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  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
    • Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole Dance
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    • But I Need a Damn Haircut: When You Don’t Have the Virus, But You’re Still Falling Apart
    • Countin’ Flowers On the Wall: So Bored We Need a Board For It

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  1. Hi all- I am new to this group, and I thank all of you for welcoming me. After checking out a couple other forums, and even signing up for one, the first thoughts about this site are sky high! I felt like I was being bullied and judged by people that were in the same boat is me. I am a 26 year old male, who was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder in 2009. At the time I was put on Lamictal 100mg, and Xanax 2mg daily. I could tell the lamictal was working over the months, but my addiction to xanax was getting in the way of any success I could have helping my condition. In 2010, I changed Doctors (insurance reasons), and my doctor changed my meds to Topamax. At first it really sped me up, I did not see a change in mania. I was also still dealing with an addiction to benzos, this time being prescribed klonopin. I was struggling. Relationships with all people, especially my family. But the worst part of it was my impulsive ways left me with no friends. Stealing and lieing really distanced me from people, and the excuse of being treated ran out of gas. I then moved to Atlanta, where I had lived as a younger guy because I knew that I had friends there who had been diagnosed with similar illnesses. When I got down there it was "so long topomax, gimme the xanax". I was taking upwards of 6mg daily. On top of that, I started messing with the contins. Oxy and his sister Roxy. Of course money was thin from all the drugs, and it was time for heroin. I was shooting up daily, and obviously in a pit. I moved back to Michigan to live with this girl Sarah. I was in hell. I was withdrawling from opiates when I wasnt taking them, and I was popping xanax like it was going out of style. 5 months of this and my closest people to me in my life were moving. My parents. Denver it was, and I was sad. Of course me not being medicated, sent me into a depression and mania. Thus increased the intake of opiates and benzos and I was screwed. I met and scammed a doctor, and he prescribed 120 1mg xanax a month, 120 10mg norcos, and lamictal. How would any lamictal work while being so F-ed Up? It didnt. I made the decision to move to Colorado. For the first month I was there I was so screwed up I dont remember 20 straight days of skiing. I met a local addict who was seeing an addiction specialist. I knew that I had to shape up, and I made an appointment with this guy. He specialized in addiction to sleep disorders. He drug tests every visit, and if you mess up you lose your meds. First thing he did was up my lamictal to 200mg, and he prescribed me to suboxone for my opiate addiction. That was January 13th. I havent had a drink since January 23rd. I remember the middle of March, me looking at my dad while skiing and telling him I was finally happy. The girl I was dating at the time, and I decided to move in together. What a disaster! I was able to get my hands on some xanax because she caused such back anxiety and I just wanted to be tuned out. We worked together, and one night she got so upset with a boss at work, she quit and told me I had to or I was out of the house! My dumbass did it, I think the xanax was a big contributor. At the time That was the beginning of March and thats the night I lost ALL FEELINGS FOR HER! I was in decent shape from all the skiing and the thin air, but that wouldnt last. I fell into a deep depression. On May 8th she wanted to get away, I think she was sensing me leaving her because I couldnt stand her, and she wanted to spoil me. We went up to Jackson Hole, and I crashed on my bike and broke my wrist, fractured my elbow, stitches in my chin and crazy trail rash! At the time I was on suboxone and popping mass amount of benzos. My on again and off again thing. The doctor prescribed me oxycodone for a month. It didnt do much because of the suboxone. Late May I was finally able to get another job although I had a broken wrist. I was taking my suboxone and lamictal, and withdrawling from xanax. A couple weeks later the withdrawals stopped but I was depressed as all hell. I lost my job. I lost my insurance, and I lost my doctor. I had a bunch of presriptions thank god, that he had written. But my depression was so deep I needed something new. He had written me a srcipt for wellbutrin, that I never took. I started the other day, without doctor supervision. I dont have the money, and the meds are pricey. I'm taking 150mg, twice a day, as prescribed. But I dont know what to expect. I am on day 5, feel a tad bit different. I'm able to get up in the morning and go hike and stuff, but I still get bouts of depression. I hope it passes, this seems like its my last chance. I do get about 6-8 hours of sleep, which is better than most I see on wellbutrin. But I guess I just want assurance that its going to get better. I am taking 150mg twice daily, along with lamictal 200mg, and suboxone 4mg. Can anyone give me assurances. This forum seems like a blessing. I have been alcohol free since January 23rd, and just about 2 months without xanax. JC
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