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  1. I had no idea where to post this, so I posted it here; mods, please move it as you see fit. Does anyone else experience this? I feel this tugging sensation in my chest, this emptiness and loneliness, all the time. It's a physical sensation, very tangible... It sometimes makes me physically ill. I have to lay in bed for hours at times to recuperate from really bad "episodes" of it. I even feel it, at times, even when I'm around my very best of best of friends, who are actually closer than brothers to me. They are the only ones who can actually somewhat fill that void in my chest, but not a
  2. i have hated my dad for as long as i can remember. i hate him for many reasons. he has been verbally abusive towards me for my entire life, in the past he has denied that i have any mental illnesses, but now he does believe in them. however, he thinks i am the reason i have mental illnesses. i feel that i can not speak freely when i am around him. i have begun to have violent thoughts whenever i think about him.
  3. Anyone here around the age of 40 and feeling totally isolated because everyone else your age has kids/families? My 20's were so different - you have college, parties, going out, other singles at work to meet and it's still considered OK to live with your parents. Your 30's are a time where you still have opportunities to go out, meet new people, socialize in groups, but people begin to disperse... All of the sudden, when I hit about 37, i looked around and realized all of my friends were having the 2nd kid and they stopped going anywhere (away from their home or mommy groups). They moved far a
  4. I'm not a expert. I only barely understand what's going on with me. Two concerning things have happened recently, and I'd like some input and info on how to handle this. 1) My 20 yo nephew went through a bad break up. First love, first heartbreak, that kind of bad. I feel like I was the only one who took him seriously. I guess I'm the only person in the family who remembers being 21 and crying til' ya' vomit. He tried to cut himself, but he's just not that guy. I talked to him for hours. I called him a couple of times every day. And every time he said he was depressed, I rolled my eyes an
  5. This is my first post here and I've never posted on a forum about my mental illnesses since I was diagnosed with them a bit over 20 years ago. I have a sense of weakness or shame being a man that can't get his shit together. I suppose being out of a hospital is good. Haven't been inpatient in 2 years now. (Hospitalized about 15 times since diagnosed) Just constant group therapy stuff. You know. IOP, PHP, And all that. I have a good medical support system. My psych doc sees me twice a month and if he notices something we tweak my meds. Up the Abilify or lower the Wellbutrin, or whatever
  6. So... my family knows about my problems since the end of 2016, when i pretty much had an emotional meltdown and they saw my cuts, but recently my little brother has been through some rough times (he suffers from depression too) and i think he started doing sh too (based on certain things i found) and i just can't get out of the idea that it's my fault that he got worse. Be honest, is it my fault that he did this to himself?. I feel like human garbage also english isn't my first language, feel free to correct me on that.
  7. May be Triggering for some - not not explicit. Hi All, I've been cutting since I was 12, was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 15; which seems to explain why - I've never really figured it out myself. I've had long periods of recovery, and I really thought I had it cracked this time. I was wrong. Last night I relapsed. I'm going to keep working on getting better, and not let this get me down or put me off finding healthier solutions, the usual spiel, but in the meantime I have to deal with the fallout, and I think I need some support with that. My family knows about m
  8. I don't know where else to post this, so I'm putting it here. Be warned, I'm super fucked up. So I'm kind of scared right now, but I'm also not. A thing just happened with my family, and in all honestly, it was minor compared to the past, but still. Sometimes when things happen with my parents, I can feel it. I get this anger running through me. And I want to end them. I want to grab a knife and carve the shit out of them. I want them to scream and bleed and I want them to hurt. I want to kill them and the idea of them not being around anymore makes me smile. But it only last fo
  9. I have been quite depressed lately over loosing friends and even family. While my relationship with my fiance seems to have been saved (he has been going to therapy, taking meds, been much happier, sweeter, supportive, and at least trying very hard to be understanding of my emotional self which makes me very happy), all my other relationships seem to be falling into shambles. I will start off with my dad. We were very close until I became a very troubled teenager. He tried to gain custody, but I refused to go due to the emotional stress it was causing. An ex-wife he always sided with to g
  10. I am nineteen years old and I haven't told my parents that I love them in eleven years. I also can't call them the traditional "mom" or "dad", but rather silly nicknames I came up with as a young child. This is confusing, especially since they are good parents. I have never been abused (by them, at least). Neither has an alcohol problem. Neither fight. I essentially am living with the Brady Bunch. Several of my friends have died in freak accidents over the years (my two best friends were killed within two years of each other when I was in elementary school, for one thing). I was abused in
  11. I'm not really looking for advice or anything. I just need to put these thoughts down somewhere in the hopes that it will help me work through this. My pdoc wants to switch my meds because mine aren't working anymore. That's fine but my dream job just came up and I got it. That in itself is okay - a little scary at a time when I need to change meds but not necessarily unsurmountable. In addition to that, I have my grandmother at home and she's really old and to take the job I need to find someone to stay with her. I have some people but they have schedules so I have to juggle their
  12. I cut on my hips and thighs, and it's becoming very hard to hide the scars since it's summer and I usually wear shorts, especially to bed. I think my older sister knows, because I've seen her taking glances at my legs when I get up from sitting. I can tell that it may be annoying her, too. My parents: I think my mother knows (she was aware that I was doing it a year ago) but is trying to ignore it; my father, on the other hand, is oblivious. (Thank God.) Does your family know about your self-harm and, if they do, does it bother them?
  13. Seeking advice and suggestions... Background: I haven't worked as a LCSW in over 4 years and was approved for SSDI not long ago. I couldn't work due to my mood instability, PTSD symptoms and anxiety difficulties. I've lead a very sedentary and tranquil lifestyle primarily relaxing, staying a home and going to my tdoc and pdoc on monthly basis. And I would visit my parents 2-3 times a week, go grocery shopping and run a few errands. My stress and anxiety level was at a minimal and, though felt stagnant at times, I was glad I had symptom free days. Unfortunately, my li
  14. Rant warning sorry. My mum has been very supportive over the years (and still is) but there are times in my life when I know she's trying to help, & that she wants to help, but she just makes it harder. Over time, I have put on a lot of weight. This has resulted in me becoming unhappy with how I look and doing my best (but not yet succeeding) to loose weight (for myself, for my hubby and for my son). My mum is very fit and into exercise and eating right, she is also rather forthright and pushy. So, the short of it is that once again we're going through a cycle of her commenti
  15. How on earth does one on the spectrum manage the feelings of sadness/stress/fear for an ill loved one while another healthy grief stricken family member demands help and attention? My grama is very ill, and my mom is reasonably quite upset, but unreasonably sending me very very frightening and alarmist messages to drop my entire day and plans and life because she's practically dead- oh, wait, we're going for lunch. Or- oh, wait, she just really needs fluids but she'll probably be okay. I've talked with her about it, but I doubt she really gets it at all or why it isn't okay to do that.
  16. Hi, My dad has suffered from depression for a very long time (and possibly also bipolar). Unfortunately he will not share his diagnosis with any of his family members. He had tried every combination of antidepressants, but nothing seemed to work. Last year he started to take Deplin and his depression greatly improved, although the Deplin seems to have heightened everything about his personality and at times he seems manic. In recent months he's become irritable and verbally abusive to his closest family members and most recently started to become physically abusive, pushing my mother during
  17. Hey Ya'll So I have Bipolar 1 with GAD I have family members who do not understand bipolar, and one of them is my mother who has experience in the medical field even psych. Sadly, she still has the stereotype view of bipolar. I would love any recommended books for loved ones of bipolar...that you felt was a great book to give to your parents, aunt/uncle, or even significant other. Hope to hear some recommendation soon...And thanx for replying.
  18. Gotta vent for a minute. So I email my dad periodically & never responds. Even to emails asking how he is doing (he was diagnosed with cancer a while back & it's in remission). Just got an email alert & it was from my dad to my brother and I. All he said is "It would have been nice if either of you had remembered it was our anniversary Sept 5th." For the record, I did NOT know that b/c it's not something they've ever made a big deal of. Never gotten them a card or gift b/c they never mention it when it's coming up. And they don't mention it after it has passed. And he has the ne
  19. Hey, I've been trying to recover from anorexia for several years now post hospitalisation and day-centre treatment. In the past few months I was discharged from the eating disorder OP service so I don't have any specialist help for the first time in 7 years. I currently have EDNOS/anorexia binge-purge, and am at a supposedly healthy weight but I struggle massively with accepting this as being good, the drive in my head is still strongly anorexic. My mum (who I live with) is unhealthily overweight/obese, and is on weightwatchers (again) - but she's being really obvious about it, all the "lo
  20. A friend invited me to the upcoming NYC Pride celebration this coming weekend. When I asked my parents (which is actually just a formality since I am 19 and a sign of respect since I am still under their roof) if I could go with her they gave me all kinds of crap about it. They, apparently, think that because I am unable to work due to phobia/anxiety or whatever the hell causes my emotional meltdowns... that this means I can't do anything. Even though I've explained at great length about what happened. Apparently, because "Your mother and I can't be in crowds (when suffering from anxiety)"
  21. I wrote an article on living with someone with mental illness and how "getting help" for that person isn't as easy as those who accuse Nancy Lanza of "negligence" might think. I would love feedback from those who currently live with someone with mental illness or those who, like me, have in the past lived with someone with mental illness, especially at the site where the article is published, http://www.xojane.com/family/stop-blaming-mom-for-nancy-lanza-and-all-women-who-share-a-home-with-someone-with-mental-illness If any of the comments are awful, I apologize, but please note that I have no
  22. Both my brother & BIL posted a crude joke about terrorist sympathizing muslims on facebook yesterday. I took issue with it based on the fact that I thought it was not in the spirit of honoring the victims of the 9-11 tragedy, but put focus on the perpetrators and their sympathizers. I'm also of the belief that the groups that carried out the attacks were extremist, fringe members of the muslim faith and that the majority of muslims do not wish to harm others. I don't like to see children being taught hate or have suspicion of someone (or a group) just because of their religion, culture
  23. Evening! I usually prefer just to read the messages on the boards and take information from it owing to being a ridiculously private person, however I thought I'd write on here as I've drawn a blank on who might be good to assist me. I have BPD and I find I have more mood swings where my family is concerned - depressed mother and sister, emotionally absent father blah blah blah. My gran died 2 days ago and we were very close and when I felt isolated from my family (probably in my head) she was often the one who inadvertently made me feel welcome again. She's gone now and I joke about death
  24. I have 2 1/2 year-old twin girls named Sofia and Alexa. My first cousin announced on FaceBook that she is having twin girls in August and is naming them Sophia and Alexie.... Any Thoughts? Feelings? I'm taking a survey.
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