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Found 5 results

  1. I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
  2. I am a 28 year old female who recently was perscribed Wellbutrin 150mg per day. I had heard all of the stories about people's sex drive going through the roof, and so I was excited to start taking it. However, on day two, I noticed that I was having a difficult time achieving an orgasm, so I IMMEDIATELY stopped taking it. It's been two weeks, and I still don't feel back to normal and I am officially starting to panic! I'm a pretty high strung person if you can't tell, and I'm wondering if I'll ever be normal again. I can still get really turned on, but my orgasms aren't as strong and today I could not have one at all. It seems impossible that only two pills could have messed me up like this, how could that be possible? It will have no return to normal right? Has anyone else out there experienced this after taking such little medicine, and how long did it take to go back to normal? ANY advice, answers or comfort anyone can give me would be awesome, I am really starting to get worried!
  3. As a late teenager with relatively limited income (had jobs that paid too little to really fully support myself and limited savings), I had some serious mental health issues over an issue that has become largely resolved. I was really struggling with this issue, but I would often verbally attack my parents. I would tell them that they were no good, horrible people, that I hated them, and become extremely belligerent. I acted out and even screamed at and flipped off the dog once, which I feel very badly about as it seemed to scare the poor little guy a lot. Me and the dog are best buds and always will be, so I feel real bad about that. I was really belligerent and would sometimes just go on these rants all day long. In response to this, there were occasions when my parents threatened to kick me out of the house, but never did. Would you consider them saying that to have been abusive behavior or was I the jerk.
  4. I've lived with my girlfriend for the past year and a half, been dating her for about two. We fight all the time. We can't go out anywhere together without there being some kind of embarrassing argument. At home things are passionless and dull, or else tinged with tension and unpleasantness. I've been telling myself I want to break up with her for a while, but something is stopping me. The tangible thing I can point to is that she was recently diagnosed with a couple chronic, pretty serious diseases. Not ones that will debilitate her in the forseeable future, but that already show symptoms and will definitely affect her quality of life, especially down the road. She seems to be taking this pretty well, but I couldn't bring myself to break up with her right after the diagnoses. (It's still only been a month or so since then). But I'm afraid there's something more serious that's keeping me from breaking it off. I don't know if it's the lack of support I know that I will have to face afterwards, the fact that her old roommate seems to want to hook her up with her male friend basically in front of my face (I rarely see her friend and a confrontation seems pointless, she just plain doesn't like me and there's nothing I see gaining out of telling her what I think of her behavior), or if I'm afraid of how I might spiral down after the break-up. I had one other live-in relationship with a girl for about a year and after I broke it off with her (it's complicated but I felt like I didn't have any more options) and I sort of went on a downward spiral that landed me in the psych ward. Sorry for the wall of text, I guess I just don't know if it's the rational or the irrational part of my mind telling me to put it off. I'm really depressed too and think this might be affecting my ability to make good decisions.
  5. I think this is a rather appropriate introductory post to this forum. I'm 20 years old, female. I've struggled with anxiety since childhood (elementary school, when I was ostracized for being a 'bookworm' -- even the fucking adults gave me shit for it). Later I seemed to more or less have a handle on it, I could actively push it aside and pull myself beyond it, in a sense. But now it looks as though I'm totally done for. I can be realistic; it would be entirely unrealistic to believe there is any hope for me. Throughout my whole life, so far I've never had any fucking fun. I have no friends. I never was in a normal social setting for long enough to develop any social skills. When I switched schools and started making friends my overprotective fanatical mother found an empty drug baggie in my purse once, and from then on was dedicated to The Program Life For Me: wilderness, twice (second time because I had a stalker), rehab, boarding school.. I had no control whatsoever over my own life, and that's still a constant source of anxiety for me. I can't stand my mom. Maybe she means well, I understand she's done a lot for me, but she hasn't done any good, and as a person she just thrives on drama and I get enough bullshit. She's always looking for trouble, so she can swoop in and take control. She used to keep records on me. Insane records. I mean she would take note of insignificant things I'd say and FILE THEM. She had some spyware shit on my computer, I'd find my chats printed out in her office. I was never that bad at all. I didn't deserve any of that crazy shit. Anybody who knew me was shocked and confused as to why I would have to be fucking kidnapped in the middle of the night all the time and treated like a goddamn threat to society. That's how I lost what friends I had; after a while they tired of wondering where I'd disappeared to, and they also feared my mom, because she doesn't understand her fucking place. I don't read anymore, haven't in years, ever since a sudden onset of what I now understand to be DPD at 14. In fact, NOW, I'm at a point where I can't even leave my apartment. I'm moving out like this weekend though, and nothing's packed. Going back to my mom's because I dropped out of college, and the financial aid helped pay for my rent... so I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I can't stand that I'm going back to live there. I can't stand anything. Everybody takes fucking advantage of me, I'm so fucking sick... I literally haven't done anything pretty much my whole life, definitely nothing in months, no celebrations in years, nobody to celebrate with; and the last time I tried to go out and do something like somebody normal I got gangraped. I don't know what I can do to come out of this. Being at my mom's is not conducive to any type of psychological healing. I get nothing done. I'm always too preoccupied with just wanting to goddamn die. Drugs don't help at all. I try, sometimes, but they just have no effect, or make me feel sick. Nothing fucking helps. I think because the anxiety is so strong.. I guess.. nothing can permeate it... because the anxiety is very physical, you know. I don't know. I've endured so much fucking shame and degradation and no one gives half a shit about me anyway... I tried to work with it and make due for some time, like to get back my money's worth of unwanted sex that I've had to pay for.. but that just made me feel disgusting still, and I guess for not fighting the feeling hard enough that contributed to the anxiety beating me way down to here. All I do is like smoke mad cigarettes and try to stave off panic and anxiety, never successfully enough to do fucking anything at all. I've avoided all of the simplest most basic tasks. I pretty much only leave to go buy cigarettes at the store downstairs. I used to be real determined, believe it or not, like driven and productive... I just can't stand being alive anymore. When I get to my mom's I'll be stranded and unmotivated and having to answer to my ignorant mom who somehow does not realize her huge role in ruining my life, nor how utterly pathetic and disgusting my life has become. She would to go great lengths to try and help me, and I have no one else to go to but I absolutely cannot go to her. I came across this type of therapy treatment online, called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitation and Reprocessing), which actually seems to make a good amount of sense, but I don't think there are any facilities offering that treatment out by my mom's. I need to start over, again, but actually detaching myself completely from her and the rest of my bullshit past.. she's the type to guilt trip though and I'm the type to fucking empathize like an idiot with every asshole who fucks me over and over. But now I don't even have the strength to try, I'm too exhausted and discouraged. And it's not even that I'm the bitch (I don't think), I'm usually like "the man in the relationship", or the situation, because crazy irrational dramatic people tend to love to give ME particular special attention and dump bullshit on me. It really is ridiculous. My luck is so consistently incredibly unfortunate. I'm so fried. I'm so fucking depressed. My life is literally such a shithole. I'm a fucking shithole. It's weird because I don't have to be this way.. it's just pomp-ass circumstance. I have money saved up, but it's just wasteful and stupid to spend it all just to live how I do now, until it runs out. Have any of you been in this situation and found an effective medication or something? Is there anything that can relieve the anxiety? I don't know how to relax either. I don't know how to interact with people. If anyone has experienced this and found medication that allowed them to ignore it and function somehow anyway, I would love to know about that. Thank you.
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