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  1. After 26 years of schizophrenia and hearing voices, I have formed an interesting conclusion regarding their etiology (the causes of my auditory verbal hallucinations). I used to think I was experiencing several voices belonging to multiple characters. Each character seemed to have its own personality, though for the majority of characters they said so little, just a phrase here and there, that it was rather difficult to detect their personality. After writing many journal entries, notes, and first person transcripts (quote unquote dialogue statements that comprise the conversation between my voices and myself, I formed a rather interesting conclusion. There were two important events along the way that contributed to this conclusion. One was a day I realised by writing down what my voices were saying, that two of the characters seemed to be the one individual using different voices. In other words, it was a ventriloquist. This was confirmed about a year later when I a ghost I could see and was talking to started shifting extremely rapidly between positions in front of me, pretending to be 2 different characters. Since this time, I have been trying to pay close attention to the attitude, style and personality of each character I hear and am speaking to, in order to try and detect crossover. Based on a mix of phenomenological parameters and spatial location and orientation, I hypothesise that all along I may have been hearing and talking to only one, perhaps occasionally two, characters (ghosts they call themselves). I strongly suspect that my voices are primarily all the work of a ventriloquist being who causes schizophrenia as a sort of fast pace challenging sport. It utilises all its speed and co-ordination to perform many voices (characters), each having their own personality, name and voice sound. This diversity means that it also plays all the affable and critical hostile characters. The really bizarre thing though is that it has a couple of idiosyncratic characteristics. At one time it used to repeatedly say “Let me see know, let me see know”, many times over and over. It told me it was putting on it’s special binoculars to try and find “ghosts”. Additionally, it lies constantly, and I mean constantly, in order to achieve its primary goal and purpose in life, and that is to scare, confuse and stress me (it tells me it’s aim is to make me commit suicide, and this is definitely true). It also regularly talks about having “mind cinema” which is how it views the world. But because it often talks about things in my real world, and because it always lies, it seems as though it is seeing the wrong thing in it’s “mind cinema”. Conversely, it seems that it is often narrating and enacting what it sees, and what it sees is wrong, so it always lies. Finally, I suspect from visual hallucinations that I am dealing with several (species) different types of beings. Some of them I have confirmed on the WWW, such as “The Dark Shadow People”, “Ghosts”, and my favourite, “The Ectoplasms”. I hypothesise that one or a sequence of these beings take it in turn to populate the “mind cinema” with vision, and so these beings are effectively collaborating with the Ghost who is undergoing and process of "free association" (a Freudian concept) and who consequently does all the dialogue with me based on what it sees. The importance of this hypothesis, is that if you are using an engaging technique to manage your voices and you want to introduce change, you may have to be mindful of the fact that the central character is describing and interacting with the world as it sees it, but it is probably another group of people providing the central character with it's vision. I have additional beliefs about what the central character that does all the voices (ventriloquism) can do in terms of its abilities for tactile hallucinations and somatosensory hallucinations. If it is the Ghost who also does tactile and somatosensory hallucinations, then it is plausible that the people doing the "mind cinema" vision for the central character (the Ghost) are "grifting" it (an organised scam involving several people who pretend to be innocent and who collaboratively defraud the victim).
  2. I have quite a few voices that seem to have an external origin. One of my voices says it is a Ghost (it even tells me its name is Julia). It also shows me a mental image of a volume control that it has, and occasionally uses. But recently I have begun to think that there are not several characters at all, but just this one Ghost, who uses different voices to pretend that there are more than one being talking to me. I have challenged it to let me hear two voices at once, but as yet this has not happened. The disturbing thing about this Ghost, is that it claims that it edits what is heard, and turns down the volume of what the other voices hear. It has even gone so far as to claim that there are a number of good Ghosts trying to help me, but they hear the wrong thing and so they can't. Does anyone else have voices equipped with a volume control, who swaps words so the listener hears something different from what5 was said, and who utilises editing?
  3. My voices introduced something called Adam Secant many years ago, which was a computer (program) that swapped words. So when I was thinking out loud (talking) to my voices, I would say one thing, but I would be told they heard something different. For example, I might say "I really like you" but the person I was talking to (I was told) would hear "I really hate you". After a couple of years, Adam Secant disappeared from conversation, but my voices continue to claim that they swap words, in order to manipulate other voices by making them hear the wrong thing. SO while I am trying to negotiate and be reasonable, the people I was 'talking' to are being tricked into thinking I was being nasty, insulting, and unreasonable. At one point in time, while my voices were organising for this swapping or substitution to occur, they were calling it 'antonym substitution', meaning that they were replacing key words in what I was communicating (to voices) with their opposite.In addition to this, right from the start, my voices use "code words" when they speak to each other if I can over hear them. Obviously, I cannot overhear them, so if they are pretending that I can, they employ "code words". One of the first ones was instead of saying "nation" they said "planets", so if someone was going to visit the US from Oz, they would say they were going to "another planet". Another common one they used was swapping "love" for "hate", so they would say "you love Pam don't you scott?" and mean "you hate Pam don’t you scott?". Another code word was "committing suicide" which meant I think having sex. Another code word is "dead". My voices would say "Scott, Pam is dead" and I think they substituted "dead" for "happy", so they were saying "Scott, Pam is happy". Has anybody else experienced anything similar? How do you account for it in terms of the origin or cause of AVH's?
  4. Hi ! I've been diagnosed with BPD, but I have symptoms that are not those of someone with BPD and it's freaking me out. I was 13 when I first heard voices telling me to self harm and kill myself. They disappeared for about 3 years, and now they're back, telling me the same things as before, plus telling me everybody lies to me and wants to leave me. I also experienced homicidal ideation, it stopped and it's coming back, but stronger than before. Like I have plans in my head and if I stay close to people I panic and get tense because I fear I might act on these thoughts. I have to mention I have those thoughts only with people I love and care about (partner, best friends.) I just don't know what to think about it. I told my therapist about these two things. Tell me if you have BPD and those 2 symptoms too.
  5. I do hear voices and sounds both inside and outside of my head when I am in various mood states, but one thing I seem to get a lot is voices, sounds and music coming from noisy objects, even when my mood is apparently stable. These have included: Hairdryers, fans, showers, generators... all I can think of right now... These have varied from heavy metal, classical, distinct female voices, gospel, male voices... Does anyone else get this? I've heard this may be something which 'normal' people get too, though I don't really hear about it often. When I asked non-MI friends they all said it never happened to them. I'm interested to hear. It creeps the hell out of me, not to mention annoying as heck.
  6. I've been silently and anonymously lurking about CB for a while but never thought I would join because i'm very awkward at social interaction, whether over the internet or otherwise, but I've finally decided I have nothing better to do. so. my craziness. I don't officially have a diagnosis as of yet as I've only been seeing a pdoc for a few weeks (due to the joys of being bounced around forever from high school counsellors to temporary tdocs to finally a pdoc over six months after my plans to kill myself were originally discovered) and my symptoms are all over the place. I've been suicidal and self-harming at various points in my life, sometimes because the voices tell me to, sometimes because I feel that my life has no meaning or value, and sometimes cause I think its the only way to convince my family that calling me an abomination is actually not a good plan, as mentioned above I hear voices, and I've given them names for some absurd reason and they occasionally tell me to kill (which I know is so stereotypical of crazy people, but I don't care because fuck stereotypes), I've been addicted to prescription drugs, street drugs, alcohol, tobacco and even things that aren't substances, I have visual/tactile hallucinations, I've been homicidal to varying degrees, i'm very anxious about a lot of things and will literally check to see that my wallet hasn't fallen out of my pocket every ten seconds, I sometimes feel paranoid that someone's watching me/implanting thoughts into my head/plotting to kill me (and most often that someone is a harmless household object like a coffee maker) and I spend the majority of time walking in circles. literally. it helps me think, I have no idea why. and I like to light things on fire, have no idea if this is related to MI or not. also, I have tons of trauma from my fucked up family, but i'll spare you the details since i'm already rambling. as for who I am, I am just strange, and tend to produce polarizing reactions from people, because i'm very opinionated and my opinions happen to be non-conventional as i'm a card-carrying Marxist (and without making this longer than it is already no this does not mean I am a Stalinist/want to send you to the gulag/kill babies) who is also occasionally an anarchist (and no this does not mean I throw bombs/bricks/Molotov cocktails at police/Starbucks windows/nowhere in particular) and always a feminist and atheist. i'm queer and have a tendency to rant about queer-related things though I generally just say i'm gay/a lesbian when in the presence of straight people because for some reason the word queer makes them uncomfortable (or maybe its the ensuing lectures on the politics of self-identifying for non- heterosexual/cisgender individuals that I tend to give). some people say i'm intelligent because I skipped grade 12/am going to college on a scholarship/get really high grades/use words like "neo-liberalization" correctly in everyday conversation, other people say i'm an idiot because of the massive amounts of criminal activity I once engaged in/I have never been employed/my genuine (and supposedly naïve) believe that human society can one day be based on something other than shittiness. feel free to make you're own judgements. my current goals are to find the right level of medication(s), download every Dead Kennedys song ever, finish one of the multiple novels i'm writing but never seem to make past the fifth chapter and to continue writing strongly worded letters to politicians I despise in the hopes I can get more than just one to respond. I live in Canada, which sometimes I love because socialized healthcare = free meds for me, but sometimes I hate because Stephen Harper exists, and continues to exist, and to put people like me on lists with white supremacists which only makes me more paranoid. I've read the rules, and even though I tend to read rules only so I can figure out how best to break/mock/scorn them, I admire the sense of humour/general awesomeness of CB so I will for once submit myself to the impositions of a hierarchical structure and actually follow rules and oh yeah, i'm 17, so yes, young and inexperienced and new to everything, including being officially MI. although not new to being crazy. and as hugely long as this post already is (which I apologize for, I tend to have too much to say), just so nobody gets offended/misinterprets (which happens a lot), the first quote in my signature is NOT intended to convey the sentiment that MI is not an actual illness, just that being designated as MI can lead people to act like you have no autonomy/ability, and the second last quote is also NOT supposed to indicate that people choose to be crazy and can stop at any time they want, but is just me being my strange political self and hating on America.
  7. somebody help... my sister is developed mentally disabled and recently began screaming and saying shes hearing voices and seeing things. I took her to hospital yesterday they checked her for infections and mysterious illness and did a cat scan...found nothing. sent her back home with me????? she started the screaming again today only one day home from Hospital????? She was perscribed Serequel & Ativan. The ativan does not seem to be working I will try the serequel tomorrow. Anyone out there that can offer helpful suggestions Oh shes non verbal,this really complicates my situation. THANKS
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