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Found 729 results

  1. I suffer horrific periods. They cause me a lot of pain. The biggest difficulty however is my mood before and during. I become profoundly depressed. I mean don't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week depressed. Suicidal depressed. I cannot stand it. My entire life shuts down once a month. Combined with my rapid mood cycling with borderline, it's a hell storm. I have tried every brand of birth control available to me. Every single one has made me go off the rails. My doctor has written me a prescription for the IUD Mirena, claiming that because it releases different types of hormones, it shouldn't mess with my head. She has left the decision in my hands with very little information. The internet isn't that reliable for proper information, but what I have found has not sounded promising. Has anyone else, who is specifically borderline tried any IUD before? Did it make you nuts? Did it make you fat? Is there even such thing as birth control that doesn't ruin your life?
  2. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Since coming off of Seroquel in last two weeks, I am now calm and the urge to act out aggressively is gone and I am mortally embarrassed about my behaviors. New psych doc now, former one retired. Started Reluxti two days ago at .5 mg. First day experienced some brain zaps and thinking it might have been due to the mixing of recently going off of Seroquel and introducing Reluxti. Today, no brain zaps. Taking Benadryl to help with insomnia as Rexulti may become stimulating. I know this is a very expensive drug and being on Medicare I do not qualify for any of the manufacturer's savings plans. My new psych doc believes he can keep me on his extra supplies forever or until they go generic. I am worried about being on this drug and loosing him as a psychiatrist and ending up with a co-pay of $400.00 a month and ending up in the Medicare Donut-hole very quickly. The trial pack he gave me has a 14 day supply. I recently did a gene study thru GenOMind. I am an ultra-rapid metabolizer and subject to many skin issues. When I first saw him, he became very frustrated with me and didn't believe me that I can't tolerate most of the behavioral meds out there but once he got the gene study, he then understood. The only drug he would suggest is Rexulti. I am in a quandary as to what to do about going on this very expensive medication with no way of paying for this and getting stuck on this drug should I loose my new psych doc and his many samples. Purple
  3. I have a dark, defeatists attitude. I will migrate to the negative view. I rarely can or will hold on to positive things, I miss out on life's joys and pleasures as I have been in the pit for so long So, my therapist has asked me on a daily basis to come up with 3 positive affimations. I have expanded it a bit to include things I am grateful for as well. I started to list my three things in my blog, probably still will. I have found it difficult but really rewarding. Really really rewarding. I have to think hard some days and others they flow. I want to hear your three things. I want to pass on the change that I have been given from what seems a simple task. So I will go first: 1) summer is here 2) I love the color green and am surrounded by it. 3) I get joy out of coloring, makes me feel better and distracts me when I need distracting. Okay so what are your three things?
  4. Hi all, I'm a 20+ year sufferer of extremely TRD and am trying LSD (1P-LSD, more specifically) microdosing to help lift my mood and combat anhedonia. I'd love to know if anyone else has tried this. Specifically: what was your regimen? e.g. every 3 days?, dosage, substance, method did any initial beneficial effects increase over time? if so, over what kind of period? did you develop a tolerance? did it help with your anhedonia? did you try more than a microdose e.g. 1/4, 1/2 or even a whole tab? If so, how was that therapeutically? FTR, I'm taking 10ug (1/10th of a tab) every 3 days using the volumetric method. I felt notably more energetic and less severely depressed within an hour of dosing. This persisted for ~ 14 hours. I couldn't sleep. Now, the next day, I feel kind of back to normal (i.e. feel very depressed and anhedonic), which is very demoralising. Thanks, Pete
  5. I've been relatively stable with a few jags here and there for almost 2 years, and suddenly I'm experiencing some depression that has me in tears at times, as well as anxiety that results in panic attacks so bad that I feel like I can't breathe. I'm very emotionally labile, reactive to any trigger, sending me to seclusion with my depression. The only thing that has changed is that I swapped Dexedrine to Bontril-PDM for my weight management (and with Bontril-PDM, off-label ADHD management, idiopathic hypersomnia management, and treatment of refractory bipolar depression). I'm thinking this may be the trigger, but I needed to take a break from Dexedrine because my receptors were too desensitized to it and I was starting to gain weight, sleep all day, become very inattentive (like almost having wrecks kind of inattentive), and feel a little depressed. So I may have identified my trigger, but I need to take a good break from Dexedrine so when I resume it, it will work as it did when I first started it. My question is how does one prevent depression (neurochemical, not cognitive)? Is there something that can be temporarily added to my cocktail? I see my pdoc Friday. I have tried lithium and it causes seizures. Depakote makes me a zombie. Lamictal causes horrendous acne. I'd rather not add a second antipsychotic. Increasing the antidepressants seem to do nothing. Should I just get back on Dexedrine ASAP? Or continue to give it a break and try other alternatives? I thought about trying Ritalin again, but a much higher dose than I've tried before, like 40-60 mg in Metadate CD form (the only form I felt anything from with methylphenidate). Concerta and regular Ritalin are useless, and I've heard bad things about Ritalin LA. Any responses or insight would be much appreciated! Thanks in advance!
  6. I’ve been dealing with major depressive disorder and anxiety for several years now. I’ve read a lot of books on psychology and neurology. But I’ve only recently started seeing a psychiatrist. I was getting prescriptions from general physicians. Currently I’m on Wellbutrin and it works great for my depression but my anxiety still shows up. I told my doctor that it feels like an under-lying current. The anxiety is constant but I keep it at bay. He prescribed me Seroquel 25mg. Today is my second day on it. I don’t think I really knew how to describe my anxiety before today because today my brain feels silent. It’s like before there was a constant negative voice, my own voice - I guess, that would always repeat any negative thought I ever had. All my doubts were vocalized by this voice. I’ve never described it as a voice before because I always associated it with just thoughts. But today those thoughts are not there. I’m calm and that’s weird. So my question is, is it really anxiety?
  7. Hello all, I'm looking for some med experience/anecdotes! I am bipolar and also have anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Currently I'm taking Lamictal (400mg/day), Geodon (80mg/day), and Adderall (25mg/day). I'm looking to change it up because I am seriously struggling with the side effects. Since starting Geodon I am tired all the time (it doesn't help that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode) and I've gained 20+ pounds in two months. I think it's helping with the manic side (or maybe that's just because of the depressive episode I'm in?) but I can't deal with these side effects. The Adderall works great for my ADHD but I think it's making me too edgy/irritable for my liking. On top of it I have been having terrible anxiety lately. I'm meeting with a new PMHNP next week and I like to research my med options ahead of time so that I feel more informed and can advocate for myself. I'm interested in Wellbutrin because it doesn't have weight gain associated with it, it helps with binge eating and supposedly helps you quit smoking (both current concerns of mine), and can work for both depression and ADHD. I'm also interested in Buspar as a possible anxiety med? I like that it also isn't associated with weight gain and that it isn't supposed to be sedating. I've also taken Abilify in the past (before I took Geodon) and didn't experience any terrible side effects other than it making me sleepy but maybe combined with the right thing that wouldn't be as much of an issue? Anyone have experience with this combo or a similar one? Any and all feedback appreciated! The med game is so overwhelming.
  8. Hoping someone can offer some insight to what is happening with me? I've been taking Ritalin consistently over a year again. Pulled me out of a bad anhedonia - I'm focused, motivated and goal driven. Mood was great the last 5 months. Now, I'm having intense meltdowns in the afternoon/eve. Stress-related. Internal pressure to succeed. I've lost many years to depression, being unproductive (was even bed-ridden from episodes).I've worked REALLY hard to pull out, and had one of the best 5-month "good periods" in a long time. I'm afraid of going back to that... I wonder if the Ritalin is in fact causing mood swings now. I get crying spells: stress, perfectionism, anxiety, irritability. I know everyone here will probably suggest adding an antidepressant again, but to be honest the A/Ds increase my apathy and anhedonia (I have Double depression - chronic low mood/no pleasure, with intermittent severe episodes). I don't know what to do, this seems to be stress-related as I've been so focused on Ritalin and wearing myself down. My main coping mechanism lately is studying, reading, working, writing as much as possible to distract myself from my unrelenting unhappiness with my life and myself. Basically, nothing is fun or enjoyable for me, I can't enjoy going for walks, hobbies or even watching tv series. I think the Ritalin has motivated me (good) but I've become a workaholic robot who only gets satisfaction from output, accomplishing goals and achieving perfection. I feel like a complete FAILURE if I'm not learning or working the entire day until bedtime!!! Is this similar to a Hypo or "Mixed" episode?? I don't want doc to label me as Bipolar and then quit prescribing Ritalin.
  9. Hello, amigos. It’s day 3 on Ritalin SR 20 once a day, finally prescribed after « doctor shopping » and faulty antidepressant tryouts. It kicked in right away however I did take a nap today shortly after taking it but that’s probably my body’s usual reaction to fighting off anything new to the system. It worked right away which is a miracle!!!!!! I have the worst job in the world which is dishwashing in my family’s restaurant, basically waiting to die. Well! Let me tell you, the soul crushing agony of a wasted 41 year old woman’s life were momentarily alleviated by focus, order, and execution. I just got on with it. S’ppose it coulda been a Placebo (great band) effect but I’ll take it. Having run the gamut of, oh, every antidepressant to no avail, the last being Trintellix, which after a month left me exhausted, though I’M SURE it would’ve worked after six weeks ? So experienced créatives,my questions to you are: Has adding an antidepressant to your current stimulant (preferably Ritalin) made you exhausted/fried and if so for how long? Is Prozac a lost cause, especially according to Dr Charles Parker ? Ixnay on Celexa, Citalopram, Abilify, Viibryd, Trintellix, Cymbalta, Effexor...those last three were great for a 2 or so months then I slept all day, modalert didnt make a dent..Zoloft I would say I’ve had the most success with but maybe I should do the Ritalin for a couple months before reintroducing? And finally, Wellbutrin was great until the Cicadas in my head....I.E Tinnitus made me want to inpatient myself. Thank you!! tl;dr dx’ed MDD, no bipolar traits and other failed depression treatments include Valdoxan (Agomelatine), Doxepin, Celexa was a goddamn disaster. I aint doin’ no MAOI’s, thanks. Also I live in France and Ritalin was extremely difficult to get prescribed. Thanks, Steph
  10. Hi guys, So I've been depressed and have had severe anxiety for 3 years. Antidepressants make me hypomanic (kinda) and triggers unstable mood. I don't fit in the usual description of bipolar, but there is definitely something not right about the way i react to antidepressants - feeling high, warm, racing thoughts x 100, gets overly chatty etc. I've tried the following moodstabilizers Lamotrigine (disaster) Trileptal Gabapentin Abilify (made me hypomanic) Seroquel (made me hypomanic) Depakote/valproate (still taking) This depression is killing me, but my p.doc. won't prescribe me lithium. Tried two different doctors. What are your thoughts?
  11. Hi guys, So I'm withdrawing from Gabapentin 900 mg. I'm down to 300 mg every second day. About a month and a half ago I tried going from 300 every day to 300 every second day - skipping a dose every other day. At first it went just fine, but then at the second week mark i started getting really depressed and began crying all the time. I then went back up to 300 every day and I started feeling better again. Two weeks ago i went back down to 300 mg every other day, and again the first week was fine, but now I am experiencing the same thing all over again. So - I know this is a popular question - but is this just withdrawal or is it a relapse? I am not otherwise experiencing any other symptoms. Has any of you gone through gabapentin/neurontin withdrawal? And has anyone else experienced this pattern? I am taking it for bipolar disorder NOS and anxiety, but it hasn't really helped that much. I am also on Mirtazapine and Depakote
  12. Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA
  13. Welbutrin (Bupropion) is a dopamine-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor; its occupancy at dopamine transporter (DAT) is 23%; whereas over 75% causes euphoria (ex. cocaine). A dopamine reuptake inhibitor (DRI) is a class of drug which acts as a reuptake inhibitor of the monoamine neurotransmitter dopamine by blocking the action of the dopamine transporter (DAT). Reuptake inhibition is achieved when extracellular dopamine not absorbed by the postsynaptic neuron is blocked from re-entering the presynaptic neuron. This results in increased extracellular concentrations of dopamine and increase in dopaminergic neurotransmission. I am currently taking Abilify 400 mg every 3 weeks (~ 20 mg / day) and 300 mg of Welbutrin. I was complaining to my psychiatrist about the side effects of Abilify I was suffering from; depression (low mood), sexual dysfunction, anhedonia, from a condition called "Neuroleptic Induced Deficit Syndrome" . I complained that I had totally lost my motivation, drive, and initiative and was experiencing anhedonia (lack of pleasure), emotional suppression, etc. It is like living in a mental restraint "straigthjacket". So my psychiatrist added Welbutrin. Abilify dampens down dopaminergic activity in three of the four dopaminergic pathways; It is the only Antipsychotic that I know of that can increase mesocortical dopaminergic activity. Other partial agonists like Brexiprazole and Cariprazine might do this also, whereas a silent antagonist cannot. Welbutrin has treated my low mood; I am euthymic now, but I am still anhedonic from Abilify being so frequent for such a dose; I am taking the daily equivalent of 20 mg: 400 mg per 3 weeks. At lower doses Abilify has a more stimulating effect. The Welbutrin he added certainly helps; but is unfortunately not enough. I am considering adding a dopamine full agonist such as Ropinirole, Rotigotine, Cabergoline and Pramipexole to my prescription meds. Some dopamine agonists are useful at treating depression resistant to SSRI-treatment. Dopamine agonists can be given to counteract the side effects of antipsychotics and serotonergic antidepressants. No doubt that dopamine antagonism has a negative effect on mood. In the mesolimbic pathway *(reward pathway)* Aripriprazole reduces dopaminergic activity; which reduces motivation - salience (liking, rewarding), which can be identified as a major source of anhedonia. Aripriprazole does not reduce dopamine transmission in the mesocortical pathway in people whose mesocortical pathway has .less than normal activity. The dopamine boost that Welbutrin provides keeps me stable; counterbalances some of the negative effects of Abilify. I just need more help in alleviating this zombified state of existence in which I am alienated from my own real self. and cannot enjoy the things I used to enjoy; food, drugs, sex. I live in anhedonia, a state of a loss of pleasure; due to the neurological inhibition caused by Abilify. Welbutrin works as a wakefullness promoting agent, a mild stimulant.
  14. Just an update based on my posts earlier during this year. I ultimately wound up remaining on the oral antipsychotic (Latuda 20mg) which I started taking after completing my 2nd probation term in this decade in January 2018 stemming from a January 2015 motor vehicle offense which ultimately slammed me with a 3rd degree felony (after already acquiring a misdemeanor for resisting arrest on foot in June 2012) related to having schizoaffective disorder and experiencing manic episodes and hallucinations. I was previously diagnosed with Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features after the 1st incident I was involved in back in June 2012. My main issue the entire time I was serving both probation terms was that I was always court ordered by a judge to continue taking the antipsychotics by injection and to continue my psychological treatment. My primary concerns with the antipsychotic medication was always having intolerable akathisia (inability to sit still), tremendous amounts of weight gain (My height is 5'8 with a small to medium frame and my weight maxed out in January 2018 at almost 310lb after being around 155lb until after June 2012, severe gynecomastia (recently won Risperdal / Invega class-action lawsuit), anxiety, depression, and disorganized speech (currently seeing a speech pathologist to suppress language disorder). Following the completion of my 2nd probation term, I was initially placed on Latuda 40mg taken with food at night and then tested out Fanapt 6mg. I was still experiencing most of the side-effects and was still outright desperate to eliminate all of the symptoms I just mentioned. By the beginning of March 2018, I did ultimately try consulting with my psychiatrist about switching to a mood-stabilizer as monotherapy acting in place of an antipsychotic and accepted the risk that if I actually suffer from schizoaffective disorder and it wasn't Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features that I would probably relapse and hallucinate again and I was even in agreement to keep a bottle of antipsychotics as a PRN and to just eat them like crazy if anything happened. I discussed everything with him (I never considered him to be a control freak) and he said that he would eventually be willing to try my suggestion but asked me if I had any other idea in mind that involved remaining on an antipsychotic for slightly longer. I suggested to him that I'd be willing to try taking the Latuda at 20mg instead of 40mg before switching to a completely different class of drugs. In retrospect, I'm not even completely certain if any of the oral antipsychotics including the higher dosage of Latuda or Fanapt were even that badly tolerated.. Now, I'm not condemning an entire class of drugs because I now support some of the low-dose oral antipsychotics for myself but I ultimately think that my former overall disgust and intolerance for the antipsychotics was because I was only ever taking them when I was either locked up in county jail and the overall quality of the drugs was really bad and primarily because the only time I was ever actually taking them was when I was taking court-ordered injections. That basically explains why my experience with the mental health system always sucked up to that point. I'm not trying to speak to highly of myself here but my psychiatrist has always said that he considers me to be one of his higher functioning patients, therefore the reason why he thinks I was always so vocal about all the underlying side effects from the injections and was more sensitive to them than the majority of his patients, even at 260, 280 or 310 pounds, my weight was never really a factor for me in terms of reacting to the meds with less sensitivity. It simply didn't matter what injection he would put me on. I was on so many of them including Invega, Aristada, and Invega and they always caused more damage than they did anything positive for me. I always felt like the compromises I had to make to not hallucinate and remain out of legal trouble were simply too much to take. The slow-release form of the injections was always too intense for me but I was honestly being completely forthright when I admitted that I didn't want another episode involving the boys in blue to occur ever again. At the time of my last post, my dosage was already reduced to 20mg and I was still complaining on a regular basis about everything I was still feeling but it wasn't until the end of March when the restless / walking on hot sand feeling finally began to subside. My overall appetite decreased enough to where I lost over 50 pounds by the beginning of the summer (since then the weight loss has stopped at around 260lb unfortunately but I have remained generally stable in terms of my weight). I won a class-action lawsuit against Risperdal / Invega in February and my weight became low enough where my plastic surgeon agreed to perform male-breast reduction surgery on me after denying me previously because I became so overweight / obese after I was released from county jail and the results were very successful without needing revision surgery thus far. My speech disorder did improve a little but unfortunately wasn't completely going away by the end of the summer. I still felt like I had something like aphasia where I couldn't think of common words or name common objects and the words wouldn't return to my mind until 10 or 20 minutes after the conversation took place. The speech pathologist I eventually saw for this referred me to the audiology department at my local hospital for Central Auditory Processing Testing and it was revealed that I do in fact have a language decoding disorder (my intuition was right all along) which is certainly aggravated by having schizoaffective disorder and maybe even still by the medication. I only become somewhat anxiety-ridden and become depressed right after I take the medication with some food, therefore I normally take it right before I go to sleep. By the time I wake up, I am no longer experiencing the anxiety and paranoia but I never become psychotic. Still, the most important thing is that I'm no longer experiencing any of that indescribable akathisia and thank god the weight gain reversed before I hit 350 and I no longer have to walk around with female-like breasts anymore. This is easily the most balanced I've felt since I developed the mental illness in the beginning of this decade. I'm not a morbidly obese zombie with female-like breasts pacing all day and night with akathisia but I'm also not hallucinating and running away from the local police department during a welfare check or speeding from the state troopers on major highways either. The delusions are still there at certain times except mild enough where I just laugh them off most of the time and don't believe the majority my own deception.
  15. So gp gave me this new medication called xifaxan to kill off bad intestinal bacteria. He and the pharmacist said insomnia, anxiety, and depression aren’t side effects of this medication. But I’ve been on it for 6 days and after nearly 2 months of feeling pretty great, I’m suddenly experiencing all three of these symptoms severely. I’m just wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else on this med. it doesn’t show up on the common side effect profiles, but I looked further down at the doc pamphlet at bottom of the page and it does say it can do his. How do I get the doctor to believe me? She wants me to continue it but I woke up today feeling extremely depressed! And my Xanax isn’t even working for the anxiety! This all even being on vyvanse. @mikl_pls or @browri? ps: why would they say this stuff can happen down in the physicians info and not list it in patient info??? shitty thing is, it’s definitely helping my stomach problem.
  16. It's the week before Thanksgiving and not one person has invited me to their home or to get together to celebrate Thanksgiving. I go thru this every year and suddenly Thanksgiving is 4 days away. I usually prepare my own special dinner to ward off feelings of isolation during this holiday, this year, I was too depressed to even think ahead. Now it's 4 days away, no one has invited me and I didn't buy any food to prepare. I have to have food delivered because I am disabled and cannot drive. It's too late to order thru my grocery delivery as I'm sure the store is out of most of the things I usually get to make. So, now depression is inking in big time and my thinking is that since no one invited me, I must not be regarded as a close enough friend to be considered to sit at their table for Thanksgiving and causing me to rethink who is on my friend list. I feel soo abandoned and very sad.
  17. I worked my way up to 5mg of Zyprexa last 10 days, but still very irritable. I snap at everyone, so everyone is naturally leaving me alone. I don't like living this way. Left a message with my prescribing doctor about this irritability issue. Update, prescribing doc called and suggested I go up 1/4 of a tablet and get the irritability and mood swings under control before I start the Lamictal. So, took another 1/4 tablet which makes 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I have taken so far this morning. Seizure doc prescribed Lamictal, but holding off starting that until I feel more stable on Zyprexa. Zyprexa used to calm my mind, not sure why it's not working so well this time around. I have been on all the other anti-psychotics and Zyprexa is the only one I can tolerate. Anti-depressants don't work for me, can't tolerate any of the SSRI's. In the middle of a card game last Monday, I got mad at one of the players, threw my cards down on the table and left. That is not like me, I never display anger towards anyone. Very upset over all this irritability and moodiness and now what happened at the card game, very ashamed of my behavior. I have since apologized to the person I offended, will attend the card game this evening and see how I do. Gulp !!
  18. I've posted on this topic before, because I'm really wondering why this is happening to me, but not on other people that have been on higher-dose stimulants (without breaks) for MUCH longer.... I re-instated Ritalin (after a 4 month break) due to increase in work cognitive tasks. Pdoc increased the dosage because previous dose was starting to not cut it, wearing off early. I Was told I could experiment, but to take weekends/breaks off in order to "rest" . In the last 3 weeks, I've noticed drastic improvements in my mood, motivation, ability to focus on intellectual tasks/reading, and a positivity, calmness in general. Problem is, I am psychologically addicted. When I try to break on the weekends, I can't get out of bed, barely prepare food for myself (despite hunger), and shower, basically, these symptoms are MUCH worse than before I was taking it! I'm concerned that I'll need to keep increasing the dose, take it everyday, and eventually, it will make my condition/functioning worse in the long run (exacerbating the problem). I had old pdocs that would not prescribe me stimulants for exactly this reason.....(I am not ADD.....it is for TRD.) Any ideas guys? I'm very compliant, and have no inclination to abuse the dosage. This is the only thing that's made a dent in my mood and functioning and does not seem like a long-term solution!
  19. How does Loneliness effect you? Any meds that help? All articles suggest that being active in regular social activities, any type of socializing, CBT, therapy, all help - but what if it doesn't for you? What if you have no friends you can depend on or trust? What if socializing with strangers, frequent group meetups, events, hobbies makes you feel worse? What if you are unable to work and have no regular in-person interaction with people? http://theconversation.com/loneliness-on-its-way-to-becoming-britains-most-lethal-condition-94775 "Cacioppo’s key insight was that loneliness is fundamentally a biological problem....And so is its most profound effect – death. Analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies found that loneliness is associated with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity. ....said Cacioppo, we evolved to experience social rejection in the same way as physical pain. Brain scans have shown that “social pain”, such as being shunned by a community, activates the same region – the dorsal anterior cingulate – as bodily trauma."
  20. This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is. Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do. I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh* Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month. Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks. The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up. Rant over.
  21. I was curious about Abilify, first off have you personally seen a huge increase in weight after getting on abilify? I hardly have an appetite, even without meds, and it's very hard for me to gain weight. I also exercise pretty modestly, about an hour a day. Would I be safe from weight gain caused by Abilify? The only antipsychotic I've been on long term was Seroquel, helped me a lot and I don't think I gained more than 10 pounds, which could've just been me not being so depressed and having an appetite again. Is the same likely for Abilify? I am just terrified of this because I have gained a large amount of weight, over 20 pounds from one medication which was Remeron. It really messed with my body and I am terrified of that happening again, because honestly, being fat makes me feel ugly and even more depressed. Second, I wanted to talk about something my psych brought up to me. He said that Abilify and it's relative Rexulti, have "pro-cognitive" effects, meaning they help with brain fog, apathy, concentration, motivation, and even energy. Apparently both are used for ADHD, with even the makers of Rexulti trying to get it approved for ADHD. Have any of your experienced this from either of the two? Because I am in need of something that helps with cognition, mainly apathy and low, low motivation and interest. Bottom line, I am very interested in Abilify and its sister Rexulti. They are very interesting pharmacologically, with them being sort of unique antipsychotics... I would be taking Abilify for depression and as an add on to an antidepressant, by the way. I've always been scared of the word "antipsychotic" but knowing how Seroquel basically annihilated my depression in the past, I can't deny their benefits. Please share your experience, and as always, thanks for helping me out.
  22. Hello. I can't remember a time when food wasn't THE main focus in my life. Even when I'm so full and can't eat another bite...my thoughts wander to what else I'll eat later. Diets, eating plans, Weight Watchers Summer Camps, gastric bypass, journaling what I eat and/or exercising will START to give results the first few weeks and then my body just basically says "F you" and shuts down. No more weight loss. If I can't get the gratification of weekly seeing measurable change in my efforts...I'm right back to food. Overeating has ruined my life. Whoever I COULD have been when I started out a sweet little girl was squandered when I somehow started using food to placate myself VERY YOUNG. Then it became a horrible guilty, shameful and "what's wrong with me" set of glasses I looked at life through. I was constantly pushed by my mom to stop eating, go on a diet and exercise. She tried EVERYTHING until well into my adult life. She too had weight/eating issues and knew what life would be like for me. She tried to help the only way she knew how but it set up a terrible vicious cycle of sneaking food to make myself feel better and loved and treated special...that's what food feels like to me. When I look at my family dynamics I can see all the ways life in general contributed to this addiction. But breaking out of it has been a constant struggle. Now for the last 2-3 years I've literally given up. I'm 58 now and it feels like, short of a miracle, I'll die fat. My hips, spine and knees are in terrible shape (of course they are). Being fat set up a way of thinking and acting in all relationships with people that I also am exhausted with. I honestly with all my heart and fiber of my being think and feel that pleasing someone else will keep them in my life and they'll pay what little attention to me they are willing to give me. Not all people have been horrible, I've had some great friends over my life...but of course, THEY HAD LIVES and I was never the center of anyone else's life. I would have done anything through my mid forties to make someone else the center of my life in hopes of finally finding someone who wanted to team up and walk through life together. Now? I'm too old. I'm too set in my ways. It's just not as important. I'm past the age of finding someone to "be a couple" with...no I'll never define who I am that way. I'm too old for kids and of course at this point I should've had grandchildren. There will be no one to take care of me as I get older. I literally hope God takes me out while I can still walk and am living on my own. I never want to be institutionalized in an assisted living/nursing home type of situation. Thanks for reading this.
  23. I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated. P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
  24. My psych doc has called two times to see if I started on the Latuda. I haven't. I originally wanted to wait until the Seroquel and Pamelor left my system before I started anything new. That was 3 weeks ago. Now experiencing inking in of paranoia, insomnia, fear, anxiety, depression, more migraine and it's preventing me from starting Latuda. I have some key appointments I have to keep between now and the end of the month that I absolutely cannot cancel. I don't want to start Latuda and experience overwhelming side effects that will scare me from leaving my home to make these appointments. However, living in agony with these symptoms is horrible and I know I need to start on the Latuda. After todays appointment, I will have 10 business days until my next appointment, I could take a small sample and see how I react for a few days. I'm also still spending like crazy, have maxed out all my credit cards, applied for more. I know I am doing this to comfort myself. However, I am now sending back more than half what I am buying, but I am in trouble with one credit card. I called my bank and asked for help and they agreed to suspend my credit card until I get it under the credit limit. All this spending started after I watched my neighbor pass away and since then I have not been doing my daily walk because the only path I can use with my rollator is right where she passed away. I just haven't been able to get myself beyond this. I tried starting with a trauma therapist but that ended badly, she wanted me to discuss my past traumas in detail during the first and second meeting and half way thru the second meeting I flew out of her room having a panic attack. I kept warning her I needed to work on grounding and she wouldn't, so won't go back. She hasn't called to see why I haven't been back, so will let that one go. I'm a basket case right now.
  25. My husband and I have been married for many years. Over the years, he has gotten upset at me for various reasons, many justified and others....our level of arguing increased about 8 years ago. I do not do well with conflict. I grew up on a family where you said sorry and moved on. I avoid conflict and lie at times to avoid it. Many times, He will recognize my anxiety and call me out. Instead of stating the tough facts and bringing uneasy feelings and thoughts to light, I will provide half truths hoping he will let it go. Pretty much, anytime this happens, he know it and is upset with me. I finally come clean with it all. Many times, my husband has shut down and not talked to me for days and I didn’t know exactly what was wrong. I have become so afraid to bring up anything that I see could cause a disagreement or him to think something horrible of me. So, I lie to myself and hope it blows over and I don’t have to tell him my deepest feelings. Am I crazy? Oh, and I am terrified he will leave me as he has threatened so many times over the years. I fear he will say he has had enough of my anxiety and lies....I don’t know what to do.
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