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Hi everyone, So I've had the worst time since Wednesday, my depression spiraled out of control which lead to self harm and suicidal thoughts. In this state of mind I took it out on my dog who I love the most in this life. She really means the world to me, but I did get violent (that was Friday morning) by Friday night I was feeling like the worst thing on this earth. I cried so much, felt so much remorse and even selfharmed in order to pay for the damage I had done. Went to bed feeling better. This morning I woke up feeling like crap again so lost and helpless which I can try to deal with but now I have very graphic intrusive thoughts about harming my dog. I'm so terrified since I can be very violent, I am not a bad person. I love all animals especially my dog who I adopted with so much illusion. Now I'm devastated and so scared. I don't know how to get through this, about three years ago I had really bad intrusive thoughts about death, but never about harming one of the beings I love most in my life. I'm scared some sick part of me got awaken since I want to be violent again with my dog. Anyone has been through this before? I have appt with my doctor by EOY, but in the meantime I want to find some peace of mind and of course not hurt my dog. I'm sorry for this awful post, I'm so sad, I love animals, do lots of activism and charity for them, I'm even vegan how did I end up in this situation with someone I consider my baby girl. I have 2 other dogs, but only my favorite one is triggering me to do bad things. Help please! Again I apologize for being such a disgusting human being.

i dont know if this is the righ board to post this on but it seemed like the best so sorry if this isnt appropriate. Every time i see someone on the internet talk about intrusive thoughts they always make jokes about "eating sand" or having song lyrics stuck in their head. Sometimes this makes me feel really weird and isolated because mine are often about rape, incest, swallowing tacks and pins, swerving off the road or jumping off of tall buildings. Am i the only one who has intrusive thoughts like this? Sometimes they get so bad they effect me physically , wherein i can feel my joints move to jump or my throat clench at the feeling of swallowing tacks. This makes me feel so bad even typing this out because any time i speak about it people think im violent but these arent thoughts i want. Dose anyone else have these and how do you get rid of them? I try to get rid of them by counting or reciting what im doing in my head to push them out//

I saw someone post something like this here when I was googling this, but the person did have diagnosed disorders. From what I know, I don't have any diagnosed mental illnesses. But I do have intrusive thoughts. I've had them since I was young; most likely high school. I have intrusive thoughts about many things, whether they involved sexual thoughts about people higher above me (they weren't even attractive to me), thoughts about hurting my dear kittens which I would never want to do, thoughts of insulting people I love to see their reactions, other horrible thoughts that I'd rather not say... They always did bother me, and I was always terrified that I would act on these urges. I always thought of myself as a terrible person and a monster for thinking stuff like this, and I never knew this was an actual ailment until recently. Thing is, like I said, I'm not diagnosed with depression, or anxiety, or OCD or anything really. Then again, I was only really tested for anything once, and that was for ADHD when I was like five (which, turns out I didnt have it). But other than that, I haven't gone to a therapist or a doctor like that ever. So I have no idea where this problem is stemming from. I'm afraid of telling my mom because... well, I don't really know. She just seems very certain that there's nothing wrong with me and it's just something I have to live with because "everyone has these thoughts sometimes." Which I get, but... I've had these kinds of thoughts for five years now, and because of them I just feel super uncomfortable when I'm with my manager (because, of course, those certain horrible thoughts moved from one of my teachers to my current manager at work. yaaaaay) and it's just... horrible. I guess what I'm trying to ask here is; does everything I explained here seem like your average intrusive thoughts that everyone has? Can intrusive thoughts as severe as they come be without a diagnosis of anxiety or depression or OCD? I don't really know what else, I guess I just really needed to talk about this..