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I received an invite from a company that I had previously applied to, for a week of paid training at their headquarters. Basically I would receive airfare, room & board and training to become a bicycle technician / assembler. The catch is the job would be full-time and I haven't worked full-time since 2014. The other catch is, I might possibly have to relocate, although they say I have a preference in where I go. So I could possibly get a position at the store that is only about a 15 minute drive from home. This is kind of my dream job ATM. I ride my bike on and off-road a lot, and have been trying, unsuccessfully to get in at a store where I could learn to do the job being offered. Right now I don't see how I could relocate. With the money I currently get from SSDI I pay all of the bills except for the mortgage. I live with a parent who is handicapped, and possibly in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I know I can send money for bills, but I am worried they would actually get paid. I also have two dogs to take care of and I can't part with them. If I moved, I wouldn't be at home to make sure my parent is ok. Neither of my siblings, who are somewhat close have ever really done anything to help, and one has a full-time job and the other run's his own business. I get it, they are extremely busy, but it's not fair that someone with my problems should have to take on everything. I would love to do this, but I am scared. I want to be on my own again, I can't take much more of watching someone I love deteriorate. I also realize I don't do well living alone, it's depressing and isolating for me. But if I had my dogs, it probably wouldn't be so bad. What would you do in this situation, what should I do? Thanks for reading...

So I first had issues with the psychosis when i was 16. Im 26 now. I tried to go back to school when i was 17 but I was asleep far too much to be able to get to classes and do all the work Since then I have really not done much. I've never worked. No work experience. I did a course or two here and their but that's about it. Recently my Dad has suddenly started on the 'you need to get a job' thing once again. The last time this happened I ended up moving out for two years because it was driving me nuts and was very stressful. He doesn't seem to recognise what my condition is and instead sees it as laziness. But simultaneously I do realise that I ought to be doing something. My struggle is finding work/courses/volunteering that I actually give a 'F' about. On top of that I sleep a lot (easily 12 hours a day if not usually more) and I don't drive so it has to be relatively close to me. (I get the bus a lot but is very slow) So much of it just seems so meaningless, and uninteresting, that even if I had an easy way to get to/from it, I still wouldn't really care about the activity. I had an Occupational Therapist work with me a while ago, and its the only patient/professional relationship I've been in that completely broke down. She didn't seem to understand that I didn't care about the actives she had lined up for me. She kept saying things like "Everyone has to start somewhere" - "when I was your age I did all kinds of lousy jobs" which while I do understand, it doesn't make me any more motivated to do it. Working with her was the only time I've tried to take my own life because I didn't feel like life was worth living. (She also wouldn't listen or wasn't qualified to address my psychotic problems, and persuaded me to move into a place that I absolutely detested) "You should be thankful for doing these activities" really though? It often felt (and still feels) like I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it because I'm being told to do it. Does anyone have any practical advice to be motivated for work/volunteering? Any jobs or volunteering that someone with schizoaffective disorder can do well? Ive looked over my local volunteering website many times and I'm almost always never impressed or optimistic about what I find. There's also really not that much advice out there for finding and surviving work for schizophrenics

I've managed to somewhat get a grip on my social anxiety over the course of the decade... mostly. It still rears its head more often than I would like. One of the more crippling things I still wrestle with is severe anxiety surrounding sending cover letters and resumes for job applications. Once I've gotten everything nearly perfect, it still takes me days to muster the courage to send them at all. I manage not to talk myself out of it sometimes, but not nearly often enough, and hitting the Send button on an email is a major battle. I'm worried about embarrassment, burning bridges by sending a shitty resume that they will somehow file away or remember, worried about embarrassing friends who have referred me (and one friend, while immensely helpful, is also very critical, so that doesn't help). Worried that someone out there thinks I'm stupid for even the 5 seconds it takes them to discard my resume, but somehow they will still remember my shitty resume. Worried that if they call and interview me, they will realize that I am woefully under-qualified. I have gotten jobs through friends referring my resume, including my current one, so it's not like I've even embarrassed anybody that I know of. It's just this stupid, irrational fear. It's even stupider because I don't have to interact with anybody face to face, so I shouldn't even be this anxious. It's so bad that I have inadvertently blown off a friend who wanted to pass my resume along because I was so embarrassed by it, and he's probably upset with me now. I just forced myself to send a resume, but it's somewhere a close friend works. It took me two weeks to make myself do it. I have an okay job but could probably find a way better one if I could just overcome this. I send resumes every few weeks, but each one is an uphill battle, and the day or two after I send them, I am a nervous wreck. Sending the resume has made me really upset and nauseous, and now I'm going to have to go stand in the shower for 15 minutes trying not to hyperventilate. This is ridiculous. Is there anything that makes you feel better about it or at least makes it easier to do? Is there another person out there who does this, just so I don't feel so stupid and alone? Any way anybody can suggest to make me feel like I am making progress when it feels so futile to do this?

My bosses are angry at me not because of my work (they freely admit my work is excellent, the students adore me, and that I am a great role model for our students) but because they say I am not nice enough - I need to smile more and be more approachable. You know, more like women are supposed to. (I asked how often they gave this feedback to men and things got ugly.). I have had depression and hypomanic diagnosed for 15 years. If I tell them, does that protect me in any way from their ludicrous demand that I be more warm and fuzzy? There is talk of firing me with this as the only cause.

I have a dilemma: My boyfriend wants me to work, but I'm in school full time, schizophrenic, and my psychiatrist thinks working is a really bad idea. In fact, she said she was upset with me that I was considering working again, because every time I do, it triggers psychotic symptoms. I need to work. I need the money, even though I have disability. Or at least that's what my boyfriend insists. I don't know if I should resent him for pushing me (when I've explained what my doctor said), or push myself harder to succeed in employment. Any suggestions? Experiences? -utherwerldgerl

I am wondering what everyone does for a living, and in particular if anyone else feels they aren't a good fit for their job. I'm have been a legal secretary for 10 years, and office grunt work is pretty much the only thing I have done. I don't consider this a career. It's demeaning, doesn't use any of my real talents, and it brings me attention for all the wrong reasons. To say I don't fit in is an understatement. I haven't figured out what I really wanted to do (or I did and some health issue got in the way, i.e., nursing). I work with attorneys who treat me like I'm an idiot. My coworkers hate me. When I started this job 6 years ago, my moods were cycling out control and my relationship with my ex was going down the toilet. Low self-esteem made me quiet (some called me "stupid" because of it), but mostly people here like to pry into others' lives and I was not willing to take down my walls. I would say hello to people several times, only to have them ignore me. Now the general consensus is that I"m rude and a bitch, a snob, conceited, etc. If anything, I've mostly felt the opposite. People have made rude remarks to me, act strange around me, snub me... I get gossiped about constantly (one guy changed the words to a song to make it sound like he wished I was dead)I can't until I can go to graduate school so I can quit. The whispering has driven my paranoia to crazy levels. On top of that, I have executive functioning problems, such as poor working memory (tested in the 1st percentile...so it's very bad), poor attention span, etc. I'm overly sensitive to noise, as well. So sensitive, I need to put in earplugs do drown out everyday sounds. I have to take bathroom breaks just to calm myself down. Can anyone relate?

So I graduated college with a paralegal diploma last year. Toward the end of the program, I realized that I was in over my head, and wouldn't be able to hack a career in this industry. I finished the program, however to at least have a completed education. Now, it looks like I will have to get part-time, supported employment through the Canadian Mental Health Association in the retail sector. Somehow, I don't know why, I feel really bad about that. My brother and sister are really successful. These are the kinds of jobs that Ive heard my friends make fun of in the past. I want to feel good about it, but I just don't know how to frame it, what to tell myself so that I can accept it all. Im wondering if any of you out there have had to take an undream job because of MI, and how you've made peace with it? Please help.

Seeking advice and suggestions... Background: I haven't worked as a LCSW in over 4 years and was approved for SSDI not long ago. I couldn't work due to my mood instability, PTSD symptoms and anxiety difficulties. I've lead a very sedentary and tranquil lifestyle primarily relaxing, staying a home and going to my tdoc and pdoc on monthly basis. And I would visit my parents 2-3 times a week, go grocery shopping and run a few errands. My stress and anxiety level was at a minimal and, though felt stagnant at times, I was glad I had symptom free days. Unfortunately, my lifestyle has dramatically changed as my dad has decided to retire soon and have me take over my parents' rental property investments. I'm now an only child and no one else is available to do the job. My dad didn't directly ask me if I wanted to take over the business; he just assumed, though warily, I would do so. In the beginning he did make a few comments about being concerned over my mental health. I reluctantly responded that I was capable. As my tdoc suggested, I felt both defensive and obligated. My tdoc also initially suggested I tell my parents I might not be able to do it. This therapist has been with me for almost two years and I value his counsel. A part of me wants to agree with my tdoc but another part of me feels like I could do it. It would be a highly stressful and angst-filled life change; a job that entails many responsibilities and duties. I have had endless sleepless night arguing with myself about whether I could actually handle such a job. My parents are depending on me to carry on their investments. I want to have them proud of me. I know they were heartbroken when I quit my career and went on disability. For the past 6 weeks, I've been shadowing my dad and learning about property management. I wrecked my car back in December and was dependent on him for transportation. Everyday he picked me up and I'd spend the day with him as he went about the duties and taught me the basics. Afterwards, I'd spend a few more hours with him and my mom at their home. My car is almost repaired and eventually I'll have transportation again. In the meantime and afterwards, I am expected to continue to work with my dad and learn more about the job. Even typing the word 'job' is stressful for me at this point. I couldn't do the job I went to graduate school to learn and now I'm expected to do, for me, an extremely difficult one. Lastly, despite the stressors of these lifestyle changes, I'm still symptom free, feeling and coping well and primarily thinking positively. My question to the readers: What would you do? I'm 49yo, divorced with empty nest with elderly parents who have 20 rental properties and want me to continue their investments upon retirement. Thanks in advance for your comments; I appreciate them. ~angel

I want to start out by saying I'm not stuck in self loathing and depression - just having a bad day where I miss the dreams I had before accepting and being diagnosed as bipolar. If any one would like to jump in and have a post of self pity, have your way. I wanted to be a Navy SEAL, a state trooper, or some kind of Agent. I worked hard all through school, stayed in extreme shape, and clear of trouble so that I would have the best shot possible. I'm a master marksmen and have a love for firearms that my family instilled and taught to me. (please no anti-gun or pro-gun talk, this isn't about firearms) But in a moment of acceptance in a P. Dr.'s office it was all stripped away. My wife as lovely as she is and as understanding as she impressively is it makes both of us sad when she can't grasp whats going on inside me. I've been med's for a few years and my life is WAY better now than ever thanks to them but some aspects still remain and affect my life from time to time. When they do it's hard for my wife to understand which is totes understandable. Obviously being bipolar affects us all and our loved ones in all kinds of ways. Many wayyyyy worse than mine and I'm not trying to be all poor poor me. Just wanted to take a moment and grab a virtual beer with some fellow bp's! (is that a thing? bp's?)

I need a narrative or some kind of master, in this way... The point of this narrative must be that it gives me some kind of identity or goal. I understand a job can be part of this, or so can something like an educational goal, as could, I suppose, having a family or a hobby (not that those are comparable). Whatever it is that this constitutes has to challenge me or build me and to form my identity and advance me. I think it must have a sense of progression or of building, but none of my jobs I have had have ever been considered by me as a form of identity, or who I am, though they obviously are part of my life. Right now I'm about to graduate and I am going to try and get a job so now it feels like there's nothing in my life, no narrative. It kind of constitutes a challenge to my being. I felt like if I didn't get a certain grade, I was going to have to kill myself. Now I have nothing and I am filling the days with fantasies of drug abuse and silly spending (which I want to act on), stupid wastes of time like sleeping all day or messing around the Internet, drawing or reading (which are productive, I guess) but I feel so lost and dead and hopeless. I feel like if I got into drugs or something, that'd be it, if it fulfilled my narrative, it'd be me. I've started this kind of regime of loads of exercise and counting calories, and I haven't lost much weight, but that's what's (literally) consuming me right now. I'm looking for a job but it feels false and like it doesn't mean anything to the narrative. This feels like I am omitting a whole chunk of the story but I feel like I could write forever. I just always need something to fill the emptiness and the dead feeling. Can anyone relate? Is there anything I can do or should do? ETA: I don't do drugs! I'm just mentioning my thoughts on/of them. Not that they wouldn't fuck up my life or anything, just sayin'.

I applied for SSI last week, and even hired a lawyer to represent me. Well, just today I spoke with the lawyer and explained to him my confusing situation, he hadn't received my file yet. Here is what makes my case complicated: 1.) I work 2 hours, one day a week 2.) I work with Vocational Rehab and am at the stage of finding part-time employment that suits my disabilities (just quit another part time job I got for myself without VR help that made my disabilities worse). I asked the lawyer if this is going to be a problem and he responds with: "If you can work, then work you will be making a lot more than what SSI has." The thing is, he wasn't dissing my case (that he hasn't seen) he just brought up something very truthful. It confuses me that he said getting an approval on someone my age is very hard without have a hearing. He said this can be expected to take 2 years. Therefore I am going to continue with VR because this is an AMAZING opportunity. They have paid for my schooling and everything. The agency that VR assigned to help with job placement is going to hold my hand through the employment process and make sure I get accommodations, etc. Basically the employer will know I am disabled. My question is, should I drop the whole SSI thing or just follow through with the case regardless of the fact that I may be working? I think with the new med I am on I could survive, especially the type of job VR assigned agency is going to find me.

The American way of life is to work 40+ hours and to do so for many years in order to have a descent retirement/health care plan. So what about someone like me? I havent been able to stay at a job longer than 3 years, and that was over 10 years ago! I am a single mother who has to pay childcare during breaks from school, and with no degree I am paying out about half my earnings to childcare. Recently diagnosed with bipolar about 4 years ago, Ive had the most manic episodes over the past 5 years than I ever had. I have great trouble keeping a job due to stressors. My most recent job, working as a deli clerk in a health food store started out wonderful, and ended up with me putting in my one months notice due to a need for surgery, and them telling me not to come in anymore because I am a liability.I should mention that I also have numerous herniated discs throughout my neck and back, mild scoliosis and cervical kyphosis (straight-neck). So I am dealing with mental disability as well as physical disability. The problem for me is Ive applied numerous times for ssdi and been denied. I applied again at the urging of my counselor, but I cant get over feeling like I should be able to achieve The American Way of life. My bf is non-supportive of my diagnosis, and I have no one else to support me. When I say no one, I mean NO ONE. I dont speak to my mentally ill adoptive family, rarely speak to my birth-mom who thinks I need to pray to solve my problems, and just recently lost a 23 year friendship over religious differences (her Christain decision, Not mine) So here I am once again, unemployed, applied for ssdi and wondering what to do next????

Hi there. If anyone would be willing to offer their two cents on my situation, I'd be grateful. My background: I've been on disability from my job for a year now. I'm being treated for chronic depression and fibromyalgia (the fibro was diagnosed at the same time I left my job). My job, though I loved the work, was physical and high-stress and I ended up having a complete meltdown. I've been at my job for 12 years and last year wasn't the first time I tried seeking out stress leave, but it was the only time I ended up doing it. I work for the city I live in, so they have a program for disability. They will place me in a new position within the city at some point once I complete treatment. Currently I'm changing my antidepressants so I'm not sure when I'll be placed (the city disability works at a snail's pace). The problem is my former job was very specific (I worked with animals) and my qualifications do not fit most regular jobs. I'm worried I'm going to be stuck doing reception or data entry or something like that, and my anxiety and depression always get worse if I'm bored or unhappy. I'm also having a lot of stress thinking about not going back to my old job. I've brought these issues up to my psychologist and psychiatrist. My old job was very difficult, emotionally. It became difficult physically because of the fibromyalgia and the stress of the job only made the pain worse. I have some ethical issues with my job and despise how they manage the place. But I love the animals and it makes me break down in tears thinking I won't be going back. They have already given my job away to someone else (a neuropsychologist deemed me unable to continue in it, at least physically), but there's always a possibility of going back part time. When I first went on disability I requested not going back to my old job because of the stress and I think time away from it has given me rose colored glasses on some of the issues. Because I still know a lot of people involved in my old workplace, I still hear about it and it makes me so angry hearing about some of the stuff that goes on there. Long story, I know. The point is, I'm unsure if even thinking about going back is something I should be doing. I don't think I could handle the stress any differently and I don't know if I could even manage the physical work anymore, but should I try just because it makes me sick to think I won't be working with animals anymore? Thanks for your time.