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Hi. I'm not new, I just lurk around a lot. My life is in disarray, I'm the most depressed I've ever been, my hubby's in his 4th psych ward/hospital in 3 years. Before that, he was your ordinary, dual diagnosed, drinks too much kinda guy. No delusions. No psychosis. At 50, he just bugged out. More on this later. I am so ANGRY! I shouldn't be but I am. I resent being having to deal with pdocs and Psych social workers (OMG sooo clueless) and researching antipsychotics & SSRI'S & SNRI'S & so on & so on. I take 300mg of Wellbutrin 150 2 x daily, 4mg of Klonopin 2 mg at a time. I ALWAYS run out! A cut of 2 mg daily is not working out well...lol. It's almost a month but nothing. It worked before but I dunno... I'm frustrated, alone, and scared. Ok, I don't know where to post this,so here goes nothing. Invega - is anyone else on this and what do you think about it? Thanks in advance, Doe

Really interesting article that made me want to buy this book... (I have too many books.) https://hyperallergic.com/325904/this-way-madness-lies-mike-jay/

An amazing donation at the museum today... These are the belongings of a female doctor who qualified in 1903. Female doctors were unusual at that time and she had quite a hard time getting patients at first. No one wanted to have a woman for a doctor! She endured and eventually established a busy practice. The large leather bag is a saddlebag for almost all her tools, most of what is set out on the table, amazingly. They fit inside a metal case (to the right of the saddlebag), that was also used for sterilising instruments. Anyway, I found it quite interesting. Also, that book is about her. Oh, on another interesting note, she had an unusual set curettes used for abortions (bottom, far left). They were custom made in many sizes with a removable handle. The museum has several curettes on display, but all of them are one piece. The owner said he's never seen the likes of this little set. Actually, many of the instruments appear to have been custom made.

Ward 81 & Oregon State Hospital 1975 - 2005 Images from Mary Ellen Mark’s series Ward 81 have been floating around the internet lately. I feel a special connection, however, as I explored the hospital in its abandoned state. The old hospital buildings were torn down four years after I visited in 2005. Though Mark’s work is well known, the hospital’s biggest fame was as the filming location for One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s nest. I have provided both Mary Ellen Mark’s 1975 photographs as well as my own for contrast, to show what became of the hospital 30 years on. I also provided images of my artwork that are based on the 2005 visit. The paintings are part of a larger series of works based off different abandoned hospitals I visited over the years. When I requested access to Oregon State Hospital, the right wing to the main building had been slowly vacated ward by ward until the early 90’s when it was left to moulder in the damp Oregon weather. By the time I arrived, the top two floors were in ruins. The tiles were essentially just rubble spattered with bird and rat droppings. The paint on the walls had largely peeled away. Strangely enough, the bathrooms were in perfect condition, the tile looked almost untouched. Because the left wing held dangerous prisoners, it took quite some time to get permission to view the interior. I was given a visitor’s pass and a guide (an old man who had worked there as an orderly since the late 60’s). He was able to tell me about what went on in the abandoned wards during his time working there, which was helpful. The stories weren’t flattering to the hospital and his candour surprised me as he was still employed there. I suppose his supervisors weren’t around to hear, so he felt safe talking. I hope you all find this interesting. The quote below leads to Karen Folger Jacob’s full text on Mark’s website. I posted her pictures here because many of them seem to have been taken down from the current website gallery. I archived the site on my computer many years ago, thankfully, so I have the content in full. Enjoy... “In 1975, photographer Mary Ellen Mark was assigned by a magazine to do a story on the making of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, shot on location at the Oregon State Hospital, a mental institution. While there, she met, briefly, the women of Ward 81.Ward 81 is the women's security ward of the hospital, the only locked ward for women in the state. The women on this ward are considered dangerous to themselves or to others.In February of 1976, Mary Ellen and Karen Folger Jacobs, a writer and social scientist, were given permission to live on the ward in order to photograph and interview the women. They spent thirty-six days on Ward 81.” ----

This book has a very interesting section on madness, describing what seems obvious to me as both depression and bipolar mania. I dictated all the text because the appearance of the letters 's' and 'f' is often identical and makes it hard to read if you aren't accustomed. The areas I found particularly interesting I put in bold. More images of the book, specifically the pages I typed, are provided below the text. Seeing as treatment called for things such as regular bleeding, purgatives, cold baths, shaving of the head, a 'slender' diet, and confinement, I'm really loving my meds right now. Different times of course, a less medically enlightened age, but doesn't make me less grateful. OF MELANCHOLY AND MADNESS These are diseases nearly connected, though they are diametrically opposite in some of their symptoms; for the first is attended with great fear and pensiveness; and the latter with great fury and boldness; but they both agree in being accompanied with a constant delirium, without fever. They have been considered by some as two species of insanity, which is defined permanent delirium without fever — Melancholy Insanity, accompanied by sadness; Madness Insanity accompanied by rage, in the former fear prevails; in the latter anger; but in both we have delirium. Melancholia, by some nosologists, is defined a partial insanity without dyspepsia, by which is meant, when a man is in such a situations, that the relation of things altogether false are conceived in the mind so that his passions and actions may be excited beyond all natural bounds, or contrary to reason; and as hypochondriasis and melancholy cannot always be distinguished; but they are, there appears no other sign but that in the first, dyspepsia is always present, in the left, it is often totally absent. Melancholy and madness may be occasioned by whatever so disturbs the brain as to affect the mind; such as intense thought, anxious cares and troubles, watchings, frights, fearful and shocking dreams, strong passions, profuse evacuations, or common evacuations obstructed. Whatever renders the blood and spirits too volatile, causes the mirthful and raving; and whatever not eh contrary depresses them, will occasion the melancholy species. If hereditary, they fearce admit of a cure, nor do those which grow up with people from early youth, nor in general, is that which has continued above a year. The general signs, preceding melancholy are sadness and dejection, without any antecedent cause; timidity, fondness of solitude, troublesome nights, fretfulness and fickleness, contravenes, little orno urine, indolence, and paleness of visage — On the contrary, in maniacs there is a unusual boldness, with all strong appearances of irregular passions; rising sometimes so high, as to give room to apprehend the patient may attempt his own life. Boerhaave has well depicted the progress of melancholy; he says, “patients in this disease, are pale and bloated, but by degrees they contract a livid hue, and grow very thin. — they lose their sleep and commonly their appetite, although many instances are found of astonishing voracity — Respiration and pulse become weak and flow; the habit costive in the extreme, the whole system torpid. A fuller gloom takes possession of the countenance, anxiety and grief hanging heavy on their eyelids, and their imagination is haunted incessantly with fearful apprehensions — The perspiration, and all the secretions are diminished, and coldness prevails in the extremities— an obstinate jaundice sometimes supervenes, and when the body is dissected, the gall-ducts common are found distended with black and stagnant bile, which remains liquid pitch.” With regard to the cure as spontaneously effected by nature, it has been observed either to be by inflammatory gout in the extremities — the hamorrhoidal flux — an irruption of the skin — diarrhoea— or by the return of catamenia. Medical practice advises travelling, but not to acquaint the sick with the occasion. New ideas are to be introduced, and oppose them to preceding ideas. In bold maniacs, a slender and weak regimen is required; such as gruel, thin panadas, whey, water, and fruits, barley gruel, butter-milk. Bleeding is proper in the beginning and should be frequently repeated in small quantities: but the pulse and other symptoms, will be the best guides. Clusters and vomits should not be spared; for they are most undoubtedly of very great use, and should be either antinomic aartarifatum, vin. antimony, or ipecacoanha, according to the strength of the patient. Purging must not be forgotten, nor issues, blisters, fetons, &c. — The hot bath is often of greatest service, in maniacal cases being first premised for promoting the discharge of urine copiously, that by the cutaneous pores are considered of the utmost consequence in their cases. In melacholic diseases, the following may be useful, as general medicines, ( see image 3 for Rx) But it is necessary to free the intestines from indigested forces, and viscid mucus, and afterwards invigorate the system by stimulating tonics. — Hence vomits, and purgatives must be had recourse to— to answer the first purpose—Ipecacuanha six grains, joined by three of tartarifed antimony, may be given and repeated every hour till the operation is produced.; and perhaps this medicine may b given four or five times before the end is attained and these must be repeated every morning, for some considerable time — then twice a week or seldom according to the slime evacuated — The second, three drams of tartarifed kali, dissolved in eight ounces of water to which should be added and ounce of cinnamon water, and the same quantity of syrup of violets, must be given in the morning — this is esteemed int these cases, the best cathartic — doses of calomel from two to ten grains may be given at bedtime, and seem stop answer the purpose — These persisted in for some length of time, will clear the stomach, and other visceral which done, the system may be invigorated by bark, united with myrrh and steel, given in the following forms — (see image 3 for Rx) In maniacal cases, acct difillat. given to the quantity of an ounce and half every day, for one, two, or three moths, has been attended with remarkable success; the patients being first prepared by bleeding and purging, which must be repeated as occasion requires. (see image 4 for Rx) In some, shaving of the head, cold bathing, with a proper regimen, and confinement, are very effectual in the cure of the disorder: and where the patient is young and sanguine, remember to bleed and purge frequently; let the diet be very slender and give anodynes at night. Though opium has by some practitioners been prohibited, still this disease has been known to give way to large doses; it is therefore wiorth our while to exhibit a few doses, and persist or desist according to viable effect. When madness happens in consequence of nervous and long intermitting fevers, no thing will answer better than the bark, with steel, a proper air, moderate exercise, and a good restorative diet; and in order to secure against relapse, we must endeavour to invigorate the whole system, by the use of cold bath, and chalybeate waters.

Insanity as it was seen by the medical establishment in 1847. I especially like "wounded self love" as a notable cause for suicide.

When patients were committed to the Willard Asylum for the Insane in Upstate New York, they arrived with a suitcase packed with all of the possessions they thought they needed for their time inside. Most never left. The mental hospital had an average stay of nearly 30 years. When patients died, they were buried in nameless graves across the street of the asylum. Their suitcases, with all their worldly possessions, were locked in an attic and forgotten. In 1995, an employee of the mental hospital discovered the suitcases, 400 of them. They date from 1910 to 1960. Now, photographer Jon Crispin is cataloging each suitcase and opening a window into the lives - and the minds - of the people deemed too unwell to be allowed in society The chilling pictures of suitcases left in a New York insane asylum by patients who were locked away for the rest of their lives | Daily Mail (Yes it's the "Daily Fail", not everything on its site is sensationalistic shite.)

I was curious how many people have been separated from parents or someone else in your early childhood? I think it caused my BPD. It would explain a lot. I started seeing a counselor at age 10 at the recommendation of my teacher. This counselor said if I am ever diagnosed with problems my separation from my birth parents and previous neglect are most likely the cause. I am just curious if anyone else has been separated. I read it is a common history for those with BPD. In my signature is my story... revised.... very much revised. My full story is long but for anyone actually willing to read it look below. You don't have to though. What about you? Were you separated as a child? What's your story? If you don't want to go too deep I understand and you can just answer with yes or no or something. P.S. Before you read my story you should know I still talk with my birth parents through text and see my birth dad once a year-though not last year-which is always very awkward. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The cause of my borderline personality disorder I think is my first year of life-in this life anyways. A lot of people with it were separated at a young age from their caregivers. I was separated from my birth parents. My dad lost custody of me to my mom. My mom's mom (my grandma) and her grandma (My great grandma) were working together to take custody of away from her saying she was emotionally unstable (Which she was and is-like VERY unstable) and about how I suffered from neglect (Which I did). My mom poured my food on the floor (No bowl or anything), never got me clothes, never bathed me-only got bathed when my aunt (Dad's sister) came over to babysit (Whom is also a witness to my neglect)-so I was constantly filthy, and didn't get me diapers-though my grandmother always did. And about her being emotionally unstable she would have emotional meltdowns, did drugs, dated most screwed up men (One who sexually abused my little sister-and got sent to prison), is an EXTREME liar, and when she was a kid she went to school one day-middle school-with her baby picture and claimed it was her baby. Yea she has a lot of problems. So in the end of the whole court thing she just decided to sign the papers and give me up. I was separated from her and placed in a new home-with my great aunt (dad's side) and great uncle (No blood relation) who were physically unable to have kids of their own. I LOVE my birth mother very much-but she's insane. And I LOVE my birth dad, adoptive dad, and adoptive mother very much as well. So there you have it. My first year of life and the most likely cause of my borderline personality disorder. While my current home may not have been the most stable. It was more stable then that and I've had a great life with them.