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My first time cutting
X Anime Lover X posted a topic in Self-injury - The Cutting BoardI’ll get straight to it, I cut myself. This was my first time cutting. I don’t know why, the thought of cutting kept haunting my mind. I decided after school I would do it. Just once. I was alone in the house at the time and got everything I needed. I had a first aid kit, a small screwdriver and a sharpener. I took out the blade and I was nervous and did it high up on my thigh. I cut twice on my thigh then on my hips. I got carried away and cleaned up the cuts. There were more cuts then I intended and I cleaned everything up hiding the evidence. I’m a little shaky from what I did but I don’t regret it. I don’t believe I did it and it doesn’t bother me. I’m scared what others will think if they find out. Help me.
I used to be in a special ed class (For high schoolers with emotional issues like bipolar for instance) now we are both on independant study-but are planning to go back next year-and haven't seen each other since really early October. He is a year younger than me but honestly he's smarter than me so I don't notice haha. Well I thought I was gay/lesbian until Saturday. But we went to see the Great Gatsby Saturday He's just so... what I've been looking for. Anyways he said he wished he could find a girl as fun as me that was straight. That made me think "Does he like me?" And my mom has been saying "You know I think he has a little bit of a crush on you." So I used that as excuse to say "My mom says you like me. Be 100 percent honest with me. Is it true?" And he being the smart guy he is (Which I like about him) made it sound complicated and I couldn't tell if it was yes or no. So I asked "What does that mean lol" and he said "I mean if you wanted to date me I'd say yes." and then we talk in a "what if" way until i said "I want to date you." and well now we're dating!!! My last "relationship" I was 13 and we weren't really "dating" or anything so... Yea I think I'm bisexual and I am just so happy!!! We updated our facebook relationship status' and everything!!! I'm so excited!!! He's so sweet and kind and smart and understanding and funny. Whoo!!! I didn't want to put this in the relationship section because it says its for issues... this isn't an issue LOL
Went to the therapists. I am going to start seeing her twice a week. Though next week is only once. We mostly just talked about my issues I need help with and my childhood. She is going to help me get into the world and be self sufficient. She says I have severe separation anxiety. She says when I suffered from neglect by my birth mother (Lack of mothering) that when I got adopted and did receive mothering I became co-dependant. So not only do I have AvPD from my childhood bullying but I also have severe separation anxiety from my mother (My adoptive one). But I feel relieved. This woman understood me AND she even understood how I think. She is going to save me. I know it. P.S. And when I said "but I also have severe separation anxiety from my mother (My adoptive one)" I meant literally FROM her-it's my birth mom's fault not hers.