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I've never fully understood my own sexuality. It just seems so complex and confusing and I'd like it to be easy and simple. When I was in love with a girl, nothing else matched up. And nothing has since. No guy I've dated has ever made me feel a fraction of what she did. And I've had a few strong crushes on women since. But I've mostly dated men. some people who dislike me tell me that I'm making it up for attention, for guys to like me more, that I'm not bisexual at all. Is it possible that that could be true? Was my love a fluke? i just don't know. Sorry if this post sounds stupid: I know you can't tell me what my sexuality is. But I wanted to get my confusion out somewhere. How do I figure myself out? Has anyone gone through anything like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CstD6O95L-o Really good talk!

Has anyone seen this documentary on being of the LGBT community in the south especially Mississippi? http://www.sho.com/sho/reality-docs/titles/3403140/L-Word-Mississippi-Hate-The-Sin This show breaks my heart.. And also give these people a lot of applause for being able to stand up and speak for equality of LGBT members. These people have much courage in my opinion. I thought i should share it because not many people have spoken about it. Gonna leave the link to see the documentary in a post under this post. If i am not allow to post it then that is why i put it in another post if a mod needs to delete it.

Hello, So let me go through some stuff that has been effecting me for a very long time. For the longest time, when I was going through my teens, I had very hard times connecting with women. The first time I ever tried to have sex I didn't get hard and I never understood why. I thought maybe I was too nervous or something. It was, and is to this day, very confusing to me because I am sexually attracted to women, however I was never able to emotionally connect with any of them. I was always scared to have sex, and still am scared to have sex these days to some extent, mainly because I am insecure these days. I am 27 years old now, and for the last 10 years or so I have been an emotional wreck. I was relatively happy as a child, although when highschool hit I have always been looking at how the world views me or sees me, and I try to make adjustments on how the world sees me on the fly and apply a positive reaction to whoever I am talking to by "manually" changing my personality. I am now worried that I may be gay. It's more of a release really. I believe that i crave male attention and that I need approval from them - perhaps it's because my father never gave it to me or perhaps its because my parents divorced, perhaps its because my mom never seemed to be there for me in the way I wanted her to when I was young - who knows what the reason is - but I just feel warmer, emotionally around men. The bottom line is that I have never been able to emotionally make a bond with a woman. And this has been weighing heavy on my mind for the longest time and to my knowledge driving me insane. The problem with the whole gay thing is that I do not think I am sexually attracted to men in the way that I am with women, that is i do not crave sex with men at all, and I also do not want to be gay - not that I have anything against gay people its just that , well I mean my whole life I went through thinking I am straight: why all the sudden would I be gay? Gay men have come on to me and seem to think I am gay. I think i am just dealing with a lot of suppression Anyways all this madness causes me to go on crazy binge drinking episodes - I'm talking super drunk, to the point where as I am just a walking zombie. My thought processes are never streamlined, and I literally jump from thought to thought second after second - I can never zone in and get anything done. I also think that I have weird control issues, where i need to be in control of things. Sometimes my thought patterns and processes affect me so much that my brain and head start to hurt. I am extremely insecure - i think my whole problem may have derived from my extreme fear of failure and rejection. I am always worried about whether other people like me or not - and afraid of hurting my image so much that I actually hurt it by not doing what i want to do. I have this really big weirdo image of myself - like I am a weirdo, a perv, a control freak, an asshole, a user, a sociopath - the list could go on. It's like i just want someone to go into my brain and rewire my head. I cannot explain the bad feelings that I have gone through in the last 10 years - especially these last 4-5 years. anyone have any thoughts? What could be wrong

I'm a 17 yr old female helloo I've never dated anyone. 17 and never dated before hahaha in this generation I guess that'd count as hella weird I've been confessed before by boys but I've always said no I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to a boy. Maybe emotionally, I don't know.. When I see a hot picture of a guy, I'd think "oh he's good looking" but that's it. I've been sexually and emotionally attracted to women. I have no fantasies or what so ever over a hot male celebrity But when It comes to hot female celebrities I do have fantasies Even in my dreams, whenever It is a sexual dream it'd be with a girl. I think a guy appeared like 2-3 times but that's it I've always rejected the idea of me being lesbian. I think that's why I flirt with boys I flirt with them and when they do come to like me and confess to me, its like a switch flips on and I get turned off immediately I know its horrible asjfieua I like to flirt with everyone that's just how I am I don't know why I haven't accepted my sexuality until now Maybe I am afraid of my friends noticing, I have quite a few friends who finds the idea of gays gross My family, atleast my brother probably knows I'm lesbian but my mom and dad will be shocked to find out sigh they probably have an idea though I've been a tomboy when I was little When I'd look at guys, I'd be jealous and wish I was a guy Because when I was little I thought the right thing was guyxgirl couple (I lived in a place where that kind of thoughts were strictly enforced and thought to be normal) If I could be a guy, I wish I could be. But I don't want a sex change Maybe it's the brainwashing of a guyxgirl couple rule ever since I was little that's making me want to be a guy I've grown out my hair and I like to wear cute clothes and dresses. I like being a female I'm still confused but am pretty sure of my sexuality and I've come to finally accept it I'll probably wait until college until I try dating a girl Lesbian relationship in highshool is frightening to me Maybe I could try dating a guy before college to see how it is, but it's unappealing to me bleh

What goes around, comes around: President Robert Mugabe's Son Reveals His Homosexuality

I'm a 23 year old gay male. I had a mental episode in 2012 where I thought that the Holy Spirit was leading me on an adventure and that I would eventually be given about $30,000. And I was supposed to do that sort of thing long-term, distributing money among Christians. Among other things, I planted dollar bills in paper towel dispensers. I don't feel like putting the whole story here. In the inpatient mental ward, I had a psychiatrist who was very grouchy. And the staff didn't make much effort to explain to me that I was in a mental hospital. I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. I was given Abilify and I was allergic to it. So I was given Cogentin to counteract the allergy. I took both and endured akathesia in order to leave the hospital. I basically tried to pretend the meds were ok in order to get out. When it was time for me to check out, I politely asked my psychiatrist if he needed any more signatures or anything else from me, and he threatened to keep me longer unless I left him alone. I ended up in the care of my meddlesome, annoying, controlling, and somewhat verbally abusive mother. She and I were both certain that I didn't have mental illness, and that Satan was responsible for my breakdown. I had severe akathesia so I stopped taking the Abilify. I saw a different psychiatrist who was Christian. He also tries to make people straight and blames the patient for the therapy not working. Anthony Duk in Redlands CA, google his name and you should get a juicy article. At the time I started seeing him, I didn't know I was gay, and I was still Christian. He gave me geodon, which worked well for several weeks, but then I felt like biting metal doors and I came close to jumping from bridges. My emotions were reversed somewhat. Good things caused pain, bad things felt good in a sick way. Very evil thoughts also. The psychiatrist gave me the option of no medication (I wasn't open with him about the suicidal thoughts), so I stopped all meds. Suicidal and evil thoughts stopped, and my emotions went back to normal for the most part. So far I haven't had another severe psychosis like the first one. Now, I've come out to myself about being gay, and I've come out to other people also. I also became an ex-Christian. The above two are very stressful. I left my parents' house because I couldn't stand my mother anymore. And she was a hoarder. I've been staying with friends, but I'm poor, can't make rent right now, and need to sleep a lot. If I get up early in the morning, my mental and physical well-being is usually shit. I need to sleep about 10 hours pretty often, and sleep past 10 AM. I think my family could help me financially, but since I left it's like "fuck you, you're on your own; we'll only help you if you stay here and let us manage the fuck out of you." I tried to talk to my mother, but she was unreasonable. She also picked up one of my prescriptions and wouldn't let me have it all. She is so annoying, I hate all of the annoying stuff she has done to me. I feel so overwhelmed. I barely have welfare money for food, and I just charged a bus pass on my credit card. I hope to find some kind of work so I can stay somewhere. But now I keep having severe anxiety and mood downswings. I don't know whether to stick it out, or go to a clinic. But bad medication could make things a lot worse. I'm afraid of meds, and I'm afraid of psychiatrists. And I gave my mother medical power of attorney. If I end up in an inpatient facility, I might have to deal with her again. And my mother will probably be there praying for me and talking about Satan. I can't stand her!!! And she might try to keep my gay friends away, the guys who actually seem to give a shit about me. My mother was so controlling, and we were so enmeshed and she was in my hair all the time. I didn't realize how bad off I was, financially and mentally. I also have a muscle disorder, so physically strenuous work is extremely difficult to impossible. My work record looks bad on paper. I'm smart, but my physical and mental endurance have led to poor work and school performance. I can learn well on the internet on my own time, but did miserably in college. I have sometimes exhibited symptoms of ADHD and OCD. I wanted away from my mother so bad that I just left. I almost ended up on the street a few times, but friends have been helping me out, so I've had lodging for the past month or so. The second psychiatrist gave me a working diagnosis of Bipolar, but I stopped seeing him when I found out he was anti-gay. Can I find mental health housing? Not a psych ward, but a private room or studio apartment that doesn't cost much? I want to find a good doctor and a safe place to stay away from my troublesome family so that I can perhaps try medication again. My mood goes up and down. I don't hear voices, but music plays in my head. It is music I've listened to in the real world, but it gets so annoying. Like 5 seconds of a song plays back, loudly. Very high quality too, all the aspects and instruments are there, but it's only 5 seconds of the song, over and over and over. Shut up I'm trying to think here!!! Will somebody please unplug the stereo system that is hiding somewhere in my head? The stop and power buttons must be broken. I am, of course, speaking in metaphor here. When I'm calm, I can listen to entire songs. I don't need an mp3 player because I have my brain. But when it malfunctions, it tortures me! This is pretty rambling and disorganized. I'm going to stop for now. I might write more when I'm in a clearer state of mind. Maybe somebody who reads this can offer some understanding, sympathy, or advice?

Waiting for my heart to be ripped out T_T