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Showing results for tags 'dissociating'.
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My groceries were delivered to the wrong building and apartment yesterday. The woman who came to my front door said my grocery delivery was sent to her address, so I grabbed my cart and followed her over to her apartment. I noticed there was something off about her and it got worse when I entered her apartment. She had put all my groceries away in her kitchen, where she thought was the right place (in her mind). She put my ice cream in the cabinet, and you can guess the rest. Each of the 22 items she put away in different places all over her home. She would not give up the candy, I had to walk away from that. Clearly this woman had dementia and there I was in her apartment, alone. And as I stood in her kitchen getting my groceries back, I could not reach my executive powers and realized I was dissociated and could not defend myself. In reality, I should never have gone into her home. I should have just walked away, gone home and called the grocery delivery service. This woman signed my name on the form as instructed by the delivery person and now we are worried how much of a tip she gave him on my credit card. I knew walking over there I felt extremely anxious, going into a strangers apartment who was acting oddly right from the start, so the anxiety drove the dissociation and anything could have happened to me, alone with a demented neighbor, I should have known better. Two days ago, another neighbor stopped by to visit my new kitten. I should never have let her in, but there I went again, immediately into dissociation. This woman has been threatening to me in the past and yet I let her in my home and as I was sitting there looking at her, I sensed she should not be there and yet felt powerless over the situation so sat there and let the visit play itself out. Then this woman started taking pictures of my kitten without asking permission and I should have have stopped her, but I was totally powerless. I feel that I just cannot function in the real world and protect myself. Dissociation is protecting myself, but it's leaving me very vulnerable and the consequences are that I am left with feeling very bad about myself.
When I started derealizing last year, I had an impulse to buy cigarettes for the first time, and idk if it was the placebo affect, but I found that they helped ground me a bit. I started derealizing again recently and tried smoking them again and found that they helped a bit. It's funny because when you smoke them they make you sort of dizzy and you're stumbling...but they're also a stimulant I was just wondering if other people find that they have helped or made it worse?
I have sprained my ankle at least 5 times when walking downstairs, I'm not sure if I am missing steps or spacing out and forgetting how to walk? Lol this time wasn't so bad, but previous times I was in a cast. Add to that I walk into things all the time, walls, doors, cabinets, I trip constantly. The other night I literally stepped out the door at the pdoc office and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, having rolled my ankle and smacked my knee on the concrete. All I remember doing is standing in the doorway, sort of daydreamy, thinking how dark it got. Then I stepped out and Bam! I wonder if I'm not focusing? I do dissociate but I didn't think I was...