Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'die'.
Found 3 results
Hello. Here's my introduction. I am new here and I've been searching for a place to vent and hopefully find someone similar to me. I don't want sympathy; I want others who understand how to live and progress in life in this condition. But first I'd like the community’s advice as to what exactly is wrong with me. So what am I like? With people, I am usually distant and reserved, unless they are easily dominated. Then I take over the conversation and interaction is easy as pie. I sometimes get in scrapes with authority (not the police though) because of my attitude. I don’t have anyone I’d call a “best friend”, and most of my “friends” are mere acquaintances. There is no one I’d spend time with rather than be alone. I haven’t had someone to my house for “fun” in about 2 years. I put minimal effort in classes, and sometimes go a full class period without saying a word. It’s because, again, I put in minimal effort. Let the others discuss and work. I get by just fine. I’m probably the smartest in my class. What goes on in my mind? I despise people. I often think there’s no purpose to my life, and what I want to be is impossible. I’m not suicidal, but I wouldn’t mind if I died tomorrow or even today. I often think how if my entire family died, I wouldn’t mind. I didn’t grow up in an abusive household, as far as I can remember. I just don’t care about anyone else. I love seeing people in pain. It makes me laugh. Seeing destruction brings such happiness to my heart I sometimes think I’d like to be a terrorist just for the destruction. Seeing a person crying is so satisfying. I don’t cry for others, but I cry when I think about why I live and I don’t have any reason. I cry for the lost whatever others have. But I think they’re foolish for taking themselves so seriously; life isn’t worth it. I’m atheist, and I despise the religious, the moral, the political, the martyrs. But I do have a collection of imaginary friends, I guess, which I call “beings”. They’re kind of a pantheon of gods for my morals. They get me through the day; they help me with my decisions. They’re basically the people I’m looking for on this forum, though I’ll doubt I’ll find any. I have _ beings so far; I create more when it is needed. Though once created, they rarely leave. I also had some anti-beings, some which probably were my lost innocence. Also my beings have colors. I’ll just put them here because I’ve never told anyone about them. The first is a male black cat with blue eyes. Its color is blue. It is the being of Ambition. He was the first, and he is my primary consultant. The second is a woman with blonde hair and red eyes. Her color is red. She is the being of destruction. My fantasies of murdering those close to me often involved her and the black cat. The third is a king. His eyes are a dead yellow, and his color is yellow. He is the being of power. He speaks very curtly and reminds me of my destiny to rule the world or something like that. He speaks very rarely, but is always there. The fourth is a girl with red hair and gray eyes. Her color is orange. She is the being of manipulation. She helps me fool people and be nice and caring and normal. She was originally kind-hearted, but she understands manipulation and is empty-hearted like me now. The fifth is a mirror image of me, a girl with brown hair. But she has green eyes instead, and her color is green. She is the being of hatred. She understands me most, and she is reminds me of how terrible everyone is. She makes me hate them even more than I already did. The sixth is a male white cat with purple eyes. His color is purple. He is the being of perfection. He helps me achieve what few goals I have. With him I can be perfect. I also had a fantasy where I’d lock up I guess my true self, the innocent one who cared and stuff. I tried to kill her but I just couldn’t do it. I can’t live without her alive. So she is just unconscious somewhere in chains and wounded and bloody. I forgot about her. I know one characteristic of sociopaths is their lack of restraint and frequent conflicts with the law. I haven’t ever broken the law, because I try to keep my freedom. This is an irony in my life though because while I’m trying to keep my options as open as possible for the future, I don’t have a future to plan for. This results in a strange feeling of stagnation, and I don’t know what to do about it. So anyway, this has been a long post. I hope my question will be answered, and comments would be appreciated. Thank you.
hi, im a 12 year old boy from Ireland and I don't know why I think about it but I keep thinking about my mam or dad dying and I just randomly cry and I try to not show it to them. In my dreams I have dreams and I wake up so scared and I always have to go check.. does anyone know what I can do! im so scared
Can i die for stop taking abilify?