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Showing results for tags 'feeling bad'.
For about 1 week I've been feeling bad emotionally. I had surgery 1 week ago and since then I haven't been able to exercise, which helps me feel better emotionally. Pretty soon, I have to go up to New York and visit a cousin who I absolutely want nothing to do with, and he brings out hurtful and rejected feelings in me, but because my parents say so, I'm going to have to visit them, or else seem like a horrible person. I'm 32 and my parents treat me like a child (which I've mentioned before), and I'm upset that at 32 yo I don't have the ability or choice to not see this cousin without my parents seeing me as a horrible person. Now, I don't want to live with my parents (in the same house as them). They defend this cousin I have to see and say he's a nice guy, but he has hurt me and rejected me and I don't want to visit him and see what a blessed life he has. I want nothing at all do to with him. There's no doubt that if I was alone and not connected to my parents, he would have nothing to do with me.
hello, i have been suffering from strong depression for a few years now. but i also have gad and ocd and have been having this since i was young. i already tried many antidepressants (lexapro,memantine,wellbutrin,remeron,stablon,ritalin,cymbalta,anafranil,brintellix) but so far nothing works. currently i am on 10mg brintellix since 5 weeks and I don't think it does much. maybe my memory is a bit better but i dont feel less depressed or anxious. i also have adhd and currently take dexedrine 10mg but it doesn't really give me a "kick" and i feel like i needed a kick something to motivate me. i'd like to try adderall but it's not available where i live. i don't even know if anything can even work for me cause a lot of my depression is caused by my personal situation (health,job,future,fears of the future etc). because my situation doesn't get better my depression also gets worse. i feel totally empty and have nothing to look forward to. i feel like i just ruined my life with bad decisions which i made and now it's all messed up. basically i'm already 33 yo, have been a university student for over 10 years and still haven't finished it and i also don't know if i even can because of my fear of exams. even if i finished i wouldn't know what to do then since i don't know what i could do or should do and since i am depressed i also don't feel like i could even work in a job at all. my health is also bad. i have many health problems. every day i think about how hopeless everything looks. i wish so much i could finally stop suffering from studying which i have been for all these years and do something which makes sense to me and which i like. but i have no such thing. even when i think that i ever get finished and then have to work in a crappy job which i hate then this is also not really attractive to me. the problem is the older i get and still haven't finished studying the more i feel like ever finding a job becomes more and more unlikely. who should hire somebody like me? and i dont even know if i can finish studying. my fears don't get smaller and i have been having them for years this is why i started with antidepressants years ago in the first place.... i also have no motivation anymore to even try to get back to studying and learning. and the more time passes by the harder it becomes to motivate myself to do something again. the absolutely worst is this feeling of everything being senseless and not having a perspective. i just notice how I'm sinking lower all the time. i have nothing which i enjoy anymore. i enjoyed watching game of thrones but since the season is finished i have nothing else. i just feel so empty all the time. and the past few weeks i have been watching porn almost every day and masturbating various times daily even though because of being on Brintellix I have a really hard time getting an orgasm. what i do is simply so pathetic. it's like i watch myself from the outside and think WTF are you doing you act so damn foolish. and at the same time i dont know how to get out of this. in order to get out of this i needed some to give me new hope but i have nothing like this. i also worry about that all the porn and masturbation is also bad for the brain and makes me become even less motivated. can porn make adhd worse? i don't know what to do. i have tried out different pdocs in the past always hoping to find someone who is better and who puts more thinking into it but i couldn't find anyone who really is good. i feel like i needed a specialist, a real genius, who knows what neurotransmitters I lack and how to raise them but the ordinary pdoc out there is pretty much useless. they put not thinking into it and do not do personalized medicine! I am so sick of it! i also tried therapists and they were such a disappointment. going there only made me angry and feel even worse.