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  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
    • Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole Dance
    • Depression - Let a WHAT Be My Fucking Umbrella? (Sod You, Perry Como)
    • Self-injury - The Cutting Board
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Found 6 results

  1. Has anyone become numb, severely depressed, "blank" minded after ECT and recovered? I wasn't depressed prior to ECT, and the "ECT specialist" thought I had a "rare form of Bipolar." After my 5th bilateral session I started to feel "off" and different, and subsequently plunged into a deep depression. A few months later my mind went "blank"/silent after experiencing strong negative thoughts and emotions, and now I feel totally flat (this was becoming gradual until the blank mind), disconnected from my self and others/family, etc. Has anyone experienced something similar and recovered their emotions and "self" again?
  2. I don't have a lot of time to get the message out as I am currently hiding in the restroom at work.... I just need to get it out. About 2 Or 3 weeks ago I started thinking about self harm. I have a pretty long past with it and always seem to turn to it. The problem is my husband gets so angry and blames himself when I do and then he babies me for months like I'm just gonna go jump off a bridge if he's not watching me 24/7. That's the only reason I don't. Because he gets annoying. Well yesterday I was passed up for ANOTHER promotion by my partner who, although has worked for the company a tiny bit longer then me, she's actually only been at our store for like 5 months.... I needed that promotion... It was my ticket off night shift (which takes a huge toll on me, any over nighter can tell you) and a higher pay check which means I could've gotten meds or a tdoc. I hate my job so much I've called in 3 times this month just because I can't get myself out of bed to go..... I've been walking around with a rubber band on my wrist for these few weeks snapping the crap out a me and tonight I think I may have caused a blood blister.... :/ I'm not happy with this situation at all..... I just want to be happy again and like my work...
  3. This is the first time I have ever reached out on something so public like this. I have a history of depression, anxiety and self harm. And although people would look at me and never think so, I'm still struggling to this day. Thing is, I stopped for a long time. A short while ago I started again. I can't say there's a particular trigger, sometimes I just want to. It started off as small things, little cuts that I could easily explain away if someone was to ask. Yesterday however was different. I wanted something more. I was fed up of these small cuts, I wanted something bigger, something better. It's not a pain thing, man I hate pain. But the aftermath of seeing what I have done, seeing the blood, the cuts, the scars fascinates me no end. I grabbed a knife from the counter, and I just stabbed at my leg. It didn't really hurt either. It felt like a graze. Not thinking I had done anything I didn't even look down, until I noticed the pool of blood that was following me as a walked. The blood all over the bathroom floor. But it wasn't enough. If anything I'm thinking about it more now, and I'm not ashamed to say I don't want to stop. I'm proud of my scars in a weird way, and I know it is not 'normal' but that's just me. I went to work that night feeling good because I had a secret. I have a shitty job Yeh, but aside from that I am married, have a fantastic family that are always behind me and we are planning to move soon. I don't understand why I do what I do, no one I can talk to truly understands. I'm looking for someone to talk to, to relate to this. I feel alone in this matter, and feeling more crazy as each day passes. Surely there is someone out there that understands me? I would love to hear your thoughts.
  4. Alright, maybe this has already been asked (I wouldn't be surprised if it has), but where do you all self-injure/harm? Why there? Is it because of the amount of pain, or is it the ability to hide the marks? I don't know, I'm curious to hear everyone's stories. Please, tell away.
  5. Hello guys and gals, Well, as you may somewhat recognise by the the title of this post, is that I have a friend who cuts his face, let alone the self injuries on his right arm. He had been cutting, his right arm, for weeks on end, usually once a week, which I thought was bad enough, but had negatively progressed to cutting his face. I am worried about him, as first, I believe this is not healthy for his mental state, and second, it is not socially acceptable in the workplace. I can give you many other factors, but I would hate to bore you guys. In short, I am very worried about him, and was wondering if this facial cutting would ever stop? It is very noticeable whenever I see him at work - I was the one who helped him get the job too - only because I've known him ever since we were young - a childhood friend. This young man who is now 28, has always been shy, reclusive, anti social, and almost everything from a to z, but he still is a beautiful human being and my good friend. I could never see myself doing this. Firstly because I am adopted, so I could never take a part of my life, and "cut it" emotionally, I have a daughter - she doesnt need to see that, also because physically, it would hurt me too much to go through that pain, and finally, I already have scars on my face from when I was 2 or three - don't ask why, because I was adopted, so I don't know what happened - that is my own journey that I have to figure out myself. I just hope one day he "snaps" out of it, and comes to his senses. I have offered him support, asking him to see a psychologist, and just being there for him to talk to him - just being a friend, but I can't hold his hand, he is a grown man. I mean, I understand I need the help, so I understand that I need to take pro active actions towards getting the help. I think, he knows that too, but his personality has always been to "ignore" the issues at hand. It does't mean he's a bad person, just he doesnt want to put in the effort. Anyways, thanks for you guys and gals for listening, I don't have many friends myself, but I take emotional hurdles differently now that I am a full time time parent, significant other and full time student. Any insight to this face cutting would be great, so I can get a better understanding. Cheers, Alejandro M.
  6. Sooo...I just SI'd after about two months free...pssht, I dunno why, just been super agitated lately, could not stop thinking about it. Probably my own fault, all this started for me after I read "Cut" in middle school. Never worked then, but when my physical problems brought on a depression recently, well, it worked. Silly me, after going a while without doing it, on a restless day, I did the stupid thing, went to the bookstore, found "Cut" and started reading...it was only a matter of time...two days actually :/ Now I don't know how I'm gonna face my pdoc Tuesday...I promised him I wouldn't do it, and I made it 2+ months until the agitation and "I don't give a shit" feeling crept in. Oddly enough I don't feel bad about doing it so much as being a dissapointment to my pdoc, like a confirmation of the monster I've felt I has inside. I did it twice...and I want more...I know I shouldn't but I do, I just wanna screw it all and go nuts (not in a suicidal way, but like a binge). What do I do??
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