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Showing results for tags 'intrusive'.
I've been struggling with violent thoughts for the better part of a year now. They started when I was reading some things on crime a long time ago and I thought, 'What if I did that?' And it just stuck with me ever since. I'm so afraid of acting on them. Lately I started questioning whether or not I like or want to do these things and I thought I had a groinal response and now I'm constantly obsessing about if I like these things or if I want to do them, and me fighting it is causing the anxiety. I desperately just want a normal life. I've pretty much decided if I think it comes to a point I can't control myself, I'll end it or go to a hospital. I really don't know how anyone can live like this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Some insight would be great, or some support, or something. I don't know why I'm posting this. Last hope of a desperate man, I guess. I don't understand. If I wanted this, why didn't this happen earlier in my life. How did a switch flip one day and made this happen. I can't stand it. Sorry for the mildly inconsistent ramblings
Due to my fear of swinging into a mixed episode I told my pdoc NO WAY will I take AD. Klonopin and other benzos don't stop the thoughts. She put me on zyprexa and it helps my physical anxiety symptoms and calms my thoughts, but it does not stop the thoughts. I've read a lot of positive outcomes with luvox. Do any AD stop the thoughts? If I have to go on an AD to be free from this imprisonment of hell. Then so be it. They never stop. The thoughts don't stop. EVER.
-Decided to delete my post. You can just ignore this.