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Found 6 results

  1. HI There- Yeah I am lucky and grateful to have my freedom this morning. I'm lucky to be with my children and feel healthy enough to do it. I'm lucky to have my job and be able to work. Mania - even hypo-mania - is not a fun thing that you want to play around with. It's fine when there's creativity and you feel sexual and on top of the world... but when you suddenly realize you're way too warm all over, like you're drunk and it's 9pm and you're too high to sleep... it's time to call the psychiatrist or take some medications. And I was feeling really bad when I couldn't get the medication at the pharmacy, realizing how unlucky I am to have this - the guy behind me chatting with his family on the phone, going about his life, daughter and mother in front just doing a quick dinner salad run... no worries for them of being out of control from something biologically wrong with them. No disease lurking in the dark to take away their sanity and everyone and everything they love. So I'm grateful to be free this morning, not have been handcuffed anytime recently by some a-hole cop who wants to punish me for a biological illness like it's the middle ages. Yeah fun times. So I'm grateful for anti-psychotics this morning because I was able to sleep last night at least enough to keep the psychosis at bay. I did not turn into agitation- I was a happy crazy person this time. And probably nobody around me - I asked - had any idea what was going on, but I knew. I used to look up drugs on crazymeds website and it was very entertaining and comforting to see how brutally honest the author of that website was. The stories were often amusing too - it's good to laugh at the craziness sometimes, although sometimes it's tragic. It had been a while since I had this problem so it's particularly alarming. Not sure if starting Prempro (hormone drug for menopause- I'm not that old, it's early menopause) caused this. Thanks. So thanks for this board to post on
  2. This topic is a big one for me. I feel the biggest problem with my BPD is actually not my abandonment issues (as most "professionals" claim that the #1 hallmark problem of a borderline) My biggest problem is actually my empathy. I am so empathic that I absorb all the emotions, feelings, and problems of others, and actually FEEL them as if I'm experiencing them. This is absolutely hell to deal with. It is a complete curse. I live my life for other people. I turn to my self destructive tendencies when the feelings of others, and living for others become too much to handle. If anyone else is familiar with what an "empath" is, I 100% believe I am one. Its not just feelings, its more like a 6th sense. My empathy has gotten so strong and is now controlling my life. I want to be alone all the time. I have lived alone for years until recently. Now that I live with someone else, I constantly absorb all their feelings and problems and make them my own. Since I have started living with my SO, I have started SH again. So, my question is.... why, when I did a google search of "borderline personality disorder empathy", I found all kinds of demonizing articles describing how Borderlines are incapable of feeling empathy??????!! This seriously angered me. My empathy and desire to please other people is ruining me. I am never harmful or violent to others. Most people have no idea I harm myself or am crazy, period. When Im feeling too much, i slip away to another room, outside, etc, and cry alone, or self harm, drink, use, etc. Ok, so my real purpose of this post is to ask if anyone else who is Borderline has a severe problem with empathy? Any other true Empaths here? If you are unsure, here is a link on Empaths and their traits and qualities https://theknowing1.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/at-a-glance-30-traits-of-an-empath I refuse to believe all these demonizing articles that are constantly going around about Borderline Individuals. My childhood best friend is also Borderline (a rare subtype called an Invisible Borderline), and she is also ridiculously empathetic. Her and I can sense anything when together, and are big emotional sponges. She is also ridiculously intelligent (possibly a genius) and told me that she feels that BPD and Empathy go hand in hand. Someone else please speak on their experiences so I feel like Im not crazy(er).
  3. I have trouble with emotions, especially ones that portray empathy. Now this doesn't happen all of the time but it does happen a lot. Someone (like my GF) will be telling about her problems and I can't connect with her at all. As in, I can't even fake being interested in what she's saying. I mostly end up saying things like "yeah," or "that sucks" and then nod and struggle to pretend to feel anything about it. It's not just with her, it's with everyone, even on tv. I haven't been able to feel anything towards what's happening. I used to be able to at least pretend, put on a frown or fake a smile. Now I just struggle to even recognize what I would be feeling if I was "normal". I don't know.... I need some help. I don't even know what this would be categorized as or if maybe I'm just broken.... TRIGGER: I often have to go hurt myself in some way just so I can feel something. It normally forces me out of what ever this is and lets me do some sort of facial expression.
  4. Hey guys, So I'm working on a group project (fun..) where we're given like 10 min max to present a short blurb about a mental disorder. I'm in the depression group, and I'm supposed to come up with something to help the class empathize with a person suffering from depression. Here's what I'm supposed to do: The entire presentation can only be 10 min max, so whatever I do I have to keep it pretty short. I would really love to show the "hyperbole and a half" comics on depression, but that's kind of awkward to read out loud to a class while on a powerpoint... and would take a lot of paper to print for each person to have their own copy. I also thought I could possibly find a youtube video to show the class... but I can't seem to find anything short enough. The only one I found was extremely...triggering... and I definitely don't want to show that one to the class. I could also write a tiny bio of what it's like for ME to have depression (I wouldn't say I wrote it-- just quote it as something I found on the internet. I could tell my teacher where I "got" it from later since he knows about my depression already). Something that would be easy to read in like 3 minutes or less. I'm a pretty descriptive writer, so I think I could do it well. OR I could find someone else's bio or poetry or something and read that. I dunno. What do you guys think would be a good idea? I want it to be interesting and something that can draw the class in to really try and be empathetic with people who have depression.
  5. Right now, I am in a hotel room with my 92 year old grandmother with severe dementia and my mother. We are here to try to help sort out my grandparents new living/care situation now that my grandpa has had a serious incident with his heart. I offered to come here, to help, to possibly see my Grandpa for the last time.. To do what I could. But, I guess like anybody would be (BPD or not) I'm stressed.. So overwhelmed. So many things are coming at me, my grandparents aging and inevitable passing and the sadness around that, the difficulty caring for and supporting someone with dementia 24/7, trying to comfort my grandpa who is still very weak and extremely depressed, trying to help my mom work through the myriad of legal and financial challenges/red tape to get them into a nursing home that's affordable and appropriate. That's the backdrop of my current issue. today, the stress became too much for my mom (understandably) and she broke down crying. All I could do was stare and stay quiet. Instead of empathy or compassion, I felt something like annoyance and frustration. I felt cold hearted. My mom and I have our issues, but I love her. I sat there knowing I should be encouraging and caring, knowing we are both struggling.. But I couldn't. This happens sometimes. I'm normally very empathetic and loving, patient., genuine But sometimes, I just can't, and then I worry if I'm a bad person, or cruel, or something? I selfishly just want to crawl under the covers and hide from everyone.. And not deal with anyone else's emotions. I have too many of my own
  6. I'm not sure this is a good idea...I signed up yesterday. I am going to be seeking medical treatment. But, after spending and hour typing up an introductory post, I decided that I'm fine. I don't need help. A friends father had a stroke today. A little background. A little background. I'm staying with a friend and his folks until I can get back on my feet. He takes care of his folks, who have a great number of issues. I guess you would call this guy my best friend, though we are not close. I owe his family much. I woke up to the sound of a large engine in the driveway. I assumed it was a UPS van, until I heard multiple voices. I look out the window and see an ambulance. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I didn't sleep well that night, and was tired.... my first thoughts at seeing an ambulance are of how it annoyed me... My friend comes into the small rental in which I am staying in and tells me his father might have had a stroke. He is visibly distressed. My first impulse is to taunt him. I quell that. His eyes are red. He is emotional. I should say something. “Don't be worried. Okay, you should be a little worried.” he tries to jest, deflecting pain with humor. That's his shield. I don't blame him, he's weak. I should be supportive. I should be a friend. I feel nothing for him. “Damn. That sucks.” This should suffice. What am I saying? His father could be on his deathbed. They whisk is father to the hospital. A few hours pass, he is staying back awaiting a phone call. I know I should feel something for him. I don't. I know I should say something. I can't. I make a sad excuse of a human. I was wandering around online, just wasting time. '13 Shocking Photos', in which depicted 13 (or what ever the number was) “strange or shocking photos”. A guy jumping to his death, the last photo of a man before his girlfriend slew him, a photo of a teenage girl and ten year old boy bound and gagged on a bed. The caption told that the photo was of children that went missing years ago. They are presumed dead. I scroll down to look at the comments section. People described seeing some of these photos and feeling ill, or disturbed, or sick to their stomach. I scroll back up. I look the teenage girl in the eyes. Shes scared, but defiant. My mind flashes images of brutality. I feel nothing. I'm sick. I am beginning to see that now. I need help. What scares me most... is I can't honestly say there wasn't a small part of me that didn't want to be the one committing such horrible acts against this young girl. Its not that fact that I don't feel for these people. Its the fact that I know I should feel something. This has been on my mind all day. I needed to write it out. -AB0
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