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  1. Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives.
  2. so... i think the one time i've ever been taken seriously in this whole thing is when i mentioned i have little blips in my memory. the first few times it happened it was something as little as standing up and then suddenly finding myself at the door and not remembering walking. over the past year and a half it's gotten worse - i've forgotten entire days and i've suddenly found myself in the middle of doing really important tasks, like in the middle of a line on stage or taking a curve in marching band. once i was getting dressed for school and then i was making out with my boyfriend and there's obviously a lot missing in between those two points. i still don't know if those were whole days in between or if they were just hours or even minutes. i told our chinese medicine specialist this while my mom was out of the room and she said it was probably some kind of brain seizure and i would need to go in to be scanned for that kind of thing. she also said my uncle had a history of the same kind of thing. what am i supposed to do about this? is this a seizure? will it get worse or damage my brain?
  3. So, a little background on me. I have my BA degree in psychology and plan on getting my masters and eventually a MD in psychiatry...my life was actually looking up and doing well...that is until my car accident back in 2013. My goal of this thread is to be able to share my story and hope it helps other people. So here it goes... My life has never been easy, but I have been able to overcome all obstacles in my path, bull dozing and tearing through anything that stood in my way. From a very young age I suffered from seizures, (which I grew out of around 18) I was constantly told by my family and doctors that my life would be less than average, I would never be able to drive in my life, and my family didn't think I'd graduate high school in four years, let alone surpass a graduate degree. Well, I proved them all wrong, I worked my ass off, graduated high school with all A's, accomplished my associates degree with a 4.0, then disaster struck, my grades throughout my bachelor degree suffered, I managed a 3.0 most of the time, but finished my undergraduate career with a 2.98... Disaster started in 2013, I lost my job in January, it took me about a month to find one, which I did, then, in March of that same year, my life was almost taken from me, I had a 90 year old pull in front of my car while I was doing 55 (the speed limit) on a four lane highway road...she totaled my car, and then took out a bus of handicapped children in the other lane...the sounds and smells will never leave me. I remember my first thought that came to me after I threw my ebrake (I drive standard) and slammed on my breaks, leaving a 25-30 foot skid mark, was thank the gods my little sister wasn't in the car with me. I was taken to the er, where a year and still ongoing pain and suffering began. That same night, as I left the hospital, my grandmother who raised me with my mother, my main support, my ground, my pillar, was admitted to the hospital. I visited her a week later, going through my own physical pain, (and I'm crying writing this part) her memory was shot, she didn't remember my mom, or aunts, but the minute she saw me, she smiled at me and called my name and says to me, "so are you going to get married yet? How do you feel, I know your accident was bad" it took everything in me not to break down there. That was the last conversation I ever had with her, I told her I loved her and hugged her, on March 21st, 2013, I got that fateful phone call at 3:30 pm, my mother, she told me, "We didn't want to tell you this morning because you had exams today, but grandma passed away this morning at 10:37." I couldn't breathe (like now) it felt like my world was destroyed within seconds, the only person in the world who supported me and was my rock, gone, and I didn't even get to say good bye. Then a month later, I lost my apartment thanks to my wonderful ex boyfriend...so, from April 2013-October 2013, I was homeless, living in motels, couch hopping from friends...that same summer, my ex tried to kill himself and blamed me for it, saying I was the reason since we broke up...then, I was forced into going to go get him from the psych ward (in PA, I live in NY) because no one else would, and the car I was driving, he gave me, so I felt obligated...that was hell, dealing with my grandmother's death, and his manipulation, and senior year of college, I got through college though... As my pain got worse from the accident, doctors put me on tons of medication, opiates, anxiety meds, nerve pain meds, so many things...which made me so angry, or zombie like, but I had no option but to take the medication, because they drug tested me every time I went in, and if the meds weren't in your system they dropped you and your case because they assume you're selling the drugs...so, my condition only got worse, I found out in my left wrist, the ligament was torn from the bone, so in July 2014, two days after my wedding to my now husband, (different guy not the manipulative one) I had surgery to repair it...which rendered me unable to drive (to this day, I still can not drive, because my wrist is healing) I have bulged disks in my back and neck, with fluid build up in my neck, a tear in my shoulder (mind you, I'm only 23) so, my independence was taken away, something I worked so hard to achieve, ripped from me...then, to top it all off, because I couldn't drive and still can't, my so called "friends" stopped talking to me, bailed on me constantly because I was and am still a burden to them, so I have no one to talk to about anything. I sit at home by myself all day, while my husband works to support us, thinking horrible things..we can't get assistance because he makes literally $1000 too much a year...so yeah I'm alone...in early September, my job officially fired me because my doctor said I could work with many limitations, so I was, and I quote, "pretty much useless" to my manager...so, I feel trapped, no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel....to top things off, because of me being disabled, we lost our apartment, my marriage is on the Fritz too, because my husband and I don't see each other, and when I do see him, he's drunk, and we only fight. I have given him until January to clean up his act, or I'll leave..I have no support, except for my counselor...I'm trying so hard to better myself and become less depressed, and everything is stacked against me, it's hard to see the light through this darkness... (Yes I have a lawsuit pending) I really don't know what to do anymore...and I hope this helps me, as well as others... Thank you for taking the time to read this... DepressedUnderTheMoonLight
  4. Which of the antipsychotics (both typical and atypical) are least likely to cause significant weight gain? I've tried Latuda and became manic, same with Saphris. I'm currently on Abilify, but the cost is too much to continue.
  5. I wasn't 100% sure where to post this, but the man was treating me for my bipolar so it ended up here. I don't know how many people have had this experience, and I had honestly never considered it happening to me. My doc had put me on the "doing well" 6 month appointment list so I hadn't heard from him in a while. Two weeks ago I went in for my therapist appointment and learned he had been diagnosed with leukemia in March, just after I saw him, and had passed away in April. I was pretty inconsolable for while. He was the best psychiatrist I have ever had. He knew me and actually listened to my hormonal issues and was already ready to be flexible with my treatment. He was also just a cool guy. He was 83 (he looked 60 something) and I think I was his only patient under 40. Ever since finding out I feel kind of lost. I cried a lot the first day and still get pretty down. A part of me feels really stupid for being this upset, but his death is so unsettling. I'm also really anxious about having to find someone new. My therapist suggested someone and I will see him in July. I left my last psych because she couldn't tell me from any other of her patients without looking at her notes and was completely inflexible about my treatment plan. I worry I've been put back into the difficult search of finding a doc that clicks well with me. I guess I am just looking to process what happened and see if anyone else has been through this. I would love to hear how other people overcame an obstacle like this or even just thoughts on my situation. I am feeling very alone and a little scared.
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