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Found 11 results

  1. Hi, I was hospitalized after a bipolar episode and given a mood stablizer and olanzapine(Zyprexa) for the 3 weeks I stayed there. After being released, I was switched to risperidone for 3 or so months, I experienced extreme sexual dysfunction while on it that has not gone away since I discontinued it two months ago. I have erectile dysfunction to the point of not being able to get a semi erection for more than a few seconds before it becomes flaccid again, if I do orgasm then it's weak and premature. I thought that these effects were only for the duration of taking the medicine, I didn't expect them to continue 2 months after discontinuing it, I checked my testosterone and it's low which might explain the low libido. Please help me, I feel like I've been castrated because of this medicine, it's been driving me to the point of being suicidal and making me more depressed. I just want to live a normal life again and feel pleasure as I once did before. I've only found other stories of people who haven't recovered from this which scares me. Thanks
  2. I've been in remission for a few months now, but recently I've fallen quickly into a total relapse: where I'm doing ALL the behaviours I was doing when my ED was at its worst originally, the excessive exercise and the extreme restriction. I think it's because the stress and anxiety I'm feeling has built up so much that I've displaced it all onto food, I'm not really sure. But how has anyone on here ever dealt with a full blown relapse? I don't want to end up back where I was. I want to try to pull myself out before it gets TOO bad. Where do I start though: the behaviours or the thoughts?
  3. The mirror is lying to me, it always has and I fear it always will. I've never liked myself, not since I was younger, and still don't. Even now the slightest comment that could offend that has to do with looks in any way irritates me. I had an eating disorder at 13 years old. I'm 18 and still struggle. I'm not sure if I should go into graphic detail or not, if this disgusts you skip this next paragraph. At school I noticed girls with skinny legs and arms (years back), I couldn't believe how fat I looked compared to them. My best friend at the time told me I wasn't. My mind, my eyes, and the mirror told me I was. I envied the models and the celebs who were so fit and thin. I pinched myself and the fat just thinking about it. That was when my eating disorder developed. I made it a point to eat less than 1,200 calories. Mostly, I would eat 500 cals or less, because I knew I'd burn it off easy. My body hated me...I had hunger pains, felt sick, and yet I started to feel pretty. I started to see my hip bones, collar bones, a FLAT STOMACH, and the most treasured of all, a thigh gap. All of this did not give me extreme confidence though (for those of you considering it don't...). Eventually I started shooting lower and lower. first was 100 pounds, then 90, then 85, to 70. I failed many times, the restriction led to binges, and the binges sometimes led to purging. I won't describe it, however I did not purge very often. I usually was too afraid someone would notice. It was very hard to do, I was more just anorexic than bulimic if there was a label. Weight wasn't my only disfunction, my face and hair too. To this day I hate my face, I am still planning and wondering if I should get plastic surgery, I've always been told how bad and "sinful" it is. Not to ruin my good looks which are clearly not there. While it may be dangerous, I know I have hated myself forever. When ever I look in the mirror, not only do I sometimes feel fat (depending on how much I specifically weigh at the time, for instance any time it's 120 and above + I can't stand it) but my face is like a picasso painting. I feel like my facial features are all wrong and ugly. I horrify myself....sometimes I feel like the hunchback, or a monster. I don't understand why, I am able to find the Mona Lisa beautiful, celebs like Kate Upton, or friendly people of the street are so good looking, but me? I don't fit. My hair is an ugly, boring, dark, black color, yet my skin is pale (most likely because I never even want to go outside with how ugly I feel) I have grey eyes, some say they have blue eyes, mine are a dull grey... I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, please... can anyone relate with hating every...single...feature...part of themselves? Who here? Who else is afraid of judgement, hates their looks so much they want to die? Do you ever think...wow if there is a god, he must really hate me for making me so fucking ugly... or maybe "god the other gender is so shallow" when really they might not be. Worse the "I wish I was dead I'm the ugliest person on the planet." The worst part is I'm now 100% I have BDD alongside my ED, I've never been curvy, when I realized I wasn't I also noticed how stick thin was so beautiful to me that I wanted to be that. It had always bothered me that I hadn't even had big hips or boobs to being with, but once I found myself being the SLIGHTEST BIT fat I wanted...more like NEEDED to be as thin and skeletal as possible. I think if I can't be a beautiful Marilyn Monroe, why not be an Amy Winehouse? Thin and perfect, before she died that is.. I'm gonna ask the therapist about having BDD, I never considered it so much until recently, which is stupid of me. I'd write much more but I don't wanna make this too long for anyone at all to read. Tell me does anyone have personal experiences with feeling fat, and exercising excessively? Eating very little, etc. Tell me I'm not alone?? The mirror lies to me.
  4. I had to abruptly end Intensive Outpatient (previously in partial hospitalization) 3 months ago. I was doing alright (never underweight, but lost very fast which put strain on my heart), but now ANA is back. I had an incident this weekend that I purged out of nowhere. Dr. wanted me to contact him if my weight fell to a certain point, it went under and after the incident I called yesterday. He called me back and told me I need to seek treatment right away and I could die. I am not underweight, but I am restricting. Right now I know this is a problem, but I don't see that it is that serious. I have no intention of losing more, but I can't get myself to eat more/exercise less. Many say that I am in denial. I don't see how I could die if I'm not underweight.
  5. I have never been diagnosed with ED. I have borderline personality disorder and have occasionally had periods of what my therapist has called "disordered eating behaviors". Lately, thoughts about my weight have become more obsessive and constant. That said, my sister does have ED, and I have a good friend who has anorexia. I don't want to talk to them about my concerns because I don't want to seem in any way as if I am trivializing or minimizing their disease. I know EDs are serious and life threatening and my issues are nowhere near that bad. However, as an example, last night I ate sushi. I felt so full and started having irrational thoughts like "I'm going to gain 20lbs from this" I had a very strong urge to get rid of what I'd eaten to feel better. I didn't though, because I had just taken my meds. I feel disgusted with my body, i gained quite a bit during grad school. It bothers me. I have been drinking only blended fruit/veggie drinks for the last few days... I save pics of thin women on my phone and then just stare with envy wishing I had that "control"... And then immediately feeling guilty because I know ED is nothing to ever aspire to. I am not fat, but am definitely not skinny.. Basically I'm far from underweight. I don't know if these are normal body issues or if I need to look for help..
  6. Hey everyone! My name is Nora, I'm twenty-two, and I'm currently working part-time as a barista and a nanny. Eventually I would like to move to a commune in Virginia, then pursue a career as a doula and childbirth educator. My offical, documented dx include dysthemia with major depressive episodes (rapid-cycling), GAD, psychophysiological insomnia, PTSD (and all the fun side effects that come with it), and EDNOS. I have had two suicide attempts (only one of them was serious, the other was in a moment of panic and I realized I didn't mean it). As a result, I've been psych-hospitalized twice. I have a few issues that I'd talked about to a doctor, but treatment fell through. Those include BPD, paranoia, and depersonalization. I'm unmedicated due to being uninsured, and unfortunately I find other ways of self-medicating. I steer clear of alcohol because of family history, and it just makes me feel like crap. I use marijuana to help me sleep/raise my appetite during ED relapses, and I use clonazepam on a case-by-case basis during panic attacks. ANYWHO I am excited to be able to talk to other "crazy" folks and share experiences, tips, etc. Glad to be here!
  7. I used to be in a special ed class (For high schoolers with emotional issues like bipolar for instance) now we are both on independant study-but are planning to go back next year-and haven't seen each other since really early October. He is a year younger than me but honestly he's smarter than me so I don't notice haha. Well I thought I was gay/lesbian until Saturday. But we went to see the Great Gatsby Saturday He's just so... what I've been looking for. Anyways he said he wished he could find a girl as fun as me that was straight. That made me think "Does he like me?" And my mom has been saying "You know I think he has a little bit of a crush on you." So I used that as excuse to say "My mom says you like me. Be 100 percent honest with me. Is it true?" And he being the smart guy he is (Which I like about him) made it sound complicated and I couldn't tell if it was yes or no. So I asked "What does that mean lol" and he said "I mean if you wanted to date me I'd say yes." and then we talk in a "what if" way until i said "I want to date you." and well now we're dating!!! My last "relationship" I was 13 and we weren't really "dating" or anything so... Yea I think I'm bisexual and I am just so happy!!! We updated our facebook relationship status' and everything!!! I'm so excited!!! He's so sweet and kind and smart and understanding and funny. Whoo!!! I didn't want to put this in the relationship section because it says its for issues... this isn't an issue LOL
  8. Hi! I'm really glad that I found this site. My current diagnoses are BP I, BPD, and ED-NOS. Those labels have changed throughout the years, but I believe these diagnoses describe me the best. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 18, following my dad's nervous breakdown the previous year (he was dxed with bp II). This last year I was able to get A LOT of DBT and that helped my BPD enormously. Although I'm not taking my medication regularly, I'm doing really well. I've been hospitalized about a million times and I've been on most of the meds (or so I've been told). As for that disclaimer I see people giving: I am not a doctor... but when I'm delusional I start planning my path to med school. That should count for something, right?
  9. Eating disorder still seems to be in drivers seat. I think I make or have made some progress over past years but when stress kicks in, bad behaviors I seem to turn to. I just so want to be normal, go through my day and just eat what I want and not substitute. That is what seems to mess me up. I eventually end up eating way too much and the cycle continues. Help!
  10. My GP diagnosed me with it and told me to go to Overeater's Anonymous, but what he doesn't realize is that my social anxiety is too bad for me to even think about it. I'm wondering... what else can I do? It's not just about watching what I eat, I'm just hungry all the time. I feel guilty when I eat and I always eat too much, and it doesn't matter what I do as long as I fill myself up. I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm bored, I just have to fill myself up. I'm thinking about seeing a nutritionist to help me figure out what I SHOULD eat, and going in depth with my tdoc. What other treatment options are there for this particular flavor of ED? Which.. which would be best for somebody with social anxiety?
  11. i read the description for this board and it says sleep binging, does this mean going to sleep then sleep eating then waking up not remembering it?? since ive increased my dose of geodon this has been happening to me basically every night...
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