, 6.. my life was secure. My mom had it together. There was never any uncertainty about what the future was going to bring. Now, it seems like the only thing I have is uncertainty. About my mother. About if I'm going to be able to support myself. If I'm going to be able to find a job.. the list goes on and on. I just get so mentally exhausted of always worrying that my brain has made some kind of coping mechanism where I just mentally reminiss about what I would be doing rig
  8. Because of my depression, I like many people, have pitifully low self esteem. Ever since Iast year I been having a tendency to daydream of having a better life and various other powerfantasies I make up. When daydreaming my self esteem skyrockets and I feel good. But I kinda resent it because I hate vanity and I'm worried that having super high self esteem will make me arrogant and vain and grandiose. I also begin to kinda lose touch with reality and think that I'm above the rules and stuff like that. I'm worried about becoming egotistic. I had a debate about this 2 days ago with my
  9. Forgot to take Lamictal yesterday (I took my other meds). Holy Hell, I took my dose today (on schedule) and I STILL feel awful!! I've only been on 100mg....I thought Lamictal had a super-long half-life? Yesterday went like this: 10am - up, had breakfast 11am – slight Brain “swishes” started (was out the entire day) 12pm – Stronger Brain zaps start 1:30pm – Lunch (meat, salad/veg) 2:30pm – Sudden extreme exhaustion 4pm - more brain zaps => ZAP ZAP ZAP! 🤯 7pm - Irritability starts 11pm – Tea, bedtime, could not fall asleep (I haven't had insomnia in 2
  10. Starting this thread because boredom, idleness, lack of stimulation is often a key trigger of depression and bad habits. When I get bored, I feel an emptiness, uselessness and physical/mental lethargy, cue ruminations, then I sleep excessively. This isn't always fatigue: It's an automatic (and very negative) avoidance behavior. This link lists 150 ideas (from high effort to minimal effort - from "fun" to mundane) in order to build healthier habits. I need to stop waiting to "feel good" before taking any action. Any thoughts? https://www.developgoodhabits.com/what-to-do-bored/ To
  11. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basical
  12. My depression hasn't been severe lately. Mainly, I struggle daily with lingering apathy, lack of interest/motivation and low level depression (normal for me). I've noticed lately, in trying to complete work/studies and meet deadlines, I've become more & more avoidant, procrastinating. For example, today I'll do everything EXCEPT focusing on any work/undesirable tasks. I slept in, didn't even shower...went online, spent HOURS searching for a particular kind/style of shoes, ordered random supplements...All things that are not important! I've even put off buying much needed groceries, la
  13. Ever since I was young I've always dreamed that I'd end up becoming rich and famous and become a well known celebrity or something. There's also other things that I dream that I could be like, such as being really beautiful and going on magical fantasy adventures where I travel to various places and stuff. But the real world is a piece of shit and it's very likely that will never be the case. I'll never live in a mansion and be so famous that people make biographies and documentaries about my life and the things I've done that made me famous. I'll always be hideous and I'll never g
  14. Hey I'm an aspiring writer struggling with motivation due to my depression and I keep hearing about various other writers, some of whom are famous still being able to keep up a decent work ethic despite of their disability. How do I become like them? Does anyone here got any advice?
  15. I know it's not a competition in any way, with illness. But had a surprise when a friend messaged me to ask how I was doing. I replied &thanked her, said it was really nice to hear from her (particularly because I've been lonely, isolating myself, depression, etc). She literally responded with "Well, I got cancer so I'm sure it's worse than you..." That's all she wrote, no elaboration. What would you make of this reply? I'm empathic, and assume she's hurting or afraid. (btw I don't know if she still has it, or successfully treated already) I literally had no idea what was going
  16. What has been your experience with Wellbutrin? Pros and cons? What does make Wellbutrin different from other antidepressants? Does it stop working after a while?
  17. I've been experiencing depersonalization frequently recently but I don't understand why. I probably don't fit the criteria of depersonalization disorder so the only other reason I could experience is if I used a psychedelic substance, which I do not. I've been wondering if depression is the cause of the depersonalization as it often, but not always, happens during MDD episodes. Could this be correct?
  18. My mood has been absolutely deplorable for the past month or so. I honestly don't know how to begin to describe how bad it is. I have a lot of the "negative" symptoms, a profound deficit of positive affect. Nothing in life gives me pleasure, suicidal thoughts begin to surface, and I sometimes descend further into psychotic depression. These are my depressive episodes. I don't know how else to paint the picture more thoroughly because I never know what to say, and it really bothers me when I'm like that when I'm around my boyfriend. I want to talk, but I can never think of anything to say, so I
  19. So I joined this forum to talk about my various mental health issues and try to find a solution or two with people who can relate. I been diagnosed with autism, clinical depression, and oppositional defiant disorder at various points in my life and I'm currently 16 years old at the time of this writing. I hope to have a great time with you guys.
  20. I have a dark, defeatists attitude. I will migrate to the negative view. I rarely can or will hold on to positive things, I miss out on life's joys and pleasures as I have been in the pit for so long So, my therapist has asked me on a daily basis to come up with 3 positive affimations. I have expanded it a bit to include things I am grateful for as well. I started to list my three things in my blog, probably still will. I have found it difficult but really rewarding. Really really rewarding. I have to think hard some days and others they flow. I want to hear your three things. I want t
  21. How do you distinguish between the Obsessive thoughts/ruminations that are due to depression and the "pure obsessive" type thoughts that are considered OCD? I know that you don't have to be compulsive to have an OCD diagnosis (I think) but more & more I see my obsessive, negative ruminations taking over and I wonder if this means I have both OCD and Depression? My brain just gets stuck on a track loop....any sad trigger and I start having related obsessive thought patterns and I cannot escape the resulting mood/emotion that comes with it.
  22. I suffer horrific periods. They cause me a lot of pain. The biggest difficulty however is my mood before and during. I become profoundly depressed. I mean don't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week depressed. Suicidal depressed. I cannot stand it. My entire life shuts down once a month. Combined with my rapid mood cycling with borderline, it's a hell storm. I have tried every brand of birth control available to me. Every single one has made me go off the rails. My doctor has written me a prescription for the IUD Mirena, claiming that because it releases different types of hormones, it shouldn't mess with
  23. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Sinc
  24. Hi all, I'm a 20+ year sufferer of extremely TRD and am trying LSD (1P-LSD, more specifically) microdosing to help lift my mood and combat anhedonia. I'd love to know if anyone else has tried this. Specifically: what was your regimen? e.g. every 3 days?, dosage, substance, method did any initial beneficial effects increase over time? if so, over what kind of period? did you develop a tolerance? did it help with your anhedonia? did you try more than a microdose e.g. 1/4, 1/2 or even a whole tab? If so, how was that therapeutically? FTR, I'm taking 10ug (1/
  25. I've been relatively stable with a few jags here and there for almost 2 years, and suddenly I'm experiencing some depression that has me in tears at times, as well as anxiety that results in panic attacks so bad that I feel like I can't breathe. I'm very emotionally labile, reactive to any trigger, sending me to seclusion with my depression. The only thing that has changed is that I swapped Dexedrine to Bontril-PDM for my weight management (and with Bontril-PDM, off-label ADHD management, idiopathic hypersomnia management, and treatment of refractory bipolar depression). I'm thinking this
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