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Found 17 results

  1. After one visit with the trauma therapist, I am having nightmares. It's one continuing nightmare, night after night until I find a way to resolve the trauma in the nightmare. Usually I would go back to my mother to confront her about what I was dreaming and she would admit, it really did happen. Just by her admission, that was enough to resolve the continual dreams. Now that freaked me out at that time, that she would even admit that this or that happened to me and it was then that I realized my trauma memories surface thru my dreams. When the dream is that vivid and I can remember it for days on end, I now know that it's a trauma memory that has been activated by something. This is a new trauma memory and since my mother is deceased, I am unable to validate it. Since this dream is recurring and vivid in my memory now, it's another trauma memory that surfaced. On Friday, I go in to see my trauma therapist for the second time. I will feel the urge to tell her in detail about this memory, but that will be very activating. She asked me not to make appts on a Friday due to the work being done and that I would have the whole weekend unable to reach her. I did make another appt next Monday with her, just in case. So, to help myself, I pulled out a trauma workbook that will walk me thru this trauma memory and hoping that will help me until I can get in to see her.
  2. I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
  3. Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not ever THINK of coming up with on my own. Now back to the IRC dreaming shit with my psychosis; I *hear* voices. The other night I had a dream, that eventually turned into a LUCID dream, where I was operating my computer trying to find my giant CLOCK widget to find out what time it was... next minute I end up on this exact IRC window. Before I know it, I'm totally lucid and feel like I'm 100% awake (but dont realise I'm not, just feel 100% in control/conscious/awake) and all of a sudden, these voices I hear which pester and annoy me and give me grief 24/7 to the point of keeping me awake at times (if I dont have any background sound/music/TV) suddenly appear as - what they CLAIM is - how THEY see/communicate with other people "telepathically" - which happens to be a mental - but clearly visible at all times - IRC window where the voices appear purely as text, silently, to one another, as opposed to numerous different intrusive non-stop audial hallucinations - or "voices" coming from inside the brain (distinguishable from actual voices coming from real people which occur outside the brain (at least most of the time, unless I experience what Dr's would call an actual "psychotic break")) - which is how I hear them. Now in this dream, and for quite a long time when I first started hearing voices, I was easily convinced that the rest of the world does in fact communicate telepathically (because I can hear - & talk back to - the voice of ANYONE I know IRL if I actually try and *think* of that person - though a lot of the time they can occur randomly just by thinking a person's name; very confusing/unsettling/invasive), albeit no-one EVER talks about it in real life (that's the real kicker you see, it's like the First Rule of Fight Club). Except, unlike the sound-based voices which "psychotic" / "schizophrenic" people like myself hear, they appear as an easily interpretable text-based chat window - like an IRC client - with each voice occuring as a string of colour-coded & timestamped text-based messages in an easily accessible corner of one's own mind. And this is the way EVERYONE ELSE sees it, whereas it was like *I* was only getting some of the text being read out as Text-To-Speech, and before this dream (and after it) I could never actually *see* the words in an easily organised, interactive IRC client. I just hear them. All the fucking time. There were a few quotes / clearly distinguishable messages which I read during my brief window in this dream where I was - for the first time ever - able to chat with my psychotic "voices" by ONLY visualising the text in my mind. Instead of - like whenever I read/write/type something - "saying" the words in my head. If I try visualising the text, I inevitably read it outloud in my inner-voice anyway, which the voices describe as "shouting". This "shouting" is the ONLY time *they* ever actually hear a voice AUDIBLY instead of visually, just because of the unique way in which my brain works - and as a result is why they are ALL choosing to persecute/abuse/mess with ME for being an inconvenience to everyone else... "everyone else" being basically the majority of people that I know (or have known or met) in real life, all of whom are able to communicate telepathically, and whose voices I *hear* - but whose "voices" (which in their case wouldn't be called "voices") THEY are only able to see IF they CHOOSE to look at their "mental IRC window". The rest of the time they can ignore it, but like with an IRC chat that would "flash", if the end-user is mentioned or highlighted it does in someway notify them. Now I wake up and this BLOWS my mind. I try to put it all together and consider it, at first, to be TRUE. Like I've just discovered the reason why my psychosis is such an inconvenience to me, but to everyone else who's voice I hear, never seems to have any problems with it interfering in their every day life. I had, as the voices often put it, "figured it out". Now whilst I hear like 10 voices all talking at once and am unable to distinguish between them in any way (and just hear a convoluted mass of crowd-talking like in a busy pub) due to the overlap, I realise that to everyone else they just appear like an IRC window which happens to be moving very quickly but all the messages are displayed individually in a list. Plus equally there's also a LOAD of text-only based chat that I'm missing out on - this being where EVERYONE ELSE (but myself who can't see this IRC window during my "waking" hours instead hears the comms as voices) is communicating in with each other in a way I am unable to pick up on, different ways to mess me around. So... that's my story of the crazy IRC based dream I had the other night. Hope you enjoyed reading. Yes it sounds a bit 'mental' but I have managed to convince myself, due to several reasons I won't go into detail on now, why this is in fact a load of horseshit. The "IRC window" and just generally the likelihood of telepathy itself. Of course I could be wrong in dismissing it all as manifestations of my own, crazily-overactive and out-of-control subconscious brain (which, psychologists say, operates AT LEAST five times quicker than the conscious brain, which would explain how the manifestation of psychotic voices can, at times appear so damn convincing and why they're all able to take on so many individual unique personalities and develop so many intricate plots and various ways of "fooling" me) that is smarter than me. I could just adhere to 'occam's razor' which would suggest that the simplest explanation is the most probable. In my case the fact that everyone has telepathic abilities that they keep on the down-low and don't talk to one another about in real life WOULD actually be a far simpler explanation than the various methods of deduction I've used myself to refute this possibility (which has, in all honesty, taken me about a year to do - for some people with psychosis or schizophrenia it can take SEVERAL years and many of them - myself included - can at any time 'relapse' back into a delusional way of thinking).
  4. In my continued problems with insurance I've gotten into the position where I think I have insurance but I don't know what it is or the formulary or what I'm supposed to pay for it. Which is seriously screwing me up I ran down to the last tablets (Ambien CR) and went to the Pharmacy I use and sked them to do a refill (Its one of those drugs that needs a new script every month) I waited and waited an they called to tell me "Your refill was rejected we are asking your doctor to do a prior authorization" that went no where until I called them and they asked me if I had tried Meletonin, trazadone and all the other junk that never worked for me. So... more waiting. I called to explain I was really out now and if Ambien was just not allowed "maybe" asm gdoc about Hydrozyzone Pamoate as I had taken that once with some kind of pain pill and one or the other was good for 4 hours. They get that oked right away and it worked sort of. It put me out like a light and for the next 24 hours I was walking around like I was vegged out. If your in pain from surgery and on some kind of narcotics I guess adding this helps with pain relief and it certainly in my case makes sleeping all day possible. So while taking this I start having dreams (I rarely have dreams that I can remember) I can remember (And waking up a couple times every night) I wake on once to see photographic detailed pictures of things from my life. Like my friends old guitar *Or at least a cracked "photo" where I could see a corner of it. The old old time sink from a place I lived (Like the old kind from 1930s or 40s) and I had this feeling that I had my eyes open a crack. So I wove my hand in front of my face. Nothing. I opened my eyes a little and their is my hand waving around and all the pictures just blink off. Closing my eyes didn't bring them back. How werid is this? Has anyone heard of this happening? The end of the story is my Dr got them to send the Ambien and I'm back to just taking one and being dead to the world for 7 hours. I got this weird notice filled with double talk and explaining that I may or may not be covered and that the date I was covered was this to then and no idea who or what the "insurance is" Can someone PLEASE give the healthcare system an enema?
  5. I'm starting this topic because I'm curious about the connection between psychosis/hearing voices and dreams, specifically lucid dreams. Now I don't have lucid dreams very often but when I do I'm always interacting with my voices (who, if I believed my previous delusions, are telepathic communications of people I know IRL) in their physical form in a virtual, dream-like plane. My voices would have me believe that everyone lucid dreams all the time (except for me) and it's a way of interacting with other voices telepathically albeit with physical manifestations of each other. It can often be a way of two people having intimate, sexual experiences with each other without being in the same physical location of one another. I once had one dream which revealed what would then go on to be a deeper delusion where all my voices were in fact talking to each other via a text-based instant-messaging-like program (eg. IRC). Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? ie. where some dreams involve interacting with their voices in a more "up close & personal" way? EDIT: I forgot I posted about this already nearly a year ago Seeing the voices as an IRC style chat program so apologies for the repost
  6. This morning i had a really vivid scary dream, i woke up in a panic thinking that what i dreament really did happen...my heart started to race i felt like i was going to get sick and then i just started crying ... it took me like an hour after i woke up to shake it off.. they are the type of dreams that you remember through out the day . i am not sure if this is an anxiety thing or what? but has anyone ever felt like this.
  7. so I underwent a sleep study a while and was diagnosed with the following: minor sleep apnea, severe restless leg syndrome, and severe hyperactive REM disorder. I believe the third is what's causing my current issue. I get "suck" in dreams. I know I'm sleeping, but I can't get out. I do all the tricks (looking for colour (but I already dream in colour), turning on and off lights, drinking water, etc.), yet I can never get out of the dream. okay, so FINALLY I do. but then I end up in another fucking dream. and this will happen repeatedly until I travel through five to seven dreams. and when I finally wake up for real, I'm covered in sweat, panicking, short of breath, and (my partner says) sometimes even yelling. does anyone else have these "Inception"-like dreams? and if so, how do you manage?
  8. So this is my first post here as I just sort of need to feel as though I'm not the only one... So I haven't always had a bad memory but it has started to worsen in the last few years from a-level onwards. It never worried me, I suppose it was a slow progress and there were just some 'off-days' where I couldn't remember things but it was always a joke. But its gotten worse, I forget my boyfriends name (we've been going out for 2years now), I forget what my brother looks like, conversations that apparently happened a week ago I have no recollection of. And now, and the main reason Im posting, is because I can tell if something happened or if it was just a dream - and I don't mean from childhood, I understand about fake memories. But these are different I wake up and I'm so unsure as to what happened the previous day and whether I have actually dreamt it, and after asking my friends /family/boyfriend it would seem as though most of my memories that I have from the previous day are incorrect... I hate it, I try to focus on my memories to decipher what's going on but everything is so fuzzy, its like I'm trying to watch tv without my glasses, and it always leaves me with a massive headache... I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and its worsening my symptoms, all I want to do is curl up in bed and ignore the world. Anyway sorry for the long post just needed to explain myself... I'm just so confused and I've tried looking into it but nothing relates, it makes me feel so alone. Anyway just let me know your experiences and thoughts.
  9. I've been having this problem for months now. A few hours after I go to sleep, my dream activity really ramps up. I perceive it as being almost non-stop. It keeps me in a semi-lucid state in which I am aware that I'm dreaming almost constantly. I wake up frequently when this happens, and if it's after about 5am, it's likely to prevent me from going back to sleep, regardless of when I went to bed. My brain awakening early wakes up my body's metabolism, so my body temperature rises, making it too warm to sleep sometimes. This is getting really annoying. It's preventing me from getting quality sleep. If I want to feel rested, I have to stay in bed for at least 10 hours, the last few hours of it waking up and shifting position constantly because my dreams have woken me up. This happens regardless of whether I've taken Ambien to go to sleep, though taking Ativan seems to be more effective at keeping me asleep. Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do about it? My pdoc doesn't like prescribing sleep aids and benzos due to tolerance buildup, but I'm not sure what else to do. This isn't a problem that can be cured with sleep hygiene, though I do make sure that the room is as dark as possible, and quiet. I know there's a name for this kind of insomnia, but I can't remember what it is.
  10. I'm certainly not asking for dream interpretation or anything, but does anyone else frequently dream about water? I often dream about submerged cities and roads that disappear underwater. Or bridges that go over water. The other night I had a nightmare about being caught in a hurricane that covered an entire hemisphere. It flung me around and around the eye across entire oceans. My husband had to wake me up because I was making upset noises. Friends suggest this is my unconscious processing emotions. I'll spare you my most disturbing water dream, as it's probably triggery regarding suicide (note: I am not suicidal, I just had a weird dream in which that was a theme).
  11. angel_heart

    DrEaM ShArE

    DrEaM ShArE is a safe place to share your dreams without fear of judgment, criticism, or even comment. The goal here is to share a real, recent or recurring dream. This is a dream I had the other night: I simply remember walking down a hallway and looking down noticing I'm walking on air. I also notice I'm quite slim when I put my hands on my hips. What did you dream about last night?
  12. For about a year, i've had trouble telling the difference. A few weeks ago, I hallucinated. I only know this because it was an obvious one. Every day it gets worse, And at this point I literally cannot tell if i'm imagining or if things are really happening. Yesterday, on two different occasions, two different people told me that they/my friends were all in my head. They didn't communicate about this with one another. I occasionally drink, and I was diagnosed with depression. But this feeling started months before I got on my medicine. I am on Abilify 10mg and Bupropion 100mg, but Bupropion is being changed to 150 in a few days, if it helps any. I get angry incredibly easy, but I control it in public. I only burst out when i'm at home with my family. I don't know how else to explain it. But what is this called? Someone please help me.
  13. I'm having some INSANE dreams while on Viibryd. VERY vivid VERY intense VERY fucked up. Waking up convinced that I've spent the night in Somalia with my children hunkered down hiding from terrorists and watching them all be killed before I'm shot to death is NOT how I'd like to spend the rest of my life. Last night I experienced the death of my grandmother, my husband and children leaving me to die in a furnace, and several new babies in various states of trauma left for me to save while we all burned alive. Please share you experiences or any REMEDIES you have for this. I'd love to get to sleep without feeling like I've ran for my life the whole night. -Mary
  14. While I know this subforum tends to be about non-psychiatric side effects of psychiatric meds, I have a question about psychiatric side effects of a non-psychiatric med. If that made any sense at all. Last week, my GP started me on metformin. Which is a great med and all, don't get me wrong. I'm 30 and the only things he found wrong on my blood panel were a high LDL (with high HDL too, mind you) and a high fasting blood glucose, which has been inexplicably high for the past 15 or so years even though I exercise and my diet is now about 10% carbohydrates if that. So I asked him if he wanted to consider metformin (a glucose-lowering drug) for the blood sugar. If targeting the carbs in my diet lowered my triglycerides, who knows, maybe lowering blood sugar via metformin could lower my pesky LDL... (?) Anyways, I started the med, and had vivid dreams the first night. I am prone to vivid dreams on rare occasion, so I didn't make much of it. Then I started having vivid dreams every night. Note that this is a really, Really, REALLY, *REALLY* *REALLYREALLYREALLYBAD* Thing if you have PTSD. My vivid dreams, while often pleasant walks in the park, can quickly turn to nightmares of unholy things I won't mention on here since I don't want to trigger people. Let's just say it was bad enough that I was screaming at 2AM that the government wanted me dead -- and that was the milder end of my bizarre reveries, which are exacerbated by the fact I act out dreams vocally (hence the screaming; thankfully I didn't wake the neighbors!). Point being, anybody else have such issues with metformin or any other glucose-lowering drug? I've been having trouble finding information about the effects of hypoglycemia on dreams and would like to see if anybody has experienced anything similar with metformin, sulfa-based hypoglycemics, or insulin. If this turns out to be something common, my GP and I will need to have a bit of a chat to reschedule or dump the drug.
  15. Hi it's me again Recently I was told I have DID. Although I don't think I transition into my alter, I do lose concept of time. Sometimes I get really lucid dreams about killing people I'm close with. They come out of the blue. I'm not usually mad or upset with the person. I always wake up in a state of panic and I'm convinced it actually happened. Last time I called my boyfriend at 2am to check on him. I have never wanted to hurt anyone. I save spiders for crying out loud. This isn't like me but I can't trust myself. Could this be tied with DID? Or is this some new kind of insanity? It wouldn't bother me if the dreams weren't so realistic. Does this happen to anyone else?
  16. For the past 3 or so months I've been having very vivid dreams, many, maybe up to 5 or so a night that I remember clearly. I wake to these vivid dreams and feel emotionally exhuasted in the morning, especially if the dream was something like a bad breakup with my boyfriend or the death of my sister. My body and mind feel like I actually lived this event, and then I have to go and get up and deal with my normal day all over again. The dreams are interfearing with reality. I can't remember at least once or twice a day if I actually had a conversation/event with a person or not because the dream seemed so lifelike. I've avoided people and situations bc of it. It is getting very frustrating, sometimes makes me afraid to go to bed if that makes any sense, because I don't want to experience these dreams I don't know who is the appropriate person to tell this info to - therapist, psychiatrist, or regular doctor? I was also wondering if it's happened to other ppl with bipolar disorder. I have recently slowly tapered off my Seroquel IR 100mg nightly, if that might have to do with anything. Thanks.
  17. Does anyone here ever have dreams that don't suck? All I ever get are really bizarre dreams that leave me feeling uneasy (to say the least) and nightmares. That is, if I remember them at all. I tend not to remember any dreams most mornings, but I have a feeling they still happened and they were still bad, and they affect my waking hours in a negative manner, regardless of whether I'm cognizant of their occurrance. I've heard that Wellbutrin can cause you to not remember dreams, but I've pretty much always been this way, medicated or not; I doubt it has anything to do with the WB. It would be nice if I at least got to rest while I sleep. I slept for almost 16 hours between Friday night & Saturday morning. And yet I STILL almost fell asleep this morning at work. I had about 8 hrs of sleep last night. Why am I so fucking tired? I'm sick of being exhausted. I'm less fun lately than usual. (which, honestly, isn't that fun to begin with.) I'm so tired all the time that my hypomania typically involves symptoms such as 'not falling asleep/desperately wanting to nap during the day'. Meh. Having bad dreams makes it even worse. How am I supposed to rest when horrible things are happening in my dreamworld? I have a feeling the answers to this will mirror my own experience, but who knows. Always interesting to hear from others. (In case anyone was wondering, I've had my thryoid checked and whatnot. Last time, it was normal, but supposedly in the higher range toward hyperthyroidism, unless there's a mistake in my e-record. Which is fucking hilarious to me because I"m constantly tired and I've always been a fat-ass. If anything, I'd have thought it was on the hypo end....bleeehhhh.) ETA: forgot to close my parentheses
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