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Showing results for tags 'disassociation'.
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I'm 44 years old with bipolar 2. I was diagnosed in my 20s and have been on continuous medication for almost 4 years. I am not sure when it started, but I know I have been "blacking out" for at least 2 years. I only became fully aware of what was happening a couple months ago. I am not - and never have been - a heavy drinker. I do not use drugs except for the ones prescribed by my pdoc and once daily marijuana for sleep. I only started the marijuana a month ago, so it does not have anything to do with the blackouts. I have several confirmed episodes ranging from 24 to 60 hours of doing things with no memory. Once I talked to family and friends on the phone and drove my car with no memory. Recently, I lost 24 hours in which I screamed horrible things at my husband and drove him out of the house. During the same 24 hour period, I somehow broke my phone and threw garden tools (including a pick axe) around the backyard and broke a large glass top patio table. I have absolutely no memory of any of these things. I also have lost many things in the past couple years with some of them later turning up in bizarre places. Other things never turn up. My pdoc has referred me to a sleep specialist to rule out a sleep disorder, but my husband and I think that this is unlikely. I would appreciate input from anyone who has knowledge and/or experience regarding this situation. I am frightened and do not want this to continue - especially if I am going to drive or possibly hurt someone.
We have parts with parlor opposite personalities. We isolate so that we don't do anything that would be destructive to ourself or get us into trouble. How do you handle that and still have a life? I'm afraid I'll be out and one of my parts will end up seeking out abuse or contacting someone who almost killed us before. We know where he is and he'll always welcome the chance to abuse us again. Even staying inside we have to work so hard at not reaching out to those toxic kind of people. I admit that sometimes we fail and it happens, but because we're so afraid to leave the house, it's rare that we act on it. Some parts are feeling shame to admit this.
I have been a lurker here for about a month, and first let me say how impressed I am with this Board! So many threads have been helpful already, and put topics on our list that might not have emerged otherwise. Reading the stories of others also helped keep me sane when I was going batty with worry. My (early 30s) son is in the earliest stages of being assessed and treated, and I am in the earliest stages of assembling helpful clues and feedback on his behalf. Long story short, he had his first-ever psychotic break 6 weeks ago, but seems entirely normal again today. The initial episode lasted 4 days worth of delusions, pressured speech, twitching, panic attacks and wandering. At the end, we took him to a crisis clinic and they referred him on to what became 3 weeks of court ordered treatment in a public health behavioral unit (he is currently unemployed and uninsured). Once admitted, he shut down and refused to speak to anyone (panic, resentment, who knows) which made it very hard for them to do an accurate assessment. He was released to us 3 weeks ago (on 2mg Risperdal once daily). Back home, he was completely verbal again and it has been steady improvement at home against a backdrop of zig-zagging moods, punctuated by insights that sound quite encouraging (for which I credit his new therapist, who has also done a bit of EMDR with him). My chief dilemmas on his behalf at the moment are two: - Whether his public health docs were too quick to assume the worst and put him on Risperdal, and whether that puts his brain at risk. (If I believed that was so, I would advocate more forcefully for the public doc to wean him off all meds so we can see what happens next.) He is already having some eye-muscle twitching that concerns him and me. - Whether we should make it a condition of financial help from the family (he wants to return to school), that he also enter an outpatient rehab program, even if excess MJ for years was not the proximate cause of current crisis The long story is, of course, much longer. It does involve probable trauma at a possibly life-threatening level right before he collapsed on our doorstep (so to speak). But your forums have been the first place to alert me to the possibility that something "PTSD-ish" could, itself, produce a psychotic break. Until now, our leading hypotheses involved ingesting substances he had not admitted to us (or perhaps did not recall) or that some major stress ignited bipolar that might have been kindling for awhile (a long shot, but not impossible given the rest of his story since college). He was treated for ADHD (very helpfully) from age 10 to 20, when he took himself off. He has a high IQ and obtained a science degree from a good University, but then settled for clerk-level jobs forever conflicted about wanting a 'real' job and using excess MJ to self-medicate. Outwardly, it seemed to be a classic 'failure to launch' story. Meanwhile, "Dr. Mom" also thinks she sees recurring bits of Asperger's on both sides of the family trees, aspects of which seem to fit my son too, even if he has always outwardly seemed quite adept socially. So that is my nutshell summary. Any and all thoughts are welcome, especially but not limited to, links between trauma and psychosis, effects of Risperdal in what might be a healthy brain, or benefits of rehab for someone who was never really an addict but lived a lot of that lifestyle and now clearly needs help rebulding a healthy life from scratch.