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I don't want to get committed but I cannot stop myself thinking it will happen one day or the other like it's inevitable. I believe something bad will happen. I won't be able to go on and thus give up on everything. Alright, bear with me. I end up thinking a tons of ways it would happen and then become so paranoid it will actually happen I don't go out of my apartment anymore. I get scared. For example, I'm scared about finding a job because I feel I won't be able to deal with all the pressure and end up cycling and do stupid things that will get me locked up. It's been a year and a half since I left my job because I thought I was better than all my bosses and could run the company by myself (hypomania/mania?!). I thought they were conspiring against me because they knew I was better and feared losing their job. The same reasoning applies at university (e.g., better than my teachers; I should teach the class and lead the department (mania) / or I can't take it anymore, drop school, take drugs/binge drink, do bad things, and get locked up (depression). When this obsession becomes uncontrollable I feel I should just be locked up to knock it off. Since I'm on lamictal, these obsessive thoughts or obsession lessened. However, they are still present even nowadays when I actually go out and meet friends. It's in the back of my mind and comes back right away when I get close to an episode. It feels like a similar pattern when I have SI too. I don't know what to make of it. I thought posting this in the OCD section because it feels like intrusive thoughts but not quite. I meet my pdoc in two weeks and will bring it up with him. I just want to know if others have similar experiences and what you think of it. Is this bipolar acting? I was diagnosed with type II if it means anything. Thank you~