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Showing results for tags 'generalized anxiety'.
Alright--first post, so bear with me here. It took me about five minutes to figure out what to type after that sentence. As much as I'd like to write a memoir on this forum about my insane drug-induced disordered life, I'll try to make my questions simple. Really, I couldn't decide if I should post in this thread or the OCD, social phobia, depersonalization, or addictions one. I used to be a crazy, outgoing kid that loved going out in public. Pulling pranks on people in grocery stores and getting in trouble at fast food drive-thru's were my favorite hobbies. I had been like this my whole life, up until I started using marijuana when I was 16. A few years into my addiction (that's what I'll call it) I had some sort of psychotic break in one of my high school classes. I was on venlafaxine at the time for depression; anxiety was never an issue. I've read of all sorts of these depersonalized episodes due to cannabis use (especially when using as an adolescent). These reoccur and are something I'll have to accept until I find a cure, hopefully. I gave up smoking the day it happened, which was three years ago, and haven't touched it since. The only why my psych was able to help me out was by prescribing clonazepam. It was a blessing until, you know, I got hooked like everyone else. It seemed to slow me down a bit. It took the edge off, but being a socially gimped zombie wasn't what I wanted. After a year I wanted to speed things up, so that's what I asked for; Adderall. I started at 30 and was at 50 within a month. Sometimes I wonder if I would make a better psychiatrist. But, I asked for it, and I knew what I was getting myself into. Whether I have ADD or not, I enjoyed Adderall and have been taking it for over a year (clonazepam for two years). After tolerance built up though, all I was left with was blue hands and feet. I've gone down to 40 milligrams and am really hitting the wall. I need to get to the point; this is only the addiction portion. My life now: I rarely leave the house (or even my room for that matter), take college courses online, write, and draw. I'm not afraid to leave the house, I simply don't want to. I do fear conversations though, or people in general. I can't make eye contact with anyone, lose my words between each sentence, and can see myself from their POV. All of this makes me (or how I see me) look like a stuttering, paranoid person with schizophrenia. The only times I leave the house are when I have to, and I rarely take my Klonopin during the day due to the zombie hazes. I have a feeling the Adderall has contributed to a mix of OCD and OCPD. Matter of fact, I believe all of the symptoms that make me a completely dysfunctional individual are due to drugs. The weed started the engine and the pharmaceuticals added fuel to it. I'm trying to wean off of everything slowly right now but it's still a disaster. I just want to be able to make a simple phone call without writing down what I'm going to say first. I'm tired of leaving earth at a family dinner. And I'm tired of needing to carry a pocket-full of pills everywhere I go, if I go. Any comments, questions, or answers to why I define every anxiety disorder in the DSM-5 will be greatly appreciated.
Probably a stupid question. I've never had any direction career-wise. Other people look at their skills and interests to figure out what jobs/careers are right for them, but I've never been able to come up with a single idea. As far as I am concerned, I have no skills... And, strangely, I don't have any real interests. I have racked my brains for years but no job seems right for me at all. The only thing I know is mental illness.... I've had severe social phobia (possibly bordering on agoraphobia) for years, plus depression, generalized anxiety, and a little OCD. Actually I started out with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which I'm fairly sure I still have. My self-esteem is non-existent; minus zero. I'm in a constant battle with myself. I know how all of it feels, because I've been there. So, I was wondering if maybe my career is staring me in the face? Maybe I should help other girls with poor body image and social anxiety? Could I even do that? I mean, I've got a hell of a long way to go. I'm in CBT, and I still struggle leaving my home. Could I ever be well enough to help others? I know there are lots of different ways someone can work in mental health, so I'm not sure what would be "right" for me, if anything. I live in the UK.
Hi! So I guess I'll just post what's relevant to this forum for now, and I apologize in advance for any long-windedness. I just turned eighteen yesterday, and "crazy" has pretty much always been a part of my life. My dad has Crohn's disease which rendered his bipolar medication near useless, so it turned into schizo-effective disorder. My mom may or may not have a history of mental issues, but it doesn't matter because they don't believe in mental disorders in the first place. They are, however, highly susceptible to addiction. Mostly alcohol. Mom is a (hopefully recovering) alcoholic, also addicted to pain meds. Grandma is getting older and takes Ativan as she needs it. My sister just recently started therapy, and it turns out we have a lot of the same issues, or at least major depression on both our parts. So yeah. "Crazy" seems to be a family trait. My crazy started when I was in middle school, but it didn't get bad until this past April; I had to withdraw from my college because of my depression, then was hospitalized because I'd been making passive suicide attempts, at which point it was decided that depression wasn't my biggest issue so much as severe generalized anxiety (which may or may not have recently materialized into panic attacks. I'm not sure). I also have a social phobia, but we haven't addressed that in therapy yet. =/ Sorry if this is too long for the intro forum. My dad spent my birthday in the ER, and I'm having some major anxiety issues right now.