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  1. It's been a long while since my last visit here, and even longer since last writing anything. I don't know where to write this, or even what to write, but there really is no one else to talk to. So... long story short, I attempted suicide about 6 months ago (not my first try), and obviously, failed at that, again. I have been in a relationship more or less 5 years now, and I guess I can summarize that into "it's complicated". Things have been going from bad to worse since the suicide attempt. To a point that few weeks ago, my (I don't know what to call him, "partner"?) was violent towar
  2. I've been experiencing depersonalization frequently recently but I don't understand why. I probably don't fit the criteria of depersonalization disorder so the only other reason I could experience is if I used a psychedelic substance, which I do not. I've been wondering if depression is the cause of the depersonalization as it often, but not always, happens during MDD episodes. Could this be correct?
  3. I feel it is my ultimate goal to depersonalize once and for all my life was a living hell until 18 when I hade a life changing drug experience and realized I was fucked up next day I was setting up a visit to the psychiatrist I am very introspective and realized what I hade better than ay outside source could tell me I hade bpd mixed with a family history of bipolar ouch now imagine the most emotionally sensitive and vengeful woman on steroids and lock her in your head the mind can only take so many temper tantrums before it pulls the old 1930's era divorce from its self which it did I am t
  4. Thursday night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I don't have a clue what tr
  5. Latuda is off the table for now due to the weird reaction. We were considering Depakote, but psych doc just called and nixed that idea due to my NAFLD and chronic hyperammonia issues. So, he wants me to start back on Zyprexa tonight and to call him tomorrow to see how I am doing. He has been calling me daily over the past two weeks. Several neighbors are suggesting assisted living, but my psych doc is saying no way, I'm not at that stage yet. However, my mother started dementia at my age, but his position in this is that when on Zyprexa, it cures the confusion and other debilitating sympt
  6. So I saw my psych doc today and he feels the best reactions I have had to control most all my symptoms are in this class of medications. Where I do not like this "named" class, I will give this one drug one more try. I have been on them all but this one. All the others I can take for short bursts of time. We are trying to find something I can take long-term. Starting tonight with 20 mg of Latuda. I also asked for Cogentin to help with the horrible muscle spasms and rigid muscles. Mail order will eventually get me the Trasadone to help with sleep and Cogentin for muscle issues. I aske
  7. This is what I go thru every day from the moment I wake up: anxiety throughout the day, uncontrollable anxiety and panic only when I leave my home, dissociation in times of high stress and high anxiety and panic, insomnia every night, daily depression, scary cycling mood swings. My psych doc called me on a Saturday afternoon (now this doc is semi-retired and only works 3 days a week now). I was shocked when I saw his name come up on caller ID. He was calling to suggest I go into the hospital until I become stabilized. Stabilized in one week, no way I say. It's gonna take time for that
  8. I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes a
  9. Finally came clean with my psych. I am sitting here with boxes of the same item (3) of this and that, that I ordered online and don't even remember I ordered these items. I increased my credit line on my credit cards so I could spend more. I find when I am up late at night I order, order, order and don't remember the next day what I ordered until I get an email that an item is coming. I can't leave my home due to panic and high anxiety. I have to stop spending or I am heading for bankruptcy. My psych doc just started me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg - very low dose due to sensitivities to
  10. I am going to copy this out and hand over to my new trauma therapist, will circle which applies to me. I met with her last week and she educated me with certain diagnoses I was given that now fall under the new PTSD criteria. I also am keeping a daily log of my symptoms and triggers. CAUTION: May trigger * * * * * * * * * * * * Full copyrighted criteria are available from the American Psychiatric Association (1). All of the criteria are required for the diagnosis of PTSD. The following text summarizes the d
  11. Since starting Wellbutrin last august i have felt fairly stable as far as my depression goes. I have felt normal and sometimes almost upbeat in a way that did not slip into euphoria. I started taking Ritalin last year or this year due to insurance issues with my nuvigil for narcolepsy. I also had a......traumatic?? life experience where I learned that my husband had cheated on me and may have gotten this girl knocked up. We are trying to work things out, and I've been dealing, but it is hard. It constantly plays through my mind. She is always between us. That had a big triggering effect on me.
  12. Hey there! I've been having a very difficult week. I've been on lexapro and klonopin for depression and anxiety for 3 years and the lexapro has plateaued in the last year or so, so my pdoc decided to put me on Abilify about a week ago and it has SUCKED. I'm not feeling any of the positive effects of the meds yet, which I understand because sometimes it takes a while. BUT i have been feeling a whole bunch of negatives. Theres a general brain slowness, like forming sentences and thoughts takes much longer than usual, like if my train of thought were a real train, there is now a huge parachute on
  13. Has anyone become numb, severely depressed, "blank" minded after ECT and recovered? I wasn't depressed prior to ECT, and the "ECT specialist" thought I had a "rare form of Bipolar." After my 5th bilateral session I started to feel "off" and different, and subsequently plunged into a deep depression. A few months later my mind went "blank"/silent after experiencing strong negative thoughts and emotions, and now I feel totally flat (this was becoming gradual until the blank mind), disconnected from my self and others/family, etc. Has anyone experienced something similar and recovered their
  14. I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has. I
  15. Anyone else experience this? It's like I have no automatic thoughts at all, nothing "driving" me - complete loss of automatic inner monologue. I feel totally flat and emotionless - except for negative emotions and fear because of this state. Has anyone recovered from this?
  16. I'm wondering if anyone here's had an nde... I've been realising I had alot of... Afteraffects. Would be very cool to talk to someone about it if u have, or know someone who has.
  17. I have posted many times here (since I signed up), but didn't decide to take the step to tell my doctor until now (mainly because I have been psychotic for so many time and because alter 2 didn't want to) Finally I am telling my pdoc. I wrote him a 3 page letter (is it too much? I am worried I am being over demanding?). In the letter I explain this but with more details and examples and how it began and how it has been since I am 13: 1. Function in diarly tasks, social, emotional, more anxious, more obsessive, more communication with fragments that holds memories, ... 2. Focus
  18. Hi, I was questioning if I might have Complex PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder. I'll start out about my life. I was born sensitive and raised by helicopter parents (In which I am now 22 years old). I had a good, disoriented early childhood, but everytime that I did something wrong, I would get spank, yell, threatened or shouted. My father has ADHD, and dropped out in Grade 7 and My mother has MS, GAD, and Depression, dropped out in Grade 11, (but got her GED 25 years later). My father was nice, and took me out for a drive, but when I did something wrong, I would get yelled, then ge
  19. I have this thing about me that I haven't told a therapist because in the past it has always been under control or at least predictable and useful. I don't know how to even describe it well because I feel like I am lying every time I try to because I can't figure out how to say what is really going on. This thing about me is changing and I can't stop it or control it anymore. In all other ways I am doing better than I ever have. I don't know if this thing changing is me getting better, it doesn't feel like it. So this is kinda what is happening. I don't think I have dissociative Identity
  20. Hi all, I'm new here, so if this conversation has already happened, would you kindly point me to the correct thread? I'm in a tad of predicament. My therapist wants me to be doing something to express and "process" (whatever that means exactly) both my present and past experiences. Journaling is, of course, the go-to and used to work, but lately it has just triggered me terribly. Last night, after I tried journaling, I felt like I was going mad (I'm going to guess it was a strong dissociative episode...), and I didn't even talk about anything that crazy. I'll keep working on tim
  21. Hi I am new here. I am 27 years old, and for the past 2 months have been experiencing the following symptoms. I have been to several psychiatrists and psychologists, who have told me that I am not experiencing anything remotely close to psychosis. A few have told me that my symptoms are the result of chronic sleep deprivation (I have had a poor sleep pattern for the past 7 months). 1) Extreme detachment from people and my surroundings- I feel very detached from my surroundings and people, almost as if they are not real, or as if I am far away. Everything feels "strange" and a bit
  22. Hi I am new here. I am 27 years old, and for the past 2 months have been experiencing the following symptoms. I have been to several psychiatrists and psychologists, who have told me that I am not experiencing anything remotely close to psychosis. A few have told me that my symptoms are the result of chronic sleep deprivation (I have had a poor sleep pattern for the past 7 months). 1) Extreme detachment from people and my surroundings- I feel very detached from my surroundings and people, almost as if they are not real, or as if I am far away. Everything feels "strange" and a bit
  23. Hi I am new here. I am 27 years old, and for the past 2 months have been experiencing the following symptoms. I have been to several psychiatrists and psychologists, who have told me that I am not experiencing anything remotely close to psychosis. A few have told me that my symptoms are the result of chronic sleep deprivation (I have had a poor sleep pattern for the past 7 months). 1) Extreme detachment from people and my surroundings- I feel very detached from my surroundings and people, almost as if they are not real, or as if I am far away. Everything feels "strange" and a bit
  24. Mentioned in a Facebook PTSD group a time when I was 13 I cut myself with a jagged piece of a broken dish. Wrote I didn't realize I cut myself until I saw me bleeding. Some members said I dissociated. Through the years, couple times a month I see cuts at least two inches long. How often do you dissociate and not recall how cuts, wounds got there?
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