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Found 20 results

  1. Hello again friends. It has been a few years. I was HaloGirl66. Or IndyMode. I can't remember. But I re-registered because I couldn't recover my old user info. I've had severe insomnia, ADHD, GAD & Migraines for years and am now going through a bipolar diagnosis. So hello again. -Mandy
  2. Bonjour y'all. I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here. So, into the breach of introductions... I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care for my two magnificent children, one of whom is a tri-lingual, fencing super-nerd and the youngest of whom is the closest thing to a literal angel that I will ever know. I know.. Im biased but I don't lie! My youngest (5) is also a soldier in the battle against unwonted, rare disease called Mitochondrial Complex III Deficiency. She is not expected to survive adolescence. I share this information to promote awareness of her affliction and to give some glimpse into the muti-faceted gem of shit luck that contributes greatly to my episodes of mental illness exacerbations. Diagnosed borderline, major depressive disorder, schizoaffectve with just a dash of PTSD and DID to keep it fun. I did not seek help until the peak of my schizoaffective emergence, during which I attempted twice within a year. I've been off and on the pharmacopia and onlythis year did I see a counselor. Now, because I'm swimming in medical bills for prescription meds, supplements (that insurance sure as shit won't cover), shitty cars, doctors appointments, genetic tests....yeah, I'm broke as fuck and I am on Medicaid. The great state of Louisiana is kind of a clusterfuck of bad doctors, limited mental health resources, and waiting lists that last over 6 months....so my mental health options are severly restricted. So I'm finally deciding to say hi to all of you in the hopes that we can aquaint ourselves and, hopefully, I can find some sense of community because no one in Jesus country is really open to talking about mental illness unless its to call MI the side-effect of demonic possession. So howdy y'all!
  3. Hello, I'm here to share my journey of getting (re)medicated with you guys. Wish me luck. (help!)
  4. Yes, I just used a spongebob reference. Hi my name is Nelly. Well it's Janelle but I go by Nelly. Feel free to message me or just comment saying hello down below. I think I finally found a place where I belong. Hiiii
  5. Hi. I'm not new, I just lurk around a lot. My life is in disarray, I'm the most depressed I've ever been, my hubby's in his 4th psych ward/hospital in 3 years. Before that, he was your ordinary, dual diagnosed, drinks too much kinda guy. No delusions. No psychosis. At 50, he just bugged out. More on this later. I am so ANGRY! I shouldn't be but I am. I resent being having to deal with pdocs and Psych social workers (OMG sooo clueless) and researching antipsychotics & SSRI'S & SNRI'S & so on & so on. I take 300mg of Wellbutrin 150 2 x daily, 4mg of Klonopin 2 mg at a time. I ALWAYS run out! A cut of 2 mg daily is not working out well...lol. It's almost a month but nothing. It worked before but I dunno... I'm frustrated, alone, and scared. Ok, I don't know where to post this,so here goes nothing. Invega - is anyone else on this and what do you think about it? Thanks in advance, Doe
  6. So... I've had an account here for a while, I figured I should probably introduce myself to the endless void of code that makes up the internet. I don't really know what to say, I don't know why I'm here. I'm doing this during school, I'm surprised this site isn't blocked to be perfectly honest. I'm sad. That's pretty much all there is to it. I'm not happy for perfectly no reason, I have a good life, a good family, good friends, an education. I'm a typical white middle class girl. Dull as hell. I don't really know how these things go... I guess I should have read some introduction posts before I decided to write my own. I really don't know what to say, and I know no one will be reading this anyway, so I think I'm going to end this here.
  7. Just thought I'd introduce myself... I'm a 25 year old female, diagnosed with bipolar II, and also have anxiety (generalized. Somewhat antisocial, also have PTSD from past trauma). I really have no support system as far as mental illness goes so I thought maybe joining an online forum may help. Other than my crazy, I enjoy reading, music, keeping up with current events, and I also love animals. I used to work at an animal rescue. So anyway; I'm bad with introductions. But I am happy to be here. Many blessings, peace and love to all.
  8. Hello everyone... Just had to give my best Joey pick up line Anyway, I've been here several days, just now getting around to writing an intro. Sorry bout that... Uh, lets see... how can I talk about myself, but be vague enough to be private? I've been stalked before, so um, ya... sharing actual details is not my thing. I'm a woman approaching my 4th decade, living in the upper left corner of the US, I have several offspring (a couple of them teenagers- holy crap how did THAT happen?), a wonderful but equally neurotic boyfriend, I'm on the verge of working in the health care industry. Anyway, I've suffered from depression off and on most of my life, more on than off. I'm sure if I went to a doc, they'd also label me with Social Anxiety Disorder and probably General Anxiety Disorder. And if I told them, self-harm. I'm not currently taking any prescription meds, though I have in the past. I think they made me worse. So now I take 5HTP, some cortisol support, sometimes GABA when I need a little extra help, and vitamins (esp D). I'm also having severe stomach issues, and am anxiously awaiting my appointment with the doc. Before I end up rambling, I should call it quits for now... I'm planning on blogging a lot, so stop in sometime if any of you feel like it.... This is my first time joining a site like this, be gentle!
  9. Hello. You can call me rotten, candy, pink, or the whole name. I will respond to any way you say it. This isn't my first time joining one of these forums, but this one by far appeals to me the most, I think. There's not much to say at the moment. I am doing pretty well, I am on disability leave from work and college and in semi-recovery. I might have to go into a day rehab clinic in February. Otherwise, we shall see how things turn out. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to meeting you!
  10. Noob here. Did a google search on the latest anti-d I've been prescribed and found this place. 46, female, and I'm damn tired of feeling like shit. Off and on medication (currently on) since my early 20's. Off and on therapy (currently on) the same. Currently trying to get that magic mix of meds so I can consistently function. Had a magic mix that worked for a couple of years then all of a sudden the depression came creeping back in. What the hell's up with that? I'm tired of this. I would like to feel normal without a handful of pills. The anxiety is relatively new, and it sucks. The depression has been around forever, I can recognize it now before it gets bad. The anxiety, tho - that knocks me down. Started a new anti-d and i feel like crawling out of my skin right now. Ativan, take me away! Maybe I'll add a little vodka to the mix and see if that helps any. Thanks for reading.
  11. Hey Y'all Until recently I was what I thought of as 'normal'. Then, I decided to leave my wife and family and head off on a mission from God, to deliver a message of peace and love. The universe was protecting me from harm by providing me with superpowers so I was basically invincible. This was great (it really was) until I had a crazy suicidal psychotic episode, which has not great at all. Then I found out NONE OF IT WAS REAL. Now I find myself awake at 6am with not much else to do but seek solace with other crazies like me, like you.
  12. Hi everyone, my name is Kelsie and I live in the UK. The reason for my visit? I'm pretty crazy. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and schizoaffective disorder. I also have Asperger Syndrome and ADHD (not doing wonders for my sleep), amongst other health problems. Anyway, I'm pretty ordinary in some respects - I like sexy men (especially after alcohol), music and whisky! I also love fashion and nice hair. In fact, I'm obsessed with hair. Obsessed, I tell you! Literally, some people have thought I was a lesbian when I was telling them how nice their hair was, but besides being more aesthetically pleasing, women don't do anything for me. Anyhooooozle, you shall hear a lot more from moi. Kelsie XxxxxX <3
  13. This is hands down, the best forum, I have ever found. So fitting, Call me jo, I'm 20 I make no sense, unless you speak my paradoxical tongue. I'm anxiety, depressed, hate, love and paranoia ridden. I'm a romantic, with bold boundaries. I look forward to these talks. xo
  14. Hey everybody, I just thought I'd post an introduction with a little info about myself & why I decided to join the forum. Anyways, I'm an 18-24 y/o male who has struggled with mental health issues since I was about 12. At first, I primarily had anxiety issues, but I quickly developed a fairly severe case of depression at the age of about 13, as well. I started seeing psychologists when I was 10 years old, and eventually started seeing a Psychiatrist right after turning 14 because talk therapy wasn't helping me at all. I was put on 100mg of zoloft after a standard titration, and at first it seemed to help. However, my anxiety was still pronounced and difficult to deal with, especially during the first couple years of high school. In the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school, I fell back into my depression worse than ever, and was riddled with anxiety over the smallest events / problems that came up. My appetite became essentially nonexistent, and I pretty much just stopped eating. To make a long story short, I went from weighing 125 pounds at 5 ft 11" during May to 75 pounds by November. During the period, I knew I was losing significant amounts of weight, but didn't feel inclined to do anything about it. Eating was difficult - not just psychologically, but also physically due to the lack of an appetite. I also have severe IBS which made eating just always seem like a risk (IE - "If I eat this sandwich my stomach is gonna kill me and I'm either gonna be constipated or sh*&ting piss for the next 12 hours. The depression was so severe that in many ways, I felt like death was inevitable and almost comforting. During October, when I was at my worst / lowest weight, I realized that I could very well die from anorexia. That realization wasn't a scary one, seeing as at that weight, your brain essentially stops working as it should. I was so numbed to the outside world that opinions of others meant nothing to me at all, and would kind of "float" around feeling as if I was ghost. Up until the end of October, I didn't experience any serious physical side effects due to my weight loss, but that all changed very quickly. Within about 10 days, I went from being able to run up the stairs 2 at a time to having to physically lift my legs with one hand from stair to stair while my other hand fraily held onto the banister to prevent falling. Essentially, my body started to eat through my muscle, primarily in my thighs. After a few days of this, horrific scenario, my parents admitted me to a state-run Psychiatric hospital, where I spent 33 days. I was placed in the adolescent eating disorder unit, where I did meet some fascinating individuals, but also was subjected to the horrors of being at an inpatient Psych hospital. From the day I was admitted, I knew my options were to either be fully compliant and get out quickly, or put up a fight just to get an NG-tube stuck through my nose and esophogos to fill my stomach with Ensure 24/7. It wasn't at all difficult for me to start eating again, which was kind of bizarre and shocking to everybody on staff, and I actually would BEG for them to give me more food during rounds every day. The problem was, because I had been eating so little beforehand, I developed refeeding syndrome almost immediately, and had to be monitored very closely for about 10 days. Refeeding syndrome is something that occurs after the body has adapted to very low daily intake of nutrition, and essentially causes your body to process larger amounts of food as poison. In turn, I had to keep my legs elevated above my chest at all times to prevent a heart attack. I can remember the Edema in my feet causing them to swell to about 2 times their normal size, which was kind of funny for me to see while in that fucked-up state of mind. My vitals were surprisingly stable for somebody in my condition, but my blood levels were pretty out of whack during that time, so I was under CONSTANT supervision to make sure I didn't die. Anyways, I demanded as much food as possible, used the most caloric optionable condiments for anything I could (butter on EVERYTHING!), and would finish every single edible scrap served to me - regardless of how disgusting it tasted. During my time there, I was started on lorazepam as a PRN med, but due to my anxiety being so severe, they decided to make it a standing 3x per day medication. Problem was, I F-ing HATE short acting benzos, so I demanded them to switch it to clonazepam asap. The klonopin helped greatly, mostly because SSRI's are not effective without a certain amount of body fat, so it was pretty much my only option in terms of anti-anxiety meds. I was thankfully able to avoid atypical antipsychotics, which I personally have problems with (I think they're SUPER overprescribed, especially in psychiatric hospitals for the sake of sedation,) since I still could function intellectually at a level that shocked all of the doctors on board. After 33 days of living in what felt like a more strict version of "Girl, Interrupted," I was released. I had gained 55 pounds within 33 days, and had no feelings of guilt, self loathing, or remorse due to the weight gain. Life since getting out of the hospital has been difficult, and I've tried dozens of medications to try to deal with my diagnoses. Currently, the diagnoses that've stuck through the years are social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, treatment resistant major depression disorder, chronic insomnia, Psoriasis & Psoriatic arthritis, and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I've also recently had some problems with alcohol, but have been diagnosed or described by doctors as more of a "problem drinker" than a typical "alcoholic." Diagnoses that haven't stuck / have been dealt with have included anorexia nervosa, bipolar disorder (the new ADHD, it seems), borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and being a self-harmer [Due to occassionally high-risk behaviors, but I've never cut myself, burned myself, injured myself, or risked my life deliberately beyond the eating disorder episode.] Currently, the meds I'm on include..... -150mg Zoloft (Sertraline) daily -5mg Valium (Diazepam) 3-4x daily -30mg Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine) daily -10mg Ambien (Zolpidem Tartrate) nightly -250mg Antabuse (Disulfiram) every other day -50-100mg Benadryl (Diphenhydramine) nightly PRN for sedation -45mg Stelara (Ustekinumab) Injection every 8-12 weeks for Psoriasis & Psoriatic Arthritis Past medications I've tried / been on..... -300mg Welbutrin XL (Bupropion XL) daily -.5mg Ativan (Lorazepam) 3-4x daily -.5mg Xanax (Alprazolam) 3x daily -.5mg Klonopin (Clonazepam) 4x daily -10mg Sonata (Zaleplon) nightly -100mg Trazodone nightly I'm pretty sure there are other meds I've been prescribed in the past, but it's hard to remember all of them at the moment. I'm very happy with my current medication regiment, but have found that the Antabuse (Disulfiram) makes me feel a bit numb / irritable, and seems to make the benzos less effective. I've only been on it for about a week, but feel that it definitely is reacting in some strange way with my other meds. Anyways, sorry for the super long introduction, I just wanted to let you guys know a bit about me so you have some background if you see me posting on the forum. Thanks & be well!!
  15. I've been not quite right for a while now. Depressed for a long time, on and off meds. On and off in postsecondary education. I had a little psychotic break last year and ended up in the hospital. It was alright, I discovered a nasty thing about myself. I'm all too willing to submit and live my life according to an authority. Now I am out, studying sociology and not taking any meds. Except when I take a handful of diazepam. Besides being crazy, I am gay, socially awkward, ugly and fat and living on the relative bottom of the social order*. My Dx is F60.9 if you care about those things. I found out about this place from vile manhating feminists bent on global domination. They fit nicely with my Gay Agenda. *I feel this statement needs to be qualified, because the actual people living on the bottom are obviously the underprivileged minorities, in my country those people are the Gypsy (Roma) people who are living the life black people lived in the US in the 30's. So what I mean by what I said is that I'm on bottom of the ladder of my cohort.
  16. Hey Nuts and Bunnies and Fellow Cray Cray's Apparently I posted 26 posts back in THE DAY. Back in 2007. I remember being kind of addicted to these boards, and how I'd troll the topics all night and day and while I was undoubtedly suffering from SOMETHING (isn't everything co-morbid these days?) I, at some point, probably came to the conclusion that obsessing about being mentally ill wasn't helping any kind of mental illness I was trying to discover/treat/fight. Soooo anyways, I'm back. Now that I'm 28, there is little doubt left in my mind that there is, indeed, something very "wrong" in the brain that happens to be encased in THIS skull. A little bit Bipolar (heh - is that even possible?) a decent amount OCD (of the personality variety, or no - perhaps, chemical - no one can see but me...) and recently took the MMPI to discover....schizo?!? Now, we shouldn't be interpreting scores ourselves as untrained non professionals now should we. DEFINITELY ADD. Adult Variety (sexy right? not sexy). Glad to be back, I guess. Meanwhile I am crawling rapidly out from this self described "pit of despair" with 50mg Pristiq. Trying to keep hypomania at bay with a benzo, I guess. I've never had consistent care, or access to a psychiatrist I trust. For now I am working with a GP which is less than ideal, but he is very very good, a family friend, and because I am uninsured he treats me for free. So I gotta do what I gotta do. Looking forward to dialoguing more with you.
  17. "My name is YoGabaGabapentin and I'm a crazy person." I think this is the part where you all say, "Hello YoGabaGabapentin!!!! Welcome!" And then you give me a few golf claps. *sits down* Step 1 complete - 11 more to go.
  18. Hi all, I've been checking out this forum for the past couple of days so I thought I'd join to be able to interact. I'm 26 years old and live in the greater NYC area. I was recently diagnosed with major depression with psychosis. I think the trigger was the passing of my dad after a painful battle with prostate cancer at the end of September. It's been a tough road, but I have a loving family and boyfriend who keep me going. I've really gotten a lot out of reading the posts on everyone's experiences here, so just wanted to say a big thanks for that! Best of luck to everyone here.
  19. My name is jordan and I am 27 years old. Coming here might help me I think if it doesn't lead to trouble
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