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  1. I started getting Deja Vu (now I found out there is something called Deja Vecu - which actually fits my symptoms better) about a year ago. Has anyone had this experience who has partial seizures? If so, what meds do you take to control it, and did you have to add it on once it started happening? I already had been diagnosed with partial seizures for years when mine started happening. I started taking Topamax. It's stopped working. I'm hoping to try Vonisamide. I'm already taking 400 mg of Lamotrigine and 4 mg of Clonazepam.
  2. Hi, I have Epilepsy and I'm also Bipolar. I have been taking Lamotrigine for years which tackles both. I started taking Topamax for my Epilepsy and it's given me serious issues with finding words, so I need to change. I also take Abilify for the Bipolar issue. I've been reading about Vonisamide for Epilepsy, and am curious if anyone has taken it along with Abilify or with Lamotrigine and Abilify. Thanks so much!
  3. I'm just wondering if anyone that is taking an AED for epilepsy has switched to CBD instead? Its only just starting to be prescribed here in the UK and only on a few cases. It also looks like its just going to be for certain types of epilepsy in children and for people with long term pain conditions. I'm interested to know about the way it is issued in other countries and if anyone is using it instead of an AED or even combined with one. I take a low dose but its not medical grade and I'm not taking it for epilepsy.
  4. ** Please do not read this if you are easily triggered. I go into graphic detail about my past, as there is a lot I need to get off my chest anonymously. However, caveat lector. ** Hello! I go by the name Hellbent. I'm 18, and live in the British Isles. I have a long and storiaed history of mental quirks and quiddities. I taught myself to read at tewo from reading the captions underneath pictures in my grandfather's newspapers, and from reading food packaging. I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism at 5 or 6, and declared a "gifted and talented child". I'm uncertain whether the "gifted and talented" diagnosis still exists, or whether it ever meant anything at all. I was offered a scholarship to a prestigious educational institute for the gifted and talented in the Western Isles, but my mother held me back because "my emotional development would never catch up with my intellectual development". The institute in question mostly catered for teenagers, and my mother feared that I may have been bullied. I resent that greatly. If I had been sent there, I would have escaped the living hell that my mother put me through. Although I was originally diagnosed with "high-functioning" autism, my IQ testing well over 100, my behaviour as I slowly, slowly grew up would certainly have landed me in the "classical autism" group had my child psychiatrists been around to see it. (I spent a lot of time as a child playing cruel games with my child psychiatrists!) There were holires in the plasterboard walls of the house where I grew up because I'd throw myself against them repeatedly at the slightest inkling of frustration or sadness. Indeed, I don't believe I ever felt any emotion but frustration until my preteens - when my grandfather died, confined to a nursing home after a life of undiagnosed PTSD from fighting in the Pacific Theatre and depression resulting from a series of disabling strokes and TIAs, in and out of the local mental hospital in which I would later spend time, I felt more empathetic frustration for him, having been trapped in a dark, stinking, crude environment for almost a year, most likely the home's only inmate with an intact mind, than I did sadness. I feel strong empathy, but I am almost unable to feel sympathy. In a poem whose name I cannot remember, the Scottish poet Norman MacCaig talks of "the distance of pain which nothing can overcome". In that line, MacCaig expresses his frustration that he cannot share in his dying wife's pain. I am that nothing - I feel very acutely the pain of others. I felt everything that my grandfather went through, from his horror of a pot lid rattling - my synaesthesia brought on tehe exact same imagery of gunfire that I am certain must have occurred to him - to his unspeakable despair at his confinement to a nursing home. Thus, I felt no true sadness when he died, but, rather, an intense echo of his lifelong frustration at his inability to function. He had been an actuary before he had been conscripted - he taught me to multiply and dievide on an abacus when I was 6 or 7, and many, many arithmetic shortcuts - but, as far as I know, he never could hold down work after the war. Until the ages of 11 or 12, I never felt any emotion of my own, only empathetic feelings from others, except for frustration. I first experienced psychosis at around 9 or 10. I heard my aunt's voice calling my name repeatedly, as if from the sky. She wasn't so much as in the house at all. I ascribed it to angels, and became obsessed with angels. I was intended to be raised a Catholic, but after my parents' divorce my mother tried to get me into the Free Church of Scotland Continuing - which I had no time for. I found their cadence to be dour, inhuman, and deathly sexless. I collected holy cards obsessively. I was especially fascinated by St. Christina Mirabilis and by St. Sebastian, and I had quite a few of them. I ordered them from the Internet. At 11, menarche hit, and, in a fit (that word will occur again in quite a different context) of confusion eerily echoing what was later to be one of my favourite films (guess?), I believed that, for it to have come about quite so early, it must be a sign of something. I came to believe that I was St. Margaret of Cortona. I cut the word "Cortona" into my chest with my grandfather's whittling knife, and came quite close to slashing up my genitalia on several occasions. I tried, thankfully fruitlessly (funny choice of word!), to find one of those extremist Islamist doctors who carry out infibulations. Later that year, I came across a website dedicated to a - clearly somehow mentally ill - Internet artist and unintentional celebrity. Years earlier, she'd posted an innocent picture of herself on a forum, not realising how obsessive the denizens of that forum had been. They tracked down her Livejournal, where she had posted page after page of conceptual photography, some explicit. The website I'm now discussing sprung up as a place of veneration for this unfortunate girl. The website kicked off my first phase of serious self-injury, as the girl being so intensely deified had been a heavy self-injurer, and many of the posters on this website encouraged self-injury. I was a believer in mortification of the flesh, and I did some quite unmentionable things in pursuit of paying tribute to the girl I too came to worship. The website closed down a couple rof yearrs later, but a similar, although far less extreme, site survives, and I was a regular poster there until recently. I would dress up in the vogue of the "goddess"'s most famous pictures on group video chat. The worst phase of my cult membership, for it was indeed a cult, was the time I covered my school uniform in menstrual blood, smeared it across my face, and wrote the address of the website all over my school in it. That incident led to my first non-PDD diagnosis: psychotic depression. I was put on fluoxetine, which quite possibly explains what happened next. The next notable incident in the development of my health occurred, again, at the tail end of my eleventh year. Quite possibly my worst year to date. I had what I now recognise as a manic episode, and adopted an alternate identity. I developed a fixation on an anime cartoon, and spent all of my time on a website dedicated to it, mainly populated by older men. Being hypersexual (indeed, I am constantly hypersexual, even when depressed; I am beginning to believe that I am a clinical nymphomaniac) and a raging teleiophile, I attempted to proposition many of them, addressing them using my adopted identity. Said identity developed into a full-blown manic personality. I became somewhat bisexual, but in a very bizarre way: I was attracted to very, very young girls, and to far older men. These days, I've settled down into simply heterosexual attraction to moderately older men, but those days were wild. I never looked at porn, oddly enough - I gave it a try, but found it all too synthetic and silly - but I constantly fantasised about things I don't feel that I can mention. In the real world, I insisted on being addressed by my alternate name, and acted incredibly callously and antisocially. I became obsessed with computers, built one, and then began to collect them. My room was small, so I could barely move for all the computer rubbish. My mother indulged my eccentricity at first, but later began to lose her temper with my Victorian style of dress, borderline-hoarding, and use of gamers' language in Blakean syntax, and took me to a chiropractor, who "prescribed" multivitamins. By 12, the cycling induced by the fluoxetine had thrown me into a depression. I had had suicidal thoughts since 8 or 9, but first acted on them at 12. I put the Manics' song "Die in the Summertime" on repeat and attempted to slit my wrists with the same knife I'd pulled the "Cortona" nonsense with. Thankfully, I think I only hit a bunch of capillaries, and I managed to stem the bleeding in about seven hours once I realised it wasn't going to work. My mother let it slide, but I was bullied at school. I'd already been bullied at school for my meltdowns, but it worsened so, so much when my classmates noticed the cuts on my wrists. From 13 to 14, my mental health improved greatly. I was taken off the fluoxetine, shook off the manic alternate personality, and excelled at school. I passed my Intermediate 2s with seven As, and two Highers with an A and, er, a C. I was invited to an Advanced Higher English course, and accepted, but had to drop out before I began my dissertation - it was to be on Irish vs. Scottish black humour in literature, comparing MacCaig's poetry and The House with the Green Shutters with The Third Policeman and After the Wake - because my aunt, who mostly brought me up and whom I loved dearly, developed throat cancer, and I couldn't focus on writing when I could feel the agony that my aunt was going through. In late 2010, I began to believe that I was beginning to look old, and that I needed to look younger to find a re al boyfriend, so I stopped eating for days on end. In 2011 this worsened. In January 2011 I was almost 9st; in July 2011 I was close to 4st. I was hospitalised with multiple organ failure, and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. In September I was sent to residential inpatient, where I spent one day short of a year. Being a CAMHS unit, it was dire; I would far rather have been sent to an adult mental hospital. My fellow inpatients competed with one another constantly to be the sickest. At one point, I lost my temper with one girl to the extent that I punched her in the face and slapped her against a wall. The incident was recorded on CCTV, and, had I not been so underweight, I would have been expelled from the unit. I was NG fed for some time. My more recent mental illness experiences are a little too raw yet to be spoken of in public, and, besides, I've rambled on long enough. My final major diagnoses were occipital lobe epilepsy - I had what I now recognise as partial seizures, many, many migraines, and a couple of possible tonic-clonics as a child, but was only given an EEG at 16, and had a tonic-clonic during the strobe test, and subsequently had several MRIs which confirmed brain damage and epilepsy - and schizoaffective bipolar disorder at 17, which I doubted at first, believing myself to be borderline, but, after some research into the topic, found that it fit (hah) perfectly. I hope that I'll fit (there I go with that same pun again) in here alright.
  5. My Neurologist thinks that a few of my night time "episodes" are Panic Attacks. I don't necessarily agree (and my Psychiatrist isn't convinced either); but I'm reluctant to argue with my Neurologist. My Neurologist actually wants me to try to get off my Seizure Meds to see if I can "do without". But before I try to convince her to keep me on Topamax because I think I'm still having seizures, I want to make sure I'm not being irrational (or health anxious) - so I ask anyone who have experienced Anxiety or Panic Attacks (or simple partial seizures) if these symptoms sound familiar? It basically goes like this... I wake up...like my eyes just open...but I'm not completely "there" (I'm half there and just go along for the ride)I can feel my bed underneath me, and I know where I am (in my bed, in my room), but sometimes the bed feels smaller - and the room seems a lot larger my heart is pounding slow but HARD, and then my insides start to feel like they are going "inside out" - it starts in the bottom of my stomach, and works it's way up and "out" (hard to explain an "inside out" feeling - it's not really a "out of body" feeling...but somewhere on that spectrum I guess? like wave of acid butterflies going through my system, and my system knows these butterflies "do not belong" - and these are all a feeling not thoughts...I'm just trying to explain this weird feeling LOL) When the "inside out" feeling starts to go "right side in" I know it's almost overMy perception of my surroundings go back to normal - my heart then slows down to normal - and I just go right back to sleep (the ride is over) In all it lasts for 2 minutes. I have no fear or anxiety related to what I would think would be related to a "panic attack". And there is no rumination or worry period (or "mental recovery" period) right after the "event". When it's over, I go straight to sleep and don't think twice about it until I wake up groggy and go "WTH". I don't have Panic Attacks during the day, and my anxiety disorder is specific Social Anxiety/Selective Mutism when exposed to people in public; so my education and experience on Panic Attacks are indeed very minimal. As well my Simple Partial Seizures mimic this, so it's very hard to differentiate. I'm having a difficult time right now.
  6. They lasting in about up to 10 seconds. And only during sleep when i wake up. Its numbness in my half left body and it happends Even if i have not layed on the left site. I very often wake up on my back. And after i was on the toilet this night, i had a attack of numbness/tingeling in my left arm when i went to bed again. Is this sensory seizures epilepsy or something?
  7. November is Epilepsy Awareness Month. Just thought I would share. The awareness color is purple!
  8. Last winter I had a severe depressive episode and I was put on Wellbutrin XR 300mg for it. I was also taking 2x500mg Depakote for JME and migraines for cca 5 years. Wellbutrin has worked great in the beginning, it put an end to my lack of energy and motivation and it helped for my SA too. But after three months on Wellbutrin I went into dysphoric hypomania and had daily cycling of moods, from depressed to angry to euphoric. Often, I was very irritable and couldn't manage my anger and had terrible insomnia. These feeling were very different from my 'ordinary' hypomania, where I usually isolate myself from friends and family, focus on one thing and work until exhaustion (eg. 2-3 weeks). To manage, what I think were Wellbutrin-induced, problems my psych gave me 1mg risperidone. Then a bad thing happened: Wellbutrin + risperidone + insomnia = seizure + 3-day migraine. After I had a phone call with my psych, I discontinued Wellbutrin and risperidone, and this monday I'm going to discuss new treatment options with her and I'd really like to hear some suggestions from you people. I'm thinking of stopping Depakote in favor of Lamictal. Depakote did almost nothing for my migraines. Before Depakote I had really painful 1-day migraines 3-4 times per month, and now I get somewhat more bearable but 2-day migraines with same frequency. It also did nothing to prevent my depressive episodes (I still get them 2-3 times per year) and Wellbutrin-induced 'bad' hypomania. It was helpful for JME, my EEG results are better, and that the only reason why I have doubts switching to Lamictal. As for antidepressants, I tried Cipralex and Lexapro in the past and they did nothing for me, except I had erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia (and I'm 22 yo). And I'm reluctant to go back to Wellbutrin, except maybe on 150mg dosage, because of hypomania. So I'd like a suggestion for a new AD too. Thanks in advance!
  9. Here I am, Cookiekins, a level 73 gnomish warlock....Oh. wait. That was years ago. This is my life now. I am a 50 something, widow. My last kid moved out, took one of the dogs to keep her company. I found out my late husband, in a state of dementia used all the money we had set aside to take care of me after he died to try to save his business, because he forgot how to bill his clients, and he didn't want anyone to know. His family pretty much told me Sayonara after the funeral, much to my shock. My parents paid for the funeral, because my very wealthy father in law couldn't spare the cash. Then he remodeled his kitchen with top of the line appliances. I have a wonderful therapist I have been seeing since about six months before my husband died, and my meds are handled by my neurologist, which I think is a much better arrangement than getting a psych involved. Things keep breaking. Like major things. The foundation of my house, a sewer pipe under the house, air conditioning, the furnace, and then the day before yesterday my beloved Macbook coughed a couple of times, gasped out, "I'm comin' t' join ya, honey," and gave me, not the blue screen of death, but the technicolor vertical striped screen of death. I figured since the USB ports were fried, the battery compartment wouldn't hold the battery anymore, the fans either ran too hard or not at all, the touch pad sometimes stuck in the "Down" position, that this was the last straw. Probably that time last year when the computer leapt off a counter, all by itself, at the airport in Minneapolis, and crashed on its right top corner to the floor in front of stunned witnesses, something major was damaged, and it took a long time to finish killing itself. As I am now a poor widder woman, who cannot afford to be a hipster anymore, I am now a p.c., and struggling to learn how it all works. If I ever find the person responsible for the "hover" feature, I am going to rip their fingers off one by one. On top of all that, I found out my sweet, beautiful bi-black sheltie Dodie has bladder cancer and has around three to six months left to live. So, I am kind of falling apart. My therapist suggested I needed an increase in my Venlafaxine. I said, "Why? It isn't OCD. It really IS the world this time! Every thing IS going wrong, and P***** isn't here to help me." She said I was doing great, handling everything just as I should, but I wasn't letting go of each problem after I took care of it. That stopped me up short. I realized she was right. I also realized that I ran out of "me-ness" at around 3:00 p.m. and from that point on, I could not get myself to do anything, not cook, not eat, not go anywhere, nothing. My scrip for the Venla. said to take it at bedtime. It probably wore off about that time. So, I saw my neuro, who gave me a big hug, which I needed, and increased my dose a bit, and split it between night and morning. This is my third day, so I am still waiting to see what happens. Right now, I think I will go to Culver's for Fish Fry! Cookiekins OCD, Epilepsy (seizure free since '93!), depression, grief, migraines, hiatal hernia Venlafaxine ER, carbamazepine, gabapentin,topiramate, Dexilant, Zomig, famotidine
  10. Here is my husband's account of his surgeries, and the week in between. I was going to put in my blog, but I decided it would be of general interest to seizure patinets. He was part of a study at Stanford's Epilepsy Center and had neuroscientists and epileptologists all in an excited tizzy, since he took some graduate neuroscience, so he was more helpful than most patients. I don't understand all the jargon, but I do understand some of it. Ask me, and I will explain it, or make an appeal to outside expertise (Nalgas, are you there?). This is mostly about hallucinations that are induced by outside electronics, which takes some setup. I had occipital lobe epilepsy for 30 years, and most seizures started with a brief warning of scattered visual auras. I would see lights flickering in my field of vision as multicolored spinning point-like visual hallucinations. They produced a compelling euphoria if stared at, until within seconds they swallowed the entire field of vision and the brief euphoria quickly faded, replaced by ictal fear, terror, and dysphoria as consciousness withered away. Drug therapies proved ineffective; the seizures quickly acclimated to each drug and would eventually get triggered by missed doses. Needless to say stuff like this disrupts your life; you lose your driver's license, you wake up in emergency rooms several times a year, and you're basically treated by everyone around you as a human high explosive. Earlier this year I had a relatively new surgical procedure done, called electrocorticography (ECoG), which is similar to normal scalp EEG- not (in itself) surgery. Except that it uses probes that are attached via grids and linear strips of electrodes to the surface of the cerebral cortex, instead of wires that are merely glued to the scalp as with typical EEG. Scalp electrodes do not require surgery, obviously, but ECoG probes that are attached directly to the surface of the cerebral cortex, underneath the skull and dura mater, require some surgery. ECoG tries to pinpoint, with greater accuracy, the place in the brain that is the focus of seizures- the point where they start. (This is important for people like me, whose brain on MRI looks perfectly normal with nothing obvious like a tumor.) Between the two surgeries, the electrodes can also be used to generate functional mapping data by extracortical stimulation. This means figuring out what the function of the surrounding brain tissue is by zapping each electrode one at a time using outside electronics equipment, and asking what happens. Besides actual seizures, this information can also help them consider smaller areas for surgery, but also, sometimes it warns them that they've better keep their mitts off the entire area . ECoG generates this information much more easily at a much higher resolution than EEG, which can only resolve larger, more uncertain regions of tissue to consider for removal. I haven't seen any of those auras since, or any other hallucinations. However there may be errors and missing details in the story below. Short term memories from several days before and from several days after each surgical procedure generally took a battering from it. So there may be errors and missing details in the stuff below. But generally, at least *interesting* memories fared better, and some interesting stuff happened. In the "Phase I" surgery, they opened the door in my skull and crammed in over a hundred electrodes, embedded within special high density matrices and strips, between my right temporal and occipital brain lobes and all around the lateral right-side occipital lobe. We already knew from regular EEG that the focus of the seizures was in the right occipital lobe somewhere, a weird and dangerous place for it, so that's the lobe that got giftwrapped with electrodes. Afterwards, we wanted to see what a seizure looked like electrically before the Phase II surgery. Remaining anticonvulsants were withheld all at once. I was bound with short arm restraints into a hospital bed for days, with a maze of wiring and ribbon cables wrapped with gauze and glue around my head, and with a camera on the ceiling pointed straight at me the whole time, moving slowly wherever I went, which I mostly couldn't. This was one of those times when everyone was impatiently waiting for the next seizure attack, most of all me. It happened one day that week. They were still recording those hundred-something EEG traces the whole time- paying special attention to traces recorded whenever I pushed an aura button, as I did a bunch of times over the course of that morning. They also recorded the traces as they were generated during a huge generalized complex partial seizure I had that night. It required six people to hold me down and prevent me from tearing the wires out of my skull. That seizure generated useful data as it started with an electrical profile similar to the aura button "seizures" and progressed from there. They found the seizure focus tissue under electrodes "LO8" and "LO18" on their grids. In most people the function of this tissue is supposed to have something to do with linking names and faces- to the left. The neurologists also identified an ictal circuit active when seizures generalized; i.e. an excited electrode area (LO8) would "light up" a large, wide area of the lateral occipital cortex. Prior to the next surgery, neurologists kept warning about possible high-level visual processing screwups when identifying faces (to the left). I was already horrible at this, but decided that getting even worse at this was not worth having seizures. Finally, in the "Phase II" surgery, they reopened the door in the skull, and removed their grids and strips- along with a 2 cm x 2 cm x 0.5 cm-sized oval area of gray matter on the right inferior surface of the occipital cortex, surrounding LO8 and LO18, the area which usually handles names and faces in most people. Afterwards... I actually don't think names and faces are any worse for it. The most obvious symptom at this point is at front ends of words- either seeing ghost letters there, or missing real letters that the words should start with. In all cases the misspelled words are the correct spellings of the words they get mistaken for, e.g. "waiting" reads as "awaiting", "appropriate" reads as "inappropriate", etc. * * * During one day between the two surgeries, the clinical team carried out functional mapping tests, using extracortical stimulation. With me still tied to the bed essentially waiting to have seizures, the clinical team wheeled a pulse generator into the room, to run external stimulation tests on the electrodes in the grids. They had a huge bulls-eye target on a monitor that they had placed over the bed on a stand, with a pen interface for quickly drawing pictures of hallucinations. I generally had to fixate on the bulls-eye the whole time during most of these tests. A research team also arrived for this as planned, with their own splitters, preamplifiers, and other signal eavesdropping gizmos to add to the clinical team's messy backpack of electronics and knotted ribbon cables that sat next to the pillow all week and that was wired through the head bandages. A crowd was surrounding the bed before the experiments started. To each matrix electrode attached to my brain, they administered a series of one-second electrical pulses, trying various AC frequencies, pulse shapes, pulse lengths (usually one second), and pulse heights (peak current in mA). With each pulse, they would announce to everybody in the room: the name of each electrode, the pulse frequency, and pulse height (usully 1-10 mA). While gradually raising the current like this, and immediately after the *bzzzzt* of external current was applied, they would ask if anything weird happened. If I saw a hallucination, I had to quickly sketch it with the pen on their bulls-eye screen- and rate things about it (from "0 to 9"), regarding its intensity, area, color variation, and any appearance of motion... and do all this while continuing to fixate on the bulls-eye in their target screen. You might actually be surprised, but with a lot of these electrodes, it seems you don't even notice anything weird at all when zapped there in the brain. With most, in fact, I saw nothing at low currents at all. Yet, as we gradually raised the currents, weird stuff started to happen. The most striking thing about these electronically-induced hallucinations was their organization. In general, most hallucinations one might see from seizures or drugs will follow their own rules and travel or spread randomly around the field of vision. A common quality they almost always had for me was a sense of not being sure about seeing them. The hallucinations produced via the pulse generator were very orderly and stable, and appeared more like *software bugs* than anything else. All were definite and none left any weird "unsure" feeling. All electrodes were placed on the right hemisphere and so all hallucinations were confined to the left side of the field of vision. To the left, I kept seeing things like little multicolored spinning points at 45 degrees northwest and southwest of center of the field of vision, sometimes at 20 and 70 degrees from it, sometimes mirrored horizontally at double radius. These generally corresponded to places where they had crammed an electrode strip between two occipital gyri that each produced hallucinations at either a NW or SW 45 degree angle. (The gyrus not directly facing the electrode saw a fainter hallucination on the "0 to 9" scale.) In addition to points, there were weirder visual phenomena with more interesting shapes like clouds. One produced no focal phenomena like points or clouds. Instead, all kinds of deep-hues of red, yellow, green, and blue come swirling down from the ceiling to the floor, infusing all objects to the left with weird, deep hues that quickly got deeper as time passed. (The right side of the room retained the drab coloring appropriate for hospital ward.) I looked at my neurologist and said, "Wow, the left side of your face is suddenly brightly colored!" This made him look shocked. "Are you sure? The LEFT side???" "MY left, not YOURS." I answered. That seemed to placate him! A few peculiar electrodes liked to show hallucinations of little black ellipses very near the center of vision, pointing toward it. Unlike any ofthe others, there was something that seemed "ominous" about what I was calling "black surfboard" hallucinations. A few of these even "created" what looked like "helper" pointlike hallucinations to the left of themselves, as I described it. These were "normal looking" but very easy to describe. The medical team was interested in those, although I'm inexpertly guessing those points came from a separate gyrus. At the end of the procedure, some of the "ominous" hallucinations were still visible. I didn't exactly know what I was seeing leftward of the center of vision, but there was clearly some negative emotion attached to it. But the pulse generator and most of the equipment had been disconnected from my brain at this point. I complained about this and two of the people in the clinical team (forget who) apologized and began hunting through wiring connected to the back of my head somehow through countless layers of gauze. Most of it was on the parallel cable circuits and was quickly eliminated. After a while they found a lead wire that had become disconnected: the ground connection to the bed frame. My brain was floating at some unknown voltage relative to the bed. While they busied themselves with that, I looked for a part of the frame to grab, to get rid of the persistent hallucinations. But the bedframe that I could reach from the restraints was all plastic. Eventually they warned that I might feel something. As they snapped the bed frame lead back into place, a thin white horizontal thunderbolt appeared from the left and stretched across to the center of vision, and then quickly disappeared.
  11. Hi, I was hoping that someone could relate to this. I was put on Lamictal for Epilepsy 5 months ago, and I've started to feel some very negative side effects about two months ago. I don't know how normal it is to feel side effects after a few months, or if people usually feel them right away. The side effects that deal with are that I can hardly sleep, and I have a hard time adjusting my eyes to bright light. The bad ones that have been developing lately are much harder to deal with. I have been experiencing intense negative mood swings - when I'm down, I'm completely miserable, sobbing, and prone to panic attacks. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of my game, but more often I hate myself and think I'm worthless. I've been feeling like I want to hurt myself sometimes - this is completely unlike me before going on the drug, I would never even conceive of doing something like that before, and was always a very happy person. It's negatively affecting my relationship and my friendships. I'm also tense to the point that I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I can't seem to stop working and relax, and I can't calm my racing thoughts. I feel like I can't open up to anyone about how I've been feeling, and it's just getting worse. Would love if anyone has any advice or insights to share.
  12. hi all i hope you can help with this conundrum. i will try to keep it simple. just looking for a little bit of input about whether i suffer from anxiety or temporal lobe epilepsy (or both... hahaha). (update: i wrote waaaay more than anticipated, sorry! i would still really appreciate any input) ok, my background, briefly. i have suffered almost all my life from episodes of what i would guess people describe as derealisation. these episodes would last about 30 seconds to a minute each, and started shortly after i was in a major car accident at the age of seven. although derealisation is often described as a feeling of unreality/ or the world seeming strange, flat or without emotion, my episodes were the opposite. it was as if the world was more real than real, as if the 'film' of cognition through which we filter our experiences was ripped away, leaving a hyperreal, almost shimmering and overwhelming sense of the material world. obviously, these episodes were quite frightening and left me feeling emotionally and mentally unmoored and unbalanced. aside from these episodes of hyperreality, i grew up in a single parent home with an extremely damaged, anxious mother. life was extremely unstable (bouts of intermittent homelessness, an absent father, poverty). fear and anxiety was the dominant feature of my life to such an extent that it was almost invisible to me. it was the norm. at 23 i was referred by my therapist to seek treatment for possible temporal lobe epilepsy. eeg was inconclusive, but my psychiatrist hedged his bets and lamictal was prescribed. this gave total and complete relief to my derealisation symptoms. it allowed me to function more normally than ever in my life. i was able to focus more, and to experience the world in an ordinary way. yay the real world! i am 28 years old now, in therapy (combination fo cbt and psychotherapy), and living with a supportive and understanding partner. however, i have suffered from crippling general anxiety all my life, and the lamictal does not seem to touch sides with it. symptoms include: worrying excessively, feeling dazed, inability to focus, constant irritation. the anxiety has ramped up recently to the degree that i intermittently fear an apocalypse, a feeling i have not had since childhood. seeking help from my gp has led her to believe that the TLE diagnosis was incorrect. she is planning on switching me from lamictal to citalopram. i am open to the possibility of a misdiagnosis. however, if the lamictal took care of the 'episodes' then surely that would mean that i have TLE with a side of anxiety disorder? she seems to think it is either/ or. so, my basic query is: if lamictal takes care of derealisation episodes, then surely the diagnosis of TLE is correct? i'm not sure why she thinks the derealisation + anxiety stems only from an anxiety disorder. i know that TLE and anxiety are highly co-morbid. any advice on how to proceed? anyone else have these symptoms together? what are you being treated with? m
  13. Hi everybody, I'm a long time lurker, not much of a poster. :/ But I have a problem I wanted to run by some of you guys who know your meds. I've been taking random meds since I was 13 for depression and ADHD and all sorts of other stuff (see signature), and I am finally at the point where I have a great doctor that understands all my needs and pain. He prescribes me what I need and I generally feel great...Except I get this very strange twitching sensation almost all the time. We're talking major clonic jerks. My entire leg muscle will jerk or I'll spasm so hard my coffee cup will spill all over the place. It's just really scary. My SO has to drive for me now too. It took me a good while to write this, as I had to stop and massage my arm when it jerked and then go back and retype. Does anyone know if his certain mixture causes clonic jerks? You'd think the epilepsy meds I take for migraines would fight against something like that... Thanks
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