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Hi, I'm Hannah. I've had generalized anxiety and OCD all my life and developed major depressive disorder around 11 years old, but I was not properly diagnosed until I was 13. They've put me on lots of meds since then, most of which either didn't work or had shitty side effects. Around the time I was 14-15, I even had some psychotic features during my worst depressive episodes, and some of my medications were only making things worse. Now, at 16, things are at an all time low, and I came here to talk to some people who are in similar situations. My current medications are Pristiq (Desvenlafaxine) and Risperdal, with a Deplin supplement. Long story short, school sucks ass and it's making things worse. That's pretty much all from me. Hello, CB!
Hi All, I spend most of my time in chat, and rarely post here. It was suggested to me in chat that I start a thread on my personal experience with TMS, or transcranial magnetic stimulation. I should have probably started this thread when I started TMS, but just didn't think about it then, so we'll have to jump in mid-treatment. As of today, I'm 15 treatments into a 30 treatment plan. History: I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder eight years ago, in 2008. Prior to that, I was a happy, very functional adult with a great career. Two years ago, in 2014, that diagnosis was changed to Major Depressive Disorder, as I hadn't had any manic symptoms in years and years. . . just crippling depression. Back to TMS, my husband found an article on TMS earlier this year, and began researching it frantically. He found a physician that practiced TMS locally, in Saint Louis, and scheduled the appointment for me. We went to the initial meeting. After a two hour interview and Q&A, the doctor agreed to write up a case for our insurance to cover the treatment with one condition. . . I had to completely quit drinking. Zero drinking. . . starting that day. At the time, I was drinking heavily, and was concerned about detox, but, we got rid of all of the alcohol, and so far, that part has been relatively easy. A week after the initial meeting, my insurance approved the treatment, so we were going. No turning back now. The actual treatment: They sit you down in a very comfortable chair, secure a bunch of stuff to your head including tape measures and a very large white helmet. This helmet contains a big magnet that is supposed to zap your brain right above your left eyebrow. I was not prepared for the magnet. On day one, it hurts like hell. Feels like a woodpecker is sitting on your forehead and pecking away very rapidly above your eyebrows. . . your body shakes and eyes water. The sessions are 20 minutes in duration, with 2 second intervals of woodpecker. After week one was complete, 5 sessions down, I started to feel lighter. . . like the clouds had started to part, and colors were much more vibrant. Weeks two and three were more of the same, 5 days a week for treatment. Sometimes the woodpecker hurt badly, other times, it was tolerable and I've been able to crochet or watch TV. I've had good days and bad days, but feel like so far it's showing great promise. As of right now, I'm 3 weeks, 15 treatments into a 30 day treatment plan. I leave in 2 1/2 hours to go get magnetized again and am optimistic about the future. I know there is a whole lot of conflicting information about TMS. For me, I've seen quite a bit of improvement. It may be placebo, but if it is, I'll take it!! Thanks for listening. Kristen
HisHarleQuinn posted a topic in Personality Disorders - Fuck Off! No, Wait. Fuck Me Now!i've had one too many jobs. I'm aware I'm beginning to wear myself down of places I can work here. What's worse is I don't have my drivers license, or even remotely have a clue HOW to drive. Every time I lose a job, I immediately hunt for another one. I'm beginning to think I may as well have a damn felon record (no offense to anyone who does) because I feel like with how many jobs I've quit, employers are gonna look at me twice. I'm a very honest and hard working person, but no one wants to give me the benfit of the doubt. My disability finally has been approived, but I'm also by no means ready to live on my own. I can't. I have to have someone with me. I lost my best friend, and my boyfriend lives in universit housing. Although they are apartments, but I can't be on the lease and I technically can't move in. But they won't care. The only other issue is my parents don't know we're together. I'm just tired of feeling like I dug myself a hole I cant escape from... its really depressesing me.