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Been awhile since I been here, a lot has happened in the last few months. I got engaged, my fiance was in jail for 2.5 mo, and it sucked. Now, he's back. We fought the first three days or so, cause we hadn't been around one another. Fighting's died down, but my jealousy issues are back and fucking kicking. Lovely, I know. Even with his checking out other woman or liking porn at times. I get a fear when we get married he'll find someone prettier and better, and leave me. Do I think he'll ever cheat? No. Leave? Maybe. He says he loves me will never leave, unless I do something insane i.e. stab him, shoot him, cause bodily harm, etc . He also referred to my jealousy as me being crazy. I've not been stable taking my meds, again. For awhile now.....or gone to counseling in awhile. Him being in jail kinda threw us off entirely. We've got our first pre-marital counseling session with my therapist (who's actually an LMC) next week. We used to go to sessions together, too. But I want our marriage to work, and he seems like he does, or says so. We currently aren't living together, either. He lives a couple blocks from me. A friend of his who's never liked me, doesn't like me being over. Won't say why. My dad doesn't like him being here, I moved back home. I just hope my jealousy issues go down, that I believe he cares. My dad doesnt like us being together, claims my fiance has no ambition. He has been out of jail maybe two weeks now, and just got his job back. Starts Sunday, my dad worries he won't be able to take care of me.....
Hi. This is my first post and I would appreciate an outside perspective/opinion. Early last year I moved into a flat-share. I got on very well with on of the girls. We spent a lot of time together hanging and became very, very good friends quickly. After a while, we became involved with each other and quickly enough our relationship grew stronger and more meaningful. So meaningful that I asked her to marry me at the turn of the year. She said yes. Since then, things have changed every so slightly. We argue a lot now and very easily. To me she seems to be more sensitive – when compared to before I asked her. Also, I sense some attempts to control me. Again I don’t know which is why I need an outsiders opinion. Since we got engaged, as I mentioned, we argue a lot now and very easily. With time the arguing has become worse/more regular. At first, I’d say she wasn’t ‘that’ sensitive and now she seems more sensitive. If I say something wrong or do something wrong i.e. - If I am answering a work phone call after work, she will tell me to put it down. If I say no, I cant, its work, she will become upset. When I do finish the phone call, she has to know all details immediately and why I had to answer the call (only my line manager – the CEO (small company) will call me after work). My response is usually - sorry, its my boss and its work. - Another example, if I say ‘I love you’, she always says ‘I love you more’. If I don’t respond she will say, way to let a girl know that you care for her… then she will be upset. (I also hate the fact she says that, very nice thing to say to your fiancé) - Final example, slightly different – I was asked by friends to go out for a drink. This was the first time ever in our relationship – I live in a different city to my friends. We had a week long argument about it where she was saying things like – I am inclined not to like these people. I don’t know these people so how do I know if you’re going to be ok. So how long will you be out for? When will you be back? That night I came home early to avoid an argument. But she still started one. I feel like I have to answer any questions she asks with the exact answer she is expected otherwise she will be upset with me so now when I do answer her question I stutter a bit in fear of her becoming upset… omg I have just realised what I am typing… grow a set of balls! One thing I find she does as well is when im texting she will ask who I am texting if she cant see the screen of my phone. When I say who she will ask what they wanted – is it me or is that normal (oh and this is every text – actually, if my phone vibrates she will say you’ve got a text. Halve the time its an email (clear to me by one vibration) and if I say no it’s a vibration, she will become irate with me). An example was last night, she was on the ipad playing a card game. I received a text from my uncle and started texting back. I knew she had stopped playing and started watching me because she had the sound on the ipad turned on and I couldn’t hear any cards being dealt, etc… whilst I was texting. As soon as I stopped, the cards started making noises again. Furthermore to that, if I am on facebook (very rarely) and I am reading the latest ‘news feed’, she WILL say to any update from a girl who could be classed as attractive as ‘a dirty slut’ – the usual line is ‘why are you friends with so many slutty girls’… WTF! These are ppl I went to school with. I've not seen 95% of my 'facebook friends' since then! One girl I had to state in ‘What capacity’ I knew the girl – she is dating a guy I played football with who is a twin… she was not impressed with my answer and so… became upset with me and since has asked me about it and (to me) is clearly looking for inconsistencies in my answers. Oh and appraently all the girls i work with (four in total) are all sluts (well except on - she is mid fourties, has a husband and two kids). The other three are either between 1 to 6 years older than me. If she slags one of them off and i say thats a bit harsh... 'why are you defending her!' 'You're taking her side over mine' (firstly WTF have they done to you, secondly they are not here! How can i take their side - you are arguing with yourself). Despite all over the above (examples) I do love her because she is sooo much fun to be with and we laugh so much. I have said to a handful of ppl that she is me, just with different parts… Last weekend she terrified me… when we first started dating she was anti-depressants, after 4 months she came off them. She know believes she needs to go back on them – first mentioned a few weeks back. I asked her if she would delay that to see if this is something we to deal with together without medication – I know nothing about depression and was relying on her knowledge etc. She say ok. At the weekend, we were lying in bed until she got up and sat on the floor. She then started to bang the back of her head against the wall. I immediately jumped up and asked what was wrong, told her to stop it etc. My ‘sudden’ interest in her (?!?!?!?) compelled her to say – why are you worried, what are you hiding (not the exact words but also conveys the msg). I was confused and had no idea what she was talking about. I felt like she started to verbally attack me whilst I was still confused. We ended squabbling until she told me to fuck off so I went into the other bedroom to sleep. She barged in immediately and started shouting again saying you don’t care, etc, etc, etc. She locked herself in the bathroom and started crying. I felt terrible because she was upset and I thought it was because of me so I went to see her. She let me into the bathroom where I hugged her from behind whilst she faced into the corner of the room. She continued saying things like, you don’t love me, you don’t care about anyone but you, I told you I needed to go back on anti-depressants BUT YOU WOULDN’T LET ME (fucking lie!). She then started saying that I was cruel for not letting her go on the anti-depressants (you’re cruel, you’re cruel, you say nasty things)… I finally managed to calm her down and get her back in bed. Just before we went to sleep she said ‘Well done, you deserve to sleep well’.I asked her what she meant coz I had no idea what she was talking about. She said ‘with your technical skills – you know work’ … WTF!?!? I did not sleep well that night. Since then if feels like theres an elephant in the room constantly and we cant talk about it because she gets so upset. I do not know what to do! And I am freaked out! This is not the person I asked to marry me! Definitely not! WTF! She has admitted on several occasions that she has abandonment issues to which I was let her know I will always be there for her. She also says she loves me too much and that when she is not with me i.e. if I am away with work, that she panics so much that she is always on the verge of a panic attack. Please help me. By no means am I perfect i.e. I get defensive now when she gets upset or is being what I class as overly sensitive. Im now very quick to boil over. I've never know myself to be like this, its unreal! I feel like im carrying a bag of anger with me at all times - i dont like it. But she just isnt the person I asked to marry me. She has also thrusted the ring back in my face twice… WTF! I am exhausted by her constant need for reassurance, her obsessiveness, her sensitivity. It doesn’t feel like I am in a relationship anymore. I know all relationships have tough times but my last one last 6 years and there was many of those during that. I've actually has a cheeky look at available flat/flatshares. I dont want to break up with her as i want to work at this! but i am exhausted and she has said that she won't stop caring for me so much and wont change her way. I asked her to marry me! I also made a promise to her parents when i told them of my intention (to ask her to marry me) - i said i'd care for her. They are living abroad at the moment and her father said they were thinking about moving back because of her (to care for her/be there for her). He said that they are releaved that she has found someone who cares for her so much. Help! She doesn't like therapy, she has been there before and walked out immediately. I dont think she'll agree to that. She is too head strong. Im sorry that this is sooooo long and that there will be an unbelievable amount of errors! Sorry