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Emotional Repression or Dysfunction?
AB0 posted a topic in The ConfessionalI'm not sure this is a good idea...I signed up yesterday. I am going to be seeking medical treatment. But, after spending and hour typing up an introductory post, I decided that I'm fine. I don't need help. A friends father had a stroke today. A little background. A little background. I'm staying with a friend and his folks until I can get back on my feet. He takes care of his folks, who have a great number of issues. I guess you would call this guy my best friend, though we are not close. I owe his family much. I woke up to the sound of a large engine in the driveway. I assumed it was a UPS van, until I heard multiple voices. I look out the window and see an ambulance. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I didn't sleep well that night, and was tired.... my first thoughts at seeing an ambulance are of how it annoyed me... My friend comes into the small rental in which I am staying in and tells me his father might have had a stroke. He is visibly distressed. My first impulse is to taunt him. I quell that. His eyes are red. He is emotional. I should say something. “Don't be worried. Okay, you should be a little worried.” he tries to jest, deflecting pain with humor. That's his shield. I don't blame him, he's weak. I should be supportive. I should be a friend. I feel nothing for him. “Damn. That sucks.” This should suffice. What am I saying? His father could be on his deathbed. They whisk is father to the hospital. A few hours pass, he is staying back awaiting a phone call. I know I should feel something for him. I don't. I know I should say something. I can't. I make a sad excuse of a human. I was wandering around online, just wasting time. '13 Shocking Photos', in which depicted 13 (or what ever the number was) “strange or shocking photos”. A guy jumping to his death, the last photo of a man before his girlfriend slew him, a photo of a teenage girl and ten year old boy bound and gagged on a bed. The caption told that the photo was of children that went missing years ago. They are presumed dead. I scroll down to look at the comments section. People described seeing some of these photos and feeling ill, or disturbed, or sick to their stomach. I scroll back up. I look the teenage girl in the eyes. Shes scared, but defiant. My mind flashes images of brutality. I feel nothing. I'm sick. I am beginning to see that now. I need help. What scares me most... is I can't honestly say there wasn't a small part of me that didn't want to be the one committing such horrible acts against this young girl. Its not that fact that I don't feel for these people. Its the fact that I know I should feel something. This has been on my mind all day. I needed to write it out. -AB0