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Found 6 results

  1. I had no idea where to post this, so I posted it here; mods, please move it as you see fit. Does anyone else experience this? I feel this tugging sensation in my chest, this emptiness and loneliness, all the time. It's a physical sensation, very tangible... It sometimes makes me physically ill. I have to lay in bed for hours at times to recuperate from really bad "episodes" of it. I even feel it, at times, even when I'm around my very best of best of friends, who are actually closer than brothers to me. They are the only ones who can actually somewhat fill that void in my chest, but not always. I feel isolated and cut off in gatherings of groups of friends or family gatherings, like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't talk much because I feel almost like I'm not part of the group, even with aforementioned close friends there. It's so strange. I have occasionally experienced depersonalization in such situations, which is extremely uncomfortable and alarming, and has triggered panic attacks before, but that's not the reason for the post. My reason for this post is to ask if anyone else experiences this same constant tugging sensation in the chest, that constant reminder that "you're alone," the feeling of being alone, and this sort of feeling that "you'll always be alone in this world no matter what," even if you have the best friends in the world to accompany you in life...
  2. So I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 5 years. I want to love him I really do, I want to have a good relationship. But we don't even have sex. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I still love with my mom and I suffer from depression. I'm worried I'll fall into a spiral of depression like I did the last time we broke up and I almost committed suicide. It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to to tell me it would all be fine and i will find somebody else who makes me way more happy. Honestly I don't remember when my life was somewhat normal. I work 50,000 times harder then my boyfriend. I actually make decent money and I'm going places and being recognized for things I do. Where as my boyfriend hasn't worked in months, he just now got a job that pays him an average amount of money. For a man I think it's shit pay. My dad and all the men in my family basically except my mom side. Work super hard for their cash. My dads side is very traditional in that sense. So the fact that I'm dating a low life is very concerning. I have cheated and we broke up then got back together a few times. We have got in raging fights etc I've thrown things. Clearly very unhealthy. I used to be much happier. I wish I had friends. My only friend is my mom and him. It's very depressing. Right now I'm on a very low dose of escitalopram. Which helps a bit and my job definitely helps but I don't have a good support system at home. I miss having friends and a supportive boyfriend. I don't know how to help this situation. Or maybe I do and I just need some encouragement. Any advice? Anyone been through something similar? No judgment please. If I want judgment I'll go to Yahoo answers... lol thanks in advance ?? photo is from when we first started dating maybe less than I year in.
  3. Hi, I stumbled upon this site almost a year ago, but hesitated making an account. I wasn't sure if I'd really "fit in" and connect to other people, but I want to try. It'd be great to meet other people and, hopefully over time, find some great friends. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and it's nice to "meet" you all
  4. Tonight I had an argument with a guy I'm dating on the phone. It was tough, but I was excited because I managed to be skillful.. Not blow up at him, and communicate my real underlying feelings. Fast forward a few hours, I come to find out through a mutual acquaintance that he has told numerous people we both know how "insane" and unstable and generally psychotic I am. I fully admit, i am not easy to be with. I'm textbook BPD and he has hung in there with me through some big emotional blow ups. He, however is extremely emotionally repressed, doesn't communicate well.. And it's a challenge. Anyway, it now makes sense why, on the rare occasions I overcome my social anxiety and get out... I get side-eyed, cold stares, rolled eyes and a whole bunch of bitch faces. Nearly every person in my life seems to see me as a lunatic who is about to have a meltdown at any moment. Its insulting, fragilizing, demeaning, and most of all... It hurts so much. I want to find a rock, curl up under it, and just die. So much for feeling hopeful.
  5. I only have two friends, and they mostly spend time with me because they know all about my mental health issues and feel bad for me. Other people just judge me all the time. Most won't even talk to me really. I'm bad at social stuff. I can't even talk about normal stuff people talk about because I don't have anything to say. When they talk about parties and friends and relationships, what am I supposed to talk about? I don't go to any parties. And I never had a relationship. I hate being at the bottom of the social hierarchy. No one takes me seriously. I hate being fat and ugly and being judged for it. Even as a MI person my life would be so different if I were attractive. I just can't seem to get any new friends. I took a year off uni for health reasons and now people I used to know don't talk to me, and I'm too much of a social retard to talk to any new people. Even when I do I just embarrass myself, and the few who talk to me do so out of pity.
  6. Here I am, Cookiekins, a level 73 gnomish warlock....Oh. wait. That was years ago. This is my life now. I am a 50 something, widow. My last kid moved out, took one of the dogs to keep her company. I found out my late husband, in a state of dementia used all the money we had set aside to take care of me after he died to try to save his business, because he forgot how to bill his clients, and he didn't want anyone to know. His family pretty much told me Sayonara after the funeral, much to my shock. My parents paid for the funeral, because my very wealthy father in law couldn't spare the cash. Then he remodeled his kitchen with top of the line appliances. I have a wonderful therapist I have been seeing since about six months before my husband died, and my meds are handled by my neurologist, which I think is a much better arrangement than getting a psych involved. Things keep breaking. Like major things. The foundation of my house, a sewer pipe under the house, air conditioning, the furnace, and then the day before yesterday my beloved Macbook coughed a couple of times, gasped out, "I'm comin' t' join ya, honey," and gave me, not the blue screen of death, but the technicolor vertical striped screen of death. I figured since the USB ports were fried, the battery compartment wouldn't hold the battery anymore, the fans either ran too hard or not at all, the touch pad sometimes stuck in the "Down" position, that this was the last straw. Probably that time last year when the computer leapt off a counter, all by itself, at the airport in Minneapolis, and crashed on its right top corner to the floor in front of stunned witnesses, something major was damaged, and it took a long time to finish killing itself. As I am now a poor widder woman, who cannot afford to be a hipster anymore, I am now a p.c., and struggling to learn how it all works. If I ever find the person responsible for the "hover" feature, I am going to rip their fingers off one by one. On top of all that, I found out my sweet, beautiful bi-black sheltie Dodie has bladder cancer and has around three to six months left to live. So, I am kind of falling apart. My therapist suggested I needed an increase in my Venlafaxine. I said, "Why? It isn't OCD. It really IS the world this time! Every thing IS going wrong, and P***** isn't here to help me." She said I was doing great, handling everything just as I should, but I wasn't letting go of each problem after I took care of it. That stopped me up short. I realized she was right. I also realized that I ran out of "me-ness" at around 3:00 p.m. and from that point on, I could not get myself to do anything, not cook, not eat, not go anywhere, nothing. My scrip for the Venla. said to take it at bedtime. It probably wore off about that time. So, I saw my neuro, who gave me a big hug, which I needed, and increased my dose a bit, and split it between night and morning. This is my third day, so I am still waiting to see what happens. Right now, I think I will go to Culver's for Fish Fry! Cookiekins OCD, Epilepsy (seizure free since '93!), depression, grief, migraines, hiatal hernia Venlafaxine ER, carbamazepine, gabapentin,topiramate, Dexilant, Zomig, famotidine
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